Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You

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Hiya Gorgeous,

Oh, it’s you again. Hello, fear.

Whether you’re fearful of getting sick, you’re currently dealing with a health issue, or you’re scared and struggling in other areas of your life, I want you to know that you’re in good company.

I also want you to know that learning how to overcome fear IS possible. And that doesn’t mean burning it to the ground every time it rears its ugly head. Sometimes it’s as simple as working WITH your fear rather than against it. Because fear contains powerful messages. When we’re courageous enough to be with what scares us, we can awaken our intuition and create a new path for healing.

Don’t judge your fears, invite them to tea!

It’s common to belittle our fears and try to prematurely cleanse them away. But just because we’re afraid, doesn’t mean we’re toxic or failing or falling off the spiritual wagon. Fear is one of the many colors in our emotional palette, and it’s often there for a reason. There’s nothing weak or less evolved about being frightened. And like I said, you’re not alone. We’re all scared. No one is fearless.

Anyone who lives with cancer (myself included), will tell you that figuring out how to overcome fear is an ever-evolving practice. Sometimes the shifts happen quite easily, other times our fears refuse to be rushed (and they really hate being trivialized). It took me years to have a realistic perspective about my own health terrors. And let me be honest, I’m still working on it. Though I had the same information that I have now, time and experience have had a tremendous impact on how I work with my fears.

Fear is normal and, to a certain extent, it’s important.

We can thank fear when it makes us get a lump checked or tells us not to walk alone down that dark alley. We can have gratitude for fear when it shakes us awake or jolts us from complacency.

But while fear can play a very valuable role in igniting action, we can’t let it run our lives—especially if our fears are totally unfounded or irrational. Once we receive the message (the aha!), we need to disable the fear alarm, turn it off, cool it down. Because no one can thrive in a constant state of panic—our bodies aren’t built for that (and neither are our spirits).

So, how do you get what you need from fear without letting it pull you under? Here are some of my go-to methods…

How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You

1. Bring yourself back to the present moment.

The here. The now. The pillow under your butt. The ground under your feet. The real reality. Unplug the movie in your mind and pet your dog. That’s real. That’s what’s really happening.

2. Open your heart.

You know those fluttering feelings in your belly? Instead of getting hysterical, just sit with them. Breathe through them. Deeply. Slowly. Continually. Have the guts to stay there longer than you’d like. If sadness comes up, let it be there. If anger comes up, that’s ok too. Tears will probably follow. This is the ripest place. This is real and raw and wonderful. Congratulations! You’re licking through your own noise to get to the Tootsie Roll at the center of the spiritual lollipop!

3. Listen.

Once you’ve made contact with what’s coming up for you, ask fear what it’s trying to say. Request that it communicate in a calm, coherent way. Don’t rush it. (Unless, of course, Freddy Krueger hops out from behind the next tree, in which case you should save the analysis for later and run very fast!) But if the monsters are only in your very colorful imagination, have some R.E.S.P.E.C.T., mind your manners and don’t interrupt. Let fear speak.

4. Do an intuition gut check.

Make a determination about whether your fear is constructive or destructive. Journaling can be a really helpful way to get clarity on this. If you agree with the fear, begin to explore how you can make a healthy shift. If you don’t agree, you can simply decline the opportunity to react. Instead of indulging yourself and peeing in your new pants, soothe your thoughts like you would soothe a nervous 5-year-old. Hint: If you’re having a hard time determining what’s constructive versus destructive, a good therapist can help you with this. Mine sure helps me!

5. Identify fear fantasies.

Fantasy and imagination are our most powerful, creative resources. It might make you relax a bit to realize that fear is actually creative. What?! Think about it. What’s more creative than writing elaborate stories all day?

To give you an example of how fear fantasies can spiral out of control, let’s take a quick tour down one of my irrational fear rabbit holes: An impending doctor appointment. All I could think of was how my disease had progressed and that I’d like to invite you all to my funeral. What kind of food should be served? Should there be a DJ? No, that’s not serious enough. Who should get my good jewelry? My mom and my sister. Will Brian remember to feed Lola and Tara? And Brian is so lonely. I love Brian, and I miss him. Maybe he should start dating again. But not someone younger than me. OH MY GOD, Brian is dating a hot 20-year-old! I hate Brian.

When I’m able to grab myself out of those loops, I usually have a good ole laugh, acknowledge the underlying anxiety, and head to Target for some trash mags or watch a great movie (while holding Brian’s hand). However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress), then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his new lover!

The key, of course, is to flip fear on its head by choosing a more positive story. Think you’re not experienced/good/young/smart/fit/well/whatever enough? Think again. You’re all that and more, dear one.

Are fear fantasies holding you back from sharing your big ideas with the world?
We often tell ourselves that we have to have it all figured out before we begin, and that if we don’t, we’ll fail. But being prepared doesn’t stop the unexpected from happening, and mistakes are inevitable in business! That’s why you need simple, reliable tools for navigating the tough stuff and protecting yourself from burnout while you’re at it.

My free ebook, How to Build Your Business without Burning Out: 10 Keys for Avoiding the Mistakes Most Entrepreneurs Make, includes 10 proven systems and strategies for overcoming the mistakes most entrepreneurs make so you can start or grow the profitable business of your dreams. Ready to vanquish your fears, together?

6. Move.

Another way to gain clarity is to get back into your body through movement. Activating our bodies changes our perspectives. A walk, a run, a bike ride or some inversions (they really help!)—whatever it takes to snap out of the fear feedback loop.

7. Lean on your inner circle.

You don’t need a huge crew—just a couple of true blue buds you can always count on. Many of us feel embarrassed and ashamed of our fears. We’ve been conditioned to believe that fear makes us weak. “Grow up. Man up. It’s not cool to be scared. Don’t be such a cry baby.” But stored up fears never make us stronger. Quite the opposite, in fact. Stored up fears break us (emotionally and physically).

If you want to set a powerful example for yourself and others, give your fear a voice. Talk it out. Call a friend. Chat with the friend within. Book a session with that good therapist. Pray. Find a community you can count on, like Inner Circle Wellness. One of the reasons I built this membership community was to give you a space where you feel safe, loved and supported through whatever life throws at you—I hope you’ll consider joining us.

Whatever you do, don’t feel like you need to tend to your fears alone. Ask for support. It’s all around you.

8. Let love rule.

Love is greater than fear. And love is everywhere, always. Love is the glue that holds the infinite together. Fear is a tiny drop of water compared to the ocean that is love. If you’ve ever practiced EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), you know that love and acceptance are great tools for calming your nervous system. I’ve used this statement (affirmation) many times in my own EFT practice: “Even though I’m really scared, I love and accept myself anyway.” Boom. Stress reduction.

9. Choose the next right action.

Now it’s time to make a move. It can be a baby step that simply lifts you out of that fearful space. Or it can be a leap right into the thing that scares you. All of the previous steps have helped you get in touch with yourself and what you’re ready for, so trust your gut and do what’s right for you in the moment.

Remember: Being afraid doesn’t make you inadequate.

I hope this gives you some tools and ideas for how to overcome fear. And remember, sometimes fear is much easier to understand than we think. It may not have anything to do with being useful or not. It may not even really be fear. Perhaps we’re just really uncomfortable with change. New things. New information. The unfamiliar and all that goes with it. Give yourself a break. You’re human. You have many valid emotions. The trick is to stop being so critical and start applying more compassion and kindness to all aspects of you. Now go put on some cute heels or a snappy fedora and dance with your dragon (I promise you won’t get burned).

Your turn: If you feel moved, share what this blog kicks up for you. Tell me in the comments, have you ever found a powerful message in fear?

Peace & tea leaves,

Add a comment
  1. Jeaniue says:

    Thank you Chris and love you!

  2. Hailee says:

    Your bravery is truly inspiring. I’ve struggled for so long with anxiety, and that stems from the root of fear. Everything in this blog is helpful, but I really love the fact that you make a point to say that it’s okay to be scared of things. I don’t know about others, but I always feel ashamed for being afraid, and it takes the pressure off to know that it’s a normal emotion, and it’s okay. So thank you for this post, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Such a fabulous post, I will definitely be coming back for more.

  3. Estel says:

    This blog post it’s pretty inspiring.

    I think fear it’s one of the feelings I’m afraid the most. However in this lasts days I’ve tried to talk to him and try to acknowledge if he has something to say to me. I’ve always been anger with myself for feeling anxiety for so long. But when I’m facing it what it first comes to my mind is – “take care, I don’t want you to suffer” “I’m just here to help”, “without me you would never have arrived where you are today”. So, maybe there is nothing that bad with fear, maybe it’s just another emotion, not less or more than any other feeling like rage, sadness or happiness… Just different ways of learning. Probably it’s learning what this is all about…
    Feliç dia!! (catalan) And best wishes for you all xxx

  4. Georgia says:

    Hello Sunshine,
    thank you for spreading the positive vibe. It’s incredible how up-lifted and full of sun I feel right now. Somehow I got lost on the way and reading this article reminded me of how to get back on track and fall in love with myself again.
    Love&hugs Georgia

  5. angelique says:

    I think about fear all the time…I think about how much I used to let fear hold me back, get in my way or stop me dead in my tracks. Discovering this, along with the support of my family and friends, I now let fear guide me in the direction of my dreams. Recognize it, talk it out, take action. Thank you for this…such a perfect read and the right time as it was a topic that kept coming up this week.
    xoxo

  6. It took me years to overcome social phobia, which is just another way of describing extreme shyness i.e. fear of people. When I was young I was prescribed pills which alleviate symptoms but did nothing for the underlying cause.

    It wasn’t until I chose to stop the medication and start setting myself small incremental goals that I began to resolve this problem. It was like exercising a muscle – gentle, regular exercise produced results. Self help books by people like Wayne Dyer helped a lot.

    If you can help yourself then the results are much stronger and more likely to remain permanent, and forgive yourself if sometimes you take the day off and decide not to face your fears.

    Love your website 🙂

  7. Shannon Sugrue says:

    Thank you Kris. I had cancer 3 years ago – I totally can relate about the anxiety about the doctors appointment. I love that you shared some of your thought patterns. For me these feelings pop up often during joyous times- I can be having a meaningful moment with my daughter and then all of the sudden I think “she will remember this moment when I am gone”- “WHAT!?”. Many of us don’t share these thoughts because the real fear is that these thoughts are some sort of premonition, and talking about them can make them more true. We all need to realize that all our thoughts – particularly our fears- are not necessarily true. That we have more power than we know- it is up to us to watch and choose our thoughts. Thank you so much again for sharing – the fact that others deal with irrational thought monsters gives me more courage to face mine ?

  8. Rachelle says:

    I have had the fear of losing my wife to death for as long as we have been together (10+ years). I can get really sad or emotional thinking about it, but is must be a result from a dad that walked out on me when I was 7. Although I am extremely intuitive, and just pray its not a “warning” to enjoy everything to the fullest (which you should ALWAYS do anyway) I can brush it away, and enjoy life to the fullest. But I do believe I will always have this one.. this fear.

  9. Love your article.
    I believe and tell my kids that fear is normal but a huge brake on your next steps, envision….
    Fear is maybe a reaction to a problem that freaks us out? BUT there is no problem that can’t be solved!
    I think we need to understand that problems can be solved in various ways and if we think that our way is the only way we get surprised when we’re proven wrong. SO dealing with the problem is a huge mastering process.
    Another tip I pass on to my kids, while the problem is small solve it, if you let it grow it’ll take you more energy, time….

  10. Nicole says:

    You are truly an amazing woman!

  11. Kelly says:

    I really like what you said about fear being very creative. My mind makes up horrible stories daily. I often tell it “shut up. That’s not real.” But I had never thought about questioning my fear. I think that’s a great idea, because if it turns out that it’s irrational, I can point it out and it will have to stop. If there is really something to address, I’d rather address it calmly than in a panic.

  12. karey says:

    that was so funny! ” the next time Brian asks for almond butter, you’ll tell him to ask his new lover!! cracked me up, so true, how people can make the bad things happen by acting on fearful feelings, and then bringing them on by their behaviour!

  13. Lori says:

    Thanks for this article Kris! Feels like a gentle hand on my back guiding me through these emotions. Really appreciate when you share your moments of doubt – comforting to learn you also have ‘irrational rabbit holes.’

  14. Lisa S. says:

    This blog post came at a good time for me. What comes up for me is the movement aspect bit! I truly find that taking a walk and doing yoga helps alleviate my fears more than anything. I decided I’m human and can’t always get rid of my fears 100%, but I can befriend them, take them to tea or for a walk and ask them to guide me. I really love the idea of moving into what I fear the most. It might only be baby steps, but I feel if something scares me about my path and life choices, I better move into it and figure it out, but gently, of course. 🙂

  15. Debra Mazer says:

    I love you honeypie!! 😉 Thanks for sharing so openly…. I recognized the “fear fantasy” as something I do too ;))))

    Ahh… our humanness ♡♡

  16. Caroline says:

    Thank you so much for this message about coping with fear. Usually it takes over all of me. Time to change things. So inspiring!

  17. Carol says:

    Thank you for this. The timing was perfect. I’m heading to my mother’s funeral this morning and was feeling a lot of fear along with a landslide of emotions. I have used a couple of these and feel better already.

  18. Linda says:

    Thank you, Kris, for making fear bring me a smile! Fear always creeps in when it is time for a tumor marker blood test or a CT scan. I try to remember what Anita ‘Moorjani said in her book, “Dying to be Me”, “Life is unfolding exactly as it should.” My other mantra…” Victim or Heroine? The choice is mine”.
    Sending much love!

  19. Nancy says:

    Kris
    You wrote this knowing it’s what I needed, your intuition is just crazy! I share a similar diagnosis with you, and since the beginning your example helped keep my head above water. Bless you and the mission you have undertaken. I will reread this many times, I am sure.

  20. Megan says:

    I’m getting married in a couple months, so of course fear has crept in. I get scared about the possiblility of divorce years down the road. I know this stems from my own parents divorce. There’s no anger there, but it makes me aware that it can happen.

    What helps me is talking my way through the fear and reaching for positive, real thoughts. For example, I’ve been with my fiancee for 5 years and I truly believe we’ve been though it all and still love each other so deeply. Thought like this help me get my confidence back.

    Thanks Kris!

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