Kris Carr

Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You

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Hiya Gorgeous,

Oh, it’s you again. Hello, fear.

Whether you’re fearful of getting sick, you’re currently dealing with a health issue, or you’re scared and struggling in other areas of your life, I want you to know that you’re in good company.

I also want you to know that learning how to overcome fear IS possible. And that doesn’t mean burning it to the ground every time it rears its ugly head. Sometimes it’s as simple as working WITH your fear rather than against it. Because fear contains powerful messages. When we’re courageous enough to be with what scares us, we can awaken our intuition and create a new path for healing.

Don’t judge your fears, invite them to tea!

It’s common to belittle our fears and try to prematurely cleanse them away. But just because we’re afraid, doesn’t mean we’re toxic or failing or falling off the spiritual wagon. Fear is one of the many colors in our emotional palette, and it’s often there for a reason. There’s nothing weak or less evolved about being frightened. And like I said, you’re not alone. We’re all scared. No one is fearless.

Anyone who lives with cancer (myself included), will tell you that figuring out how to overcome fear is an ever-evolving practice. Sometimes the shifts happen quite easily, other times our fears refuse to be rushed (and they really hate being trivialized). It took me years to have a realistic perspective about my own health terrors. And let me be honest, I’m still working on it. Though I had the same information that I have now, time and experience have had a tremendous impact on how I work with my fears.

Fear is normal and, to a certain extent, it’s important.

We can thank fear when it makes us get a lump checked or tells us not to walk alone down that dark alley. We can have gratitude for fear when it shakes us awake or jolts us from complacency.

But while fear can play a very valuable role in igniting action, we can’t let it run our lives—especially if our fears are totally unfounded or irrational. Once we receive the message (the aha!), we need to disable the fear alarm, turn it off, cool it down. Because no one can thrive in a constant state of panic—our bodies aren’t built for that (and neither are our spirits).

So, how do you get what you need from fear without letting it pull you under? Here are some of my go-to methods…

How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You

1. Bring yourself back to the present moment.

The here. The now. The pillow under your butt. The ground under your feet. The real reality. Unplug the movie in your mind and pet your dog. That’s real. That’s what’s really happening.

2. Open your heart.

You know those fluttering feelings in your belly? Instead of getting hysterical, just sit with them. Breathe through them. Deeply. Slowly. Continually. Have the guts to stay there longer than you’d like. If sadness comes up, let it be there. If anger comes up, that’s ok too. Tears will probably follow. This is the ripest place. This is real and raw and wonderful. Congratulations! You’re licking through your own noise to get to the Tootsie Roll at the center of the spiritual lollipop!

3. Listen.

Once you’ve made contact with what’s coming up for you, ask fear what it’s trying to say. Request that it communicate in a calm, coherent way. Don’t rush it. (Unless, of course, Freddy Krueger hops out from behind the next tree, in which case you should save the analysis for later and run very fast!) But if the monsters are only in your very colorful imagination, have some R.E.S.P.E.C.T., mind your manners and don’t interrupt. Let fear speak.

4. Do an intuition gut check.

Make a determination about whether your fear is constructive or destructive. Journaling can be a really helpful way to get clarity on this. If you agree with the fear, begin to explore how you can make a healthy shift. If you don’t agree, you can simply decline the opportunity to react. Instead of indulging yourself and peeing in your new pants, soothe your thoughts like you would soothe a nervous 5-year-old. Hint: If you’re having a hard time determining what’s constructive versus destructive, a good therapist can help you with this. Mine sure helps me!

5. Identify fear fantasies.

Fantasy and imagination are our most powerful, creative resources. It might make you relax a bit to realize that fear is actually creative. What?! Think about it. What’s more creative than writing elaborate stories all day?

To give you an example of how fear fantasies can spiral out of control, let’s take a quick tour down one of my irrational fear rabbit holes: An impending doctor appointment. All I could think of was how my disease had progressed and that I’d like to invite you all to my funeral. What kind of food should be served? Should there be a DJ? No, that’s not serious enough. Who should get my good jewelry? My mom and my sister. Will Brian remember to feed Lola and Tara? And Brian is so lonely. I love Brian, and I miss him. Maybe he should start dating again. But not someone younger than me. OH MY GOD, Brian is dating a hot 20-year-old! I hate Brian.

When I’m able to grab myself out of those loops, I usually have a good ole laugh, acknowledge the underlying anxiety, and head to Target for some trash mags or watch a great movie (while holding Brian’s hand). However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress), then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his new lover!

The key, of course, is to flip fear on its head by choosing a more positive story. Think you’re not experienced/good/young/smart/fit/well/whatever enough? Think again. You’re all that and more, dear one.

Are fear fantasies holding you back from sharing your big ideas with the world?
We often tell ourselves that we have to have it all figured out before we begin, and that if we don’t, we’ll fail. But being prepared doesn’t stop the unexpected from happening, and mistakes are inevitable in business! That’s why you need simple, reliable tools for navigating the tough stuff and protecting yourself from burnout while you’re at it.

My free ebook, How to Build Your Business without Burning Out: 10 Keys for Avoiding the Mistakes Most Entrepreneurs Make, includes 10 proven systems and strategies for overcoming the mistakes most entrepreneurs make so you can start or grow the profitable business of your dreams. Ready to vanquish your fears, together?

6. Move.

Another way to gain clarity is to get back into your body through movement. Activating our bodies changes our perspectives. A walk, a run, a bike ride or some inversions (they really help!)—whatever it takes to snap out of the fear feedback loop.

7. Lean on your inner circle.

You don’t need a huge crew—just a couple of true blue buds you can always count on. Many of us feel embarrassed and ashamed of our fears. We’ve been conditioned to believe that fear makes us weak. “Grow up. Man up. It’s not cool to be scared. Don’t be such a cry baby.” But stored up fears never make us stronger. Quite the opposite, in fact. Stored up fears break us (emotionally and physically).

If you want to set a powerful example for yourself and others, give your fear a voice. Talk it out. Call a friend. Chat with the friend within. Book a session with that good therapist. Pray. Find a community you can count on, like Inner Circle Wellness. One of the reasons I built this membership community was to give you a space where you feel safe, loved and supported through whatever life throws at you—I hope you’ll consider joining us.

Whatever you do, don’t feel like you need to tend to your fears alone. Ask for support. It’s all around you.

8. Let love rule.

Love is greater than fear. And love is everywhere, always. Love is the glue that holds the infinite together. Fear is a tiny drop of water compared to the ocean that is love. If you’ve ever practiced EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), you know that love and acceptance are great tools for calming your nervous system. I’ve used this statement (affirmation) many times in my own EFT practice: “Even though I’m really scared, I love and accept myself anyway.” Boom. Stress reduction.

9. Choose the next right action.

Now it’s time to make a move. It can be a baby step that simply lifts you out of that fearful space. Or it can be a leap right into the thing that scares you. All of the previous steps have helped you get in touch with yourself and what you’re ready for, so trust your gut and do what’s right for you in the moment.

Remember: Being afraid doesn’t make you inadequate.

I hope this gives you some tools and ideas for how to overcome fear. And remember, sometimes fear is much easier to understand than we think. It may not have anything to do with being useful or not. It may not even really be fear. Perhaps we’re just really uncomfortable with change. New things. New information. The unfamiliar and all that goes with it. Give yourself a break. You’re human. You have many valid emotions. The trick is to stop being so critical and start applying more compassion and kindness to all aspects of you. Now go put on some cute heels or a snappy fedora and dance with your dragon (I promise you won’t get burned).

Your turn: If you feel moved, share what this blog kicks up for you. Tell me in the comments, have you ever found a powerful message in fear?

Peace & tea leaves,

Add a comment
  1. gloria says:

    I have just started becoming more actively watching your videos. I have great admiration for you. Not yet reformed to Vegan. I am a 51 yr old, single mom with stage 2 diabetic, high blood pressure, asthmatic struggling with stomach issues and terrible bloating. ( No Health insurance) Waiting for Obama care. I was also told I have 3 lesions on my liver. In the past 3 weeks I have definitely turned into a juice maniac. Although, I can’t afford organic, I do my best and wash my veggies thoroughly. I am also trying to become gluten free and exercise whenever possible. I still feel like a swallowed a walnut that sits in my intestines. I know I need tests to see what exactly is wrong with me. But, January is around the corner. Hopefully, all is nothing to fear. I did have a question… Do you believe in the flu and Pneumovax vaccine? I also want to thank you for educating me. I have so so much to learn.
    Gratefully,
    Gloria

  2. “However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress) then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his child bride!”

    I almost spit out my green drink! HAHA.
    Thank you for making me laugh off my fears (I love hearing the insides of other peoples heads). We are all so much the same. 🙂

    Love!
    Carla
    xx

  3. Brenda Berglin says:

    Kris, I’m welling up with tears. Your blog is so timely for me right now. I’ve been through lots in the last (almost) two years, yeah me! Primary liver cancer and a whole slew of ups and downs. Your books and blogs have kept me sane and strong. I realize how hard it can be to stay strong when fear comes calling. A recent (not so great) scan has sent me reeling. I’m waiting for my fabulous doctor to come up with the next plan of attack. Inthe meantime, I will invite my fears to have a nice green juice with me. Cheers!

  4. Yvette says:

    Thank you Kris!

    I’m never usually compelled to write a comment but this spoke very true to me right now in my life. A fear that has finally come to a head that has been building for the last 15 years i’m finally starting to really understand why it is what it is. I have been breaking it down, listening to it, literally stopping in my tracks & allowing it to speak. In doing so I was able to unravel it piece by piece & acknowledge the rational reasons behind it.

    But it wasn’t until I allowed it to do so that it all made sense. And it was scary & uncomfortable but I spent a week going over it, through it, under it, every angle possible & finally I got to where I needed to be. Simply accepting & understanding why I have this fear, and then asking myself how I would like to choose to resolve/dissolve it.

    Your words helped reassure me that fear is OK, & it’s just another part of the process.

    Thank you! Yvette Xxx

  5. Kari says:

    Thank you so much, Kris. Did you know? You’ve made a big difference in my life. It is your energy, the love you radiate and this piece on fear was right on. Thank you! 🙂

  6. mary lakshmi says:

    dear kris, this blog came at just the right time. i love how the Universe does that. thank you, thank you, thank you, from the center of my heart – i needed to read this today. i am saving this blog so that i can read it again when the fear-monster comes again. 🙂 i am a canSer survivor too, and my emotions get triggered from time to time. you are such a light to the world! thank you for sharing your wisdom. 🙂

  7. Dena Taylor says:

    Thank you for this post. Every time I go for a follow up with the oncologist or for the caving party known in clinical circles as the “colonoscopy” — any time someone goes looking — I fear something will be found. Letting love rule really resonates, and for me includes telling a loved one where I’m about to go and how I feel. Being vulnerable and giving space for their support dissolves the fear a little, my stomach unclenches a little too.

  8. Ha! Thanks, Kris, for that tour down the rabbit hole. Little windows on someone else’s world like that reassure me that I’m not alone in having such a wonderfully *creative* (as you so aptly point out) gaggle of fears. 🙂

    One of the most powerful messages I’ve ever found in fear has been around the drawing of personal boundaries. Anger has always terrified me, and I’ve spent most of my life letting people walk all over me because I’ve been afraid to assert my own needs.

    I always thought I was staying safe from the anger that would be unleashed at me if I expressed even the slightest bit of assertiveness. (Enter countless numbers of your “fear fantasies” about whatever I imagined would happen.)

    Turns out, though, that my assumptions were completely erroneous.

    As I’ve practiced facing my fear of anger and finding the courage to speak my needs, the more I’ve noticed how many (most!) people are totally willing to listen and do whatever they can to meet them, or at least have a rational (non-angry!!!) discussion and meet somewhere in the middle.

    It’s so liberating to watch that huge wall of fear-based illusion gradually crumble into dust.

  9. Jessica says:

    Kris- Such a great message about fear. Thanks!

  10. Sandy M says:

    OMGosh! I am run by fear, out of control fear from so much that is out of my control and not my doing but there it is, fear and I am ashamed of it and I feel bad and weak for feeling it so often. No one can walk in my shoes and I can’t walk in yours, but I can respect you and see you in a light that makes me grow but I can’t see that in myself. I don’t want to be sick and I don’t want to be afraid of it anymore I want to live.
    Thank you for being you and for sharing this piece on fear and how you cope with it. I have never invited my fear to tea…I always run from it which turns it into panic. I never thought to make peace with it.
    Thank you so much!

  11. Alexis Meads says:

    Hi Kris,

    Love this post! Fear vs. intuition have always been hard for me to figure out. I got legally married yesterday (doing our real wedding in Greece this May!) and was terrified. I was freaked out about marriage, found myself wondering if I should panic and leave, and worst – comparing him to my ex. “Is this the real thing? As good?” etc.

    Then, during the actual ceremony, I felt such a deep calm. Love conquers all. I didn’t know if those prior feeling were fear or intuition, but I believe that intuition (when something feels right) comes as peace, not as panic. And you’re right, don’t overrate it! Those feelings may have come up just by the fact that I’m doing something new and I’m human.

    xo
    Alexis

    • Kris Carr says:

      Congrats! Glad you didn’t bolt! TOTALLY normal feeling on that day. 😉 xo

    • Melissa Wright says:

      OMG, your example of the “Fear Fantasies” really hit home for me. Your steps are amazingly helpful and remind me that I’m not only is this thinking and handling of managing my FEAR which is just False Evidence Appearing Real. For through my breakthrough I realize the opposite of God’s peace is Fear.

  12. Stephanie says:

    This is FANTASTIC! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I needed this. I have just come to the realization that I have allowed fear to rule my life for the past 2 years. Once I realized this I just sat there thinking “oh crap NOW what!” then bam your beautiful post. Thank you so much for your words they have started to helped me figure out how to move forward, stop beating myself up and use this as an opportunity to transform my life. Thank you thank you thank you!

  13. Paula Lee says:

    Thank you so much for this article Kris <3 I have a lot of issues surrounding fear. Your words of wisdom have inspired me to love myself more and not to let fear rule my life. xoxo

  14. Ryan Nicole says:

    Not only was this extremely helpful, but so funny too! I was laughing out loud. Thanks!

  15. Wonderful blog post Kris. We can all use some self love. Jo-Ann

  16. Minnie says:

    Kris, my daughter gave me your Crazy Sexy Kitchen Book for Christmas. I am a fan, and I am thankful that the gift of Kris Carr fell into my life. This blog about fear is so empowering. I read it today, a day where fear was consuming me. Funny, you are so right. I know all of the things you write are true and there for each one of us. Still, we let the furry burry creature take hold of us and rattle us to incapacitation. Thanks to this blog, I get it and will use these powerful tools to celebrate-embrace-remove, and move on.

    Merci,

  17. AJ says:

    Hi Kris, thanks for your very inspiring article. I have a couple of questions – when you say inversions help do you mean yoga inversions? Also, is Emotional Freedom Technique the same as tapping?

    Many thanks,

    • Kris Carr says:

      Great Q’s AJ — Inversions: Yes I mean yoga, down dog, headstands, anything you can do that literally turns ya upside down and gives you a new perspective! And yes, EFT is tapping. x

  18. Christine says:

    Your timing of your feelings and how to deal with them was just what I needed to read at this point in time. I had a Spindle Cell Sarcoma removed from my leg last October and it has now made home on my lungs (they certainly get around those little devils) Have been told it is not curable and given a time frame of which I am not listening to. Had two rounds of Chemo but ended up with a blood transfusion as my body was not happy at all with Chemo. It only gave me an extra 6 months they advised so I believe quality and not quantity is what is the most important thing to me. Am trying to follow diet and excersise and mental healing and enjoying every day that I am living as I am still in good health at this point in time. Fear slips in from time to time and like you said the feelings of what music will I play at my funeral OH BOY! who will I leave my precious things to OH BOY! Who will my husband of 43 years meet once I am gone OH BOY! Then I slap myself back into reality and just enjoy the NOW!!!!! Am 61 years young on the 20th of this month and life is very precious to me so will continue to remain positive and your feelings and thoughts let me know I am not alone when some of my crazy thoughts invade my space. Am having a scan this week and back to the oncologist next week so not a good week to look forward to and pray I have the strength to cope with results and continue to do what I want when I want while I am still in good health. Once again you are an inspiration and I just loved your Crazy Sexy Cancer Books so please keep going with your inspirational life as it gives hope to all of us. Thank you

    • Minnie says:

      So well said, Christine. I will pray for you and send you all of the healing rays your way. Remember, YOU ARE AN INSTRUMENT OF WELL BEING!!!

      God bless and heal you with abundant health…..

      Minnie

    • Judy says:

      Christine, am sending thoughts and prayers your way as well. Thank you for showing what courage is all about.

    • Barb says:

      Christine – I am ordering a book called “Life Over Cancer” by Dr. Keith Block (I’m impressed with his web site as well). I love Dr. Lissa Rankin’s book, “Mind Over Medicine,” and have started a daily meditation practice which has been incredibly helpful…many benefits! Sign up for Dr. Rankin’s Daily Flame – she will send you an e-mail every day on Monday through Friday with positive inspiration! Here’s a quote from Kris when she was interviewed for Prevention magazine not too long ago. I keep it on a card in my purse – “Fear is a feeling, not a fact. Facing your fears is the only way you can understand your true power. Because what scares us is often a lot smaller than our perception of it. ASK – Is it a fact or a feeling?” Stay strong…wishing you many blessings.

      • Christine says:

        Hi Barb, thanks for all your info I will follow up on all of it . Have started doing some meditation but it is a difficult thing to stay focused. When I find that zone, be it not for a long period of time it is extremely soothing. Any extra strength and wisdom is another tool to assist in dealing with thoughts and emotions. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated. Once again thank you.

  19. Judy says:

    Thanks, Kris. I have been sweating the last few days because I’m due for a mammogram in a couple of weeks, and having dealt with the Beast twice, I admit to being a tad nervous. Thanks for grounding me and bringing me back to the here and now. Help seems to come along just when we need it most. God bless, and keep that light shining.

  20. Leith Bailey says:

    Have been following and continue to be inspired by your “dance with disease”. This article on fear…wow..how glorious to read that it can be ok to let our fear in…and in fact help us. I so love your honesty Kris…truly do…it’s one year since my surgery for breast cancer and as it so often happens for some…my cells have once again decided to rebel…in my uterus…am I scared? Hell yeah…and it’s being heard as I scream across a river….but then there is a kinda retreat..a sorta quiet peace that comes…followed by a late night phone call telling someone how this all feels…so reading your article really helps me to know that these emotions are not really destructive but an overdue call to be heard…thank you…much love xx

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