Hiya Gorgeous,
Oh, it’s you again. Hello, fear.
Whether you’re fearful of getting sick, you’re currently dealing with a health issue, or you’re scared and struggling in other areas of your life, I want you to know that you’re in good company.
I also want you to know that learning how to overcome fear IS possible. And that doesn’t mean burning it to the ground every time it rears its ugly head. Sometimes it’s as simple as working WITH your fear rather than against it. Because fear contains powerful messages. When we’re courageous enough to be with what scares us, we can awaken our intuition and create a new path for healing.
Don’t judge your fears, invite them to tea!
It’s common to belittle our fears and try to prematurely cleanse them away. But just because we’re afraid, doesn’t mean we’re toxic or failing or falling off the spiritual wagon. Fear is one of the many colors in our emotional palette, and it’s often there for a reason. There’s nothing weak or less evolved about being frightened. And like I said, you’re not alone. We’re all scared. No one is fearless.
Anyone who lives with cancer (myself included), will tell you that figuring out how to overcome fear is an ever-evolving practice. Sometimes the shifts happen quite easily, other times our fears refuse to be rushed (and they really hate being trivialized). It took me years to have a realistic perspective about my own health terrors. And let me be honest, I’m still working on it. Though I had the same information that I have now, time and experience have had a tremendous impact on how I work with my fears.
Fear is normal and, to a certain extent, it’s important.
We can thank fear when it makes us get a lump checked or tells us not to walk alone down that dark alley. We can have gratitude for fear when it shakes us awake or jolts us from complacency.
But while fear can play a very valuable role in igniting action, we can’t let it run our lives—especially if our fears are totally unfounded or irrational. Once we receive the message (the aha!), we need to disable the fear alarm, turn it off, cool it down. Because no one can thrive in a constant state of panic—our bodies aren’t built for that (and neither are our spirits).
So, how do you get what you need from fear without letting it pull you under? Here are some of my go-to methods…
How to Overcome Fear: 9 Simple Tips to Set You Free from What Scares You
1. Bring yourself back to the present moment.
The here. The now. The pillow under your butt. The ground under your feet. The real reality. Unplug the movie in your mind and pet your dog. That’s real. That’s what’s really happening.
2. Open your heart.
You know those fluttering feelings in your belly? Instead of getting hysterical, just sit with them. Breathe through them. Deeply. Slowly. Continually. Have the guts to stay there longer than you’d like. If sadness comes up, let it be there. If anger comes up, that’s ok too. Tears will probably follow. This is the ripest place. This is real and raw and wonderful. Congratulations! You’re licking through your own noise to get to the Tootsie Roll at the center of the spiritual lollipop!
3. Listen.
Once you’ve made contact with what’s coming up for you, ask fear what it’s trying to say. Request that it communicate in a calm, coherent way. Don’t rush it. (Unless, of course, Freddy Krueger hops out from behind the next tree, in which case you should save the analysis for later and run very fast!) But if the monsters are only in your very colorful imagination, have some R.E.S.P.E.C.T., mind your manners and don’t interrupt. Let fear speak.
4. Do an intuition gut check.
Make a determination about whether your fear is constructive or destructive. Journaling can be a really helpful way to get clarity on this. If you agree with the fear, begin to explore how you can make a healthy shift. If you don’t agree, you can simply decline the opportunity to react. Instead of indulging yourself and peeing in your new pants, soothe your thoughts like you would soothe a nervous 5-year-old. Hint: If you’re having a hard time determining what’s constructive versus destructive, a good therapist can help you with this. Mine sure helps me!
5. Identify fear fantasies.
Fantasy and imagination are our most powerful, creative resources. It might make you relax a bit to realize that fear is actually creative. What?! Think about it. What’s more creative than writing elaborate stories all day?
To give you an example of how fear fantasies can spiral out of control, let’s take a quick tour down one of my irrational fear rabbit holes: An impending doctor appointment. All I could think of was how my disease had progressed and that I’d like to invite you all to my funeral. What kind of food should be served? Should there be a DJ? No, that’s not serious enough. Who should get my good jewelry? My mom and my sister. Will Brian remember to feed Lola and Tara? And Brian is so lonely. I love Brian, and I miss him. Maybe he should start dating again. But not someone younger than me. OH MY GOD, Brian is dating a hot 20-year-old! I hate Brian.
When I’m able to grab myself out of those loops, I usually have a good ole laugh, acknowledge the underlying anxiety, and head to Target for some trash mags or watch a great movie (while holding Brian’s hand). However, if I’m unable to see my fantasy for what it really is (stress), then the next time Brian asks where the almond butter is, I’ll tell him to ask his new lover!
The key, of course, is to flip fear on its head by choosing a more positive story. Think you’re not experienced/good/young/smart/fit/well/whatever enough? Think again. You’re all that and more, dear one.
Are fear fantasies holding you back from sharing your big ideas with the world?
We often tell ourselves that we have to have it all figured out before we begin, and that if we don’t, we’ll fail. But being prepared doesn’t stop the unexpected from happening, and mistakes are inevitable in business! That’s why you need simple, reliable tools for navigating the tough stuff and protecting yourself from burnout while you’re at it.
My free ebook, How to Build Your Business without Burning Out: 10 Keys for Avoiding the Mistakes Most Entrepreneurs Make, includes 10 proven systems and strategies for overcoming the mistakes most entrepreneurs make so you can start or grow the profitable business of your dreams. Ready to vanquish your fears, together?
6. Move.
Another way to gain clarity is to get back into your body through movement. Activating our bodies changes our perspectives. A walk, a run, a bike ride or some inversions (they really help!)—whatever it takes to snap out of the fear feedback loop.
7. Lean on your inner circle.
You don’t need a huge crew—just a couple of true blue buds you can always count on. Many of us feel embarrassed and ashamed of our fears. We’ve been conditioned to believe that fear makes us weak. “Grow up. Man up. It’s not cool to be scared. Don’t be such a cry baby.” But stored up fears never make us stronger. Quite the opposite, in fact. Stored up fears break us (emotionally and physically).
If you want to set a powerful example for yourself and others, give your fear a voice. Talk it out. Call a friend. Chat with the friend within. Book a session with that good therapist. Pray. Find a community you can count on, like Inner Circle Wellness. One of the reasons I built this membership community was to give you a space where you feel safe, loved and supported through whatever life throws at you—I hope you’ll consider joining us.
Whatever you do, don’t feel like you need to tend to your fears alone. Ask for support. It’s all around you.
8. Let love rule.
Love is greater than fear. And love is everywhere, always. Love is the glue that holds the infinite together. Fear is a tiny drop of water compared to the ocean that is love. If you’ve ever practiced EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), you know that love and acceptance are great tools for calming your nervous system. I’ve used this statement (affirmation) many times in my own EFT practice: “Even though I’m really scared, I love and accept myself anyway.” Boom. Stress reduction.
9. Choose the next right action.
Now it’s time to make a move. It can be a baby step that simply lifts you out of that fearful space. Or it can be a leap right into the thing that scares you. All of the previous steps have helped you get in touch with yourself and what you’re ready for, so trust your gut and do what’s right for you in the moment.
Remember: Being afraid doesn’t make you inadequate.
I hope this gives you some tools and ideas for how to overcome fear. And remember, sometimes fear is much easier to understand than we think. It may not have anything to do with being useful or not. It may not even really be fear. Perhaps we’re just really uncomfortable with change. New things. New information. The unfamiliar and all that goes with it. Give yourself a break. You’re human. You have many valid emotions. The trick is to stop being so critical and start applying more compassion and kindness to all aspects of you. Now go put on some cute heels or a snappy fedora and dance with your dragon (I promise you won’t get burned).
Your turn: If you feel moved, share what this blog kicks up for you. Tell me in the comments, have you ever found a powerful message in fear?
Peace & tea leaves,
Thanks for the article Kris. I am currently reading Jonathan Fields “Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance”, which has some great suggestions on this very topic. I’m looking for all the encouragement and reassurance I can find to embrace my fears right now. I’ve made the decision to step away from my safe and secure corporate job to a life of uncertainty as I pursue my dream of writing and travel. Reading insights from those of you who’ve done it helps so much! Thanks for your continued inspiration!
Thank you Kris – I needed this article today! I may be about to experience a 3rd round w/ovarian cancer. Tumor markers are up. In the midst of preparing for a possible battle, I’m also looking for a new doctor as my oncologist is not on board w/my ideas on supplementation, nutrition, & mind/body healing (Dr. Rankin’s book has helped me so much!) I’m making index cards w/hopeful messages like crazy but still find myself wanting to cry at times. I just started yoga teacher training to specialize in meditation & help others. I won’t give up, and it’s good to know that my feelings can help rather than hurt me – I’ll be working on that dance.
Thank you Kris for your timely message. I bought your 2 books 5 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lymphoma. It really helped me then. Now I find myself rereading and reviewing them because the cancer reoccurred. I will be doing stem cell transplant soon and the fear of the unknown is creeping. I am thankful for your encouraging message. I count my MANY blessings and I know something great will happen positively.
Thank you for this Kris. You truly are an angel. Sharing your thoughts and fears with all of us makes us realize we’re not alone, not crazy, just human. Lots of love.
Thank you for all your articles. I have no fear but my friends (including my doctor at the hospital) try and scare me into treatment. They think fear of death will get me motivated. How silly of them because death doesn’t scare me. I have a large mass in my lower abdominal area in which they insist on surgery to remove but I’m not ready yet because of life issues I am dealing with and others don’t understand because my priorities aren’t theirs so they try and put fear into me and then I have to deal with it and it causes me anger and sadness towards them. I appreciate your article and tips on dealing with this. I’ll follow my intuition and what I need to do. Thank you.
Kris, you’ve walked the walk which is why your words are so powerful and HELPFUL!
I too have a chronic form of cancer that can’t be “cured.” Acceptance and gratitude have become so important to me finding joy and peace, even when I’m in a scary place.
thanks so much for taking time to lighten and brighten my day (tomorrow’s a trip to oncologist for bloodwork!)
Kim, we’ll all be with you tomorrow. Thousands of little angels on your shoulders. x
I love you. Period.
You’ve taken a virtual nightmare and turned it on its’ head. What’s more, that ‘nightmare’ is a vastly collective experience today. Whether you’re the one who’s finds them self donning the threat cancer imposes, (as am I), or a loved one, looking on in relative helplessness, (I wear these shoes as well). To lend your mighty Spirit the way that you continue to, in the hopes of vanquishing the fear, the helplessness and hopelessness is just pure Goodness. It’s God, showing His/Her essence in this world. The good you’ve done for yourself teaches the rest of us what is possible. Your attitude Chris… it’s STELLAR. And I am thankful for you.
<3 Christiane
Love this….needed this.
Time to try and dance with a dragon!
XOXOXO
you are just a fabulous writer kriss. thx. This is how i see fear too, but your way totally rocks it! thx for being so eloquent and funny!
Great post Kris! I love how you advise us to listen to what fear has to say and then check with our intuition whether we agree with the fear and want to make a healthy shift or whether we simply want to decline our opportunity to react. Also coming back to the present moment and feeling the pillow under our butt and the ground beneath our feet is a powerful tool!
Thank you!
Dearest Chris,
This blog couldn’t have been more timely and helpful! I was diagnosed with breast canser last October. My recent thoughts have been that October sucks! I’m doing well after my treatment and have been extremely lucky and grateful. I’m ambling up to my annual screening this Friday though it seems like yesterday that I started this carnival ride. (I don’t like rides!) Fear has been flaunting itself as the date gets closer. Your blog really helps as this is the new reality for me. I am a very positive person by nature which has been a blessing, but I am human (thanks for the reminder) and now I have a way of managing/living with these feelings as they arise. You have been an inspiration to me this past year, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do. You are an angel.
Yes kris, fear brought me head on with my ovarian cancer relapse. I had a great apptment in June and in August, 2 pds and a nasty thought of FEAR……had me back getting a ca125…. Reaccurance..”.chemo”…. Fear again….but I have HOPE…thank you for your great blogs……tina
Thank you so much for posting this, I have fear but not for myself, for my daughter. We have an extremely strong faith but even we have fear…thank you for this blog as it makes me realize that we are certainly not alone in this journey..
Thanks Kris. This is great.
I also try to embrace the good side of fear, which you mention, when it is working in our favor. Lately I have come to believe that some of my fear is my intuition protecting me….from outside threats to all the work I have done to become healthy again. I know that some of my recent fear has been telling me to block these outside influences and to hold on to my Self and what I now I need. Sometimes fear does serve us, and for that, too, we can be grateful.
I swear I live in a constant state of fear while I am working (which could be 40 days in a row like right now). I love reading articles like this, because on a daily basis I feel as though I’m sitting beside fear. It’s good to be reminded we are all scared, and that it is okay. Thank you Kris.
Dear Kris, Boy do I know about Fear. I have lived it for almost a year now. As a very healthy vegetarian/vegan, spiritual person, working at a very spiritual place (Tree of Life) helping people with their health and fears as a massage therapist and colon hydrotherapist, I started having incredible back pains, which I attributed to the many massages and hours of work I was doing and the stress of a single parent. The fatigue and anemia I contributed to not getting enough iron in my body as a vegetarian and again the long hours I worked. I LOVED my job, I loved my life I felt I was in an amazing place, I did my meditations and prayers, I read all the books about how to have more awareness and become more enlightened and felt I was putting it in to practice (as my clients could see in me). To make a long story short. About six months into my brutal bone pain and incredible fatigue I was finally diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a fairly rare blood cancer that can only be treated, not cured. I hurt so bad in my bones I was in a wheel chair and to sneeze and cough was incredibly painful as the lesions in my ribs had caused two broken ribs. My numbers were so bed I really believe I was months away from death and in that moment, despite having my amazing 7 year old, I thought it easier not to be here anymore. I had so many people praying for me, everybody saw me as such a strong woman, yet I was scared to death and could not shake it. As a natural medicine person, I had always opposed the use of chemo and radiation, yet the doctors adviced me that the 3 tumors on my spine were so intwined with my spinal cord they feared I might be paralized at any moment, and I needed radiation immediately. And so I did. I had to move back to my husband from who I was seperated and we went to MD Anderson to start my chemo (even my naturaupathic doctor friend told me the cancer was so advanced I should start with chemo) I was deathly afraid. Everything I had learned was that chemo was more of a killer than the cancer, and here it seemed I had no choice but to start it. My first two rounds were horrible, I ended up in the ER several times for out of control fevers, needed 4 blood transfusions due to my severe anemia (my pulse was 94 at a resting state due to the extra work my heart had to do) and that with me having always had low pulse because of the triathlons I had done. See, one reason my fears ran so high, was that I had done everything right, how could I have cancer. I ate right, thought right, loved right, meditated, prayed. How could it be me, what else could I have done. There was however one thing that was broken in me. A very discouraging relationship with my parents. I had ran away from home when I was 17 and it seemed I was never forgiven for that as my parents did not treat me the same as the rest, refused to come visit me or even meet my husband and their granddaughter. This was very hurtful to me. There was no anger, but incredible deep sadness. I still loved them so much after 25 years and wanted their approvement. The world seemed to love and appreciate me, but I did not really see or care about that, I wanted my parents to see me for the beautiful person I had become, and they didn’t (or did not want to let me know) Although physically Multiple Myeloma was the least likely physical cancer I should get (I was not male, not african american, not over 65, not overweight, the statistics show those are the ones most likely to get it) I was a thin, vegetarian tall woman (those least likely to get it) However, I realised that the spine bones mean strength and support and this I had not felt since I was a little girl. I gave a lot of Love, but felt very unloved (by my parents which was all that seemed to matter). Even with me having cancer they refused to come visit me, though we did start writing. I KNEW I had to let go of the pain of the past, truly forgive and move on. I had lived with this pain and victim hood and low level stress for so long it had made my immune system weak and likely been the cause of the cancer. I started reading books again and decided I wanted to be around for my daughter.My mind started to shift. I started to look at the chemo as something that was there to help me, not hurt me. My immune system was so overwhelmed it needed some help, and the chemo was there to give it to me. When I made that shift my body changed almost overnight. I had lost 14 pounds of my already thin frame in two weeks due to nausea and when I started my third cycle of chemo I was able to eat. Almost all the side effects of the chemo disappeared overnight and the bone pain dissapeared as well. My cancer started coming down, though not very fast. This brought up more fear for me. My numbers were very high to start with and where most people only need about 4 cycles of chemo before undergoing stem cell transplant, I needed 9. The stemcell transplant was the darkest cloud I ever carried and It was there for about 8 months. The fear of it was so great that I again started looking at ways out of this suffering, to the point I became suicidal and was put on anti depressants and anti anxiety. I had always feared medicine but with all the stuff taking and seeing how my liver and kidneys were handling it just fine I accepted all the doctors gave me. I became a moderate. It was very humbling to go from an avid naturalist to accept allopathic medicine and I felt good about it. Fanaticism is never good. I did continue to eat very healthy, take my supplements where I was allowed to and had a lot of green drinks. Although the cancer went down very slow, my overall blood stayed very healthy despite the chemo. My white blood count never went low, my anemia started to get resolved on its own (though chemo makes the body anemic) and I felt very good ( not my own old self, but better than I had in months) Fortunately the anti depressants helped and it was time to go in for stem cell on August the 24th. I went into the hospital with alot of Peace and felt very safe. The day of the highdose chemo I did have alotof anxiety, but after that was done I was ready to go for the ride. It was not easy, I will never say that, but I did amazingly well and was discharged after only 15 days, with my numbers returning back to normal within a month. Usually you have no energy the first couple of months, but I forced myself to eat the best foods I could and as much as I could and went for walks every day, even started some yoga. I am now a month out and last week the doctor told me I am in remission (not full, but enough where they consider you in a good spot) He said the cancer will continue to go down over the next couple of months and I feel now strong enough to be in a place where my nutrition and supplements can kill the last of the cancer. Because I did not only heal my body, but also my mind (yes, I was able to forgive my parents and myself for the wasted years crying over the loss of my childhood) I am in a much better place now. Like you, Fear still comes up sometimes, but I manage it so much better. I thank the doctors for what they did for me, I thank the chemo for helping me, I thank the cancer for teaching me to live life to its fullest, to Forgive, to Appreciate, to feel blessed, to be kind and to help others. They say MM is not curable, unless it stays away for 15 years. I am not going to sit and wait for 15 years before I call myself cured. I am starting today. No sense wondering only to have doctors tell me in 15 years I am better. I swore that when I beat this thing, cancer will never be part of my life anymore, neither my husband and daughter. I am the one that bore that cross, and we all learned and grew from it. I hope my story will inspire others to never give up hope and to know, no matter how deep we go, there is light at the end of the story. God wants us to be well and remember the body follows what the mind believes. Thank you Kris for bringing all your knowledge and experience to the world. Believe me, you touch and help many !!!!! Namaste Cherie
Cherie – your story is so inspiring and a testament to the fact that we need multiple pathways to heal with possibly both conventional and alternative paths. I do believe that deep seated emotions and the stress that comes with carrying them inside for so long definitely contributes to illness. Thank you for sharing – hugs to you!
Cherie, it was a blessing and a privilege to read your story – thank you.
What a story Cherie. Thank you for sharing this with us, you are such a brave woman! All the best for you and many hugs!
Wow Cherie…what an incredible story you have shared with all of us. I am almost at the finish line of chemo treatment for colon cancer and you have influenced me to turn around in my mind how the chemo is helping me to become well again. I too, take nutrition supplements and do the best I can each day with the food I eat. This is cancer no. 3 for me and there have been some dark days/weeks of despair, but something just seems to click in that moves us into another state to be able to continue on. Thankyou for giving us/me the gift of permission to allow chemo to help out. Much love
Thank you so much for this…this definitely came at the right time! Last year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, she’s doing well now after treatment, but October has become my least favorite month. Pink everything and constant reports about cancer treatments, cures, and new research brings back all the fears and it’s like it’s hitting me all over again. Thanks again for reminding me to get away from the tv and computer screen and clear my head!
Thank you, Kris. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m going to practice turning fear into courage by getting into the present moment. Time to move the body and dance!
Thanks for this post, it is very timely for me!
Thank you Kris. I am surviving ovarian cancer stage IV now…. Approaching my two year anniversary from discovery on October 11th, 2011. I have created a fear of October, have come to dread the sight of candy corn! 🙂 …. Your mention of the palette of emotions … Reminds me that I CAN choose to use another emotion this month. You are always an inspiration.
Thank you! and best of luck to the gal having major surgery this morning… Few posts back. My prayers are with you. 🙂