What is Unconditional Acceptance? | Unconditional Self-Love
Why Unconditional Acceptance is Important
How to Practice Unconditional Acceptance
Unconditional Acceptance of Others

Hi Friend,

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a movie star, a fancy photographer, a pilot. I wanted to dance on Broadway (I did). I wanted my film, Crazy Sexy Cancer, to win an Emmy (it didn’t). I’ve wanted a lot of things. Some stuff I got, others I didn’t.

Like many folks, I’ve had multiple careers, five to be exact. Then, I settled into writing and chatting with you. To be honest, I like this career the best. Why? Because it challenges me to be real, authentic and vulnerable.

Those squishy qualities can be hard to share, especially publicly. After all, everyone wants to be liked. But as I approach ten years of living Crazy Sexy style and yet another book launch, what I know in my bones is this: The more I accept who I truly am, the more I shine like a diamond. This is true for you too.

Chew on this concept with me:

It’s OK to accept myself unconditionally.

Here’s your affirmation: I love and unconditionally accept myself exactly the way I am.

What is Unconditional Acceptance?

Unconditional acceptance—also referred to as unconditional positive regard—means accepting that someone is inherently valuable as they are, worthy of love without conditions, regardless of flaws, mistakes, or weaknesses.

Unconditional acceptance means viewing a person—including yourself—through the lens of empathy and compassion.

Unconditional Self-Love Can Be a Struggle

It hurts my heart to reflect back on the multiple times in my life when I felt like I wasn’t “good enough.” I was so very hard on myself. I felt like I had to jump through hoops to be loved and appreciated. Rarely was I at peace with my efforts.

I know I’m not alone because I’ve coached hundreds of women who have felt the same. Funny, the few dudes who were brave enough to share their shizzle with me didn’t have these issues. But that’s another topic for another time. Our girls clearly need healthier messages.

If I could wave a magic wand and globally undo the blinding, binding words, “not good enough,” I would. But to be honest, that’s not my job. It’s yours to do it for yourself. But guess what? It’s simpler than you think.

For quite sometime now, I’ve been working on unconditionally accepting myself. All of me. My brilliance, my so-called weaknesses, even my morning breath and most importantly, my dozens of incurable tumors.

Now some might say, “But if you accept your disease (or your fill-in-the-blank), isn’t that like admitting failure?” Nope-sy. Unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean that we give up or wave the white flag, that’s quitting. Acceptance means that we let go of who we think we should be and fall in love with who we currently are.

Truly, being at peace with what is creates a vast and holy space for healing.

If you need help practicing unconditional self-acceptance, this resource is for you:

Why is Unconditional Acceptance Important?

When we judge or shame someone else because of their behavior, they become defensive. But when we practice understanding and empathy, it evokes the warm-and-cuddly feeling of safety. Safety leads to trust.

Research has found that unconditional positive regard in the workplace was associated with feeling valued, which enhanced their motivation and overall job performance (source).

Practicing positive self regard is also shown to enhance one’s sense of intrinsic motivation. It helps us become more motivated and determined.

When I practice acceptance of every facet of Kris, it changes how I act. It changes my belief in myself and what I can achieve. Isn’t that what we all want—no, deserve?

How to Practice Unconditional Acceptance of Yourself

Remember, stress bleeds all life force. Accepting and honoring every ounce of Kris allows me to rest and renew. From that relaxed and receptive space, we gain the clarity and strength needed to create a blueprint for a happy, healthy life.

Let go.

Fall in love.

Heal.

When we accept ourselves exactly as we are, in exactly this moment, we shift from living for tomorrow to appreciating today and all of the wonderful things that come with it. Acceptance heals. Rejection harms. Nurture and nourish yourself. Here’s how to put this acceptance into practice:

• Develop a connection to spirit
• Allow for quiet time (shhh)
• Forgive (yourself and that jerk)
• Welcome (and tend to) loving relationships
• Release unloving relationships (buh-bye emotional vampires)
• Lay in the sun
• Move your glorious vody
• Eat plants (chomp, chomp, yum)
• Breathe deeply, often
• Smile

Repeat.

Practicing Unconditional Acceptance of Others

Only once you learn to practice unconditional acceptance of yourself can you extend that understanding and acceptance to others.

Think about children. A child is capable of emotions that range from sheer rage to angelic joy. As a parent, you have to practice compassion and understanding of their behaviors because you know that they’re still learning and growing.

You hold space for their emotions. You assure them that no matter what “bad things” they do, you love them unconditionally. And you do.

Unconditional Acceptance is Not Agreement

What about parents? Significant others? Friends?

Are you able to let go of past hurt, pain, and terrible things they may have done? Are your expectations of someone so loft that they could never live up to them?

Now, the truth is that while unconditional acceptance means accepting someone as they are, it doesn’t mean that their behavior or action is acceptable. You do not have to tolerate or agree with bad things a person has done.

Unconditional Acceptance is recognizing that, as a human, they have inherent value. They deserve to be accepted and loved, just as you do.

Let’s Practice Unconditional Love

Each time I release a book into the world, I worry. Is it good enough? And then, I remember. Acceptance. I replace my fear with my affirmation. I love and accept myself exactly the way I am (and I love and accept this fabulous creation exactly the way it is!).

From that place, I can be present and soak in moments like the one I had while reading VegNews Magazine. Crazy Sexy Kitchen received a rave review. Thank you, VegNews! They gushed all over the cookbook.

“With Crazy Sexy Kitchen, Carr is arming readers with a laundry list of delicious recipes…If ever there was a vegan chef fantasy team this would be it … Reading the book already feels like you are at the party with Carr and her compassionate cohorts … It’s fun, it’s edgy … Carr, Sarno, and friends have created a lasting tome that’s sure to persuade the palates of innumerable people.”

If you’re like me, you may get squeamish around compliments. You shrug them off or deflect them back to the compliment giver. “No, YOU are great. No, YOU are more great.” However, when we practice unconditional acceptance, we challenge ourselves to say two very powerful words:

“Thank you.”

As my dear friend Cheryl Richardson reminded me on the phone recently, “Life loves you, Kris.” Thank you, Cheryl.

Dear readers, life loves you too. Exactly the way you are. Today. Breathe it in. Ole!

Your turn: What would be possible if you gave yourself the same unconditional acceptance that you give to others?

Peace & acceptance,