Kris Carr

Kris Carr

Emotional Health

The Power of Unconditional Acceptance

read all about it

What is Unconditional Acceptance? | Unconditional Self-Love
Why Unconditional Acceptance is Important
How to Practice Unconditional Acceptance
Unconditional Acceptance of Others

Hi Friend,

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a movie star, a fancy photographer, a pilot. I wanted to dance on Broadway (I did). I wanted my film, Crazy Sexy Cancer, to win an Emmy (it didn’t). I’ve wanted a lot of things. Some stuff I got, others I didn’t.

Like many folks, I’ve had multiple careers, five to be exact. Then, I settled into writing and chatting with you. To be honest, I like this career the best. Why? Because it challenges me to be real, authentic and vulnerable.

Those squishy qualities can be hard to share, especially publicly. After all, everyone wants to be liked. But as I approach ten years of living Crazy Sexy style and yet another book launch, what I know in my bones is this: The more I accept who I truly am, the more I shine like a diamond. This is true for you too.

Chew on this concept with me:

It’s OK to accept myself unconditionally.

Here’s your affirmation: I love and unconditionally accept myself exactly the way I am.

What is Unconditional Acceptance?

Unconditional acceptance—also referred to as unconditional positive regard—means accepting that someone is inherently valuable as they are, worthy of love without conditions, regardless of flaws, mistakes, or weaknesses.

Unconditional acceptance means viewing a person—including yourself—through the lens of empathy and compassion.

Unconditional Self-Love Can Be a Struggle

It hurts my heart to reflect back on the multiple times in my life when I felt like I wasn’t “good enough.” I was so very hard on myself. I felt like I had to jump through hoops to be loved and appreciated. Rarely was I at peace with my efforts.

I know I’m not alone because I’ve coached hundreds of women who have felt the same. Funny, the few dudes who were brave enough to share their shizzle with me didn’t have these issues. But that’s another topic for another time. Our girls clearly need healthier messages.

If I could wave a magic wand and globally undo the blinding, binding words, “not good enough,” I would. But to be honest, that’s not my job. It’s yours to do it for yourself. But guess what? It’s simpler than you think.

For quite sometime now, I’ve been working on unconditionally accepting myself. All of me. My brilliance, my so-called weaknesses, even my morning breath and most importantly, my dozens of incurable tumors.

Now some might say, “But if you accept your disease (or your fill-in-the-blank), isn’t that like admitting failure?” Nope-sy. Unconditional acceptance doesn’t mean that we give up or wave the white flag, that’s quitting. Acceptance means that we let go of who we think we should be and fall in love with who we currently are.

Truly, being at peace with what is creates a vast and holy space for healing.

If you need help practicing unconditional self-acceptance, this resource is for you:

 

Why is Unconditional Acceptance Important?

When we judge or shame someone else because of their behavior, they become defensive. But when we practice understanding and empathy, it evokes the warm-and-cuddly feeling of safety. Safety leads to trust.

Research has found that unconditional positive regard in the workplace was associated with feeling valued, which enhanced their motivation and overall job performance (source).

Practicing positive self regard is also shown to enhance one’s sense of intrinsic motivation. It helps us become more motivated and determined.

When I practice acceptance of every facet of Kris, it changes how I act. It changes my belief in myself and what I can achieve. Isn’t that what we all want—no, deserve?

How to Practice Unconditional Acceptance of Yourself

Remember, stress bleeds all life force. Accepting and honoring every ounce of Kris allows me to rest and renew. From that relaxed and receptive space, we gain the clarity and strength needed to create a blueprint for a happy, healthy life.

Let go.

Fall in love.

Heal.

When we accept ourselves exactly as we are, in exactly this moment, we shift from living for tomorrow to appreciating today and all of the wonderful things that come with it. Acceptance heals. Rejection harms. Nurture and nourish yourself. Here’s how to put this acceptance into practice:

  • Develop a connection to spirit
  • Allow for quiet time (shhh)
  • Forgive (yourself and that jerk)
  • Welcome (and tend to) loving relationships
  • Release unloving relationships (buh-bye emotional vampires)
  • Lay in the sun
  • Move your glorious vody
  • Eat plants (chomp, chomp, yum)
  • Breathe deeply, often
  • Smile

Repeat.

Practicing Unconditional Acceptance of Others

Only once you learn to practice unconditional acceptance of yourself can you extend that understanding and acceptance to others.

Think about children. A child is capable of emotions that range from sheer rage to angelic joy. As a parent, you have to practice compassion and understanding of their behaviors because you know that they’re still learning and growing.

You hold space for their emotions. You assure them that no matter what “bad things” they do, you love them unconditionally. And you do.

Unconditional Acceptance is Not Agreement

What about parents? Significant others? Friends?

Are you able to let go of past hurt, pain, and terrible things they may have done? Are your expectations of someone so loft that they could never live up to them?

Now, the truth is that while unconditional acceptance means accepting someone as they are, it doesn’t mean that their behavior or action is acceptable. You do not have to tolerate or agree with bad things a person has done.

Unconditional Acceptance is recognizing that, as a human, they have inherent value. They deserve to be accepted and loved, just as you do.

Let’s Practice Unconditional Love

Each time I release a book into the world, I worry. Is it good enough? And then, I remember. Acceptance. I replace my fear with my affirmation. I love and accept myself exactly the way I am (and I love and accept this fabulous creation exactly the way it is!).

From that place, I can be present and soak in moments like the one I had while reading VegNews Magazine. Crazy Sexy Kitchen received a rave review. Thank you, VegNews! They gushed all over the cookbook.

“With Crazy Sexy Kitchen, Carr is arming readers with a laundry list of delicious recipes…If ever there was a vegan chef fantasy team this would be it … Reading the book already feels like you are at the party with Carr and her compassionate cohorts … It’s fun, it’s edgy … Carr, Sarno, and friends have created a lasting tome that’s sure to persuade the palates of innumerable people.”

If you’re like me, you may get squeamish around compliments. You shrug them off or deflect them back to the compliment giver. “No, YOU are great. No, YOU are more great.” However, when we practice unconditional acceptance, we challenge ourselves to say two very powerful words:

“Thank you.”

As my dear friend Cheryl Richardson reminded me on the phone recently, “Life loves you, Kris.” Thank you, Cheryl.

Dear readers, life loves you too. Exactly the way you are. Today. Breathe it in. Ole!

Your turn: What would be possible if you gave yourself the same unconditional acceptance that you give to others?

Peace & acceptance,

 
 
Add a comment
  1. Thanks so much Kris. Your article really resonates with me and actually brings tears to my eyes…. I’m 51 and still ask myself “Am I good enough?”. I would have thought those thoughts would have been gone by now… I keep trying, but really I need to breathe, accept and love!! Easier to give to others than to give to myself… I suspect I’m not alone! Thanks for your words….. as always they arrive at the perfect time!! I so love your posts…. Thank you!! xox

  2. Julie says:

    Thank you Kris! This is one I am forwarding to all my friends! Your wisdom and compassion shine, truly life does love you!

  3. butterfly says:

    Hello! I have lost 65 pounds in the last year, and thought that would make me feel good enough, I have inspired others to do the same. I have studied health, wellness and spirtual modalities thinking that would help me connect to feeling good enough. I know I am damn good, however I realize it is important to surrond yourself with genuine people, the kind that do not steal your shine and dim your light. I notice when I am around these people that do diim my light, I start questioning my worth, and yes these types of relationships would be considered unloving in my book!!

    Emotinal Vampires Bye Bye! I could not have said it better!! Release, Release!

    Thanks for being an inspiration in health and wellness to me. I was moved by this article and it was a divine messege for me to read to hep me realize that I am not alone!!

    Here is one of my affirmations:

    I
    Am
    LOVE

    I
    AM
    LOVEABLE

    I
    AM
    LOVING

  4. Julia says:

    Oh, Kris, this is exactly what I needed to hear right now!
    Thank you so much for reminding me that acceptance DOES NOT EQUAL giving up.

    Lots of love,
    Julia

  5. Jenny says:

    I’m going to reread this daily until it truly sinks in! It’s kind of crazy to think about how we can be so hard on ourselves. I accept my loved ones unconditionally and yet I’m so harsh and demanding of myself. What if I was as equally unconditionally accepting of all that is me, talents, imperfections, the whole kit-and-caboodle that makes me “me”? I think I would experience life differently in a really, really good way!

    Loved the compliment section – that is TOTALLY me! I get so awkward and uncomfortable when someone says something nice to me…I’m going to have to work on smiling, saying Thank You and then truly believing they’re right, I am awesome 🙂

  6. Rod Hemmick says:

    Kris, Thank you for sharing your love with all of us. You are wonderful!

  7. Matt says:

    “Acceptance means that we let go of who we think we should be and fall in love with who we currently are.” Beautifully said!!! Let’s create a world where this is the norm, eh?

  8. This was beautiful and you can feel from the heart. One of the best blogs I’ve read in a long time . Thank you for sharing, we all need to vibrate higher and surround ourselves with people things and relationships that take us there. You are one of those for me, you are using your gift and this is truly your calling. Thank you for sharing.

  9. Kathleen says:

    This is exactly what I needed to hear for the past month and a half. Juggling school, work, a sick family member, and all of the other tid bits in life has been taking its toll on me. I have been keeping it together at the sacrifice of my emotions and self-confidence. I can’t wait to start new tomorrow morning using that mantra in my meditation.

    Thank you Kris. Keep rocking it!

  10. Denise Watson says:

    Spot on as usual kris!!!!!! Thank u!

  11. Ellen says:

    This year’s been full of healing, from the jumping off from breast cancer, and I’m so grateful for and inspired by Kris Carr. Think of Kris when I drink my yummy green juices every day (watch her recent kitchen video) and everything about her inspires. Thanks for doing what you do and showing us all we can shine like diamonds {} {} truly love to all

  12. Alex says:

    Kris …You really are a phenomenal person. You inspire and bless my life!

  13. Jill says:

    Kris, you have changed my life for the better, richer, wiser, fuller. I’m so grateful for you, and your courage. You have inspired my life path, and the way I live each day. There will always exist the girl in me who is afraid to speak up and be heard (and seen), but day by day, as I read your words, they heal me a little more and allow me to shine in ways I never knew possible.
    THANK YOU!
    XO Jill

  14. MaryC says:

    This is such a great article! We need to learn to love and accept ourselves. I’ve finally learned to do just that! I started with the green drinks 3-4 times a day and what a difference. I’ve had more people tell me I “glow”! I’ve been vegan for 2 years now, I had been vegetarian for over 20 years prior to that. I swear by those green drinks!

    Thank you for your wonderful articles, they are so appreciated!
    Peace, light and love to you

  15. Simona says:

    On time! Your very last question got me thinking… I caught myself actually having difficulty with accepting my parents! And I wish THEY would accept me! I thought of me as very accepting!!
    Maybe I need to accept that they don’t accept me (the way I would want to or feel I deserve).

    And then, this resolution came to me: Self-acceptance is a sign of adulthood. 😉 (and personal confidence as well !)

    Good to remember!

  16. Vanessa says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts in this weeks blog. I am currently writing my own transformational memoir and I have made the beyond brave decision to share all of my dark parts…Yup I am scared…But I know that to truly heal myself as well as open the door for others to do the same ..I must speak my truth. Until I can do that with honesty and love I can’t heal. Is there risk involved? Hell yes…But the bigger risk is to continue to live a life where your past is constantly nipping at your insides … I am more than ready to be free from my own self judgement of not being good enough or loveable if I am not my perfect perky self. It really is true what they say…How can you expect to really be loved if you don’t love yourself. From one truth seaker to another..Big beautiful healthy hugs to you Kris!

  17. Elizabeth says:

    Lovely read!! You write so beautifully. I can actually hear your voice when I read your printed words. I love that!
    Forgiveness and acceptance is a beautiful thing. Creates such balance doen’t it??!!
    Peace and Raw Health,
    Elizabeth

  18. Emily McIlwaine says:

    Thank you for writing this. …it’s a great ‘reality check’ for me.

  19. Marijana says:

    “What would be possible if you gave yourself the same unconditional acceptance that you give to others?”

    It would be possible for me to leave harmfull or simply unpleasant relationships without feeling guilty, to be in a bad mood and still feel loveworthy. And simply to live and shine my brilliance without thinking where the shadow falls.

    Thank you Kris! Your crazy sexy cocky style resonates with me! Rock on! Or flamenco! 🙂

  20. Smiling at yourself in the mirror for a whole minute each day helps turn “acceptance” of self into “love” and “compassion” for self. Try it…it may be painful at first but if you keep at it, a beautiful thing happens!

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