Hiya Gorgeous,
It’s funny how easy it is to accept certain aspects of ourselves, but not others. Like, I’ve learned to accept living with stage IV cancer, while also being fully committed to taking care of myself. But, I don’t always accept my wrinkles or my temper—even when it reminds me to stand up for myself.
The other morning, I was sitting by the fire and feeling like a phony. I thought back to all the seemingly wise things I had said about acceptance during my SuperSoul Sessions talk for Oprah—who personally introduced me. No pressure.
I talked about how acceptance isn’t about giving up or amputating our ambition—it’s about owning our self-worth and loving ourselves, no matter what. No matter who comes and goes and how life unfolds. It’s about never abandoning ourselves, especially in our times of need. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we stop growing, it means that we seek from a place of wholeness (knowing that we’re already enough), rather than a place of lack.
So you see, acceptance isn’t about settling, it’s about owning your power—even when you feel powerless.
But, back to the fireside chat with myself…
Internal voice: “For someone who yammers on about the power of accepting yourself, you’re constantly future tripping and planning all the ways you must improve yourself. It’s exhausting! What if you really accepted yourself? Like, ALL of yourself and gave me a fucking break? I tell ya what lady, 2017 would be way more enjoyable. Think on it!”.
Wow. Ok, then. She has spoken. Don’t you just love it when you get messages from your soul? I do, even when they’re hard to stomach. I had no idea I was so annoying, but I’m glad I was honest with myself.
The truth is we can’t be our best selves all the time. We’re flawed (thank God), we’re human and life is our spiritual classroom—messy, magical, uncertain, beautiful, tragic life. So perhaps, it’s best to stop contorting ourselves into neat little boxes, take the pressure off and just relax a bit.
What if you stop trying to be better and just be you—the real, foxy you? Still, drink your green juice but don’t be so obsessed about it that you miss your joy. Still, seek but don’t forget what’s already healthy and healed about you.
As I thought about this, my shoulders dropped a few inches. I felt myself get off my own back.
If I could accept myself (and others) more rather than consistently rejecting myself in my quest to be better, life would be so much sweeter. Plus, when we’re honest about where we are right now, today, (no matter how dark it may feel) it’s easier to get to where we hope to be tomorrow.
So, as we saunter into 2017, here are a few more thoughts on acceptance. They may be worth pondering. If not, I accept that.
How to Accept Yourself No Matter What
1. Accept that you’re uniquely imperfect, but don’t shame yourself.
2. Accept that you don’t love everyone, but don’t be mean.
3. Accept that your weight may fluctuate, but your worth never does.
4. Accept your anger, but take responsibility when it’s misdirected or gets too hot.
5. Accept that forgiveness is possible, but forgetting isn’t—and that’s called survival.
6. Accept that you will make mistakes. If you didn’t, you’d stop growing.
7. Accept that it’s impossible to be present all the time (unless you’re Eckhart Tolle), but the present moment is always there for you.
8. Accept that you will need to clean up your messes, but that doesn’t mean you’re a mess.
9. Accept that you can’t please everyone. You will be judged so just live your life. People who judge are generally insecure.
10. Accept good advice, but remember that your opinion about your life is the only opinion that truly matters.
11. Accept that you won’t live forever. In fact, it may be shorter than you think, so live more right now. Waiting is a waste.
Thank you for this. It is so interesting to me that I read it today at this point in my life – it speaks to me.
It’s 4:30 am here as I lay in the hospital bed following a surgery to put my life back together. Not eating or drinking for six months has given me reason to consider living as who I am right now, today. Reading your post affirms that for me. I would add, accept that you have control over just you, so seize that power, and enjoy the wonders of right now!
May your healing be swift and easy. Sending you extra love. xo
Thank you for the support Kris! I was surprised and happy to see your message to me. I showed my husband because he has learned all about your successes through me. You made our day today:)
“…accept that you have control over just you, so seize that power, and enjoy the wonders of right now!”
Jennifer, what a great quote! That really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Cindy, so glad your were able to connect with my response. One of my biggest goals is to inspire others… and so, thank you for reaching out:)
Jennifer, I would LOVE to make a quote meme of this. Would I have your permission? It’s simple and beautifully concise!
Hi Tiffany, I would be honored if you made a meme from my response. Could you forward me a copy?
Thanks,
Jenn
Lovely list – I like the idea of no. 1 reworded: Accept that you’re perfectly imperfect!
Thank you kris. I am like how can these people have it all together i.e. You, others I read about, my fabulous kinesiologist and it doesn’t work for me. I start to have tantrums cause whatever I read and try from blogs to books to fb pages to essential oils to food I feel that sometimes I am failing as I am not getting to my zen state and ill free. Then I read something like this and I am like “I am ok”. part of that pressure is released and I am getting better of going with the flow.
Thank you for this great list Kris! This one speaks the most to me today and feels very empowering; Accept good advice, but remember that your opinion about your life is the only opinion that truly matters.
Much love from Holland
Dearest Kris thank you so much for sharing your beautiful energy and wonderful thoughts. blessings to you and everyone connected with you in all directions of time! lol tippy ??
Kris,
You may be interested in this TEDTalk by Jules Allen http://tedxmelbourne.com/video/jules-allen/
Thank you, Kris. These words are so important and real!
Thankyou Kris. There has never been a time when I needed to read this more than now. This is actually really hard for me to ‘accept’ since I would be accepting myself at a very unhealthy state (physically and mentally). You see I am actually a health professional who is battling her own private hell of morbid obesity. I cried today when my hairdresser laughed at me when I told her what I do. I feel like I’m in a prison of my own body and I want so desperately to get out. Therefore, the idea of accepting myself where I am now is most certainly difficult. I do accept that I got myself in this mess which I need to clean up. The next step for me would be to try to accept that I am not a mess and that my self worth, all my professional and academic accomplishments and who I am on the inside, which I like to believe is a very kind and caring young lady, are proof that I am not a mess. Right now, I only wish that I could stop feeling like my self worth is connected to what I look like.
A beautiful affirmation would be ‘I love myself no matter what’.
I felt like I was in prison in my body too. Not with weight, but with cancer. But that feeling made me reject myself more. Then I thought, cancer is already rejecting and harming my body, I shouldn’t add to it. This is me. All of me. Cancer and everything. Loving myself through the fear, pain, uncertainty has been the only way to stay above water. That love moves me to make kinder, healthier choices. Fear and frustration do not. Granted, I’m not always successful but this awareness does keep me on the path. Sending you a big bear hug. I’m so happy you shared what’s going on for you. You’re not alone. xo
Dear Ella, I too thank you for sharing this. Additionally I applaud you! Shame wants us to isolate. By sharing you have taken a brave, power-full step. You and Kris have reminded me of my struggle with weight in my late teens through early twenties. An improperly diagnosed serious knee injury at age 19 exacerbated it. Through some sort of grace – the same sweet grace that has visited Kris and which she always so beautifully shares – I likewise realized at age 24 that I needed to love myself – all of me including my wreck of a knee and the unwanted fat that also felt like a prison. Years later, I came to understand that that moment of awareness, of loving and appreciative whole-self-acceptance was my prison break. Turns out, the prison was not my body but rather my own personal suite of attitudes and coping mechanisms that allowed me to navigate an abusive childhood but that was taking its toll. Overeating/inappropriate eating is not a moral issue; nor is drinking. It is an outward act of an internal suffering. Indeed, as Kris states, self-love will naturally set the stage for the healing you need and deserve. Like all of us, you are on a journey and you will heal if you treat yourself with the compassion and care you would provide a client on their healing journey. For me, I naturally started listening to my body and soon eating – once so emotionally loaded – became a non-issue. I have been at a healthy weight for decades by simply eating in a healthy (and enjoyable!) manner (in my case veg then vegan). It is possible. And what is also possible is that you will one day be grateful for it all, for it makes you more human – as in humane. You will help others who were once in the position you were in – by far the best soul food ever! Sending big hugs to you, too! PS When I see people who are obese exercising, I feel GREAT admiration for them and cheer them on in my heart!
I needed this today. In fact I have needed this for some time. Thank you . 5 gives hope
Thank you for this post, Kris. How timely as I am at MD Anderson in Houston for my second follow up scan for ovarian cancer treatment this summer. On the outside, I’m telling everyone I know the results will be good, but on the inside I’m riddled with worry. Reading your words this morning, I know I will accept whatever the results I receive at my appointment this morning. Then I will move forward with gratefulness and strength.
Oh I know exactly where you are. Yes, that’s a good plan. Sending you strength and good vibes. No matter what, you’ve got this. x
I love what you say about acceptance, it is so important. I have been questioning pushing myself outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I feel I have to push myself very hard because I don’t feel worthy. In fact I have been like this most of my life. (result, adrenal fatigue). I love feeling worthy and things are always working out for me and I am worthy to have good things come into my life and then I don’t need to push so hard. What if I wait until I am inspired instead of pushing myself? Inspired action is more powerful than pushing but it requires trust. It is my intention to find the sweet spot here. Any insights are appreciated.
This spoke to me. I was recently diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. It’s so hard to even just say that. Most of the time I’m very positive but I have my meltdown moments. And I need to keep reminding myself that that’s ok. The sadness and anger need to come out. Accepting that I’m perfect just as I am is an ongoing process. Thanks for the reminder! Xoxo ❤️
Meltdown moments are an important part of the healing roller coaster. 🙂
Hi Kris, I have been following your life journey since Oprah. What amazing event that was. You have inspired me and so many others. Through my breast cancer journey, and now after being told I was cancer free for 13 years coming back to stage IV metastatic bone cancer. No cure they say, only pain management, and hopefully slowing the growth rate down. I was delight to read your post about acceptance, as I am still in the anger stage. It has been five weeks since I found out. My mind just will not rest. It is so hard.
Hi, Have you tried the Oprah & Deepak meditation streams at all? When you said your mind would not rest, I can really relate. My Dad was taken ill nearly 8 weeks ago and recently died. I have been like a mad woman with a mind to match. I used the meditation stream (and I’m not the meditation type, believe me) and I felt a bit more calmed and when I walked to the hospital that day, I felt sheathed with protection and a sort of power. Hope it could work for you. I offer this suggestion with love and respect x
Thank you for the suggestion. I will try this. I know this is a process of which I must slowly approach, throwing what I must out, looking for inner peace. Which is very hard on my bad days through a pained body.
I just want to send you love and light. Never, ever give up and don’t take what the doctors have said as the last word. Miracles happen everyday. Keep picturing yourself in perfect health, use affirmations, and take loving care of your body. ((Big hugs))
Accept that God is in control so you don’t have to be. Now exhale:)
You so got this, girl! You are magnificent just the way you are and a gift. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world.
Gosh Kris, you are such a gift. Thank you for being so real. This is just what I needed to read this morning. I just love and appreciate you and all that you share. You feel like a wonderful friend right next door! So awesome to learn from you and to experience such kinship with you as well! ???
Thank you for giving us permission to just be ourselves! It’s so easy to turn away from mainstream media, which tells us we’re not good enough, and quickly get overwhelmed by spiritual gurus who make us feel like if we’re not perfectly doing self care and meditation and green juice and on and on, we’re missing out on our potential. I’m joining you in making 2017 the year of acceptance. Thank you!
Love your idea for 2017. And never forget that the media and social media is a curated experience. If I showed you my full complicated life, you’d feel just fine. Believe me!! Guru I am not. 😉 x!
Kris — your meditation album has been my go to place morning, noon or night. Never fails to center me. Now your message today is perfect timing in many ways. Thank you.
Nothing could make me happier. 🙂 x
Thanks a lot, it feels so good, to read this. Big lovely hug!
2 & 4 were exceptionally helpful for me! I feel like I have to work really hard with my inner dialogue to express my negative emotions appropriately. thank you!
Thanks for the wise words Kris! I totally have trouble accepting a few of these and it’s something I really need to work on.
Thank you Kris. Just the words I need to hear today. As the year winds down, have been feeling like I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted and being ruled by my To Do List. Time to cut myself some slack and listen to my inner wisdom.
Wow! Beautiful post Kris. Love the so much and it is so perfectly timed too. Thank you.
i accept that I am a constantly changing person, moving thru a forest of experiences. My reaction to what I experience varies from the “been there done that” to “what the hell” and every response in between. Hardest self worth response is when someone says “hey gorgeous” or gives another compliment that I readily accept that “yes that is me, thanks”. Thank you sweet sexy sassy gorgeous you.
Hey gorgeous! You’re welcome. 🙂
Thank you so, so much for your lovely videos and especially the amazing meditation album. It is a lifesaver and I enjoy the beautiful ‘Oceans’ music as I eat my meals. You are so authentic and loving and such a joy to listen to – enjoyed the fantastic ‘Super Soul Session’ very much. Many, many thanks. PS. ‘The Truth About Cancer’ and ‘Betrayal’ are very well worth watching and there is now the book of TTAC with the same name. Excellent self-care and tools for living life to the full.
Just watching the truth about Cancer now And WOW!!
We sure have been mislead, Very Very Informative !!
Kris Carr you are amazing!!
Sounds a lot like the talk I had with myself a few years ago. Funny how Great Minds really
do think alike. I am working on loving myself more, warts and all. I`m not big on being perfect,
people like you more when they see your an imperfect human just like them.
Kris, your timing is always impeccable for me. Can I put this in my Christmas cards this year? It seems like for the last 4 months I’ve been trying to “do better, be better” and it really has sucked out a lot of joy in my life. The struggle with acceptance is very real. Thank you always for your honesty, insights and words of wisdom and hope.
Needed that today, Kris, and I didn’t even know I needed it until you brought it up. 🙂 Gratitude, Wise Spirit! <3
Thank you so much for this Kris. I am in the midst of a complicated break up. My husband has been lying and betraying me for our entire relationship, even after I took the chance of forgiving him after an affair ten years ago. Like that wasn’t bad enough, I’m being told I’m breaking up our family and I’ve never been productive to his standards! I’ve come so far with my self-acceptance and mental health issues (anxiety & depression) and I just have to accept that yes, I will be judged, but just not let it get to me anymore. I’m so tired of trying to prove my worth to everyone. If you can truly accept and love yourself as you are, that’s probably one of life’s greatest achievements, regardless of what others think. Very timely for me, I was moved to tears, thank you again.
Oh Cris, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know what you mean about being tired of trying to prove your worth to others. In truth, we only need to prove it (acknowledge it) to our selves. Sending you love.
Thank you Kris, you’re so sweet!
Chris….sending you love and support. Huge transition. You are so strong. Not that you need my approval lolol.
Thank you Melissa, that’s so kind of you!
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This is exactly how I feel! Thank you Kris for putting it into words!
Thank you for this my beloved Kris! I agree that we are so programmed to always “fix” ourselves, as if there is something innately wrong with us physically, spiritually, emotionally. It’s exhausting! I appreciate the reminder to stop trying to Be perfect and just Be. As we are…..right now….in the moment…..even thinking about that feels so freeing. Thank you for that. 🙂
Hi Kris
Thanks for this important message. I have spent years not feeling good enough, fixed enough, calm or present enough. Listening or reading spiritual messages, fb or even Hay House articles can leave me feeling how am I not fixed or not attracting everything, feeling a failure. Awareness of my mind helps me, I am now getting better at accepting that I am a loving kind person at heart but I aslo feel anger, anxiety, feel low at times and can over-react, I am human and can pick myself up more quickly. I have written words to become a book to help others after editing etc about what I have learned after extreme anxiety. All I want to do is share, help and hopefully ingnite something in another. I also know now we will never be “perfect” that is not what life is about. Thanks again
Hey Anne! Maybe you should start blogging like I did. 🙂
Yep. Right there with ya. I agree with Kris…maybe blog your experiences =)
.. love you Kris, you ARE perfect the way you are (because you are NOT perfect, thank God).
PLEASE don’t ever change.
Hugs from me and smoochies from Lucky (black bulldozer lab)
Thanks does not seem to be enough … Your honesty and just being real is what I love about you the most. With all the bullshit we read about and see it is so refreshing to read, you are human as well . Heck we as women are so dam hard on ourselves !! I think with all the weird and devastating things happening in the world I know I have a empty feeling of being powerless and very overwhelmed … BUT reading the beautiful and inspiring messages from all of these lovely people on here gives me hope 🙂 so thankyou ladies you to are rock stars mwah mwah big hugs to you all xxo
Thank you Michelle! Reading all of these comments helps me tremendously as well. So does the welcome response that comes from being real. It’s not always easy being an “expert” LOL! There’s plenty of ish that comes with it and normal life struggles too. So, again, thank you. xo
This was AWESOME!! I absolutely loved each one and laughed out loud about your Eckhart Tolle reference. His teachings changed my life so I know what you mean! You’ve made quite an impact too ? Keep it coming! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!
Thank you so much lovely Kris!! I needed to hear that from you as you are always so honest with your words. I have a history of ‘trying too hard’ to eat right, learn more and take better care of myself and often have weak, defenceless moments, and even days, where I feel I have no right to help others as I am ‘still flawed’! Thank you for putting such a positive and loving ‘spin’ on all of that. Your words speak to me and I will print them out when I need a gentle reminder as to how far I have come and how much I love myself just as I am. Your words will help comfort and strengthen so many as they always do. You are awesome!!
I am posting this list up on the wall! Thank you!
I needed to read this today. Last weekend, I gave a talk – first one in over twenty years. It was just a short one, but it felt like a turning point, and I was so encouraged by others afterwards. Then…this week…I had a panic attack out of the blue in a normally very safe environment, I broke down in tears at the dentist’s office and asked the receptionist for a hug(!!), I’ve had to take some sedatives in the daytime which I hardly ever do. It felt like I had taken two steps forward and then a mountain leap backwards. So you can see how apropos your essay was for me!! Thank you for reminding me that I can always return to the place of self acceptance as my base. <3
What you went through is natural Sheryl. People don’t always realize how much it takes to get up in front of others and hold that space. Lots of energy flying around and it’s easy to absorb it. And yes, self-acceptance is the way. x
Thank you Kris! I accept who I am and where I am at and stop comparing myself to others and what their happiness looks like! I accept and love all of me, and I celebrate all that I have been through emotionally, especially this year, and allll that I have learned about myself, so deeply that I am changed forever by it – and though it was painful, it was worth it. And I accept all the amazing and beautiful possibilities that the Present is pouring out to me in this very moment <3 So much love to you Kris 🙂
This is just what I needed today. I can’t thank you enough!
Love your honesty and your vulnerability Kris. It’s so easy to get caught in the ego trap of needing to walk our talk, and spread the message and forgetting that piece of self love in the process. I’ve been caught in it too many times to count, and expect fully there will be more! We need more authenticity in this world and I appreciate the part you are playing in it. xx
standing ovation! Bravo! Bravo! This is the message I needed to hear! This is one of this Ah hah! Moments! Thank You !
Heehee. Love your response.?
I absolutely love your words and especially your Self acceptance list. I stopped on each one and felt the physical, mental and emotional relief in all of my being, a real permission to let go and relax. May this be my energy of 2017. You are wonderful. Thank you
Much love to you Kris
Maureen x
Hi Kris!
Your definition of acceptance – seeking from a place of already being enough was exactly what I needed to read today!! Thank you and have a wonderful holiday.
Have struggled with low self-esteem as long as I can remember and didn’t recognize the toxic affect of some people on my life. I also feel much better when there’s sun though I love rain. I find it hard to eat right and get my butt to the gym. At 70 and two surgeries this year, bouncing back isn’t as easy as it used to me and job hunting is also hard on the ego. It does help to hear others with the same struggle. I guess it’s the trying that counts more than perfect success.
Dear Kris,
Thank you for this. I so appreciate your honesty, humility, power and truth. Just, thank you!
Love love love when you super teacher peeps share like this. It is so incredibly helpful. Speaking for myself I tend to assume all my favorite teacher peeps ARE Eckhart Tolle…having achieved a spectacular groundedness that will likely be out of my reach for at least a few more years worth of meltdowns lol. Plus you seriously make me LOL “I had no idea I was so annoying” bahhahahaha. You rock Kris. I’m digging this cuz I think my soul and your soul must’ve been to the same support group for their annoying humans. (Annoying said with the utmost loving acceptance). Just been working on that same kind of epiphany…I have my beloved dog to thank. She has taught me more in the 3 Months since I helped her cross the Rainbow Bridge than I’ve learned in years of therapy. =)
Thanks for sharing your soul.
LOVE and doggie snuggles…
Ha! Love you Melissa. x
LoVe YoU!!!!???
Thanks for this reminder Kris.
All of the things I know about accepting myself, but are often forgotten ?
Many blessings to you, and wishing you continued abundance in everything your heart desires.
Merry Christmas to yourself, husband and fur babies x
Well said !!
Wow Kris!!! What POWERFUL WORDS of WISDOM here!!! You are a POWERHOUSE Kris!!!!
Thank you you for reminding me of all this 🙂 Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. Lots of LOVE. ~ Christian