Hiya Gorgeous,
It’s funny how easy it is to accept certain aspects of ourselves, but not others. Like, I’ve learned to accept living with stage IV cancer, while also being fully committed to taking care of myself. But, I don’t always accept my wrinkles or my temper—even when it reminds me to stand up for myself.
The other morning, I was sitting by the fire and feeling like a phony. I thought back to all the seemingly wise things I had said about acceptance during my SuperSoul Sessions talk for Oprah—who personally introduced me. No pressure.
I talked about how acceptance isn’t about giving up or amputating our ambition—it’s about owning our self-worth and loving ourselves, no matter what. No matter who comes and goes and how life unfolds. It’s about never abandoning ourselves, especially in our times of need. Acceptance doesn’t mean that we stop growing, it means that we seek from a place of wholeness (knowing that we’re already enough), rather than a place of lack.
So you see, acceptance isn’t about settling, it’s about owning your power—even when you feel powerless.
But, back to the fireside chat with myself…
Internal voice: “For someone who yammers on about the power of accepting yourself, you’re constantly future tripping and planning all the ways you must improve yourself. It’s exhausting! What if you really accepted yourself? Like, ALL of yourself and gave me a fucking break? I tell ya what lady, 2017 would be way more enjoyable. Think on it!”.
Wow. Ok, then. She has spoken. Don’t you just love it when you get messages from your soul? I do, even when they’re hard to stomach. I had no idea I was so annoying, but I’m glad I was honest with myself.
The truth is we can’t be our best selves all the time. We’re flawed (thank God), we’re human and life is our spiritual classroom—messy, magical, uncertain, beautiful, tragic life. So perhaps, it’s best to stop contorting ourselves into neat little boxes, take the pressure off and just relax a bit.
What if you stop trying to be better and just be you—the real, foxy you? Still, drink your green juice but don’t be so obsessed about it that you miss your joy. Still, seek but don’t forget what’s already healthy and healed about you.
As I thought about this, my shoulders dropped a few inches. I felt myself get off my own back.
If I could accept myself (and others) more rather than consistently rejecting myself in my quest to be better, life would be so much sweeter. Plus, when we’re honest about where we are right now, today, (no matter how dark it may feel) it’s easier to get to where we hope to be tomorrow.
So, as we saunter into 2017, here are a few more thoughts on acceptance. They may be worth pondering. If not, I accept that.
How to Accept Yourself No Matter What
1. Accept that you’re uniquely imperfect, but don’t shame yourself.
2. Accept that you don’t love everyone, but don’t be mean.
3. Accept that your weight may fluctuate, but your worth never does.
4. Accept your anger, but take responsibility when it’s misdirected or gets too hot.
5. Accept that forgiveness is possible, but forgetting isn’t—and that’s called survival.
6. Accept that you will make mistakes. If you didn’t, you’d stop growing.
7. Accept that it’s impossible to be present all the time (unless you’re Eckhart Tolle), but the present moment is always there for you.
8. Accept that you will need to clean up your messes, but that doesn’t mean you’re a mess.
9. Accept that you can’t please everyone. You will be judged so just live your life. People who judge are generally insecure.
10. Accept good advice, but remember that your opinion about your life is the only opinion that truly matters.
11. Accept that you won’t live forever. In fact, it may be shorter than you think, so live more right now. Waiting is a waste.
Thank you for this. It is so interesting to me that I read it today at this point in my life – it speaks to me.
It’s 4:30 am here as I lay in the hospital bed following a surgery to put my life back together. Not eating or drinking for six months has given me reason to consider living as who I am right now, today. Reading your post affirms that for me. I would add, accept that you have control over just you, so seize that power, and enjoy the wonders of right now!
May your healing be swift and easy. Sending you extra love. xo
Thank you for the support Kris! I was surprised and happy to see your message to me. I showed my husband because he has learned all about your successes through me. You made our day today:)
“…accept that you have control over just you, so seize that power, and enjoy the wonders of right now!”
Jennifer, what a great quote! That really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing!
Hi Cindy, so glad your were able to connect with my response. One of my biggest goals is to inspire others… and so, thank you for reaching out:)
Jennifer, I would LOVE to make a quote meme of this. Would I have your permission? It’s simple and beautifully concise!
Hi Tiffany, I would be honored if you made a meme from my response. Could you forward me a copy?
Thanks,
Jenn
Lovely list – I like the idea of no. 1 reworded: Accept that you’re perfectly imperfect!
Thank you kris. I am like how can these people have it all together i.e. You, others I read about, my fabulous kinesiologist and it doesn’t work for me. I start to have tantrums cause whatever I read and try from blogs to books to fb pages to essential oils to food I feel that sometimes I am failing as I am not getting to my zen state and ill free. Then I read something like this and I am like “I am ok”. part of that pressure is released and I am getting better of going with the flow.
Thank you for this great list Kris! This one speaks the most to me today and feels very empowering; Accept good advice, but remember that your opinion about your life is the only opinion that truly matters.
Much love from Holland
Dearest Kris thank you so much for sharing your beautiful energy and wonderful thoughts. blessings to you and everyone connected with you in all directions of time! lol tippy ??
Kris,
You may be interested in this TEDTalk by Jules Allen http://tedxmelbourne.com/video/jules-allen/
Thank you, Kris. These words are so important and real!
Thankyou Kris. There has never been a time when I needed to read this more than now. This is actually really hard for me to ‘accept’ since I would be accepting myself at a very unhealthy state (physically and mentally). You see I am actually a health professional who is battling her own private hell of morbid obesity. I cried today when my hairdresser laughed at me when I told her what I do. I feel like I’m in a prison of my own body and I want so desperately to get out. Therefore, the idea of accepting myself where I am now is most certainly difficult. I do accept that I got myself in this mess which I need to clean up. The next step for me would be to try to accept that I am not a mess and that my self worth, all my professional and academic accomplishments and who I am on the inside, which I like to believe is a very kind and caring young lady, are proof that I am not a mess. Right now, I only wish that I could stop feeling like my self worth is connected to what I look like.
A beautiful affirmation would be ‘I love myself no matter what’.
I felt like I was in prison in my body too. Not with weight, but with cancer. But that feeling made me reject myself more. Then I thought, cancer is already rejecting and harming my body, I shouldn’t add to it. This is me. All of me. Cancer and everything. Loving myself through the fear, pain, uncertainty has been the only way to stay above water. That love moves me to make kinder, healthier choices. Fear and frustration do not. Granted, I’m not always successful but this awareness does keep me on the path. Sending you a big bear hug. I’m so happy you shared what’s going on for you. You’re not alone. xo
Dear Ella, I too thank you for sharing this. Additionally I applaud you! Shame wants us to isolate. By sharing you have taken a brave, power-full step. You and Kris have reminded me of my struggle with weight in my late teens through early twenties. An improperly diagnosed serious knee injury at age 19 exacerbated it. Through some sort of grace – the same sweet grace that has visited Kris and which she always so beautifully shares – I likewise realized at age 24 that I needed to love myself – all of me including my wreck of a knee and the unwanted fat that also felt like a prison. Years later, I came to understand that that moment of awareness, of loving and appreciative whole-self-acceptance was my prison break. Turns out, the prison was not my body but rather my own personal suite of attitudes and coping mechanisms that allowed me to navigate an abusive childhood but that was taking its toll. Overeating/inappropriate eating is not a moral issue; nor is drinking. It is an outward act of an internal suffering. Indeed, as Kris states, self-love will naturally set the stage for the healing you need and deserve. Like all of us, you are on a journey and you will heal if you treat yourself with the compassion and care you would provide a client on their healing journey. For me, I naturally started listening to my body and soon eating – once so emotionally loaded – became a non-issue. I have been at a healthy weight for decades by simply eating in a healthy (and enjoyable!) manner (in my case veg then vegan). It is possible. And what is also possible is that you will one day be grateful for it all, for it makes you more human – as in humane. You will help others who were once in the position you were in – by far the best soul food ever! Sending big hugs to you, too! PS When I see people who are obese exercising, I feel GREAT admiration for them and cheer them on in my heart!
I needed this today. In fact I have needed this for some time. Thank you . 5 gives hope
Thank you for this post, Kris. How timely as I am at MD Anderson in Houston for my second follow up scan for ovarian cancer treatment this summer. On the outside, I’m telling everyone I know the results will be good, but on the inside I’m riddled with worry. Reading your words this morning, I know I will accept whatever the results I receive at my appointment this morning. Then I will move forward with gratefulness and strength.
Oh I know exactly where you are. Yes, that’s a good plan. Sending you strength and good vibes. No matter what, you’ve got this. x
I love what you say about acceptance, it is so important. I have been questioning pushing myself outside my comfort zone. Sometimes I feel I have to push myself very hard because I don’t feel worthy. In fact I have been like this most of my life. (result, adrenal fatigue). I love feeling worthy and things are always working out for me and I am worthy to have good things come into my life and then I don’t need to push so hard. What if I wait until I am inspired instead of pushing myself? Inspired action is more powerful than pushing but it requires trust. It is my intention to find the sweet spot here. Any insights are appreciated.
This spoke to me. I was recently diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. It’s so hard to even just say that. Most of the time I’m very positive but I have my meltdown moments. And I need to keep reminding myself that that’s ok. The sadness and anger need to come out. Accepting that I’m perfect just as I am is an ongoing process. Thanks for the reminder! Xoxo ❤️
Meltdown moments are an important part of the healing roller coaster. 🙂
Hi Kris, I have been following your life journey since Oprah. What amazing event that was. You have inspired me and so many others. Through my breast cancer journey, and now after being told I was cancer free for 13 years coming back to stage IV metastatic bone cancer. No cure they say, only pain management, and hopefully slowing the growth rate down. I was delight to read your post about acceptance, as I am still in the anger stage. It has been five weeks since I found out. My mind just will not rest. It is so hard.
Hi, Have you tried the Oprah & Deepak meditation streams at all? When you said your mind would not rest, I can really relate. My Dad was taken ill nearly 8 weeks ago and recently died. I have been like a mad woman with a mind to match. I used the meditation stream (and I’m not the meditation type, believe me) and I felt a bit more calmed and when I walked to the hospital that day, I felt sheathed with protection and a sort of power. Hope it could work for you. I offer this suggestion with love and respect x
Thank you for the suggestion. I will try this. I know this is a process of which I must slowly approach, throwing what I must out, looking for inner peace. Which is very hard on my bad days through a pained body.
I just want to send you love and light. Never, ever give up and don’t take what the doctors have said as the last word. Miracles happen everyday. Keep picturing yourself in perfect health, use affirmations, and take loving care of your body. ((Big hugs))
Accept that God is in control so you don’t have to be. Now exhale:)
You so got this, girl! You are magnificent just the way you are and a gift. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world.
Gosh Kris, you are such a gift. Thank you for being so real. This is just what I needed to read this morning. I just love and appreciate you and all that you share. You feel like a wonderful friend right next door! So awesome to learn from you and to experience such kinship with you as well! ???
Thank you for giving us permission to just be ourselves! It’s so easy to turn away from mainstream media, which tells us we’re not good enough, and quickly get overwhelmed by spiritual gurus who make us feel like if we’re not perfectly doing self care and meditation and green juice and on and on, we’re missing out on our potential. I’m joining you in making 2017 the year of acceptance. Thank you!
Love your idea for 2017. And never forget that the media and social media is a curated experience. If I showed you my full complicated life, you’d feel just fine. Believe me!! Guru I am not. 😉 x!
Kris — your meditation album has been my go to place morning, noon or night. Never fails to center me. Now your message today is perfect timing in many ways. Thank you.
Nothing could make me happier. 🙂 x
Thanks a lot, it feels so good, to read this. Big lovely hug!
2 & 4 were exceptionally helpful for me! I feel like I have to work really hard with my inner dialogue to express my negative emotions appropriately. thank you!