Hiya Gorgeous!
As wellness seekers, we’re constantly looking for ways to find harmony on our plates, in our bodies and throughout our lives. Yet sometimes, that harmony comes from making tough decisions about our relationships. Some folks boost our energy reserves. Others drain us dry.
In reality, we each have choices. We get to decide who we allow into our inner sanctum (the space where our spirits replenish, our hearts open and our being renews). Not everyone deserves an all-access pass. That’s why today’s post is a meditation on moving on. Gracefully ending a toxic relationship or one that no longer serves you might just be what the doctor ordered.
Life has a much bigger plan for you.
Happiness is part of that plan. Health is part of that plan. Stability is part of that plan.
Constant struggle is not.
While I’m not a breakup expert, I’ve done it many times, and it’s been done to me. Friends, boyfriends, fiancés (yes, I’ve had a few), work relationships, family members—you name it, it’s fallen apart. It’s often more comfortable to stay in the broken places rather than risk the glorious (and terrifying) unknown. There are countless rational excuses that keep us stuck. One of my favorites: timing. “This is the worst time to make a change. I’m too busy, too tired, too broke, too needy, too not-enough.”
But, there’s another side to this story—the one that takes your well-being into account. Is it ever a good time to stuff your feelings and soldier on? To exhaust yourself mentally and physically? Is it ever a good time to operate from a place of shame or guilt? Or, continually repeat the same behavior that created the problems in the first place? Habitually attempting to fix the unfixable is crazy-making.
How to Identify Toxic Relationships
Let’s get brave and tell the truth.
Start by observing the thoughts running through your head. How do you honestly feel about the person in question? When I find myself in a pain cave, I crack open my journal for some good old scribble therapy. I write, uncover, release, write, cry, write, rage, write, sigh, write, nap… write. Try it. Ask yourself any of the following sample questions and then write freely. Do your best to stay open and receive. After you’ve gotten it all out, sit back and reflect on your words. Guess what? Your soul said that—loud and clear. Really take it in. You may need to do this exercise for weeks or months before you’re ready to say sayonara.
Questions to ponder:
- Is the pain too great to stay the same?
- Do I constantly picture an alternate reality?
- Do I need a translator to be heard?
- Is it impossible to make boundaries?
- Am I the only one that is willing to meet in the middle?
- Is getting an apology (when it’s truly deserved) like pulling teeth?
- Does this relationship take more energy than it gives?
- Is blaming and complaining getting really old?
- Am I completely fatigued when I’m with the person and energetic when they’re gone?
- If it’s a romantic relationship, are the sparks dead—end of story?
- Do I smile when I want to yell, and then yell at the wrong people?
- Is the only thing holding me back my fear of newness?
- Am I afraid of what people will think of me if this relationship fails?
- Does this person make me feel like I’m lost without them?
- Do I find myself missing the old me?
- And so on…
If you find yourself nodding “yes” to any of the questions above, you might be in a toxic relationship.
How to say Goodbye to Toxic Relationships
Deciding to end a toxic relationship might not be the same as actually leaving or creating boundaries (physical or emotional). The more entangled you are, the more logistics might have to be worked out. It’s OK to take your time and plan the exit and the next phase.
I’ve found that the hardest relationships to get out of are the ones that are the most dysfunctional.
The stress definitely takes its toll. That’s why you might need some help. Seek guidance from a coach, therapist (here’s a resource to help you find one) or a really grounded friend—the kind who loves you unconditionally and isn’t afraid to help snap you back to reality. If you fear for your safety in any way, please consider seeking support from the resources below.
Remember that no matter what’s going on, you are not alone.
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline
- RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline
Whether I’ve had a breakup pit crew or gone solo, the best outcomes have always started from a place of honesty and humility.
Zero BS. Zero finger pointing. Zero manipulation. And, no last digs. I apologize when needed and try to recall what was once wonderful. There’s no need to force the other side to see my point. If they were going to see it, that would have happened long ago. It’s over. Finito.
Is it always this clean? Nope. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got a red hot temper! In my 47 years, there’s been broken dishes, shattered hearts and some serious soul searching. In some cases, I wish I had more compassion and better communication skills. In others, I wish I’d gotten out sooner. Clearly, it’s not always simple. But these days when my bones tell me to pack my bags, I listen.
Grief is good. Feel it. Heal it.
Will your life really fall apart when you move on from a toxic relationship? Maybe. Mine has several times. And, maybe that’s exactly what it takes to build the life you were meant to live. For the most part, it’s rarely that dramatic.
Remember the real you beneath your fear. If you’ve forgotten, let me remind you. You are resilient. Awesome. Inspiring. Worth it. Spectacular. Creative. Funny. Kind. Strong.
If this post resonates with you, but you’re not ready to change, just let these words swim around and wake up your consciousness. That’s more than enough.
What’s on the other side of change?
Relief, freedom, authenticity, true love, nourishing relationships (with yourself and others), fresh starts and smarter beginnings. Follow your true north. The coordinates on your internal compass read like this: Honor your uniqueness, listen to your heart, appreciate your rhythm, know and be loyal to yourself. When we follow those directions, it’s easy to understand if it’s time to take a turn in a new direction.
Your turn: Have you ended a toxic relationship or one that no longer serves you? Share your story to inspire others and so that we can support you! Sometimes, hearing about someone else’s courage helps us overcome our own fears. Let’s get real in the comments below.
Peace & bag packing,
It’s hard to come to the realization that things may have to be over, for our well being but when you Bebe tried everything to communicate and can get no where but reeling, boxed in, blamed and shamed for having brought up what bothered you. What else is there to do, when every concern is unvalidated because the person cares more about upholding his own character then validate your feelings, what else can you do, when every conversation will have a deflection and before you know it, you know idea, what how you got this conversation or why. When they could have choose to work through it with you but instead, made you feel like you had to believe them or you were judging their character, I would say there is no resolve. It’s at the point of emotional well being at risk. They know what they are doing to hide their true self at cost, just sucks when your the one with so much empathy and sadly they are not. I have tried to express myself with valid reasons only to have them dismissed and twisted to where the conversation spins way out of control and somehow now turns on to me, to take the light of the original subject intended, before you know it,, your exhausted and now feel there will never be a point to communicating any real validating conversations with this person and is something is ever a concern, it will not be worked out together, you will be left holding the bag, borer they empty any honesty out of their bags. I think it’s at that point you say goodbye, or else it will only continue and you will be left being treated the same if not worse.
I’m in a relationship where I’m treated like… A slave. The whip is her tongue slicing my heart with hateful words. I do it her way or no way like a spineless fool. But I’m a sucker I guess. I always just want her back I let her back. She even blames me. I block her and she finds ways to reach me. She says I always worm my way back in through friendship but it’s not true. She is so definite and final when she decides something. But she sure likes spending my money. I’m the best when I do what she wants and I’m a pos she hates me etc. When she decides to get angry. It hurts and it’s tiring. And I’ve had outs… I have. But I always come back when she lets me. Why!? Can anyone help me with some advice.
I’ll try to make this as short as possible. Basically my ex broke up with me twice. He lied a lot to me about small things and manipulated me. He would tell me stories then tell me them again but left something huge out or lied. I would talk to him about it and then he said he cant tell me anything because I hold stuff against him.
An example would be him saying his ex was blocked, by his choice, then saying he spoke to her about something. I brought this up later and he said he never said that and im making things up. Or when we had unprotected sex and he said omg i never did that before thats how I know your special. Then months later hes telling me stories about his exes and that he didnt use protection… thats all I would be upset about is him lying. I never accused him of doing something. I would just bring up what was said.
He told me about how all of his relationships went and that they were never enough. He played on my emotions and I knew this and saw red flags from the beginning, but ignored them. He tried to turn me against my family and gaslighted me. He always said im not trying hard enough and I asked him what his needs and wants are. He said he shouldn’t have to tell me and that I should know. I told him I cant read your mind and you should tell me how you need to be loved because im trying hard.
When he came back the second time he cried and said hes sorry and that he knows I love him and that he needs to accept the love I was giving him and said everyone loves different and hes sorry and we should work on things. I agreed. I already had trust issues with him because in the beginning of our relationship the first time around, he agreed to be sexually exclusive, then went out of town and I found condoms in his bag while getting him his toothpaste. He said he never knew what would happen while he was out of town and wanted to be safe.
This whole thing has lasted a year. He broke up with me out of anger a few weeks ago and ignored me for a few days. He said we should meet and talk. We met and he cried and told me he wants us to work on things and that he doesn’t want anyone else but me. & that he hates that he keeps breaking up with me, but he gets angry. He said we have to find the problems we have and he said he wants to feel more included in my life and ask him stuff before I make decisions. He Brought up when I bought a new macbook for school and he was mad I didnt ask him to help me. He always said im always hanging out with my sister and he would like to be invited to run errands or do stuff with me. I told him I just dont like the little white lies. He finally said he lied about being sexually exclusive (the whole condom situation) the first time around and i felt a huge emotional release. Thats all I wanted to hear. He always said he never lies and is an open book, but he lied to me and never said he lied and made excuses. I needed that from him.
We continue to speak and hang out. Things were going good. A week after our talk he went to cali to hang with his friends. He texted me after he got back and said hes moving across the us for a new position in his same company. I was hurt! I knew he didnt like living here, as hes not from here and we would talk about me moving with him. But he just suddenly said hes moving in a month and is super cold and distant towards me.
I feel like I am being left behind and that nothing he said ever mattered before he got the job offer while in cali. I am distraught and he doesnt want to have an in person conversation for some reason. I am respecting his wishes but it is tearing me up inside! I am so confused and hurt i cant even explain this. my therapist said he is manipulating me and emotionally abusing me and I knew that. My family told me too but he hooked me in so good that my feelings for him are strong and I am still ignoring reality. Idk how to move in from this. He said wed work on things then say hes moving and is so withdrawn from me. It hurts
Hey! This was a beautiful, brave post! Hallmark of caring, too, by listing outreach sources for help in times of need. Keeping oneself safe in tumultuous times is self care and love. Especially if you don’t have someone immediately to reach out to.
Try to stay out of harms’s way. I’ve made some poor choices in life for which I’m dealing with years later. Like, I’m starting from the beginning and I am scared.
You’ll know, either through the help of a trusted therapist and your own heart when it’s time for a major change. Having a “no drama zone” provides some peace. If making boundaries for yourself, start there. Blaming and yelling does not solve anything, either.
Just take good care and know that you are worthy of having healthy relationships. Even if it’s with just yourself in the beginning!
With love and hugs and gratitude …
Karen W. ????????✨
Oh man toxic not even close try caustic yeah 15 years couples are supposed to thrive and grow well this one didn’t it just kept going down down down I just can’t understand how somebody can love someone so so much and after all said and done you can not stand to be around that person I don’t like to use the word (hate) but I’m sorry but I do hate her isn’t it when you are a couple it’s the two of you agenst the world not against each other dosent it take 2 incomes to make it in today’s world well I have been trying to get her to leave for the past I 5 year’s ç be
Is there anyway to talk with anyone outside this post where it can’t be seen by anyone. Sometimes you can google a name and it will show something you’ve posted and this is a delicate issue with me as this man left me 22 years ago and still today I’m devastated. It’s not getting better for me. I would love to talk with the author of this article or anyone
Hi Rebecca, I’m so sorry to hear that you are still feeling devastated about this. You can definitely reach out to those who are more equipped to help you. Psychology Today (https://www.psychologytoday.com/) has great therapist resources for you to get started. You are worth taking care of and healing!
So I totally blocked the guy I’ve been dating for a yr coz I realized thay he’s just using me for sex. And I feel so powerful and free although there are times when I grieve over it and felt guilty for leaving him without a proper goodbye. But I know this is for the best and everything will be okay
I really want to thank you for taking the time to write this article. It help me a lot I’m really struggling right now I know I’m in a toxic relationship I love them very much but it’s so unequal and I hate walking on egg shells all the time. I want so much to ask for my needs and wants but it seems like it was just fall on deaf ears. Promises are very easy to be made in the heat of the moment when everything’s going good things don’t feel right with this person like they seem like they have some kind of alter reality that are not who they say they are. That’s very scary for me too. It is very therapeutic writing this down because I’m watching myself and reading what I wrote. I never in a million years thought I would be the one in this kind of relationship I’m such a strong person I guess I just lost my balance at one point and never got it back. I guess we all hope that magically that other person will say all the things that we want to hear and become the person that we want but I know it’s not gonna happen and it makes me really sad because I invested quite a few years in this don’t get me wrong they have done some pretty wonderful things it’s just the bad is outweighing the good now and I know that means it’s time.
Hey Lisa, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy and it sounds like you know the next steps to make yourself happy and keep your beautiful self safe. If you feel getting professional help would be beneficial, we have had a lot of success recommending Psychology Today’s website. Tapping could be an incredible resource as well as you navigate what can help you feel better. These apps are also incredible in stressful times. I’d also like to recommend some of Kris’s beautiful affirmations that will remind you how wonderful you are as well as her brand new “Bad Day Survival Kit” post which is terrific. Oh, and she’s also got a great free Pep Talk Meditation on her freebies page. Take some time for yourself (ideas here). You are beautiful and perfect just as you are, Lisa, please always remember that (and trust your intuition). We’re all rooting for you! Xo.
My romantic partner constantly blames me for numerous things. It can be presence of my other male friends, imagining me ignoring him, doing slightly better at work, me asking him to commit, making him wait for 5 minutes, not introducing him immediately to everyone around me… the list is seems endless. And after each fight he says that he needs space for weeks or months while blaming me of being too emotional. I am 29 and do not smoke, drink or do drugs. He even kicked me out of our bedroom stating that he doesn’t want me too close. At the same time he wants me involved in this relation saying that every relationship is different. Recently he said that he feels suffocated with me yet wants me to be with me. I feel trapped as I don’t know what to do. Breaking up will certainly break me and staying is a constant struggle.
Hey Shea, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I just wanted to let you know that we’re all sending you lots of love. It might help to reach out to a professional who can help you sort out staying versus leaving. We always recommend Psychology Today as a great place to see what options you have. We hope you find some peace, sweet friend. Xo.
I am fresh out of a semi toxic relationship. I debate back and forth on it being toxic every day. I met a man online, who cat fished me, but we had a strong connection, good conversation, and laughter. So I stayed. I also think it was a huge part to just have someone there with me, as I recently separated from my husband of 10 years. He continued to lie, big and small for a year, and I always forgave.
He would say things that would make me feel like utter shit. I would feel so little, yet still attached or almost addicted to his attention. I dont no when that started, but it did. I only wanted to talk to him, and if he heard I was hanging out with other people he would blow up my phone. He could never admit he was wrong, and always pushed what he believed on me. To the point I got tired of just sharing my opinion all together.
About a week ago I decided I needed to get out. And I did. Not sure if this is considered a toxic relationship, but am I crazy to still want him in my life. Even as just friends, I cant stop thinking about him, us, is it only because I’m lonely in a new town, and have no friends, or did I view our relationship wrong. I’m so lost, confused, broken
Hey Melissa, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. You are a strong and powerful person, we are so impressed you decided to get out and you did. That’s so incredibly tough, please give yourself a big hug from us and round of applause. You deserve it, no one deserves to be treated poorly. Keep your head held high and know it will get better in time. Xo.
Toxic woman – 3.6 years…..at first….she was great….found out she was married and separated…..almost left and should have!!…found out she was separated for over 3 years back then…..she said she would file for divorce…non-contested….she had packet in 2016 after she asked me to do them…..she did not file them….2017…nothing….2018…nothing….told her I could not be with her in a one -sided relationship and that there really is no relationship with her status….she would always say she was single and could do anything she wanted…..told her that was a joke and that I would start fading away from her….she said she would file them and told me she did in March 2019…..got tired of her lies……bread crumbing and she kept asking for financial help when I helped her get better jobs…and helped build her credit but I refused to help her out with money….she lived in her house with her 2 kids and I lived in my Apartment with my daughter and she would not commit to me…back me and I had to listen to others through the grapevine that she was telling all I was her husband…what a shock and joke she was!!!…..and in August 2019 I found out she never did file….dumped her…..cold….she did not deserve any real talk…..she tried crawling back in September and I cut her off and blocked her on all social media and blocked her phone number……she was the most fake and smooth manipulator ever…..I am so glad I dumped her cold…..she was a snake and liar….and I was a fool thinking she would do the right thing…..never felt so good and happy….
Hello, I’m a man and I’ve read through your questions to ponder, they resonate with me. I came across your page by accident, while in search of guidance for how to handle someone who I am in love with but threatens to end everything when issues are posed for discussion. The issues aren’t black and white and they are and aren’t associated with critical core issues. They are usually based in miscommunication. I was searching for what to do or how to handle the threat of relationship termination, but then a reconciliation and justification of going relationship nuclear because of fear and based on her personal fears. I haven’t been 100% perfect in this relationship, but I have learned to humble myself and own my crap and make amends for it (apology). Now, my apologies are being attacked and vetted for genuineness. The scene typically goes through an evolution like this: issue comes to light / attempt to talk / shutdown, stonewalling, disconnect / if I press here it goes nuclear quick / if I pause and deliver space, nuclear is delayed and sometimes avoided / then talk, I find out where I was wrong or out of line / then if I defend it typically goes nuclear / if I accept her reality and apologize through attempts to diffuse and get back to harmony this seems to work, but I often feel empty or void of being understood, many times I’m left with a feeling of: the discord we experience is my fault, I’m consistently what’s wrong in this relationship, the only way to diffuse the nuclear is for me to own and apologize, it often feels like a beat down session. I am a self aware man who operates and is sensitive across the lines of gender roles, I read my bible everyday and use those messages to help strengthen resiliency for myself and our relationship, I’m far from perfect and know at this age (50), I have my baggage but keep it in my field of view as a guardrail. When it’s good, it’s great, but sometimes nuclear. I write this post after a “session” yesterday, where we finally reconciled and I was overcome with emotions and sobbed for 20 – 30 minutes in her presence. I feel the eggshells on the floor, I see warning signs, but, I love her and have a huge responsibility commitment to her through our vows and sense of duty and honor to her, us and our children. We all have a past, but look forward to a future, the conveyor belt to there is the here and now. Just looking for some perspective here and insight. Thank you – All the best.
This is the letter I decided to write to my ex. It’s about freeing myself and loving myself today!
I have decided to free myself from this dysfunctional relationship. I deserve better I understand that you have circumstances and situations that won’t allow you to be fully involved in a relationship and I’ve excepted that. I deserve to feel loved I deserve someone that will communicate with me I deserve someone that will make me feel special at all times and not feel like second! I looked back at our six-year relationship and there were good times but mostly bad times. The broken promises, the non-communication and that “I’ll call you back in a minute”. How about we’ve been together for six years and I have never step foot in your apartment? Just let me know when you want to come and get your keys that you gave me. I will gladly leave them in the grill on the back porch. I realize one thing about myself, I am very angry and that causes me to always lash out and be negative towards my friends and my family simply because I’m not happy with my relationship. I need to heal, I need to give myself self love and I need to free myself from being that person.
We are truly on total opposite ends when it comes to a relationship. I remember, just recently when I asked you “what did we call this that we were doing “ referring to our relationship with each other and you didn’t give me an answer. Chris I can’t do this anymore and I won’t!! Maybe in the future when things get right with the both of us we can be just friends. Take care yourself because that’s what I’m gonna do! Love don’t live here anymore…..Zelda
Hi Zelda, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Self-care is so important and you get that. We are sending you so much healing energy and love and wish you all the very best as you go through this tough time. Here’s another blog Kris wrote that might be helpful too: My Crazy Sexy Self-Care Planner and 6 Self-Care Tips for the Gentle Soul. Xo!
I love you and your team. Your all like having a best friend close by that is stable and talks reasonably. Friends like you are hard to find. Just walk away, when your done your done. No justifying feelings anymore. I have left relationships but not so gracefully. I work on myself daily to keep my tone of voice in check, to try and understand others and knowing none of us are perfect. Life for me is a work in progress and I am willing to do the work because at the end of the day I know at least I tried.
Hi Kristine! What a huge compliment. Thank you so much. It sounds like you’ve got Kris’s mantra “progress, not perfection” down pat. Good for you for being open and doing the work. We are impressed and sending you a “cheers” with our green juice! ?
Merry Christmas to Miss Kris and her whole Crazy Sexy Team. I wish you all health, wealth and happiness in the exciting New Year to come,
Your Friend Forever,
Kristine
Wishes received! Thank you so much Kristine. A very Merry Christmas to you as well. ?
Hey Everyone…I am coming from the other side of all of this. I am the “toxic” person. My wife expressed the possibility of divorce and I am 100% taken by surprise. I have a good steady job, am an amazing father of 2 boys which I am 1000% involved with ie: coaching, scouts, making dinner, constantly playing with them, bed time..etc…. I don’t abuse my wife emotionally or physically…hell I’ve never raised my voice at her nor do I curse at her, belittle her or anything negative like that. I love her, our kids, and our family. I am no means perfect and need to work on things that she has expressed to me just recently. But that’s the thing, only recently has she told me the things that have been bothering her or “toxic” (I hate that word coming from my point of view) about me which are 100% fixable….drinking too much at events we are at together….I don’t drink regularly but when I do drink its too excess and then shes there making sure I/we get home ok which is not fair to her. She says I’m moody and she has to walk around egg shells around me until I snap out of it. There are many many reasons for this which would take me too long to get into but a couple are this 1. She doesn’t communicate with me (talk about this more soon) or show me affection 2. I work with high school kids all day then come home to my kids who require much of my attention while getting dinner ready, cleaning the house etc… until she gets home. A hug when she gets home would probably eliminate much of this stress, which I’VE communicated to her but no dice time and time again. How hard is a hug? She is the bill’s budgeting person which she is frustrated I am not involved enough in. She makes the appointments, gets the bday gifts for our kids friends, she definitely does A LOT. I am willing and wanting to do more and help her with more of this when but we have to communicate more about these things regularly. She is quiet by nature which is an understatement. She has 2 good friends which don’t live around us and which she hardly ever talks to. She has ZERO friends that she hangs out with weekly monthly or yearly. Therefore she has no outlet to talk to anyone about the way she’s feeling. She has a sister who is immature and doesn’t live close by who she has a good relationship with. All of her girlfriends are my friends wives. I tell her all the time to call them to get together but it never happens. In my opinion that is not healthy for her or our relarionship. She works with computers and is constantly on her phone. Introvert yes, awesome funny cute smart witty sexy person also yes. Sexually we could both do better. She goes to bed too early when I’m not ready to and has not expressed to me that she wants to have sex so I don’t go up with her. I love to have sex so that’s not the problem. Again we aren’t communicating about these things. We aren’t perfect obviously but is divorce the answer? To me absolutely not, especially when these issues have just been brought to light where we can talk about them and fix them. Her issues with me have been festering for years and she feels DONE. But how fair is that when she hasn’t told me..literally almost keeping them a secret and then BAM lets get divorced….WHAT? How bout let’s go to therapy to fix these things and if that doesn’t work we can talk about another alternative. We have started therapy and I am hopeful (cuz I have to be) but she doesn’t think its gonna work. I can’t imagine not seeing her or my kids every day. It breaks my heart and I am in tears almost every other day. There is always 3 sides to every story. I am cognizant of this when I write you my side of things. There is more to tell but I’ll stop here. Thanks for listening. I pray therapy can fix us where she can actually admit she plays a big part in all of this and that it’s not just me.
Hi there, Sam, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. We hear you and are so happy you and your wife are trying therapy. We are all big believers in getting the support and help that’s needed and it sounds like you are doing exactly that. We’re sending you and your wife so much healing energy, Sam. Xo from the whole team.
On Thanksgiving Day this year I finally had enough of my boyfriend, after 10 years of back in forth breaks ups, me moving to the other side of the U.S still trying to make it work. It wasn’t a major thing that pushed me to let go, it was again for the millionth time; him asking for something he does not give yet expects it to be given to him. I remember telling him absolutely not and NO and of course he tried to make me feel guilty; but held firm to my boundaries. He hung up on me and in habitual form I called back and he refused to answer. But the difference this time, is there was this quiet but firm voice saying “let him go and focus on you, you deserve so much more than you have been getting”. It was my intuition talking and I haven’t heard it speaking with strength in many years. It has been four days since I have spoken to him, I have detached from social media and went turned my phone completely off and have limited all communication with people verbally and physically. I must say I am feeling calmer, focused, and happier that relationship was draining beyond words. I never thought I would get to this place, but I have finally had enough and I feel no guilt or concern for not contacting him or being available to him. He had 10 years of treating me badly, in which I allowed, but no more 2020 is the year of discovery and transformation of self. I know now that I will be fine without him surprisingly since Thanksgiving he no longer invades my thoughts and when I think of him momentarily, the thought passes by like stream and I continue on with my day. Let the healing begin and let happiness in.
We are all so proud of you here at Team Crazy Sexy! Reading that you feel “feeling calmer, focused, and happier…” is just beautiful. You are onto bigger and better, my friend, and we are all cheering for you. Xo from Team Crazy Sexy. You said it best, “Let the healing begin and let happiness in.”
Thank you! When I came across you page the other night, it truly resonated with me. I knew immediately after readying other post, that I was definitely going to be okay. Yes let the healing and happiness begin. XOXO
You’ve made our day! Thank you for sharing with us and being so open. Kris will be over the moon knowing she helped in some small well. We can’t wait to see what’s next for you! Xo from the whole team.
I have been in a relationship with a man for nearly 8 years which is complicated I thought he was originally single but he said he still lived with his partner but lived separate lives , his partner then got breast cancer 6 months into the relationship I should have pulled away then but my boyfriend didn’t want that he has 3 children 2 of which has left home his son now 20 is still at home , over the years I have carried on I loved him I was constantly asking what the future held his partner recover from breast cancer but nothing happened I could count on one hand how many times he has stopped over we have talked about it time and again but he always makes excuses like he can’t sleep well so would rather be at home in his computer! Couple years ago he lost money in a job due to none payment he was struggling I bailed him out for the tune of £6,000 he then got a CCJ I again got a loan to pay this off £1,800, he is self employed and has struggled to get back on his feet . He then got in trouble with the law and went to court , the man I thought was strong, self assured , confident changed he started saying there was no point being alive he may as well end his life , a few times he would ring me saying it was all over he was going to end it , I rushed to wherever he was and got him to the doctors , his partner had now been diagnosed with secondary cancer on the lungs which is terminal I don’t now what to do .. whenever we have words he threatens ending his life day there is no point with out me , he can’t go on with out me , the trouble is he still owes me nearly £8,000 I feel so lost I just don’t know where to turn , he has had trouble getting regular work so hasn’t paid back any money , I have said I feel I need to step back and let him support his partner but he always threatens me with ending his life , please help I just don’t know what to do , I have a lot going on in my life which he doesn’t seem to be there for me and always goes on about his .
My apologies for the long email .
Many Thanks for reading
Julie
Hi Julie. This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I am so happy you’ve reached out, it sounds like you need some support in this very frightening situation. Would you ever seek professional help? It’s so hard to make changes by yourself, and we all need support. We often recommend people check out Psychology Today for more info on local therapists. Please take this seriously, Julie. He isn’t going to change, it’s really up to you to change yourself – and that is no easy feat. Please believe deep down in your soul that you are absolutely worth the effort in getting into a happier place. We are all rooting for you and sending you so much love.
I was in a toxic relationship till a month back,living with a chronic alcoholic husband,who would be stone drunk all the time,not knowing its day or night,puking in bed and urinating anywhere in the bedroom,feeding him three meals a day,became a task to me,i thought of killing myself many times to end the suffering in my life,but the thought of my son wd keep me alive,he made lots of loans ,sold my jewellery,and died last month due to multi organ failure, im such a stupid person,i wanted to donate my organs to keep him alive,but that didnt happen,since he wasnt stable to be operated. Now since he is gone,im starting my life from scratch,clearing his loans,fighting for my rights and trying to create a happy life for me and my son,i know its a long road ahead,but im taking one day at a time. I wish luck and happiness for myself.
Hi Radhaa, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I am so sorry to hear all that you’ve been through. You certainly are a strong person and it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do – take one day at a time. Having a support system in place is key, and sometimes seeking professional help can do wonders. Keep in mind Psychology Today is a terrific resource to help get support if you feel that would benefit you. We wish all the luck and happiness in the world for you and the whole team is sending you love. You are a beautiful soul and we are so happy to have you here. Xo from all of us!
Remember the beginning and the end. Those two things are what you need to be aware of and never need to repeat. Never date someone who makes you feel bad. They may never have recognized what they had been doing. You got all the blame and tried really hard to keep the relationship together. I remember being in this relationship were my ex-partner laughed at the engagement ring I bought her. She laughed at it and texted her friends, while smirking and saying it was her mother. Later she said that she wanted a bigger ring and eventually said she didn’t want to get married. Yeah it hurts, though when some of us love someone; we love them blindly. I would sacrifice myself for her happiness, I now know that I can’t do that anymore. Toxic relationships will break you, and will eventually make you go crazy. Someone has to walk away, as much as it hurts. Walking away and staying away, remember unconditional love knows no selfish deed. It only know one selfless act, forgiveness.
Hi Patrick. This is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. You are so right about being strong and knowing when to walk away. Your comment about unconditional love also really touched our hearts. We’re happy you’re here with us, Patrick. Thank you for your wisdom. ❤
I have to begin with my daughter of 37 years.
Lived with a guy and his parents and that in itself is foolish..
In this 3 years this man destroyed my daughter.
She felt worthless. Ugly, fat, uneducated, cried all the time.. apparently beat her, and everything else you can imagine..
He distroyed a beatuiful smart young lady… He brain washed her until she had no idea what was real ..
She couldn’t leave the house she only contacted me when she could and when he found out, he beat her.. I called the police several times however because she was a grown women there is nothing they can do, and if we did get her out he would come get her when she was alone, sad to say that because she felt she should be with him.. no telling what he told her.. and he did this all in 3 years..
I have to say with all that.. he took my only daughter from me.. as in a fit of rage because she was leaving him.. He chose to be the executioner.. my only child that I made is gone because of a toxic relationship..
I do not know how to stop these evil people whom hide behind the Jesus card..
Sad thing is this jerk try to say she overdosed.. my heart goes to all people who belittle themselves for a piece of crap person on this planet…
Please people … leave when your gut says leave… Never live with anyone but yourself until you truly know what you are dealing with..
I will never see my daughter again and the whole relationship he kept her from me.. so she is gone and the last time I kissed and hugged my child was 3 years ago ..
I am only writing this to please stop these toxic jealous people.. run and please listen to your family, your friends
anyone else who agrees for you to get out!!!
Thank you for reading this..
I hope it helps someone, or a lot of someones..
Hi Wendy, this is Jennifer from Team Crazy Sexy. I just wanted to let you know we’re all sending so much love and healing energy to you. It sounds like you have been through the wringer and we are so very sorry to hear that. You sound like an incredible strong person and we’re glad you’re here with us. We hope your daughter can find some help soon and live a life she deserves. Please take care of yourself, Wendy. We’re all rooting for you and your daughter to be reunited soon. Xo.