Hiya Gorgeous!

Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt good about yourself?

Maybe it was a big win at work or you were tingling with excitement over an upcoming vacation. Or, it could’ve been as simple as an outfit that made you wanna stare at your tushy in the mirror. There’s nothin’ quite like a good butt day to make you feel on top of the world, am I right?!

On days like that, it’s not a huge stretch to be gentle with ourselves—to speak kindly and practice patience. We might even remember to recognize our awesome selves with a rousing pep talk or some extra self-care. Our negative self-talk is a whole lot quieter (or even non-existent) on those days.

But I think I can speak for all of us when I say that most days aren’t that simple.

It’s usually a big ol’ mix of highs and lows, wins and losses. Then sometimes we’re hit with a really tough day—or a whole bunch of them. After all, adversity happens and stress doesn’t keep a schedule.

On those days, it’s not so easy to be nice to ourselves. The negative self-talk starts to creep in. It’s different for everyone, but I know that when my anxiety and fear take over, negative self-talk kicks into high gear. When that starts to happen, I try taking some deep breaths and focusing on the positive. Sometimes that works, but sometimes that nasty little voice is really, really persistent.

How to Identify Negative Self-Talk

Here’s the thing about negative thinking: The more you let it blab, the more time you have to listen to it. And the more time you spend listening to it, the more likely you are to start believing those lies.

Not only that, but negative self-talk can also do serious harm to your health.

Negativity breeds negativity, and that kind of stress on your system can lead to inflammation, depleted energy, and other disease-promoting conditions.

If you’re ready to silence your inner critic, you have to learn how to recognize negative thoughts. Negative thoughts come in many shapes and sizes, but there are four main types you should be aware of:

Personalizing

Have you ever blamed yourself for the action—or inaction—of others? Maybe you’ve felt guilty when someone doesn’t respond to a text and thought it could be from something you’ve done. That’s when those pesky phrases like “What did I say wrong?” or “They’re totally mad at me” begin to creep in. Your inner dialogue begins to spiral into negative thoughts and your self-confidence dwindles.

Filtering

Sometimes our inner voice magnifies the negatives and causes us to minimize all the positive things that have been happening in our lives. This could look like you’ve been eating healthy meals with lots of yummy veggies all week long (great job!), but you had a cookie last night after dinner. You become overly critical and feel as though your good wasn’t good enough. It’s like you’re looking at life as if the glass is half empty, instead of it overflowing with gratitude. 

Catastrophizing

Do you allow a negative thought to spiral until all you can think about is everything that could go wrong—no matter how slim the possibility? It’s like seeing a strong thunderstorm predicted to roll your way and your immediate thought is, “This storm is going to cause a flood.” Or maybe you’re asked to speak to a group of students but all you can visualize is yourself stumbling over your words and making a fool of yourself. When this happens, it’s easy to allow your critical inner voice to stop you from doing things that could bring you joy.

Polarizing

This wonderous world is filled with a whole lot of gray. But you can only see things in black and white if you’re experiencing “polarizing” self-talk. Things are either good or bad, there’s no room for the inbetween. You strive for perfection in everything that you do and when you miss the mark, you’re not good enough. This behavior leads to a state of constant negative self-talk. It’s falling into the trap of limited thinking and will have a negative influence on your mood.

Do you recognize yourself falling into any of these head spaces? Do any of these examples hit home? Embracing reality is tough, but building awareness is the first step toward embracing yourself and kicking negative self-talk to the curb.

The Consequences of Negative Self-Talk

People who are self-critical and have let their negative emotions rule their lives are negatively impacted by their inner critic.

• According to this journal article, “Blaming others for one’s misfortune is associated with impairments in emotional well-being and physical health.”
• Self-blame leads to a greater risk of mental health problems
• Focusing on negative thoughts is linked to depression

The Health Benefits of Positive Thinking

Maybe you’ve labeled yourself a pessimist. Maybe you’ve allowed yourself to think that being critical of yourself is just a part of who you are. Don’t fall into that trap, tootsie. It’s time to embrace some self-love. Don’t just take my word for it either. There’s lots of evidence that shows positive thinking actually works:

• Positive thinking can lower your risk of a heart attack
• Increased life span
• Positive thinkers have increased immunity
• Lower rates of depression
• Positive people are more resilient
• Positive people see greater success

These are just a few ways that positive thinking can have a positive impact on you physically and mentally.

How Can You Stop Negative Self-Talk?

When you live in a place of constant negative self-talk, your mental health will take a hit. It’s more important now than it ever has been since mental health problems are on the rise from the impact of the pandemic. If you don’t make it a priority to focus on your emotional well-being and stress management, your physical health will go downhill, too.

Simple Strategies to Reduce Negative Thoughts

By now you’re wondering, “What can I do to switch negative thoughts to positive ones?” Don’t worry, love! Here are some simple strategies you can start using today:

Incorporate Meditation into Your Day

A great way to give your mind and body a break is with meditations. If you’re new to the process of meditation, there’s no need to feel overwhelmed. I had a great conversation with Andy Puddicombe—the founder of Headspace—about how to start.

Here are the basic steps:

1. Find a quiet, relaxing place to meditate.
2. Close your eyes. Take deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.
3. Focus on your body and take note of how you feel, starting from your head and working your way to your toes. Then allow yourself to listen to your thoughts.
4. Focus on your breathing to keep your mind from wandering.
5. Allow yourself to be free and enjoy the relaxing experience.

You only need to take a few minutes each day for meditation to get oodles of health benefits.

Practice Positive Self-Talk & Frame Yourself in a More Positive Way

When you realize that you’re allowing negative feelings to run rampant, step back and take a deep breath. If you’re kicking yourself because you don’t wake up early enough to exercise, remind yourself that you followed through every other day this week.

Or if you forgot your wallet when you ran to the store and question how you could be “that stupid.” Give yourself some grace and remember that everyone makes mistakes. You’re always doing the best you can!

Embrace Positive Affirmations

Adding affirmations to your morning rituals can give you a positive start to your day—say them to yourself, stick them on your bathroom mirror, or post them on your fridge! If you’re unsure of where to start with affirmations, I already made some for you that include positive affirmations and self-care affirmations. Use this practice to give yourself a few moments in the morning to create space for positive feelings and self-talk to cultivate.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Are you spending too much time on social media, scrolling through highlight reels, and comparing yourself to others? Even if your time on social media is spent pursuing self-help and motivational influencers, it can be overwhelming. Limit your time on social media and surround yourself with positive support in your home, with your friends, and in your job.

Talk to Yourself like You’d Talk to a Friend

If you were with a friend and they were talking negatively about themself, would you accept it? No! You’d stop them in their tracks and remind them how wonderful they are and that they’re being too hard on themselves.

You’d do the same thing if it were your child. If they’re struggling to learn something new and says that they’re “stupid” because they can’t figure it out on the first try, you’re going to correct them, right? It takes time to learn something new and they need to keep trying. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need a little more practice.

Break the cycle of negative self-talk and treat yourself as you would your friend or child. You would never talk down to them, belittle them, or fill them with self-doubt—so why do it to yourself?

Embrace Your Inner-Teenager

So, a little while back I was having one of those days. The negative self-talk was especially loud and all I could hear was, “You’re not good enough.” Then, all of a sudden I heard another voice, and what she had to say totally changed the game. That’s when this surprisingly effective trick of mine was born.

Now I use this simple method all the time and I’m so excited to share it with you. Press play below to find out how you can tell negative self-talk to take a hike!

Remember Who You Are and Banish Negative Thinking

I hope these tips help you silence the mental meanies when they’re trying to rain on your parade. Because remember: You are wonderful, smart and beautiful from the inside out. The people in your life are oh-so-lucky to have you (and I bet they’d agree with me!). You are uniquely you, and you deserve to be just as sure of that as I am.

Don’t let negative self-talk take over! Download your free pep talk meditation:

Meditation is a great way to stay grounded no matter what life throws your way. My Self-Care for Busy People meditation album was designed to help you find calm amidst the chaos. Get your copy here!

Your turn: Do you ever get stuck in panic, anxiety, or negativity? If so, what’s worked for you? Let us know in the comments below.

Peace & inner-teenagers,