Kris Carr

Emotional Health

Just Give Me a Reason: Why We Can’t Make Sense of Loss (Video Post)

Hiya Gorgeous,

I love the tropey movie dialogue where one character says, “You won’t do it.” And the other replies, “Just give me a reason.” It sounds so badass. So in control.

But control is the last thing I usually feel when I find myself asking for a reason. For me, that question usually comes softly in vulnerable moments. When life has gotten hard, the pain is mounting and I find myself wondering, “Why did it have to happen like this?” I’m sure you’ve asked your own big Why’s over the years, too…

  • Why did I get cancer?
  • Why did I lose my job?
  • Why did my marriage end?
  • Why did that friendship disintegrate?
  • Why is it so easy for everyone else to get pregnant but me?
  • Why does my loved one have this diagnosis?
  • Why do our loved ones have to die?
  • Why? Why? Why?

In moments of loss, it’s natural to look for meaning.

To try to figure out the cause of our suffering and whether there’s some purpose to our pain. To try to make it make sense. It’s like we’re looking to the sky begging, “Just give me a reason for all of this.”

Reasons are as elusive as cheap real estate in Manhattan, which makes asking Why a total mindf*ck.

But thankfully, there’s a better question you can ask that will move you along the road of healing.

Hit play below to find out what.


How to Ask a Better Question in Times of Loss

A few big takeaways:

  • Asking Why is natural, but not always helpful.

When our minds don’t have enough data, they make up outlandish tales that can rob us of our peace.

  • Spiraling down the list of “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s” can actually slow your healing.

During a time of loss, blaming ourselves and beating ourselves up is the last thing we need.

  • Thankfully, there’s a better question we can ask.

By turning our thoughts toward that better question, we can redirect precious energy to finding out what will help us feel supported in this storm.

Now it’s your turn. What is one thing you can do to be kind to yourself today? Let’s share our collective wisdom in the comments.


Add a comment
  1. Shannon Downey says:

    Take care & thank you for keeping your advice attainable 🌈💟

  2. Tammara says:

    walk in nature, smell the crispy cool air, breathe it in!

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