Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Transform Tragedy Into Change

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Dearest Friends,

Like many of you, I’ve been watching the tragic events that have unfolded in Louisiana, Minnesota, Dallas and around the world, and my initial impulse is to feel helpless and hopeless.

In times like these, we want change and we want it now. We want leaders and people with voices to do something.

Sadly, we’ve also seen these moments come and go. A tragedy takes place and it saturates the news (who often exploit it for ratings). Basically, there’s a swell of interest and outrage but often nothing happens. Then it quickly dies down, and it’s back to the same problems and lack of solutions.

It’s soul-crushing.

So what do we do? Well, I certainly don’t have the answers, but a few thoughts come to mind and I’m going to challenge myself to share them. Now, I know some of you may not give two craps what I think, and I completely respect that. You want healthy recipes and wellness tips. You want to feel uplifted and you gravitate to me for that.

So this is a risk, and I ask you to respect that it’s not easy to put yourself out there, even for me.

Therefore, if I offend you, I’m sorry. But if I make you think, I’m not. It’s because I love our world that I’m taking the time to write this. And as always, I welcome your thoughtful comments because my readers are brilliant.

First, each and every one of us has a voice. And each and every one of us has work to do. If we have anger in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we have judgement in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we have prejudice in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we think we’re better or less than someone else, it’s time to shift that thinking. And if we think we have all the answers, think again.

Rest assured, I’m putting myself through the same paces. I’m also asking myself questions like: What fears do I need to face? And what actions do I need to take to help transform myself and my community? One that comes to mind is to vote—at both the national and local level. Folks worked very hard for our right to have our voices heard. Make sure to exercise that right. 

I invite you to seriously examine these ideas and questions.

And I’m sure you’ve got a list of your own. Because while prayers and condolences are spiritually essential, they’re not enough. I’m tired of just praying (though I won’t stop). And I’m really tired of how polarizing honest and necessary conversations have become.

This is truly hard for me to admit, but for the first time in my life I find myself writing people off because of their political and social beliefs. I silently say to myself, “Oh, you think that way? Well, you’re wrong, I’m right, and we’re done.” That’s the last thing I should ever say to myself.

Those thoughts are the seeds that sow isolation, separateness and strife. Clearly, I have more work to do on myself.

We find ourselves in extremely divisive times and you and I are being called to put our best selves forward. It’s going to take an entire societal shift to raise our consciousness, heal our past and strengthen our future—a future in which unity is a sacred value. But if we want that unity, we’ve got to address some major issues blocking our path to freedom.

We need to talk about and take action on racism.

It’s real. And while I never use cancer as a metaphor (because I live it), racism is our nation’s cancer, and it’s destroying people.

We need to talk about and take action on sexism.

Women are not property or second class citizens to control, exploit or manipulate. If we wouldn’t treat a man a certain way, we best not treat a woman that way either.

We need to talk about and take action on bigotry—to see past labels of every kind and into the soul of each person.

Love is love, and we sure need more of it in the world.

We need to talk about and take action on violence.

By any sane standard, we’ve got a problem. Yet working toward solutions has become impossible because all sides of the argument are so deeply entrenched. Isn’t it time we have the courage to tackle complex issues in a holistic way? When any of our dear sisters and brothers are hurting, we’re all hurting. How many more people must die before we do something? Even if doing something means compromise.

Lastly, the energy we bring to this world matters.

And when I refer to this world, I include online comments because we are either contributing to the healing and harmony of the planet or we’re stoking the fires of violence and oppression. Don’t be a troll. Let’s voice our opinions in a way that make people think, rather than spewing bile and hiding behind Facebook. What we say and how we say it matters. And if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it at all. This isn’t about political correctness, it’s about human decency.

Also, by no means is this the full list of what our society is facing, these are just the topics on my mind as I sit here and try to make sense of recent events.

So, while we’re waiting for politicians, celebrities, activists and organizers to do something, let’s also remember our role. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Be good and respectful to yourself and others during these trying times. Reflect on your own thoughts, actions and blind spots, and I will do the same.

You are wonderful.

Peace,

Add a comment
  1. Maggie says:

    Thanks Kris.

  2. Marie Fricker says:

    That was so well said, Kris and definitely hits the target right in the bull’s eye. I commend you for writing something that is so far removed from your usual genre. Thought-provoking and action-spurring I hope for many who have read it. It’s obvious you care deeply about the injustice in our society and our world and want to do something about it.

  3. Dee says:

    Kris this is beautiful. Maybe if we all work on changing our own hearts one small step at a time the world will start to heal in a positive loving way.
    Dee

  4. Shawna says:

    Well said Kris, thank you.

  5. Susan Kutz says:

    I don’t understand where all the hate is coming from. In the 70’s I was in the military and though I don’t understand some of the beliefs that are out there, I took an oath to defend my country and give my life if necessary so that people could be free. I am also a SGI-USA member and part of our belief system is to look for the Buddha nature in everyone we meet. Sometimes it is not easy when the other person has very different beliefs and attitudes. Hating others and killing people who do not believe as we do does not solve the problem.

  6. GEMINI86 says:

    That’s a beautiful sentiment. I agree that hanging on to judgement and bias and anger is only toxic in the end. I think relationships need to be based (ideally) on some level of truth. Sometimes, that’s hard for people to understand. They don’t want to face it or accept truth because that means they have to look at themselves. And while we can’t always live in 100% truth-based relationships (at work, with our friends, even with family members) I think there has to be some level of authenticity. If we can’t have that, then I say, let me put my attention and energy elsewhere. I don’t care how well meaning someone’s efforts are/were. Thank you.

  7. Lauren says:

    Loved it. We must all work to make our communities, neighborhoods and minds into more loving positive places.

  8. Bridget says:

    Thank you for your honesty, Kris. Yes, no hiding behind Facebook anymore. Be Courageous and Be Kind!

  9. Maddie says:

    thank you, Kris. this is touching and reminds to to use my voice in the spirit of compassion, to look at my own demons and flush them out, and to listen to people who have different opinions than I do, rather than write them off as ‘wrong’ automatically. I’m struggling to be compassionate with the ignorance to racism and sexism, but I’m steady working on it. any advice from you will be well received. <3

  10. Kay says:

    Kris, this too is a hard thing for me to do by “putting myself out there”. I have been, quite honestly, distraught over the events. I have a perspective that the news does not put out there. I am the wife and mother of a police officer. I have wanted people to know my perspective but haven’t known how to go about it. I’m trying this. The media, I feel, has been the main contributor to why there is such a divide. When something happens, they are quick to put a story out without first doing an investigation and finding out all of the facts. I understand with 24-hr. news and a society that wants things instantly, news gets reported as soon as it happens. However, wording that is used to report that news and seeing one side of a story is where wrong first impressions can be made. When an investigation takes place and facts come to light, it doesn’t seem to matter; as I said, the impression has already been set. First, please know that the police are NOT in a war against the black society. The last thing an officer wants to do is shoot and kill any individual. Being a police officer is a very difficult job. Seeing things from an officer’s perspective in never reported. They fear for their lives too and at times have to make a decision to protect their own life. I am not referring to any specific incident but when an incident is reported on news ask yourself these questions and see if your news station has answered them. “What was the officer’s side of the story?” “What was he/she thinking or feeling which made them react the way they did?” This a big piece of the puzzle that society does not get. An officer involved cannot comment as an investigation will be taking place, but getting a perspective from another officer could maybe shed light on the officer’s side. I think that’s why my heart aches because when I see how police are being perceived, I say to myself, “that’s not how it is.” Am I condoning the actions of some officers? Absolutely not. When my husband and I see something inexcusable that an officer has done, we are just as upset as anyone else. Is my husband quick to judge an officer’s actions before all of the facts are known? No, because he wasn’t there, but he does know what officers encounter, hence the non-kneejerk judgement. There is something I told all of my children growing up especially being part of a LEO’s family. It was: “There is good and bad in every race and every occupation, but the majority is good.” That’s what we have to remember. Every incident that happens is that “individual’s” actions. Everyone is different. People can be so different from others that are perceived as being the same as them. We all know that. There are angry individuals and others who make your heart at peace. I think I was meant to see your email to help my heart heal. The world is a different place now from when my husband was an officer on the streets and I worry about my son, the officer. He is white and his girlfriend is black. Between all of my children and who they end up going through life with, I see our home being a rainbow of love. Please keep my LEOs in your prayers. Thanks for your positive spirit.

  11. Jill Pelchen says:

    No Kris, YOU are wonderful. Beautifully stated. I could not agree with you more. Please continue to remind us how WE, each and every one of us, must be accountable for the healing our world so desperately needs.
    Have a beautiful, peaceful day.
    xo,
    Jill

  12. Helen Page says:

    Thank you Kris Carr. I am very glad that you shared this. I absolutely agree. Your words reminded me that I have work to do and your courage to share this message inspires me to take action. We are all, both of and in the world and that makes each one of us powerful and responsible.

  13. I’m so happy you’re speaking out!!! We need more brave and courageous voices like yours! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  14. Jasmin says:

    You are wonderful and I love you Kris. Thank you for being you and for existing! My sentiments are so in line with yours.

  15. Sylvia says:

    This needed to be said and I admire you for coming forth and putting it out there. Well said Kris! All of us need to look in the mirror and spread kindness all around, even to those we do not like. They need it the most. Let’s also VOTE!!!

  16. Dawn Meredith says:

    Kris, I really appreciate this heartfelt post, which expresses what no doubt many of us are feeling. Thanks for putting yourself out there.

  17. Katerina says:

    Kris, You are wonderful. We all are. The problem is we forgot that. And we just need to re-member. This is one of the best pieces you have written, Kris. Thank you for that and your inspiration

  18. Leslie says:

    Well said, Kris — very well said!

  19. April says:

    This is a beautifully written piece, Kris. I have had the same thoughts in my mind as well. I feel that much of society looks to politicians and celebrities (which seems to be one in the same to me), to know what’s best for us. I feel people have given up too much control and are not actively trying to find positive solutions. The destructive patterns keep on repeating and are getting worse. It saddens me. It’s time to make our voices and love heard. No more division or needless acts of violence. It’s time to stop feeding the monster. We all deserve to be safe, happy and healthy. I hope and pray that people wake up and help our world to be a better place for all.

  20. Cheryl R says:

    Dear Kris,

    Thank you for this thoughtful and provocative post. Along with your wonderful recipes and valuable wellness tips, your beautiful spirit is so needed in this world. In fact, what I love most about your work is the spirit of light, hope, and presence that your offer. Wishing you the best always.

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