Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Transform Tragedy Into Change

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Dearest Friends,

Like many of you, I’ve been watching the tragic events that have unfolded in Louisiana, Minnesota, Dallas and around the world, and my initial impulse is to feel helpless and hopeless.

In times like these, we want change and we want it now. We want leaders and people with voices to do something.

Sadly, we’ve also seen these moments come and go. A tragedy takes place and it saturates the news (who often exploit it for ratings). Basically, there’s a swell of interest and outrage but often nothing happens. Then it quickly dies down, and it’s back to the same problems and lack of solutions.

It’s soul-crushing.

So what do we do? Well, I certainly don’t have the answers, but a few thoughts come to mind and I’m going to challenge myself to share them. Now, I know some of you may not give two craps what I think, and I completely respect that. You want healthy recipes and wellness tips. You want to feel uplifted and you gravitate to me for that.

So this is a risk, and I ask you to respect that it’s not easy to put yourself out there, even for me.

Therefore, if I offend you, I’m sorry. But if I make you think, I’m not. It’s because I love our world that I’m taking the time to write this. And as always, I welcome your thoughtful comments because my readers are brilliant.

First, each and every one of us has a voice. And each and every one of us has work to do. If we have anger in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we have judgement in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we have prejudice in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we think we’re better or less than someone else, it’s time to shift that thinking. And if we think we have all the answers, think again.

Rest assured, I’m putting myself through the same paces. I’m also asking myself questions like: What fears do I need to face? And what actions do I need to take to help transform myself and my community? One that comes to mind is to vote—at both the national and local level. Folks worked very hard for our right to have our voices heard. Make sure to exercise that right. 

I invite you to seriously examine these ideas and questions.

And I’m sure you’ve got a list of your own. Because while prayers and condolences are spiritually essential, they’re not enough. I’m tired of just praying (though I won’t stop). And I’m really tired of how polarizing honest and necessary conversations have become.

This is truly hard for me to admit, but for the first time in my life I find myself writing people off because of their political and social beliefs. I silently say to myself, “Oh, you think that way? Well, you’re wrong, I’m right, and we’re done.” That’s the last thing I should ever say to myself.

Those thoughts are the seeds that sow isolation, separateness and strife. Clearly, I have more work to do on myself.

We find ourselves in extremely divisive times and you and I are being called to put our best selves forward. It’s going to take an entire societal shift to raise our consciousness, heal our past and strengthen our future—a future in which unity is a sacred value. But if we want that unity, we’ve got to address some major issues blocking our path to freedom.

We need to talk about and take action on racism.

It’s real. And while I never use cancer as a metaphor (because I live it), racism is our nation’s cancer, and it’s destroying people.

We need to talk about and take action on sexism.

Women are not property or second class citizens to control, exploit or manipulate. If we wouldn’t treat a man a certain way, we best not treat a woman that way either.

We need to talk about and take action on bigotry—to see past labels of every kind and into the soul of each person.

Love is love, and we sure need more of it in the world.

We need to talk about and take action on violence.

By any sane standard, we’ve got a problem. Yet working toward solutions has become impossible because all sides of the argument are so deeply entrenched. Isn’t it time we have the courage to tackle complex issues in a holistic way? When any of our dear sisters and brothers are hurting, we’re all hurting. How many more people must die before we do something? Even if doing something means compromise.

Lastly, the energy we bring to this world matters.

And when I refer to this world, I include online comments because we are either contributing to the healing and harmony of the planet or we’re stoking the fires of violence and oppression. Don’t be a troll. Let’s voice our opinions in a way that make people think, rather than spewing bile and hiding behind Facebook. What we say and how we say it matters. And if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it at all. This isn’t about political correctness, it’s about human decency.

Also, by no means is this the full list of what our society is facing, these are just the topics on my mind as I sit here and try to make sense of recent events.

So, while we’re waiting for politicians, celebrities, activists and organizers to do something, let’s also remember our role. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Be good and respectful to yourself and others during these trying times. Reflect on your own thoughts, actions and blind spots, and I will do the same.

You are wonderful.

Peace,

Add a comment
  1. Lisa says:

    As a mother of 3 young children I am deeply concerned about the future of our world. You used the words soul crushing which really resonated with how I feel about many of the issues we face…
    I try to stay in the space of the great Gandhi. “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.
    I’ll continue to try my best to do my part and hope my kids are watching!
    Thank you Kris, sister friend for having the conversation!

  2. Kimberly Halizak says:

    Nailed. It.
    So love you & your inspirational words that we can (& do) live by. What you have written about has touched on subjects that I’ve had rolling around in my head and heart – thank you for writing so eloquently from your soul to ours.
    Much love and many blessings to you and us all.

  3. Tania says:

    Hi kris, I get and have gotten your books, cards, dvd and newsletter. I usually delete them cause too much to read and I blog shop. This one I decided to read, you seem down to earth and I liked it, a lot. I usually lift others spirits yet today I felt despondent. It’s crushing me. I surrender is what I want to scream, but I must show up cause I feel it’s people that are REALLY hurting. So today I’m going to look again within and more importantly commit to healing my fragmented and judge mental parts that contribute to the split and separation. I’m going to love myself even more, don’t know how
    It’s my intention,
    Thanks kris, our tribe IS growing
    I have Faith
    Love
    Tania Sethi

  4. Leesa says:

    I agree, but our biggest problem is government being out of control. We need to look at whom we elect to elect officials who are constitutional. We look to the elected officials to solve all our problems. The government has taken all moral values out of our country. We need to get back to the basics this country was founded on. People need to start looking into there own neighorhood and letting them know they are not going to put up with the crap that is going on.

  5. Kyla says:

    So well said! I really resonated with your comment on voting and working on ourselves. And that our words online or else where matter.

  6. Mel says:

    Well said! A friend shared his experience recently at being invited to a gathering at the Carter Center. Below is a beautiful post he put on Facebook.

    After having spent 4 days at the Carter Center with brave souls from around the world telling their stories of hope and courage in the face of violence, women’s rights, human trafficking, education for girls, racism, deradicalization of terrorists, corruption of corporations destroying rivers and land of indigenous people, corruption of law enforcement and military, the loud voices of dishonest politicians seeking power, and murders of those who care to speak out, I asked in my evening prayers for God’s protection of the unspoken heroes. I asked God in my prayers is there truly to be the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth? I’ve always believed that we are to build the Kingdom rather than poof and it is done. I know we each must play a role in this process in the face of our own trials and tests. I found this quote from my Faith:

    “Think ye, O My Servants, that the Hand of My all-encompassing, My overshadowing, and transcendent sovereignty is chained up, that the flow of Mine ancient, My ceaseless, and all-pervasive mercy is checked, or that the clouds of My sublime and unsurpassed favours have ceased to rain their gifts upon men? Can ye imagine that the wondrous works that have proclaimed My divine and resistless power are withdrawn, or that the potency of My will and purpose hath been deterred from directing the destinies of mankind?” — Gleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah

    Thank you to all those amazing women and men who shared their time telling of their tireless efforts for the betterment of humanity!

    With all of the noise around us my heart is uplifted by your courage!

  7. KatV says:

    Very well said!

  8. melissa says:

    Thank you for this post Kris. I recently deleted my facebook account as after an inventory for how it made me feel, I realized that I felt very sad and angry every time I had a little session 🙂 It is my belief that we need to create a new platform for staying in touch with our loved ones and that we also need to do a better job of receiving our news from a reputable source. For me facebook has become a place of anger, aggression, and false accusations and I believe that we can all get our message out there in a kinder more understanding manner. While part of me felt it my duty to stay on to help promote love and peace, I decided to take the time I spent surfing the internet and put all that love and peace into the people standing right in front of me; in my home, my workplace, and my larger community.
    Again thank you for putting yourself out there to deliver this message, it is timely, encouraging, and spot on! xoxo

  9. Carolyn Landry says:

    I completely agree with you, thank you for having the courage to say it.

  10. Deborah says:

    I agree. I know I go off like an insane person when I’m confronted by yet another animal abuser. What comes out of my mouth, or my keyboard, is enough to scare even me sometimes. Confronting evil like that sure brings out the demonic in me too, to use religious jargon. It’s even more difficult for me because I used to be VERY spiritual and about 6 or 7 years ago just could no longer sustain it and became an atheist. Talk about feeling alone. Dealing with all this in the world without having a “god” to talk to is very isolating but I can no longer argue with archeological finds and ancient documents. The “god” of my childhood simply doesn’t exist. And that is still a hard pill to swallow.

    If we are going to see a change in this world it is up to us and us alone. WE have to BE the change, as a wise man once said. The thing is sometimes people won’t change because they can’t SEE the need to. Sometimes you have to SHOW them what they’re missing. Their blind spot. And mirroring is a really good way to accomplish that. So not every negative comment out there is trolling. To judge the judgers makes you one of them. (Besides we ALL judge. It’s a function of the BRAIN.) I know I have mirrored a mindset I find revolting to those with that mindset to show them how offensive it is. I doubt anyone sees that that is what I’m dong but I’m OK with being judged. I’ll take one for the team any day.

    We need practical solutions not pie in the sky wishes and dreams. There is no Santa Claus coming to make everything nice nice. WE have to do it. We and we ALONE. I realize my viewpoint could offend and that I am definitely in the minority. I also know that I have just as much of a right to share my true feelings and thoughts as anyone else does so…. I share. If you feel angry, don’t cover it up with fairy dust. Anger is a great motivator. Just don’t stew in it or use it to be cruel to an innocent being. Anger should hit it’s mark and nothing else. Focus. On the other side of that is forgiveness. We’re taught not to express our anger so some may need to forgive themselves. I don’t have that problem. 🙂

    Anger for me is a creative process that can affect change quicker than any other emotion. When you’ve had enough, stand up and say I have had enough! THAT is how I feel about current events. I don’t want to talk about guns anymore. The time for talk is over. I want them off the streets period. End of story. And I will do whatever I have to do to do MY part in making that happen. Even if it means being ugly for a minute. Intent is everything.

    So please don’t wallow in delusion. “Good” people get angry AND express it. “Good” people have limits. Repression and role-playing does not a “good person” make. And it sure hasn’t affected change at any point in history. “Good” boys and girls fade into the background. It takes the one who rises up and says, “That is it! I am done! I have had enough! ENOUGH!!”

  11. Stephanie Hickson says:

    Thank you, Kris, for your thoughtful contribution in a not-so-conscious world. You are an inspiration as always in all things.

  12. Julie says:

    The peaceful, loving and compassionate firecracker that you are shines through out this post. You bring the flame to all of us that will spark and ignite the light we all must shine to heal this world we live in. We can not wait for others to mend the suffering, oppression and hate on our planet. We must be the change, shift our thoughts, speak with love and find compassion for all living beings.
    Big sparkling love to you for leading the charge….I will follow, I will lead and love will shine through.

  13. Kelly H-Y says:

    Perfectly, beautifully stated.

  14. Vicki says:

    Kris, beautiful words from a beautiful woman. If you were running for president or any political office, I would vote for you. God bless you dear Kris and all you do for so many.

  15. Rosie says:

    If more of us speak up in this way it will help the healing process. Thank you Kris. We are a global community and need to rise together. . Irish Rose…!

  16. Carol says:

    Kris – we all need to dig a little deeper and examine ourselves. Our great USA needs to heal. Do not ever be afraid to put our voice out there. Remember what complacency did in the 1930’s, with the rise of Hitler? Too many people were afraid to speak out. What kind of hatred in our country will spread if we do not speak out and encourage one another to stop the hate, stop the violence, teach respect, etc. Continue to use your powerful voice Kris. Thank you.

  17. Shirley says:

    Thank you for sharing. I agree with you!

  18. Ren says:

    Love you Kris – and very well said. I hope this reaches so many who might not otherwise see this kind of message. xoxo

  19. Katje Wagner says:

    Thank you Kris for finding your courage and using your power to speak to these divisive issues. Health is not only a personal experience – what I eat, how I think, etc. Health is a shared LIVED experience – how we feel in our world, the oppression and suppression we experience, impacts our health as well – all the moreso if our experience as a woman, person of color and/or LGBTQ person (among other experiences) is marginalized, dismissed, or threatened. I’m sure you have a diverse audience of followers…I for one feel all the more seen, spoken to and embraced when you bring these issues into the conversation of health. Thank you.

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