Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Transform Tragedy Into Change

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Dearest Friends,

Like many of you, I’ve been watching the tragic events that have unfolded in Louisiana, Minnesota, Dallas and around the world, and my initial impulse is to feel helpless and hopeless.

In times like these, we want change and we want it now. We want leaders and people with voices to do something.

Sadly, we’ve also seen these moments come and go. A tragedy takes place and it saturates the news (who often exploit it for ratings). Basically, there’s a swell of interest and outrage but often nothing happens. Then it quickly dies down, and it’s back to the same problems and lack of solutions.

It’s soul-crushing.

So what do we do? Well, I certainly don’t have the answers, but a few thoughts come to mind and I’m going to challenge myself to share them. Now, I know some of you may not give two craps what I think, and I completely respect that. You want healthy recipes and wellness tips. You want to feel uplifted and you gravitate to me for that.

So this is a risk, and I ask you to respect that it’s not easy to put yourself out there, even for me.

Therefore, if I offend you, I’m sorry. But if I make you think, I’m not. It’s because I love our world that I’m taking the time to write this. And as always, I welcome your thoughtful comments because my readers are brilliant.

First, each and every one of us has a voice. And each and every one of us has work to do. If we have anger in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we have judgement in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we have prejudice in our hearts, it’s time to look at it and heal it. If we think we’re better or less than someone else, it’s time to shift that thinking. And if we think we have all the answers, think again.

Rest assured, I’m putting myself through the same paces. I’m also asking myself questions like: What fears do I need to face? And what actions do I need to take to help transform myself and my community? One that comes to mind is to vote—at both the national and local level. Folks worked very hard for our right to have our voices heard. Make sure to exercise that right. 

I invite you to seriously examine these ideas and questions.

And I’m sure you’ve got a list of your own. Because while prayers and condolences are spiritually essential, they’re not enough. I’m tired of just praying (though I won’t stop). And I’m really tired of how polarizing honest and necessary conversations have become.

This is truly hard for me to admit, but for the first time in my life I find myself writing people off because of their political and social beliefs. I silently say to myself, “Oh, you think that way? Well, you’re wrong, I’m right, and we’re done.” That’s the last thing I should ever say to myself.

Those thoughts are the seeds that sow isolation, separateness and strife. Clearly, I have more work to do on myself.

We find ourselves in extremely divisive times and you and I are being called to put our best selves forward. It’s going to take an entire societal shift to raise our consciousness, heal our past and strengthen our future—a future in which unity is a sacred value. But if we want that unity, we’ve got to address some major issues blocking our path to freedom.

We need to talk about and take action on racism.

It’s real. And while I never use cancer as a metaphor (because I live it), racism is our nation’s cancer, and it’s destroying people.

We need to talk about and take action on sexism.

Women are not property or second class citizens to control, exploit or manipulate. If we wouldn’t treat a man a certain way, we best not treat a woman that way either.

We need to talk about and take action on bigotry—to see past labels of every kind and into the soul of each person.

Love is love, and we sure need more of it in the world.

We need to talk about and take action on violence.

By any sane standard, we’ve got a problem. Yet working toward solutions has become impossible because all sides of the argument are so deeply entrenched. Isn’t it time we have the courage to tackle complex issues in a holistic way? When any of our dear sisters and brothers are hurting, we’re all hurting. How many more people must die before we do something? Even if doing something means compromise.

Lastly, the energy we bring to this world matters.

And when I refer to this world, I include online comments because we are either contributing to the healing and harmony of the planet or we’re stoking the fires of violence and oppression. Don’t be a troll. Let’s voice our opinions in a way that make people think, rather than spewing bile and hiding behind Facebook. What we say and how we say it matters. And if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, don’t say it at all. This isn’t about political correctness, it’s about human decency.

Also, by no means is this the full list of what our society is facing, these are just the topics on my mind as I sit here and try to make sense of recent events.

So, while we’re waiting for politicians, celebrities, activists and organizers to do something, let’s also remember our role. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Be good and respectful to yourself and others during these trying times. Reflect on your own thoughts, actions and blind spots, and I will do the same.

You are wonderful.

Peace,

Add a comment
  1. Lori says:

    Thank you for being brave, Kris, to step out of your comfort zone and share your positive philosophical thoughts. I agree with your positions 100%, We all have more power than we know, when we unite for positive change.

  2. Pam Russell says:

    Brilliantly said. Thank you, Kris. I hereby promise to do my part.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you for this post Kris! I find myself really struggling these days; it is hard to remember we come from love when there seems to be so much hate and fear and anger in the world. I think you’ve written beautifully. I’m not sure what I can do to effect change, but I find myself being more conscious of how I talk and what I say (even ‘common’ expressions that people think nothing of can actually be quite polarizing!) and I actively seek out expressions of love and peace and togetherness that exist in the world. So I also would like to thank you for being part of that, reminding me that it is not all doom and gloom – that there still exists such grace in the world.

  4. Sam says:

    Thank you for writing this blog. I feel the same. I live in the UK and there is a huge divide between political views recently which is bringing up all the issues you are talking about. I’m hoping good will come out of this in the end but we have to make the first moves of bringing healing to our planet. With enough conscious people I believe we can X

  5. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you so much for saying what I needed to hear. I’ve become so judgmental against those that don’t think like I do, and there’s nothing good that can come from that- it’s just divisive and more of what we already have too much of: the “us against them” mentality. Thanks for the reminder that the only way to win this is with love and compassion. I have some inner work to do, so that hopefully with my peaceful, brave demeanor (less angry and accusatory than I have been) I can be a better facilitator for change. Your writing affected my heart deeply. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  6. I A says:

    Yes. Thank you Kris. Though, as a black person, I have had to cut people off who are racist but have been in my life because “you aren’t like the others.” They are harmful to me. But, to save my own life, I then have to transform the rage and anger into something useful.
    Kris, I think you are wonderful. Thank you again.

  7. Michelle says:

    Yes.

  8. Megan K. says:

    Thank you so much for courageously and articulately sharing the thoughts of, what I hope are, the majority of people. If we all can show respect for others in our day to day actions, those examples will surely turn the tide of violence.

  9. Amber says:

    “We are the ones we have been waiting for” Holy shit brilliant!!
    That shook me to my core and I THANK YOU for sharing!!!
    XO

  10. Beth says:

    Thank you Kris for sharing with clarity and great compassion your thoughts. It’s a ripple effect. Let’s let love ripple and let it begin with me, you, all of us. <3

  11. Tereleigh says:

    Thank you for putting yourself out there. We need people like you with spheres of influence to help create an “entire societal shift.”

  12. Melanie says:

    Perfectly said Kris!! ❤️❤️❤️????

  13. Avi says:

    PS: Bring a military draft on for both males and females and see how fast things will change when everyone is vested in our country vs. current volunteers of folk that love war, immigrants looking to fast track citizenship, students desiring education benefits and poor people having no where to work. Just a passing thought.

  14. Amy Crull says:

    Beautifully said. So glad you wrote that. Thank you.

  15. Susan says:

    Thank you, Kris. Having lived thru personal tragedy and feeling alone, unsupported, and misunderstood, I get how people can become isolated, hateful, and desperate. I became that way even when, before my tragedy, I was the most loving person in the world. Tragedy easily divides us, causing a chasm between would-be friends, neighbors, colleagues, family and friends, church members, you name it… I had to get to a point where I consciously allowed tragedy to unite us (me and my peeps) instead of divide us. And, for me, that all started and ended with talking about it, refusing to stay isolated.

    How is it even possible that we live in a world where people are getting shot dead, in front of children and loved ones, for reaching for an ID when asked, or asphyxiated when thought to be selling cigs to minors. And how can we even live in a world where people are not held accountable for those actions? We want peace, and we want justice when that desire for, and right to, peace is not honored.

    The police in Dallas should never have been killed – that was a horrid, ugly, desperate crime that took innocent lives and created a wake of destruction. But is anyone surprised by it given the violent killings of black men by white police officers? Didn’t we know this was coming? It has to stop. On both sides, it has to stop. Every life is a gift, everyone is valuable and precious and in need of protection and justice and peace. Maybe we unite instead of divide, and maybe it starts and ends by talking about it. Maybe that is our action. Talking and loving. I don’t know, but I think it is worth a try.

  16. Anne says:

    Thank you for all your thoughts, that took a lot of your time and effort to express. You tackled the hard. You inspire me always. A full body yes to all your pleas. Btw, I am working on the garden to grow more to eat thanks to your various posts. Thank you for your honesty and true insight. YOU are wonderful.

  17. Caroline says:

    Well said Kris. Here in the UK we have huge disunity stoked up by Brexit. While different, there are similarities to the USA as immigration and race are a big part of the argument. It seems as though it is a very angry time across the world. Only we, as individuals, can change this – by looking into our hearts and catching ourselves when we make prejudiced judgement on others by looking at their labels and not their humanity.

  18. Debbie says:

    Thank you Kris I was feeling so much anger but your words make me feel different we all do need to work on ourselves one by one then we can work on getting along and respecting eachother.

  19. Edna says:

    Yes Kris it isn’t enough to just pray, we have to live in harmony with our prayers. We cannot pray for peace and then act violently, or pray for love of neighbor then hate our neighbor. There is one prayer that I personally look forward to being answered, that is found in Matthew 6:9,10 which in part says: ‘Let your kingdom come. Let your will take place, as in heaven, also upon the earth.’ Just imagine how wonderful life will be then. A heavenly government with Christ as ruler! Things being done right here like is done in heaven! No violence, no hatred, animals at peace, no harm to anyone or anything! Revelation 21: 3,4 ; Isaiah chapter 11 for more scriptural thoughts and answers to life’s big questions, please visit jw.org
    Thank you for your thoughts… Have a beautiful day.

  20. Avi says:

    Hi sweet friend, The only wrong thing to do is nothing. Racial Conditioning is a dis-ease. It has existed individually and institutionally for long time. I participated in workshop on racial conditioning and it helped a lot. Take for instance in Florida we had Sambo restaurants (now Denny’s), we have Aunt Jemima pancakes, Uncle Ben’s converted rice. We have one month of black history month and one month of hispanic history month, etc., etc. We have the little ol’ lady at the ATM smiling at muscle white men while they are passing behind her and moving her pocketbook to other side when a person of color, even a teenage child of color pass. We have for profit prisons that incarcerate minor drug offenses while white color crime in our banking system is rewarded and not penalized for crimes. We in USA are number one arms exporter and then we wonder when our karma shows up in our school tragedies. We have a government for the money, lobbyist and highest bidder. Not a government of the people. Noam Chomsky in his documentary presents his observation of our original constitution and what was left out by the wealthy folks that declared that constitution. So geez, thank you almighty powers to give us a month and screw us the other eleven months. I personally look for merits in a person. That is most important to my beingness. We have PhD’s that do not have a clue to helping themselves and become Pied Pipper followers. USA is a young country that has a lot to learn. See Michael Moore’s documentary ‘Where Next to Invade.’ And now we have leaders constantly playing the ‘FEAR’ card and heck with running country proper. I prefer ‘Wisdom, Love and Generosity vs. Ignorance, Hate and Greed. Our young folk want change in USA. Why else would they desire an ol’ white secular Jew to lead our country. And black folk bought into the business as usual ‘black leadership ol’ school’ leaders of not supporting Bernie after all he has taken action in regarding race and veteran issues. ALL LOVE! 🙂

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