Kris Carr


Self-Parenting Helps Build Good Habits (Video Post)

Hiya Gorgeous!

If you’re struggling to make good habits stick, you’re in the right place.

If you’re frustrated because—try as you might—you can’t seem to hit your goals, you’re in the right place.

If your old habits keep creeping up to bite you in the rear, you’re in the right place.

Or if you’re simply curious about what self-parenting is, you’re in the right place, too!

Like any good goal, let’s start at the end and work our way back. Your life today is essentially the sum of your habits, and your habits are the small decisions you make and actions you take every day (James Clear, author, Atomic Habits). Habits are thought processes and behaviors that we do on autopilot and we don’t even have to think about doing them. 

Here’s something surprising about creating habits! When we form a new one, our brains don’t store it in the same area where our decisions live (source). Here’s an example: I can have entire conversations with my bestie while driving a steel box on wheels, and safely get from home to Whole Foods without even thinking about it. 

But how can we make habits that work for health, or relational, or financial goals? 

Goals are not achievable without taking tiny turtle steps. Consistency, boundaries, structure, and discipline make up the foundation we need to make it happen. And the only way we can give ourselves the best chance to succeed is if we lovingly parent ourselves with containers to grow in. The systems we design and the self-parenting we do is what will guide us to achieve our goals.

If you’re having difficulty getting there, I want to share this video with you.

Reach Your Goals with Good Parenting

Read the transcript here…

Kris Carr: So I want to talk about—before we kick off, how to create, habit challenge for yourself—I want to talk about the idea of parenting yourself. Okay. Many of you are parents, or you remember having parents. You know what I mean? We all have parents. And one of the most important things that I think a parent can do for us when we’re children is to help establish loving boundaries. So like a loving container. And that container is something that we can continue to grow in.

For example, let’s say a loving boundary would be to teach your children sleep training habits, right? So putting them to sleep at a regular time, making sure they’re getting enough rest, making sure that they have enough energy. Because we all know what happens when we’re exhausted. And it’s even more difficult when you’re a child, like they’re just not stress hearty, they have no idea how to contain how crappy they feel because they need the sleep, right? So as parents, we have this opportunity to create these loving guardrails, to create a container, to create consistency, to create boundaries.

Another thing we would do as parents is to make sure that our children are nourished, that they have healthy foods. So that they’re not just running on sugar all the time and feeling really hyper or frazzled or, you know, all the things that we feel when we’re jacked up on sugar that are even worse when we’re children. Okay.

So why do I bring that up? Because we all have this opportunity to parent ourselves at any time. And I don’t know about you, but I feel like once I became an adult and I was out of the home, out of that loving container where there were strong, loving boundaries, where there was discipline, where there was structure, it was a little bit of a free for all. Like, oh my gosh, I’m an adult. I can do anything I want now, which was really exciting, right? There’s nobody around to tell me that I can’t do something—if I want to stay up late, if I want to have tons of sugar, I want to drink too much wine—I can do that because I’m an adult!

Yes, and. Yes, and we still need to lovingly parent ourselves. We still need containers. We still need structure. We still need healthy boundaries. We still need some discipline. So when we think about recommitting to ourselves, I also want you to think about it through the lens of parenting yourself with a whole lot of love. Because you and I both know that we thrive when we feel good. We thrive when we have some structure. We thrive when we’re taking care of ourselves. It doesn’t have to be all-encompassing. It doesn’t have to be onerous. It doesn’t have to make us feel like we’re deprived, and these rules stink! None of that. But it does have to come from that place of, look, I love you and that’s why I’m going to make sure that you are set up for success so that you can feel your best.

Okay, so we forget this, and life is all about forgetting and remembering and forgetting and remembering. But one of the things that can happen when we forget—we forget our power, we forget how to care for ourselves, maybe we forget how to set ourselves up for success so that we thrive—is we get really hard on ourselves, right? We’re hard on ourselves because we didn’t reach the goal. We’re hard on ourselves because we’re not, at the weight we want to be at, so forth and so on. You know, the example in your own life and you probably, if you’re like me, know what it feels like to start to beat yourself up. I set this goal. I didn’t get there. Cue the beating. We’re going to be good parents. We’re not doing any of that shit to the little you and the little me. Okay? So we’re hard on ourselves because we didn’t meet the expectations, the goal, whatever it was. And we focus so much on that goal, we focus on the outcome. But you and I both know the outcome is not as important as the process.

The outcome is not as important as the systems that you have in place to actually reach that outcome. Systems, meaning the habits you have in place to reach that outcome. It’s great to have these wonderful lofty goals. Maybe they’re financial goals, maybe they’re health goals, the maybe they’re relationship goals. Great, I love goals! But goals fall apart without structure, without a framework, without a simple system that’s put in place so that you can take one little turtle step at a time. Without those little turtle steps, the goal is a pipe dream. Whoa! Let me say it again. Without turtle steps, the goal is a pipe dream. So set the goals—great! But today, I want to help you focus on the process, the framework, the systems that will help you get to that goal. So that is you design your own challenge, you can be successful. Does that sound good?

Here’s what you’ll discover:

1.  We need discipline, we need containers

Because loving structure is the blueprint for growth. It’s okay to put up guardrails so you can set yourself up for success.

2.  When it comes to our goals, we’re hard on ourselves if we miss the outcome.

We have a tendency to focus on the wrong thing. The goal can only be achieved with the right turtle steps.

3.   The outcome isn’t as important as the process.

As the systems you have in place to ensure you’re reaching that result. Because we thrive when we feel good. We thrive when we have some structure. We thrive when we’re taking care of ourselves.

4.  Without little turtle steps, the goal is a pipe dream.

Goals fall apart without structure, without a framework, without a simple system that’s put in place so that you can take one little turtle step at a time.

If you’re looking for some structure to help you on your way, my free Wellness Tracker is designed to do just that! And, if you’d like to dig deeper, you can read more about How to Follow Through with Healthy Habits here.

Now it’s your turn. What loving container will you set up for yourself today? Let’s share our wisdom in the comments.

All my love,

Add a comment
  1. carol says:

    I bought the Results Journal before the first of the year. Life got in the way on I/I/24. I kept thinking the next Monday I might have my act together. It is now 2/23/24. Hmm! Have I started the Results Journal? Nope! I think what I have stuck in my brain is if I can’t do it 100% and fill out ALL the boxes with something, then why start or put it off to next week. After watching this video on bad habits, I now see that I will need to take turtle steps in getting to where I would like to be, and it may take some time. I just will try each day to get a little better than the day before. I guess it’s all about the journey and not the destination that we learn from.

    • Kris Carr says:

      Thanks for sharing your experience! It’s totally normal to feel hesitant about starting something new, especially when life gets busy. Remember, progress is progress, no matter how small. Taking those turtle steps each day will eventually lead to big changes. Just take it one day at a time, and you’ll get there. You’ve got this!

  2. Annette says:

    Kriss, I love you! You are so wise! I love every blog you give. Thank you for sharing what you have learned. I wish we could be close friends and talk often.

  3. maria says:

    Great advise I think we all forget about…’getting there’.

  4. Barbara says:

    LOVE IT! Big Heart, Big Hugs!

  5. Margot Brand says:

    Look in the mirror and into the eyes you see at least once a day and tell the image and the mini me inside” I love you”

  6. Louise-Hélène Lacasse says:

    Thank you Kris for all your good vibes.✨ Where I struggle the most is motivation. I read a lot about consistency being better than motivation and I agree with it.
    Consistency is another word for Turtle steps 🐢😀
    I’m trying to get a new project on it’s way and I take a small step every day in order to reach the result I want. Not easy but it is becoming a habit
    Thank you for all your love and devotion , I admire you soooo much xxxxx

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