Kris Carr

Kris Carr


Not Sure When Enough is Enough? Listen to Your Body

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Hiya Gorgeous,

As I type this I have bronchitis. A few weeks ago it was something else, a violent stomach flu. Sickness definitely slows our lives way down and sometimes that’s exactly what’s needed. We refuse to stop, so our bodies stop it for us. Thanks, bronchitis! Thanks, stomach flu!

Man, I must be really stubborn to need two back-to-back lessons—especially after the bug. It was like my personal Apocalypse Now. I’m sure you’ve been there. And by the way, why do they call it a “flu”? You know me, I gotta know these things…

After falling down a Google rabbit hole, I determined that I probably ate poop on a salad.

That sounds awful, I know, and I really hope you’re not eating a salad when you read this. If you are, I am very sorry. But those horrendous, toss-your-cookies-24/7 episodes often come from poor sanitary conditions at restaurants and well, I have been on a takeout jag. Why? You guessed it. I’ve been too busy to cook. I bet that sounds familiar too!

Anyway, I’ve been relatively healthy this year, so what gives? Well, clearly there are actual medical reasons, but that’s not what I want to explore today. I find it interesting that the two obligations I was dreading were set to take place during the weeks I got sick. Coincidence? Or was it my body saying “no”?


How often do you check in with your body before making a decision?

Can you actually imagine doing that? Checking in with your body (AKA your soul) to see what it needs?

It could go something like this: “Darling, how does that feel? Are you up for this? Would saying “yes” light you up or drain your tub?” If I had asked those questions and listened to the answers (fatigue, racing thoughts at bedtime) I would have said NO and I may have sidestepped the snot and gore. But, what fun it is to learn about ourselves.

Seriously, I do love these growth opportunities, they just keep coming!

But I have made new progress this year. Because I’ve slowed down to focus on my next book and to care for sweet Buddy, I’ve developed an even greater connection to my body. She no longer wants to move at an accelerated, hyper pace. She doesn’t want to “crush it” or jumbo size her plate so I can add more, more, more to the all-you-can-eat accomplishment buffet.

For an ambitious person like myself, this revelation can be a hard pill to swallow. It’s difficult when your body wants something different from your ego. My body is ferocious (and very sensitive). She will tank quickly if I make decisions that are out of alignment with my soul rhythm, and the older I get the more ornery (and gentle) she gets. I don’t really like speaking about my body as if she’s separate because obviously we are one. However, when my mind is going in one direction, and my body is going in another, it sure feels like we’re different. When that happens, I realize the consequences of behaving as if we’re separate.

Get a No Buddy

I love Facetime. Living on a dead-end street in the Catskills, Facetime is my favorite way to stay in touch with my friends—most of whom live in NYC or CT. So the other day, I was Skyping with one of my besties and I told him I got sick, yet again. Well, I love this friend because he has chronic medical issues too and he’s great at standing up for my body when I don’t.

Needless to say he gave me a spiritual tune-up and at the end of it we decided to become No Buddies. When invites and opportunities come our way, we run them by each other. If it’s a clear “yes” it’s obvious to both of us. If it’s a “no” but we’re on the fence due to scarcity mentality, guilt, or feeling left out, it becomes pretty apparent. At that point, we coach each other on the underlying emotions and it usually ends with a big ole “no”.

My body is very happy about my No Buddy.

Can we really be in optimal condition all the time?

Before I end this blog post I want to touch on another point. It’s OK to get sick. It isn’t always punishment or proof that we did something wrong. This is very important to understand. I’ve turned a corner when it comes to expecting peak health 24/7. Living with cancer has certainly helped me do that, and yet I’ve noticed that I have little tolerance for the smaller stuff (colds, aches, pains—the normal ebbs and flows of life).

Some seasons are strong, others are weak. Some days I’m creative, other days I’m stuck. Sometimes my marriage is solid, sometimes I want to live alone in an Airstream. That’s life. And maybe what life is continuing to tell us is that it’s all OK. The sunshine and the rain. The big bright breakthroughs and the dark nights of the soul. We can’t amputate our emotions and we can’t control our ups and downs. Fully accepting my complicated, miraculous instrument (AKA body) means leaving space for all of it. The highs, the lows, the wellness and the sickness, the stuckness, the flow. All of it.

Your Turn: Today, I’m your “No Buddy”. What’s your body saying no to? Is there something that’s going to throw you off balance that you can decline? Share in the comments and feel the weight fall off your shoulders.

Bonus: Your Crazy Sexy Love Notes Reading!

I also wanted to throw in this extra video goodie. Here’s what my Crazy Sexy Love Notes card deck told me when I asked for guidance during this period. Wouldn’t you know, I pulled the “Nourish Yourself” card! If you need this message too, press play to join me in my tree fort. And if you haven’t already, you can order your own copy of the deck from Amazon here!

Peace & nurturing “no’s,”

Add a comment
  1. Sandra says:

    You’re on point! It’s time to listen to my body more and especially listen when making difficult decisions. A “no buddy” is a great idea.

  2. Carlin says:

    Yes, please be my no buddy! I really want to get a puppy to keep me company, but the thought of it sends me into stress mode because change and a potential histamine reaction are huge risks (I’m chronically ill). My body is super sensitive and stress does me in. My body is saying no, but my heart is saying yes. Help. :/ I’m really having trouble listening to my body and am stuck. P.S. I love this post.

  3. Kris says:

    A number of years ago, I got engaged to a guy I had no business even dating. (I was 33, my biological clock was gonging and I grabbed the first potential baby daddy I found!) Two days later, I got a stomach bug of some sort and was sick for a full week. My stomach never settled down until I broke it off two months later.
    Thanks for the reminder to listen to my body!

  4. Gail Larsen says:

    Kris, what a great idea to have an ongoing “No” buddy–and as I say this, I recognize our bodies do a really good job of that when we listen! Thanks.

  5. Caroline says:

    Hi Kris! I usually never leave comments (I don’t know why 🙂 ) but the last part of your post really spoke to me. It made me realize that I am too hard on myself and I don’t allow my body to feel sick or my brain to be stuck sometimes! I just have to let go of my control freak part and trust that it’s OK to have these bad days or moment in life! Thank you for reminding me of that. Have a crazy sexy beautiful day 😉 Xxx

  6. Susan says:

    My body, soul and mind are saying “Thank you, Kris”! I found this message in my inbox (much later than when you sent it!!!) at just the right time. So much happening in my life right now and I’ve been feeling a bug coming on – right in my chest where it always gets me.

    Your message went straight to my brain, saying “Aha!” I need to say NO and will now. Stick close to home and nurture myself (and my son changing schools and many things right now…)!

    Thank you and, it is now September but I hope you are feeling well!

  7. Chayah says:

    Hi Kris!

    Just went through my email list and missed this one! Sorry to hear that you were sick at the time and pretty much, “stick a fork in me, I’m done)!!!

    Love your “Crazy Sexy Love Notes” and you reading them! They are encouraging and I ordered a deck for my friend, (her B/D is next wee), and a deck for myself…TREAT!!

    You are a wonderful role model for me as I have heart health issues since 07-07-07! God allowed a massive heart attack along with a quadruple bypass on that date so I could remember ahah! Long story, so many happenings since then, maybe another time. Enjoy you immensely!

    You are truly loved and appreciated,

  8. Grace says:

    Kris, you are the best. You continue to make me laugh, inspire, and most importantly love life just the way it is. Love to you and your fur-babies!

  9. Stine-Helene says:

    A shout out from Denmark, Europe.

    I read your artikel last night, and when i woke up this morning i could feel my body trying to tell me something. My feet where heavy, my mouth dry as the Sahara desert an my head not quite there. I went through the motion, kissing my daughter, drinking the imaginary tea she made for me as i made some hot lemon water and startet drinking water to sothe my tongue. I knew that i had to cancel the ‘date’ i had with a good friend and call of all the ‘to does’ on my list and have a nourish yourself day. So I have. I have made Almond milk, Ellas Energy balls with chia seeds, Chashew and almond butter and a healthy lunch with Hummus and greens, while drinking a huge amount of water to hydrate.

    My feet are now lighter than before and there is rest in my head once more. So thanks for that reminder.

    xoxo Stine

  10. Shelly says:

    Thank you so much for writing this very poignant blog. I just got your follow up email to this today (which then led me here) and it couldn’t have been better timing for me. I’m always an enthusiastic “yes!” person. I love being involved in things and being the best I can be. However, this is not being honest with my body which in turn often turns to disappointment and the feeling of being a failure. I have an autoimmune disease that honestly wipes my ass out and has been kicking my ass more often lately. I was supposed to be attending a conference this week but, I got sick and worst of all… I had to cancel. I’m so disappointed, upset, and angry with myself. I’m loyal and feel it is important to stick to your word- no matter what! But, I’m finding that it’s not realistic. What is realistic is saying no because my body says so. Thank you for your wisdom. This life is a journey that never stops teaching. xoxo!

  11. Andi Blackwell says:

    Think I’m late to the party but I really need to revisit this. I used to get frequent migraines and a friend of mind asked me “what do you get out of them?” After giving him the dirtiest look and getting defensive, I thought about it and told him it was the only time I took a break. Now I find myself a new mom, feeling rushed and irritable often, as if I’m missing what’s important. I don’t want to crush it anymore either, at least not at what matters to other people. Thank your for the amazing reminder.

  12. My wife sent this to me a couple of weeks ago, and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Days spent under-the-weather are a wonderful reminder of how great the days of good health really are. You are much appreciated. Be well and keep on doing what you’re doing!

  13. Carina says:

    Dear Kris,

    i send you a big warm hug from germany to feel better, the best you can. Fingers crossed!
    I just read your article. At the moment I feel the same way seperated from myself.
    I had a breast operation last year, the cells were on way to be cancer. It was an infiltrate. It was taken out. After that all my thoughts cruised around cancer and getting healthy again. I started a vegetarian, nearly vegan life… but after half a year the pressure from “the outside” was so big, that I started to eat the old, bad stuff.
    I should have said NO to others and should have said YES to myself. I should have stayed stronger. But I havent been.
    It´s 35 days ago now, that I decided to take care of myself, of my own life, no matter what other do or say. It´s not easy, but this is my way. Encouraged by many articles of you, your book and all the videos.
    Though I started to change my route, I can´t explain why: It´s a feeling inside. I don´t know of any desease right now… it´s just a little voice telling me, to be careful and lovely with myself.
    It´s important right now to let all the feeling come, maybe go, maybe stay…. these are my feelings. This is my voice. I shouldn´t punish it. I shouldn´t say NO to myself anymore. I should listen to this little voice saying “hey, Carina……improve your lifestyle…… this is not the right way you´re walking on”….

    Thank you for your article to realize, that little voices of my body and soul are hints to change something!

    XOX, Carina

  14. Louise says:

    Loved reading your blogg and the idea of having a No Buddy GREAT IDEA!

    Thank you 🙂

  15. Catherine says:

    Thank you, Kris, for this beautifully written post. I was asked just a few days ago what makes me feel unwell and my response was, “being too busy”. As I am getting older, I am realizing more and more the importance of listening to ourselves with regard to the pacing of our lives. As someone who tends to over schedule, I am now working on taking immediate note of my reaction when someone asks me to do something. If there’s any hint of a cringe, I practice declining. It feels really good. We all really know when we want to say, “yes”. Hopefully, this practice will become more and more intuitive. Your writing resonated so much! I wish you good rest and healing!

  16. Lisa Haney says:

    Thank you for your guidance on saying “no”. I lost my oldest son last October and I have never felt so broken. Just when I think my breakthrough has come, I have to sit back down. I didn’t say no this last week and of course it made things worse. This post came along when I needed it most. It is astonishing how much grief affects the body and how much more important it is to nourish yourself. Your card deck is very helpful and inspiring. Thanks and much love your way!

  17. Leah says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic, Kris. It has been just under a year since my diagnosis and I’m still “superwoman”. Over the past 4 months I’ve had 2 huge anxiety/panic attacks (something I’m not prone to). I have forgotten to listen to my body, allow myself to “feel”, ect. One of my favorite sayings “feel the fear and do it anyway: I had forgotten and just kept going and stuffing emotions down – thinking I would “deal” with them later. Like you, my mind is ready to take on the world (as usual) and my body just sometimes doesn’t want to play that way.
    Thank you for the reminder
    Leah B

  18. Tammy says:

    I completely resonate with this. My body tells me all the time when something is right or wrong–unfortunately it has been too much of the latter lately. I finally listened to it just yesterday and up and quit my job. Scary as it was, its also so freeing- and now I am waiting to see what the universe will bring my way. My negative and limiting thoughts have now been replaced with thoughts that I can do, be or achieve anything. Have faith and believe that God will bring you what you need. Do what you have to do to live in alignment with your core values and who you are.

  19. Evelyn says:

    So timely. Shaking off three weeks of sinus and bronchitis – I am rarely sick, so this has been miserable. I have forced myself to rest more the last three weeks and I was feeling guilty about it. Been under a lot of stress, and have been mindful to meditate and try to eat well to help my body heal. Going to dial it down this long weekend and focus on the healing. Thank you!

  20. I love you and this blog! I have followed you for so many years while on my own journey battling Lymes disease and I was able to get it out of my body but still am sometimes frustrated because I need more rest than people my age and I also cannot ward off as easily the colds and need extra nourishment. It is so important to know this is my own journey and I am doing all I am able to do. I have also chosen to slow down the pas few months and go at my pace instead of the driven pace of the over achiever in my ego! Thank You Kris for inspiring me and making me feel like I am never alone! SO much love~ JV

  21. Kris says:

    Kris you are so uplifting and so positive. I absolutely love you .

  22. Maureen says:

    HI Kris,
    It’s OK to get sick. It isn’t always punishment or proof that we did something wrong. This is very important to understand. I’ve turned a corner when it comes to expecting peak health 24/7.

    This is a great reminder for me! thank you! I have been working thru the Epstein Virus since last summer…….and I had to say no to work for the time being. There are ebbs and flows for sure, and it takes the lower days to remind me of the high days. I guess I am in denial that I have this illness….surprised at the symptoms at times, but know it is here and in good time I will feel re-charged. I also have a rescued cat, one that showed up from a friend that rescued her as I couldn’t actually go thru with it, scared I couldn’t care for her. She has been good company, and we are healing together ! fur companions are teachers too.
    Thank you for your work and continued success and wellness.

  23. Marie Spencer-Rowland says:

    Kris, I love you, you’re amazing.
    Thank you for your posts, they always cheer me up and remind me that we are more than just skin and bones.
    I hope you’re feeling better soon!
    Sending you loads of love and light.

  24. Darcy says:

    I couldn’t have needed this more right now as I feed my feelings and not my body and soul. Thank you for helping me see that I need to take care of my one and only body. Feel better! Xo

  25. Maiya says:

    Perfect timing for this blog. Thank you Kris!! I am on week two of your Crazy Sexy Cleanse and diligently drinking my green juice every morning and eating on the plan. I have a perfectionist tendency so am diving deep into learning about living a plant strong life (thanks for the suggestion to join the Food Revolution Summit. ~ I loved it an got the Empowerment package from your discount link!) I have also had a couple sessions of colonics (2 more to go in my series) and it feels good to clean out, but I am exhausted, detoxing and my chemical sensitivities are really rearing their heads!
    Going to take your suggestion and start down-sizing the to-do list and saying no to social invites that I usually say yes to so I don’t feel left out.

    You are an inspiration for all of us on SO many levels!

  26. Melinda says:

    Sending you a “Get Well Soon” comment filled with lots of Healing Mojo, Angels, Love, and a big scoop of Fun – love your work – have been a fan for years – take time for you – you give all of us so much!!

  27. CarolW says:

    Forgetting about myself a lot these days due to stress with both family and the job. “Pumping-up” with coffee and carbs. Not good…feeling blaaaahhhh. 🙁 Needed to see this Blog to wake myself up! Thanks Kris!

  28. Therese says:

    Thanks, Kris for sharing. I appreciate very much your message today. I recently did not attend two events that I would have gone to in the past because I felt it was expected from others and out of fear of disapproval. I knew it was the right thing fro me to decline, and although it was hard at first to feel totally ok with it, I finally did, and I was so glad I honored my feelings and needs. I am learning how to really care for and love myself…and to listen more to my body and do what is really is nourishing to me…it has not been an easy thing to change, but I am seeing and learning how important and life-giving it truly is. Thanks again for your posts and the information and inspiration that you share. Sending blessings, good wishes, and healing thoughts your way.

  29. Marnie says:

    Thanks so much for this article!!!
    I learned so much from it, after I read it I had the courage to say my peice and stand up many times thru the day!
    I was clearing house and loving the feeling of being free !

  30. Beverly says:

    I got my Crazy Sexy Love Notes in the mail yesterday and the first one I pulled after mixing them up really good was “Listen to Your Body”! I have been battling diarrhea for over 6 weeks. A couple of weeks I wrote about it in my own blog and how I felt there was some kind of mind-body connection. Before pulling the card, I had already made the decision to take some time off from running competitively and to start a special 7 day diet to support my digestive tract while waiting for my appointment with the gastroenterologist.
    Funny, but I was about to blog about pulling the Listen to Your Body card last night and decided to go to bed instead. Reading your blog this morning was even more confirmation that I’m on the right path!
    Feel better soon! 🙂

  31. victoria hornsby says:

    Hi Kris,

    What you have just said has touched me so deeply. I have lupus and have only been diagnosed for a year. I’ve have struggled with the ups and downs and have tried to lead a healthy life so not to be reliant on drugs. I had a bad day last week and struggle with the thought of I’ve failed and its all my fault I’m feeling bad today. I attack myself instead of listening to my body.
    I’m awful at saying no and plan far too much in my day and I get stressed when I can’t do everything. I have struggled with my mind saying I should do all these things but my body is resistant. I love yoga but the last few sessions I have felt drained, achey and so tired. I don’t want to give up and your blog made me realise I just have to be gentle on myself.

    Thank you! I hope you rest and feel better very soon.
    Love Victoria x

  32. Dawn says:

    Kris, You are just SO inspiring to me on many levels! Thank you for being YOU!

  33. Jiillii says:

    Hi Kris,

    I hope you feel better soon and am inspired you are able to see this as a positive learning experience. It was like you wrote this post for me yesterday. I have had a run of niggly illnesses for the past 2 months and had been feeling increasingly frustrated at myself…now I realise that’s the ego but my soul is doing things in a different, quieter way with truly my best interests at heart. I see that now and hope we can learn to live together harmoniously.

    I think I’m going to start daily journal writing again to understand my body/deeper feelings better and help ‘us’ to understand one another.

    Interestingly I sometimes refer to myself as “we” in my head “we can do this”, I am wondering if that indicates the two parts of my are not aligned.

    Thank you, Kris, for this wonderful insight and positive interpretation! And also for saying it is ok to get sick. Some books suggest you bring it on yourself through your thoughts – I think that can sometimes be true but I prefer your interpretation!

    Much love,

    Jillian xx

  34. isa gesseau says:

    great to share this with me thank you to Xenia for sharing and also to you for your insightful thoughts about well being x

  35. Cass says:

    So crazy that you have posted about this! I’ve been noticing lately I’m consciously checking in with myself and asking how I feel about certain commitments.
    Thanks for this, I definitely needed the theme to be re-iterated and shone in bright lights 🙂
    I hope you’re feeling better soon <3

  36. Dear Kris:
    First of all, I hope you’re doing well with your bronchitis.

    Thanks for being my NO Buddy. Really, I needed it.

    I’m not chronically ill, but since I suffered panic and anxiety attacks from a couple of years now I know sometimes I need to stop. Sometimes I need to say NO. Sometimes I need to rest, to read, to eat, to breath. But I do it hardly ever.

    My job is not my cup of tea, so I fill up my spare time with volunteer activities and some other stuff that I really love to do, but for which I don’t have enough time if I want to go to bed early (as I do, of course). So I have much more stuff in my plate that I can manage.

    I loved the quote of the picture. I guess you have it in your board. I will write it in a piece of paper and put it in mine just to remind me that sometimes I have to listen to my body and say no.
    Thanks for sharing your experience and inspire us all.

    Huge hug from Spain.

  37. Ashley says:

    Kris, you are so cute and sweet. I always feel happy after reading your emails. Great post, and cheers to feeling better soon.

  38. Genevieve says:

    Thank you for this post! I, too, currently have bronchitis. And worse, I’ve been beating myself up over it, like if I had followed a more perfect diet and exercise regimen, I wouldn’t have gotten sick. Thank you for telling me it’s ok; I really needed to hear that!

  39. Misara says:

    My current quest is self love. Having listened to a speaker on the Hay House Summit, Teal Dwain, I went to YouTube to listen to some of her videos. Having some chronic health opportunities myself I discovered some brilliant insights from the following video

    Watch “What Should I Do When I Am Sick? (Ask Teal Episode About Sickness) – Teal Swan” on YouTube

    May all be well <3

  40. Victoria says:

    you are so awesome Kriss, feeling grateful to have read this email that I received. A wonderful gift.

    Thank You!


  41. Debra Mazer says:

    Love You Kris. xoxo Thanx for keepin it real. Even the health goddesses have our challenges, me too! 😉 Oh yeah, we get to be human, not a plastic version of ourselves (speaking in mirror). LOVE!!! 😉 + Feel bettah! x (I love this post. !!!)

  42. Lyn says:

    Hi Kris, I love your “No Buddy”. I agree that there are times when it is not so clear what one should do: A yes or no? Thanks for sharing. Get well too!

  43. Heather says:

    You are a sparkly human! This universe is so blessed to have you! I love the way you put all things into perspective!
    Thank you for you! Xoxoxo

  44. Caro says:

    Did you just jump inside my body??? Wow. You’re singing my song today, sistah. A couple of weeks ago, I overcommitted big time & got sick from it – still am recovering.

    Thanks for giving me permission to just be.

  45. Paule says:

    Wham bam! Earlier today, I applied for an extra day of work for next year, having a freak out about money. I don’t want to be doing this job anymore and I am so grateful to be on my way to becoming a certified nutritionist. Still a year to go and in the meantime, been very well supported by this amazing friendly Universe. What was I thinking? I lost my way for a few hours… and all my joy!!! Realigning now. Fells much better in my belly :0) Thank you so much for this absolutely Divine order post Kris.

  46. kim says:

    Sychronicity and not surprising.

    Last week I clicked on your message and listened to your Hay House Summitt talk and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear this week it is the same. I have been going through a similar situation with my health and body and the permission to SAY NO hit me hard. Thanks for sharing and always being so truthful and vulnerable

    Lots of love


  47. Kirsten says:

    Hi Kris I always luv your tales but today something really hit home, something I’ve been struggling with and thought it was only me having these feelings and that I had to do something drastic to fix them……..Sometimes my marriage is solid, sometimes I want to live alone in an Airstream…….thanks for being so honest about your life…….that one little sentence just helped me a BIG….HUGE…. amount 🙂

  48. Ellen Hurley Clark says:

    Flu, from Influenza, actually got named by Italian astronomers long ago. When people were getting very sick, they said it was the influence of the stars. Maybe they were really on to something big! Feel better Kris.

  49. Stonerocks says:

    My body is saying: hey, I wanna love you, but you make it soooo hard. You haven’t juiced in WEEKS, you are eating too many of those peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. You aren’t meditating. And you’re getting pret-ty grumpy. Do you wonder why I’m all achey and tired? Can’t you feel how those peanut butter (on WHITE bread) sandwiches are doing to me? Jeeze, I pay for that “treat” for hours with bloat and indigestion. Is is sooo hard to eat your veggies and put some good stuff in a blender and push a button? C’mon, kid, get going before I need help getting up off the couch. As a matter of fact, please get up off the couch! Do you really need advice from Dr. Phil everyday?

    Gosh, I needed that. Going to look for something green.

  50. Claudia Ricaldez says:

    Hi Kris,

    Sending you love for a speedy recovery! Funny I am also just recently curing from Bronquitis- as a result of probably not listening to my body. I have as well being in a difficult situation and hopefully you’ll be able to comment here on ideas. I love my husband, meeting him was the best thing this universe had in store for me. However, he works as an agronomist and we have been stationed in a country where I have failed to make any true connection to. It’s really strange. I am Latin America and I am in another Latam country and you would think this is easy. I have as well lived in different places and like to travel, so have been exposed to different cultures. My body has been saying no for a while here, I have talked to my husband about it- at first he was really stubborn about staying- but now is open to the idea, just that I do not think the change is coming fast enough. How to cope? And what to do Kris? If I were single, I would have given the place a chance and if it did not work out I would have already moved long time ago. One positive is my connection with nature here- its my favorite part to venture for a walk in the forest.

  51. Cheryl says:

    Hahaha, love the big foot slippers, but I don’t think Lola does. Even sick, you are just the sweetest being on the planet.

  52. Jadi says:

    Hi Kris,

    I don’t have a specific comment, just a continuous “THANK YOU”. Thank you for speaking my soul language; it’s tough in a go-getter’s world not to get caught up in it all. But I am also a sensitive unicorn ;); and while I’ve understood for quite some time that my spirit soars when I put fewer things on my plate and am able to absorb myself in them; I am still working on the accepting part. It’s fellow human beings like you who remind me that it’s ok, and that I am ok, exactly as I am, and that rather than turning away from my body and “pushing through”, I need to bring a gentle ear and an open hear to what she’s really asking for. Thanks again!

  53. So sorry you are not feeling well. I actually just went to Dr. Bock yesterday per your interview with him on Lyme Disease and I want to thank you so much for sharing that Information. I feel hope after seeing him. Having Lyme Disease actually has forced me to slow down. I don’t like it but I feel the universe sent a strong message that I was not caring for myself and this has made me turn my life around. Sometimes we need to get sick in order to get better…love to you! Hope u feel better.

  54. Lizzie says:

    Thank you for this article, Kris. After spending a sleepless night in turmoil about having to take a step back from the job I love as a teacher to recover from cancer treatment, it feels like the Universe is telling me that it’s ok to do that. It’s ok to take time out to focus on my recovery and to be a good Mummy to my 2 year old daughter. You’re an inspiration!

  55. Michelle says:

    Hi kris! Omg I can’t believe I just read your blog , I was diagnosed with ms 12 yrs ago , have been off meds for 3 because I am using food and yoga as my medicine! I admit I over did it on Mother’s Day, doing yard work I should of had my 4 teenage boys do, but I hate to ask for help, we’ll it caught up to me and had an ms episode, paralyzed from neck down, (that is normal for me) I can walk and move but am still in so much pain and my head was getting in the way, or should I say ego, today was playing games with me , had another flair up today not paralyzed but leg dragging, pain and now depression we’ll not anymore since reading your blog!!! Thank you, I love my body mind and spirit!
    Thanks for all you do!

  56. Amy U says:

    Gosh this was great. Thank you. Reading that just felt like sunshine. Just what my body and soul needed to hear.

    There were so many little treasures in that I don’t even know where to start! My friends would consider me a professional sick person. They consider me many other things as well, but that’s definitely one of them.

    Thanks to good ol’ cancer and it’s resulting surgery, I have a gaping hole in my head. The roof of my mouth was removed due to a tumor and I now wear a prosthetic mouth piece. Yes, you read that correctly, I wear a prosthetic mouth. I have nothing separating my mouth from my sinuses and the rest of the black abyss of my head that I can see into, other than my prosthetic. So this leaves my sinuses with limited protection and therefore I am declaring myself Queen of the Sinus Infections! I get these like clock work every 3-4 months and they are awful. I can’t fully describe the amount of pain and pressure on that part of face where bone has been removed. However, I’ve recently been getting them way more often, in the last 3 months, I have had 3. And every time I get thrown on heavy antibiotics and steroids, all of which I hate for several reasons. But, that made me took a look elsewhere, other than the whole I have in my mouth. And guess what? I’m stressed the heck out!! I agree, I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I recently had the revelation that in certain ways I am weaker than others and have to take better care of myself, maybe missing out on some things and saying no more often, all for the sake of staying healthy. My mom was like, seriously, you just realized that now?

    So the timing of this was just magical and just reaffirms my recent a-ha. I’ve gotten better at listening to my body and my gut instinct in the 3 years since surgery, but it isn’t always easy. Just because you have this new found knowledge doesn’t mean things magically get easier, you have to apply them every damn day. And lord knows the universe is testing us on that on the regular!

    Anyways, thank you so much for all that you do, you have no idea how much you being you helps me be me.

    Love, Amy

  57. I wholeheartedly agree. The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to take care of yourself. Saying no can sometimes be the best medicine for you. I hope you are feeling better and thank you for all you do. I tell my students that they should watch Crazy Sexy Cancer when we cover the topic of cancer in class. The students who watch it, love it.

  58. JeanMarie says:

    I presently have a cold, what my mother calls a “poor man’s vacation.” But I am reframing this minor but uncomfortable condition, and using my passing illness to feeling very grateful that I don’t have a worse malady; and I am grateful to have this unencumbered time to rest and STOP! I also have your crazy sexy notes next to me, a comfort and inspiration. These cards are lovely and uplifting! Thanks!

  59. Sarah says:

    Well…aww..I’m sorry you don’t feel good. I know how you feel. If I eat too much I’ll get a stomach ache. Or if I eat food with a lot of preserves in food I’ll feel bad. Then I’ll get sick to my stomach. But if I don’t get sick. I’ll feel really bad.

  60. JB says:

    Hi Kris,
    It’s called flu because it’s an abbreviation of its proper name, influenza

  61. Gina says:

    Kris…………….thank you for hitting the nail on the head for so many of us. This article hit home hard. Thanks for being a ‘No Buddy’ to all of us. xoxoxoxoxo

  62. Cindy says:

    Hi Kris!

    I hope you’re well on the way to feeling better! Your messages seem to be just what I am needing to hear at the moment I read them! I have been soooo tired lately and the worst part of when I am not feeling super duper is I feel BAD about not feeling so super duper! How silly is that!? I too have so many ambitious ideas and projects but my body is telling me more and more that I need to slow down…take a moment and rest….or take a break. That is so hard for me to do cause then I wonder how I am ever going to do EVERYTHING I want or need to do if I don’t keep going 90 miles an hour every day! Even when I clearly do run out of gas I often continue to struggle to keep going The past couple of days I have been feeling exhausted to the point of not feeling well at all and yesterday I just threw in the towel and hooked up to a great audio book and snoozed on and off all day without any negative feelings about how I was physically feeling or what I was not getting done. And I decided today I am going to order your cards and take a moment to LISTEN to my body and then HEED the message, even if I have to give up something I think I need to do. Your message could not have come at a more pertinent time…love your emails always Kris! And thank you for sending yours out when you were feeling under the weather…you really do rock!!

  63. Jennifer says:

    Wow! This was JUST what I needed to hear today. For the past week I’ve been plagued with fatigue and migraines (due to saying yes when I should have said no) and I had to cancel travel plans today. The guilt was setting in until I read your newsletter this morning. Thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. I’m going to save this email in my “in” box so I can reread it and be reminded to just say no.
    I am headed to the couch to sit with my cat an dog and read a book!
    Have a happy day!
    Jennifer (i’m the girl that came to see you speak twice in Cleveland a few years ago, I was sitting right in the front row : )

  64. Isa says:

    Well, I don´t know what my body is telling me. But I am desperatly trying to understand because I know my body is really trying to tell me something.
    I have had a burn-out two years ago and I have never been the same. It is obvious for me that my burn-out was related to some issues that I can know identify.
    I have tried to change those “issues” and it was not easy since other people pretty close to me didn´t understand my change and how much I neeeded it.
    In the end, I left my husband because he couldn´t understand and accept the “new me” and my limitations.
    In the end, he FINALLY understood and we are together again.
    The thing is.. There is still something to solve, something my body is telling me with my awful migraines and being constantly tired. My life is not the same, I cannot do what I used to do. And ok with that until a limit. Maybe it has something to do with an issue that is still not solved and, either way will make me suffer.
    It is always that issue that comes to my mind when I meditate. ALWAYS.
    Will it be the “thing” that is making me feel sick? Sometimes I need to spend a whole day sleeping. At weekends I don´t want to do anything else except to have some rest.
    And maybe my feelings, my need for change isn´t still accomplished.
    And I have already written too much….

  65. Amy says:

    Boy I needed this today. I’ve been on an over commitment binge. I commit to saying no this week to subbing an extrayoga class. Even though I love to teach, I can’t do it without taking care of me first. Thank you for this!

  66. Mieke says:

    Thank you Kris. For me this is definitely a post I will be coming back to. Allowing to go with the highs and lows of life, not expecting to be super healthy all the time. That is such a good reminder.
    I hope you feel better soon, wishing you all the best!

  67. Liz says:

    I just got home from the hospital yesterday after having had major surgery. I came home with a bag taped to my tummy for my poop. It’s called an “ostomy” and I’ll have it – and will have to care for it – for 4 – 6 weeks. Last night I sat on the toilet and just cried. It is so gross and smelly and, well, NOT me. This morning I woke up thinking differently about it. Today, I realized that my poop is now like infant poop and I have decided to, as much as I can, care for my self like a loving momma changing her precious new-born’s diaper. With patience, love and tenderness. Your blog is like a bold underline to that newly written sentence. Thanks so much, Kris!!

  68. Rhonda says:

    Hi Kris,

    As I read your post today it reminded me of how we have all bought into this crazy busy mode of operating our lives. Of course we are going to weaken our immune systems and get run down when we take on all the things we are wanting to do plus compile ourselves with things we don’t really want to do by saying yes to them. So it is good to realize and then make a practice to schedule more down time and use it to take better care of ourselves starting with fueling ourselves from our own kitchens.

    Your message today reminded me of my crazy days of caring for my mom, full time career woman, taking care of household with hubby and fur babies and feeling like I was spinning in circles as I tried to keep all the plates going. I would get a case of the chronic bronchitis at least once or twice a year as I would pick up a cold. I found a formula that works and with letting go of some of the crazy living, I have not had the bronchitis in years. I found it in an older version (70’s) Eal Mindell’s Vitamin Bible. When we know we need to take care of ourselves first before taking on all the other stuff, we are able to do more.

    Take care Kris

  69. Julie says:

    Thanks! i needed to hear this today. So often I try to fill my schedule so full, but lately I am having to pull back, due to sickness and just not feeling well. It’s then I begin to feel guilty, but hearing this now today, I know I am doing the right thing and just taking care of me. <3

  70. Sylvie says:

    Good morning Kris!
    Funny that you should be talking about the very thing that my body is craving and desperately needing. My body/heart/soul is screaming at me to slow down. I am unsure how to go about it. I am a nurturer at heart for everyone but myself. I am aware and trying to shift things but the process is slow and discouraging at times. So, I appreciate this post tremendously. I almost didn’t read it but something was tugging at me to open it. I am glad I did!

  71. Kira says:

    Thank you SO much for this article Kris. I can’t even tell you how much this resonated with me and gave me permission to say NO and not feel guilty about it. The part of your article about noticing when your body is saying no but your ego is saying yes is particularly eye-opening. I am an actor among several other hats I wear and have been offered several opportunities lately that just haven’t felt right, but felt guilty about not accepting them because people were reaching out to me to offer me something. Thank you for pointing out that this often comes from scarcity mentality and that’s all it is. I will be offered opportunities again. And I need to trust that it will be a better match for me AND the other party involved when I truly WANT to be a part of that person’s project. Thank you for reminding me of that and that it is okay to say no sometimes. So grateful for your blog and the wisdom you share.

  72. Sam says:

    This really touched me. Bridget and Sarah’s responses too. I think it’s important for us to examine why we say “yes” when we later realise that it wasn’t serving us at all but simply adding to our, likely, over-burdened days. It became clear to me only a few years ago (nearly 47 now) thanks to a stimulating conversation with an AA buddy – a light went on! The lack of love and constant rejection in my life since early childhood had developed an unconscious need for approval from my community, friends and family of my own making. So unnecessary as I already had/have it! I still slip up sometimes and take on a bit too much, but I have become a lot healthier since I learned to say “no, I can’t help you with that, but thanks for thinking of me” !

    Interesting to see how many of us who are volunteer champions and maniacal do-ers are also cancer’s targets. “Just say No!” IS saying “YES!” Love to all and my thanks to you Kris for your work and encouragement.

  73. Carol G says:

    Thank you for this article – what I most needed to hear was the paragraph about how it is OK to be sick! I always feel like a failure if I get sick because I try so hard to be so healthy. Peace and love – hope you are feeling 100% soon!

    • Jiillii says:

      Carol, you have hit the nail on the head. I always tell myself “you’re pathetic” rather than saying “ok, dear body, what are you trying to tell me?” Xx

  74. Emily says:

    wow I am lying in bed recovering from hey nasty case of food poisoning where I wound up in the hospital last night for fluids, this blog could not have come at a better time. This case of food poisoning came after I went to a party and I was gluttonous. I even had that little voice in my head saying you’ve arrived at this party very late do you really want to eat that? But I ate it anyway and I am paying full price. thanks for this!

  75. Karen says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you – absolutely loved this article and it’s just the wake up call I needed! I say YES just not to feel guilty, left out and told “I’m no fun”! Then when I say YES when I really meant NO my body gets into funk and just realized this is why! After going through chemo, radiation and surgery for an esophageal tumor and now being cancer free – I’m still getting my body back and it just has no tolerance for stress and drama, lol….I’m back to work only 2 months now and I see the difference each week – I get stronger but when I go against what I think is right for me – it’s not good – so Kris, thank you for the wake up call

  76. Nadine says:

    We moved, again, and my kids have to be at school at 7:45 am. For some reason waking up half an hour earlier is wiping my out for the whole day. Eventhough I’m sleeping earlier! Help!! I can’t seem to reset my time clock…

  77. Belinda says:

    Hi Kriss

    U rock!!

    Thanks a mill for todays post. I hurt my shoulder a few months ago( frozen shoulder) . Not sure what I need to say no to.. Maybe as much as possible right now..

    Anyhow, good to be reminded to nourish.. And saying no gives me that little bit more time and temperament to do so.. .

    • Mary Brooks says:

      I had frozen shoulder also Belinda, so painful. Hope yours is getting better little by little, that is what it took for me was a lot of physical therapy and time, and I still don’t have full range of motion back. But it is SO much better than it was this time last year when it first froze up. Wishing you health and no pain.

  78. Elizabeth Ross says:

    You must be my twin-soul-sister because I’m built pretty much the same! You spoke directly to my soul with this one! I’m posting this on my board 🙂 “all-you-can-eat accomplishment buffet” – HA!

  79. Thank you Kris for your message. It was right on for me. This is a particularly busy time of the year for school families. Added to that, when I feel amazing, I just keep taking it all in only to find that I have become completely unbalanced and buried. Really appreciate the reminder to “go easy” on ourselves and the realization that a “no” is a gift because it is a “yes” to our personal wellness. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Recharge on!

  80. Ashley says:

    Thank you for this, Kris. Just as your ailments came at the right time for you (well, maybe with the exception of that poop salad), your words in this post came at the right time for me. As a person who definitely used to say “no” too often because I avoided anything outside of the realm of my comfort zone, I’ve transitioned to a person who is always pushing myself to say “yes” as I now know that facing fears leads to positive personal change. However, somewhere along that “yes” path, I began to fear saying “no” because I thought it might be my old comfort-seeking self sneaking back in. Your post just reminded me of the importance of finding the balance and that it’s healthy to say “no” if the only thing driving the “yes” is guilt, irrational worry, accomplishment-collection, etc. Thank you for these nurturing words!

  81. Tala says:

    The mind and body disconnect? Oh, yeah! And then I feel so sorry (either mentally or physically) that I’ve pushed/hurt/mistreated my body. Am learning. Making changes. I hope you feel better soon! And by the way, I’m loving your CrazySexyLoveNotes. I pull one each week. This week’s: Be Present. Perfect! The Universe always knows! xo

  82. Everything you said is true for everyone on some level. My main purpose in life is to show, by example. that optimal health is the norm and not the exception, at any age. Therefor, I am a bit set aback when I don’t feel fabulous. Like you I do address my body with gratitude, questions and even apologies. That is because I believe that, if my body has an issue, it is always something I put in it or on it, or some emotion in the present or unresolved from the past. Because I, nor anyone I know, does all the right things nutritionally all the time, I believe in some nutritional insurance. Until we have achieved full dominion over our thoughts and have learned to leave out of our head and heart what does not serve us well, I accept that a bit of food supplementing is a good option. And although I believe in that course, supplement options, like food options are not all the same. I think I have chosen wisely trusting in history, clinical proof and safety for my standards. You can check out my web site to see the route I have taken for that “insurance”.

    I truly love all the joy you spread and, as you know, make sure you give yourself all the time you need to hold on to the “lions share” for yourself (excuse the non vegetarian analogy). Remember, the lion knows when to nap and when to hunt and I think they nap a lot!

    Much love and positive thoughts.

  83. Linda says:

    Hi Chris,
    I hope u r feeling better. I especially liked the comment that, “It is OK to be sick. We have not done anything wrong, nor, are we being punished.” Love you and keep on writing. Linda.

  84. Dear Kris – I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now, and I want to thank you for sharing your experiences and encouragement to keep plugging away at it. I do not have the big “C” and I cannot imagine what you have been through, but I do have my own health nemesis. I have Psoriasis – the big “P”!
    Psoriasis has been creeping its way into my life for the last 10 years or so. It started as a little patch at the nape of my neck that would itch like the dickin’s when I got stressed. It stayed this way for several years, through an abusive alcoholic husband, through the subsequent nasty as all-get-out divorce, and an emergency move from Tampa to Charleston that not only disrupted my life, but my business too.
    At 48 years old, I started over—from scratch. I had zip, nada, nothing—and somewhere in there, the Psoriasis said, “Oh, sweetie – It ain’t over! Here I come to wreck the rest of what’s left of your miserable life!”
    Psoriatic outbreaks began happening all over my body including a particularly stubborn type of Plantar Psoriasis that occurs on the soles of the feet and palms of the hands. Little blisters, hundreds, no thousands of them, began rearing their ugly heads on my hands and feet, and I literally could not walk. My doctors put me on Prednisone. I took it for months. It helped somewhat, but nothing has made it go away completely. Even heavy courses of Biologics like Enbrel and Humira have left me wanting of a “normal” life.
    Nothing has made it completely go away. It was about this time, I started to look at other reasons, besides stress and DNA that might be contributing to my condition. Primarily, I looked at my diet. I looked at my business – my work. All of these things were contributory to my dis-ease.
    I changed my diet – I am primarily Vegan, but do love a good piece of wild-caught Salmon. I am slowly feeling my body “feel” the better for it—but this was only part of the solution.
    The biggest problem I had with my business was my inability to say “NO” to my clients. I could not say the word and ended up working with people I didn’t like, on projects that made me uncomfortable, and worst of all, putting myself in situations where I lost money or didn’t get paid at all. All of this strife and stress because I wanted to make everyone happy! And in the process, I was making myself miserable.
    Here’s the ironic thing. I made a decision that I was no longer going to work for “friends”—because most of mine wanted me to help them for free! Hey – This is my business! It’s how I put food on the table and pay the electric bill—I HAVE to charge you – friend or not. I also decided to only take on projects that agreed with my moral code. So NO, I will not build your Penny Auction web site, so you can rip people off! I don’t care of I need $10,000 right now, working on your web site will make me feel like crap, and I’m done with that!
    Here’s the thing, long ago I was told that beggars can’t be choosers. That I can’t “afford” to say no to people who want to use my design skills to market their business—after all, I have bills to pay.
    Well, that’s a bunch of malarky!! I’ve been saying NO when my gut just doesn’t “feel” right, and guess what? I have more business now than I’ve had since I started my company in 1999. And I love ALL my clients and the work I do for them!
    The Psoriasis is slowly, slowly….s-l-o-w-l-y getting better. I experienced a major breakout when I stopped the Prednisone, but that was to be expected. My life with new boyfriend is going well – He’s an angel and has taken care of me every time I needed him to. Although, life with a man does make you want to run away and live in an Airstream sometimes – I totally get that!!! I’ve even gone so far as to look at Airstreams on eBay! Then realize I can’t pull one with a Kia.
    Your upbeat attitude and advice touches me—always at the precise moment I need it to—so thank you Kris! Thank you for being one of the influences that helps me with healing my body, my mind and my spirit!

  85. Kimberly says:

    So far this morning I have read two things that will impact me: removing negativity and learning how to say no… My angels are speaking to me today as they and I know what is good for my soul.. Thank you

  86. Debra Hart says:

    Thank you so much for the blog on No Buddies! You are amazingly wise. I am so glad I found you. I have a beautiful son with heart disease and you have helped our family change for the better and ensure my son has optimal health. I wish you peace and rest and big big love ♡

  87. Michelle Bentcliff says:

    Hope you feel better soon, Kris!!!
    just talked to people about how our bodies take a break when we won’t.
    We live in a crazy go-go world. I’ve learned (but to need to remind myself) to just say No sometimes.

    My favorite things to take a break are listening to music, dancing, meditating, writing, and basically slowing down. Curl up with Buddy, relax, pamper (you deserve it!) and take good care of your crazy sexy self!
    Feel good, Be well- Michelle

  88. T Koenke Diaz says:

    And then there are those times when the soul says “maybe,” as when I had my child 12 years ago. There was no woo-hoo, yes, yes, yes! going on there at the time in a marriage that included DV, but the yes’s outvoted the no’s. Interestingly, though, I did get sick often and wished aloud that maybe if I got cancer, everyone would leave me alone, and then I did, but then they didn’t! What a bumpy but ultimately enlightening ride that was!

    I was JUST reading something about being careful to wash all raw fruits/veggies for smoothies because of not only pesticides but pathogens , which seems obvious to me, but the thorough washing of the ingredients in a takeout salad is obviously beyond your control!

    The “No Buddies” is brilliant! I might have to find one of my own! I just said yes to a commitment mostly out of guilt, which will take just 1 hour of one of my days off this coming summer. The yes in it will be sharing that hour with my son in a church activity, but I’m hearing a big “no” about even giving an hour, and the motivation, beyond learning more about gardening and getting my son away from the video games, is not yet making an annual pledge. Ooops, forgot about those pesky pledges when I joined last fall!

    Ever since I starting taking a potent algae supplement 5-6 times a day, I haven’t had a cold in just over 2 years, and I could relate to having little tolerance for colds and aches and pains. I was also nodding in recognition of a body that doesn’t want to super-charge into the day-to-day, doesn’t want to run that rat race! At 53 with a 12yo, I say no A LOT. I also work out on a rebounder – thank you SO MUCH for introducing me to that years ago on your site, Kim! — and I don’t go at that adrenal-sapping pace that I used to. I don’t work the 40 hours at a desk job that my ex has imputed me to either – I give up the $200 or so a week in exchange for part-time at home and have chosen, for example, not to have cable TV or a smartphone or a newer car. Although I haven’t mastered the art of saying no completely, I say it pretty often nowadays and am much healthier for it.

    I loved your post today and hope you feel better soon, Kim! <3 and light, T

  89. Jody says:

    thanks for reminding me to nourish myself.. be well

  90. karen says:

    Hi Kris,
    This interview was so powerful & uplifting for me. I am a Cancer Thriver. I was diagnosed 3 years ago with Breast cancer. Went thru mastectomy & chemo. Then last year re diagnosed in my lymph nodes. I heard of alternative from a few & decided that it was a better route for me this time.Your book was the first of many I read. This book by Dr. Kelly sounds like my next book to read. ( I have been a bit discouraged lately ) The financial part is one of the most challenging parts to this.
    Thank you for all you do for the cancer babes!
    Love, Karen

  91. Dena Maisonett says:

    I have been very busy with work and family obligations-today is my only actual day off from work. The damp weather causing my body to be very stiff and achy (along with road construction closing my street -thank you universe) is giving me the opportunity to say “no” to running crazy errands and relaxing in the couch while clearing space on my DVR. Your message came at the perfect time and has reassured me that it is absolutely fine to take a “me day” at least until my daughters get out of school and band. Feel better Kris!

  92. KC Smith says:

    Dearest Kris,

    Just letting you know….

    You’ve made a difference in my life! If not for you, I would have either been in a wheelchair or in the spirit world by now. The tailspin started back in 2006 when I got bit by a tick. Lyme Disease and just about all it’s co-infections followed. After watching Crazy Sexy Cancer I was hooked!

    You are truly one of my Earth Angels. You inspire and uplift with your honesty and courage. Todays post nailed it again!

    Blessings and Love to you and your beautiful family,

  93. Arnie Welber says:

    Happy you shared ALL IS WELL presently. ALL LOVE! 🙂 <3 _/|_

  94. rachel says:

    I love your crazy sexy love notes readings – and today’s I really, really needed to hear. Thankyou xx

    p.s. I am so sorry you are sick! Hope you are feeling better soon xxx

  95. Louyse says:

    Hi Kris
    Thank you. I know your messages are to millions of us. But thanks for making them feel like they’re just for me. Sometimes you’re the kindest voice I hear all day (hmm week or month)
    You make a difference to me. Thank You
    L xx

  96. Sarah says:

    Thank you for this! I am allowing myself to accept more of who I really am and what I really need as I age, I think. For most of my life, I have historically gotten sick…often. To the degree that the responses I have received from school friends and teachers up through work colleagues have been, “Wow! You are ALWAYS sick!” or “Weren’t you JUST sick? You poor thing!” Primarily it has been of the upper respiratory genre and one thing that always happens is that I lose my voice. In my inner wisdom, very deep down, I believe that I have known that this was a sign of something more psychic and emotional, as opposed to strictly “catching what is going around” although I recognize that this is some of it. I am a perfectionist and a people-pleaser, scratch that “up until now” I have been a perfectionist and a people-pleaser. I want to do “the right” thing all of the time and be “the best!” I accept offers of commitments for things like Pavlov’s dog-you ask-I accept! “Can someone volunteer for this?” Sure! I’m your girl! And I will stress from that point until well-after it is over analyzing what will be and what was! The initiation of growth in this area started when I would immediately have a bolt of terror shoot through my body that seemed to scream, “NOOOOOO!” or “You know darn well you have no interest in doing that!” However, I would push through and continue to say, yes with a smile and a “go get ’em” attitude moving me further and further away from my True Self. Inevitably, after too many of these “please approve of me” efforts, I would get very sick with some respiratory illness and lose my voice for several days. I have come to believe that this was my body’s way of “speaking for me” when my fragile ego would not allow my voice to do so. The pendulum then swung to the other side where I became a hermit and accepted very few if any offers. If I did accept, I would put out pleas to the Universe on a loop to have the other person cancel! So, at 41, I am still very much a work in progress. I went to NYC with my partner last weekend. “The City” in my mind and the place that I have dreamed of living since I was 10. What I noticed was that the pace, the sounds, the stimulation that I craved for so many years and got such a “high” from no longer appeals to me. I was both crushed and relieved. I shared with my “guy” or “partner” (Complete aside: I seem to be in a state where using “boyfriend” at 40 seems weird to me and I am not sure of how to refer to him!) that something had changed and he smiled and said, “You are coming into your own…maybe you ARE a country girl at heart!” He would like to move to upstate NY so some bias there!

    What I am working to do now is to ask for some space before I respond to invitations, requests, and opportunities. My “postponement strategy” recently has been “That sounds great, I will have to think about that. Can I get back to you on X date?” Wow! I did not intend to take up this much space, but I Thank You for inspiring me to think more about this and to consider other ways of honoring my Self. All the best!

  97. Katia says:

    Your post comes at the right time! My body has felt drained for weeks, yet I kept pushing because “I know I can” and now I feel awful, with a really bad feverish and painful body. Basically exhaustion. I heard my body but refused to listen. Thank you for your post, it helps to acknowledge the truth of the situation instead of blaming my body or constitution for being “weak”. Self-love, here I come! (In a compassionate way rather than another thing to achieve way!)


    Ps I was eating a salad as I was reading this… Let’s hope for the best

  98. Suzie says:

    Thank you for this, Kris! Reading this & watching the vid allowed me to hit the reset button this morning – now heading out for a walk to nourish myself. ❤️ Hope you are back to feeling healthy soon!

  99. Bridget says:

    No means yes to our Self. Too many years I was the person to go to when something needed done. “Yes! Sure! No problem”. Meanwhile all my goals were being shot down. Then I got on the “no train” and it felt selfish at first and people were surprised to hear me say “I am sorry,I can’t help this time” eventually the asking stopped and suddenly what I needed to focus on (business and supporting my kids) happened. Saying no is a good thing. Having a supportive partner who reminds you that “no” starts with “N” not “Y” soothes the guilt that may come up. This is a great blog post, Kris. It’s also important for kids to understand this lesson while so many are in that Race to Nowhere. Kids need to stop too before they settle into the “yes” track. To your health!!

  100. Alma says:

    I’m coming up on the 1-year anniversary of when I should’ve learned to say ‘no.’ I was working a job that was completely out of alignment with my purpose, beating my body to hell and back with early morning bootcamp for hours each week, and numbing with alcohol and junk food binges in between my usual healthy eating. All of that eventually smacked me right in the face with horrific daily panic attacks and generalized anxiety disorder that left me fearful of pretty much everything, life in general. Now I’m nearly on the other side of it because I’ve learned to say no to punishing and numbing my body, no to soul-crushing jobs, and no if I just plain don’t feel like doing anything!

    Thanks for sharing, Kris. Feel better soon!

    • Kris Carr says:

      I’m thrilled that you’re turning a corner! Woo-hoo! xo, kc

    • NK says:

      Hi Alma-
      First & foremost, congrats on your year anniversary & thanks so much for sharing! Your words regarding a soul crushing job, binging on junk food/alcohol & being afraid of everything truly spoke to me because that is ME in my life right now. Can you please tell me what you did to find a job that’s in alignment with your soul’s purpose? What habits/routines help keep you on your new healthy & happy path? Any advice would be appreciated bc I’m inspired by your success & it’s given me hope.
      Stuck In A Deeeep Rut & Afraid To Move

      • Nancy says:

        If you’re feeling stuck and afraid check out a few books: Feel the Fear and do it Anyway, can’t remember the Author, and The Now Effect by Elisha Goldstein. Both books could help put you on a better path. 🙂

  101. Emily says:

    Thanks for this blog today! I’m so happy I started my day with it; it was exactly what I needed to read. Take good care and thanks for keeping up the bright and honest work!

  102. Michelle says:

    I totally needed this today! Thanks so much! Feeling under the weather, as well, due to allergies. Def had my green juice:-)

  103. Jenny Reynolds says:

    Thanks for this Kris! It hit me on the right day, after coming off a 13 hr work day and stopping at Panera for a bear claw at 8:30pm at night (really, a bear claw and at 8:30pm?). In any case, we do need to listen to our bodies and as a result, I am dedicating the next 10 min to a nice meditation. Thank you for your words of wisdom and grace and the reminder to listen to my body and nourish it with whole food goodness as I start out my Tuesday. -Jenny

  104. Marj says:

    You just wrote about me . . . I so need a No Buddy. After dropping weight effortlessly this winter, I have had a steady stream of “food events” of one sort or another this spring. Today is my first break after a solid week of eating stuff I didn’t want or eating too much, entertaining, meeting friends for a meal, etc. They are all things I want or need to do, but I’m just not eating the simple and good stuff my body craves. Rats!

  105. Jane says:

    Today what I love most is that caring for your sweet Buddy was one of the reasons you slowed down this year. You always inspire!

  106. Cristol says:

    I just enjoyed a 4 day weekend of rest, relaxation and recharging my body. Of course when I came home I ran around like a crazy woman, attempting to get everything ready for the upcoming week. My body talks to me very specifically, so now I find myself with a sore throat (for not actually voicing the word “no”) and an upset tummy as I couldn’t digest all that I took on in such a short time. Time to honour myself more than the demands of the world 🙂

  107. Kelly Hall says:

    Hi Kris,

    Your blog was so timely for me! I am in the process of working on connecting more to hear my ‘no’ signals. I work part-time, run a household with 4 pets, am studying and busy trying to fit in creating my business and sometimes I just load up on tasks, and then right when I am busy amongst it, it get sick only to have to cancel plans and rest when I really just want to be out and about. I have started religiously meditating and since been tuning into my body and its request and things are definitely getting easier. I have been struggling with various illness for 10 years and like I am more compassionate towards myself when i do have to stop, but still seem to get frustrated at the aches and pains or flu like symptoms. But this is my year to master the whispers and create ease and flow in my life. Its a journey 🙂

  108. Celia says:

    This is amazing Kris, just what I needed as I am going to an interview for some temporary work I feel I shouldn’t really say yes to. Amazing this just landed in my inbox as a confirmation!
    Thanks so much! x

  109. Shannon Heilmann says:

    I had my first poop salad a few weeks ago 🙁 I so feel for you. Fatigue, body aches, and irritability this week and a looming trip to comicon this weekend in the midst of trying to open up a business. I hadn’t made the connection. Thank you! Directly behind a screamo concert, comicon is on my top ten places I never want to go. I promised and it might not be so bad, but next time I won’t be so quick to answer yes

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