In this post:

Sharing the Truth Makes us Vulnerable | How to Have a Tough Conversation with Yourself | What Truth-Telling Requires | Tell the Truth in 8 Steps |

Hiya Gorgeous,

Truth has been a big theme for me lately and it seems to be sending me messages.

Repeatedly pulling the “Tell the Truth” card from my deck, an unexpected email about truth-telling from my pal, Gabby—even Netflix suggested a flick for me to watch! “Dishonesty: The truth about life. Why we do it, when we do it and how society suffers from whoppers and little white lies alike.”

Okay, message received!

So, I meditated on why sharing our truth is so important—yet so incredibly difficult—and had a realization: Sharing the truth makes us vulnerable.

But before we take a deep look at our inner workings, here’s a quick step-by-step guide to help you navigate truth-telling with others.

Sharing the Truth Makes us Vulnerable

We all want to fit in, be loved, and get invited to the party (even when we don’t want to go). We’re communal, pack creatures and we thrive when we feel connected. Sound familiar?

At the same time, we crave authenticity and messy realness. We want to honor our uniqueness—to be truly seen and heard—and we look up to people who are brave enough to stand out and use their voices.

Yet when these two desires are in conflict (fitting in vs standing out), we often err on the side of fitting in. So, we start to hide and only share parts of ourselves—acceptable, tidy parts that don’t make waves. Going against the grain, and possibly being rejected, is just too painful.

We may even find ourselves telling little white lies to keep the peace. Teeny-weenie fibbers that don’t ruffle feathers. In fact, these teeny-weenies are so small that we can’t imagine any harm being done. I mean, it’s not like we committed a crime or something.

But, what if it sorta is? Now, I’m not talking about a major felony here—it’s more of an offense against ourselves because all of those teeny-weenies add up.

We say we’re happy when we’re not. We pretend to like something when we don’t. We settle instead of shining. We don’t stick up for ourselves, or others, or animals, or the planet because we’re afraid of the consequences of rocking the boat.

Over time, our little white lies pull us further away from our true selves and our true power. Plus, stuffing our feelings almost always leads to resentment. Yuck.

So what’s the solution? Unapologetic truth-telling.

It’s Time for a Tough Conversation—with Yourself

I’m realizing that time is going by quicker than I want it to, and I haven’t had a chance to say things to people I Iove or soak in sunrises I’ve missed.

Plus, our world is in a shit-ton of hurt and it’s making me ache, so now is not the time to stay quiet or tell teenie-weenies. My spirit is calling me to be more of who I really am. Bold, full-blooded me. And, the same may hold true for bold, full-blooded you.

If you feel like the universe is dismantling your comfort zone, perhaps it’s a sign that areas of your life are out of alignment with your truth. And, it may not only be dishonesty with others. Maybe the Universe is asking you to stop telling yourself teenie-weenies—“I’m not good enough” and other such bogus nonsense.

I know that’s true for me. In fact, the universe is being kinda annoying and relentless. If I’m too shy or scared to share my truth, the universe is sharing it for me.

Relationships that don’t serve my soul growth are drifting apart, business opps that don’t excite me anymore are less lucrative, personal issues I’ve been avoiding are flaring up like spiritual roids. It’s ouchy but liberating—like a reckoning and a resurrection.

Here’s a harmless example:

I recently shared something on Instagram that one of my followers called a bunch of things, including “unacceptable”.

“To who?” I thought. Just because I stepped out of the box she put me in, doesn’t mean it’s unacceptable. It’s not that my actions should have been different, it’s that she and I have different views—and that’s OK.

If we differ in opinion, I’m up for a constructive conversation. If she can’t tolerate that my opinion is different from hers, that’s not my problem. I refuse to contort myself to please people. It’s a surefire way to lose myself. Plus, I don’t plan on staying in a designated lane for anyone—and neither should you.

Truth-telling is how we show up for ourselves and become more of who we really are.

What Truth-Telling Requires

Be willing to be vulnerable.

Be willing to make the first move and even look foolish. Your truth requires you to be naked, but that doesn’t mean you’re unsafe. Again, your truth is your power. So open up, dig deep, and be honest.

Remember—your truth is also courageous.

Our culture typically portrays courage as a monumental act of human bravery. But, more often than not, it’s so subtle you can barely identify it. Everyday courage to tell your truth means you’re making the effort rather than taking the easy way out.

So the next time you want to shrink and tell a white lie, try this instead:

1. Ask yourself why you don’t want to be truthful.
2. What’s the emotion that’s driving you to be untruthful (fear, sadness, loneliness, etc.)?
3. Spend time with this emotion. See it for what it really is.
4. Bless it, thank it, let it go.
5. Then, tell your truth.

Each time you catch yourself about to tell a teeny-weenie—stop, drop and kindly share your truth instead.

Tell the Truth in 8 Steps

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. You have to have a difficult conversation with a person you care about. How do you make sure they hear you?

1. Remind yourself of your intentions: Sometimes it helps to start your intention for the conversation to set the tone. After all, it isn’t about playing the blame game. What is your end goal, the point you’re trying to make in the conversation?
2. Choose the right time and place: Make sure you start the conversation in a private, quiet, and comfortable place where you both feel you’re able to speak freely.
3. Differentiate between the truth and your truth: There are two sides to every story. You have every right to tell your side of the story. But remember that they have a point of view, too.
4. Acknowledge you understand that it’s sensitive: What you say may be difficult for the other person to hear. Remind yourself that the words you use will have an impact.
5. State your perception of the facts at hand: Make sure it’s clear that you’re sharing the truths as you see them and that it’s your perspective alone. Use “I statements” that describe how you feel. Avoid using “You” because it comes across as accusatory.
6. Embrace active listening: Now you have to allow the other person to share their perspective. What is their understanding of the situation? Are you open to hearing their answer? Leave room for their truths in the conversation.
7. Look at the bigger picture: Make sure you’re trying to gain an understanding of the big picture. Are you missing anything? What happened from their point of view? Are there any missing pieces?
8. Close the conversation on a good note when possible: Sometimes, the truth can change a relationship. But being concerned that you’ll damage a relationship should never keep you from saying something that needs to be said.

Remember, you can be a truth-teller without being an asshole.

If your genuine truth causes pain to others, you can say you’re sorry—just not for your truth. You’re sorry because you understand that your truth has consequences, but it’s still valid and it still needs to be heard.

Sharing your truth is how you develop your unshakeable voice. Plus, your truth is your direct line to your intuition and to the Divine. It may make folks uncomfortable from time to time. But, it’s not your job to be the protector of the universe.

Peace & truth-telling,