Hi Sweet Friends,
Do you shy away from celebrating your victories because you’re afraid people will think you’re full of yourself?
You’re not alone. It’s easy to feel awkward when you stand out and shine. “Will they accept me? Make fun of me? Think I’m a pompous jerk?” Those questions would make anyone draw inside the lines (carefully).
To fit in, we believe that it’s safer to bond over pain rather than triumph. Heck, we even outdo each other’s misery. “Oh, you think that’s bad, listen to THIS.” The more we dwell on the negative, the more negative energy we create. And the smaller we behave the smaller our world becomes.
Today I want to encourage you/us to bond over breakthroughs. Embody yourself fully. Full is fabulous. Big. Round. Ripe. Complete. Unique. Full is what the world needs. Not half empty.
Celebrate Your Success
A few months ago one of my girlfriends had a major win. She self-published a powerful book that took off overnight. Within a few days it was climbing the charts on Amazon and by the end of the week, she had landed herself a traditional book deal. That’s no small accomplishment. And it all happened because she was willing to do the work and put her courageous (and wise) self out there. The book: Jump and Your life Will Appear by Nancy Levin. When I heard the good news, I wanted to pop bubbly and take her dancing. But since Nancy lives on the west coast, and I’m a Woodstock gal, that wasn’t possible. So we did the next best thing–Skype!
Here’s the message I sent her: Do you have 5 minutes for us to brag about you?
Here’s her response: LOL! YES! THANK YOU!
We squealed, laughed, and even got teary. Most importantly, we paused and acknowledged her wonderful victory. And guess what? In that moment, I felt as special as she did.
When we authentically celebrate someone else’s achievement, we win with them.
After that call, I thought long and hard about how to elevate my own energy more consistently. Giving my girlfriend the opportunity to have a good healthy brag session helped me realized that I don’t give it to myself enough. So in the spirit of walking my talk, allow me to brag (it’s not headline worthy, but it means something to me)… A few weekends ago I learned how to use a wood chipper in order to help my husband clear our field. That’s huge for me, especially because I have a very active imagination. All I kept thinking about was that scene in the movie Fargo. If you saw the flick, you know exactly what I’m saying. Not pretty. Thankfully my limbs stayed attached to my body and at the end of the day, I felt like a badass, capable, sexy beast. I took pride in the sweat and dirt and I also got a terrific workout.
And that’s my brag. Wanna join me? Here’s how…
5 tips for building self-confidence with healthy bragging:
1. If you’ve been taught to put a lid on your victories, rip that sucker off. Do your own personal, invigorating end-zone dance. Bragging is just a way of showing your pride for hard work well done. If you win your personal super bowl (this can be a huge goal like launching your own business or something as simple as knitting a scarf), that’s damn exciting and share-worthy.
2. Align yourself with people who lift you up, not tear you down or want to bond through wallowing. It’s easy to get caught up in all that’s not working. But remember, manifesting our deepest desires is about having gratitude for what we have, the bravery to admit what we want, and the ability to hold optimistic space for all possibilities–even the ones we don’t have in focus. The next time your pals, co-workers or mastermind groups want to gather for a bitch fest, opt-out. You’ve got better things to do. Leave the drama to the reality TV shows and tune-in to a healthier channel.
3. Do it with class and share the stage. Granted, some people are buttholes about it. Don’t be that. This isn’t a one way conversation and you’re not the center of the universe. Let others shine as much as you do. Pass the mic, the talking stick, the unicorn saddle. Be present, hold space for the other person, and for the love of God, stop checking your cell phone and listen.
4. Stop comparing. It’s hard to honor your special brag if you’re constantly measuring against others. They’ve got their thing, you’ve got yours. There’s room for all kinds of crazy kink in the world. Rather than getting jealous, or feeling inferior, allow others’ success to remind you that everything is possible. If you feel icky, examine where it’s coming from. An old wound that needs mending? Desires that aren’t big enough? Perhaps you want what they got and you realize that you’re just not aiming high enough. Fantastic! Stretch your dreams.
5. Like attracts like—focus on the good! In her book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts, my friend Regena Thomashauer, (the Queen of teaching women how to have a healthy brag) says that “Bragging about the goodness in your life, especially your pleasurable accomplishments, unearths your desires and fans the flames of desire in other women. In talking about the good, more good can come your way.” PS. She also teaches us that women don’t brag nearly enough.
Your turn: In the comments below, I give you full permission to BRAG. Share one of your recent successes with me—big, small, it doesn’t matter. Go for it! I can’t wait to read every single one.
Peace & megaphones,
Enjoyed this article very much! I surround myself with loving people, work hard for my accomplishments, and, yes, I brag! I, now, have a glow of happiness because of it. After every type of life struggle you can imagine, I enrolled in college at age 42. I have been placed on the Dean’s List for the 8th quarter in a row for my outstanding performance towards a Bachelor’s in Business Administration! Yes, the 8th, but I still get a tinkle of excitement when I get that letter and have to share that excitement with those that know me, and some that don’t. 🙂
What an awesome article ahhhh I LOVE it. It’s SO true, we do tend to bond over wallowing. I got so sick of certain friends in my life who only wanted me to build them up when they were tearing me down, I would actually physically dread our ‘meetings’. I finally got the courage to say ‘adios’ to a couple of those very negative people and I’ve felt lighter since. On celebrating successes…recently, I was published in a coloured pencil magazine, where I got to talk about two huge things for me, saving animals and how animals inspire my artwork, it was a 4 page spread, FOUR WHOLE PAGES JUST FOR ME. I am was so proud, I am SO proud, but I found myself hiding the magazine, only showing a small circle of people….because it hurt too much when I showed so called friends or family members who couldn’t even be bothered to hold the magazine or make the attempt to show enough interest to flip through it or even read a single word of what I wrote (which was a huge deal in itself because I am always nervous about my writing abilities AND I wrote this article & submitted it on the same day that one of our furry hearts died in my arms!). So with such lack luster response, I started putting myself down and saying ‘well it’s really not a big deal anyways…or well it didn’t bring me any new work so what was the point” but really if I admit it, I want to scream happily and dance around and say to the world ‘look, look, me and my art and our bunnies are in a magazine’. So thanks to your article beautiful Kris, I am going to start embracing my success again…thanks for the reminder, you rock as always:D XO.
Not sure I’ve mastered the art of bragging just yet, so I’ll let the dogs of the world brag for me! I’m sure if they could talk they would woof with delight that I had the courage to start my own organic doggie treat company (even more so to come out with a frozen treat as half the dog owners of the world, I soon realized, had no idea dogs even liked ice cubes, let alone LOVE them!)….but four years later and many clapping paws, I must say I’m so glad I took that first step and just went for it. The success of my Freezy Pups treats has given me confidence I never knew I had and the rewards have far exceeded the trials. Ok, so I bragged a little 🙂 Thank you for giving us this forum, Kris!
YES YES YES!!
Keeping my eyes on my own paper has increased my confidence exponentially.
I focus on the perspective of love and appreciation and I get tuned right up.
Sharing what feels good keeps me on the right track 🙂
Thanks for these tips Kris.
With Love,
Carla M. Holden
Transformational Coach & Wellness Consultant
It’s 8 mos. since I had my double mastectomy and life is pretty sweet these days. My husband bought me a few earth boxes for Mother’s Day and I’m so proud to share that all my plants are still alive and thriving just like I am! 😉 I have all the Crazy Sexy books and they are scattered throughout the house…it’s fun to stop and just pick one up, read a few pages and continue to be reminded of how fabulous we all can be. Enjoy life today~ xoxo
Kris _ I am so grateful to have purchased your book, Crazy Sexy Diet. It has made a huge difference in my life. I believe I got the referral from a book by Gretchen Rubin..
Anyway, as for something to brag about, this is odd: I have been diagnosed with diabetes, and I am trying extremely hard to follow the plan. I have already lost weight, and this is my focus for now. I am proud to be losing weight; not the way it has been forced on me, but maybe I needed that boost. I WILL be incorporating your super healthy meals into my diet. AND, I have ordered the book on reversing diabetes by your friend DR. Neal Barnard.
After being sluggish about my health for years, I am now proud to say I am going to be in tip-top shape very soon, and healthier than ever.
THANK YOU, KRIS CARR.!!!!!
So inspiring! Thank you for sharing. I’m also planning to write a book, and this is just a sign that you don’t have to be famous or well-know to do it! You just have to have a clear message that comes from your heart <3
This is so awesome and so very, very, very, and unfortunately, true. Women don’t brag enough and somehow the word brag is negative. I love the word celebrate that you used. We were always taught growing up the being boastful, proud, or conceited was a sin worthy of social death. It’s high time we pull up our skirts and climb to the top of the hill and shout out to ourselves and each other that we are beautiful, powerful, capable human beings! You rock, Kris. And you know what???? I rock, too!!!
Here it goes…I just completed 14 and half years of teaching children with Autism and special needs and was voted Teacher of the Year for my school. I will be celebrated (like a queen) next school year. I’m not an attention seeker and tend to fly under the radar which made the honor a complete surprise. I love my students and their families and am in awe with how my fellow teachers have rallied behind me. Next school year will be quite a blast!
PS…It was a pleasure meeting you at the I Can Do It conference in Miami. 🙂
I started a non-profit organization, which is a school-assembly program, that seeks to combat the often mean and vicious ways that girls bully one another! The assemblies are for middle school and high school girls and was started last year after I graduated from college. As females, I’m sure we have all experienced just how cruel girls can be to one another. Being a young woman myself I thought that the girls would relate to my assemblies and they have!! It has been SO rewarding! I took such a leap of faith but am so happy I did it 🙂 And the exciting news…I just got a book deal!
Whoa, this bragging leeway is a tad uncomfortable but also very exhilarating to share with such a special audience. Thank you Kris for putting this conversation out there 🙂
Kris, this article is so important.
We often limit ourselves because of ‘normal’ social dynamics, and I see this tendency to focus on the negative in many of my own interactions…as well as a widespread cultural phenomenon.
But this insight of yours is world shattering…”When we authentically celebrate someone else’s achievement, we win with them.”
Imagine if we took that to the next level and realized that when we authentically want what’s best for humanity we all benefit from each other’s gains. It can be so difficult to shift from the scarcity to abundance, but so much is possible, so much abundance is available when other’s wins become our own.
Fantastic article, thank you for sharing.
Heading to Paris for a photo shoot with the incredible Carla Coulson (which I won), putting together my first e-book , moved country from Australia to Italy, renovated, helped kids settle into new life, going through B-School at my own pace and picking back up after a virus. Moving forward, and yes I love that line “To fit in, we believe that it’s safer to bond over pain rather than triumph.”
I share on my blog or fb that something incredible has happened and don’t get the messages I get by the truck load when I say I’m sick. or not coping……I love that people care but I totally see your point and will watch that I’m not playing my life down…..brilliant xx
ciao ciao
I shared and celebrated with a young person who embraced her excitement and nervous energy after her presentation. It made me realise that there may be a calling for it.
Okay! I’ll do it!
I started my own health and wellness coaching business, and within a few months quit my job to go at it full force and harness the dream. Now I have a bunch of new clients, who I am helping to get in touch with their most awesome authentic selves. It feels like an amazingly big deal and a dream and its all happening because I put in a lot of work and bravery.
Wow. That did feel good 🙂 Thanks.
….i jiust ate the most wonderful muffin i baked with coconut flour!!!
I enjoyed it utterly!…..and now i am sitting ,full of energy,doing nothing and enjoying looking at the greenery around .
Life can be just so wonderful when i am open to it!!!
Thank you for your bragging reminder! love. Sangita
This xena warrior princess lady not only totally just survived a crazy year in cancerland and came out ON TOP, yesterday she got out of bed (yes!), made her green juice (what!), ca-leaned that juice machine, and after a little rest, totally mowed- with one of those like push-cutter no-motor lawn machines- and I’m talkin all by herself, a whole like quarter of the backyard garden jungle. I.AM.A.ROCKSTAR.
Its hard to brag about your body without triggering insecurities in others. So thank you for this space. I was diagnosed with cancer, and I woke up. I developed the discipline necessary to change my diet and lifestyle, and maintain those changes. I lost 30 pounds, go to Pilates three times a week, and feed myself healthy juice and real food. I found my strong and capable body, and I found my self-discipline. I have what it takes to change and recharge my life.
I totally agree with this! I believe we are created to “Hold the Positive” for and about one another. (This does NOT mean we don’t deal with conflictual issues when they arise–oh contrare! Doing so in a graceful, loving manner helps us to stay in this place of grace with one another.)
We are meant to CELEBRATE one another. It’s so BEAUTIFUL when we do.
In celebration of you Kris, and sharing this “good stuff” with the world. Thank you.
Hi Kris!
Wow get out of my head already – this is exactly what I needed to read this morning xoxoxo
So my Big Brag and no I haven’t really done it yet due to all the other crap going on in my business but here it goes!
My cookbook is here! Gluten-Free gets Good!
Yup all 154 pages, full colour with pictures for every recipe, bound in a hardcover- my gift and cooking tool for the world! (Its gluten-free, corn-free, dairy-free, soy-free and peanut -free – well basically it’s CRAP free cooking!) . I even opened my own publishing company-Choice Publishing- just so that I could have it done exactly how I needed it to be done! And then while cooking up a storm and developing recipes last year I jumped into the world of making fresh Almond milk, in my search for a NUT MILK bag which came up empty I designed and am making my branded get Real Bistro NUT MILK BAG- 100% nylon seamless of course so that no nut meal gets wedged in the seam and gets yuck! heck even though my packaging sucked I took my cookbook and Nut Milk bag into Planet Organic Edmonton, Ab South store on Tuesday – they are interested so I need to contact the New York head office woot woot! Can you imagine little ole me that grew in small town Saskatchewan Canada and all because my daughter needed food to eat that wouldn’t make her sick.
Thank-you so much Kris for allowing me to Brag, I feel empowered once again- I think now that I sit here and look back at what has taken place over the last 24 months I can honestly say that holy crap I AM AMAZING!!!!!
Love the idea that when you talk about your accomplishments, it inspires others to step up:)