Hello gorgeous!
When I started my blog I didn’t know it would become a business. I loved helping people and I wanted to make it a full-time job. Though I had no idea how to do that, my gut told me to try anyway. And so the adventure begins…
But like most great adventures, I was lost in the beginning, and when you’re lost, it’s natural to seek guidance. Well, I went a little overboard with my need to gather opinions. In fact, I collected so many confusing recommendations that I got totally overwhelmed and almost quit.
Today I want to share some of the worst advice I’ve ever received and how you can benefit by not listening.
Hands down, my biggest mistakes came from not believing that I had the ability to figure it out. And truth be told, I wanted someone to save me, to do the work for me. I think this is called Prince Charming syndrome. Whatever it is, I desperately wanted to be taken care of, not surprising since I decided to change my career in the middle of a huge health crisis.
As a result, I listened to potential investors, business partners and advisors. “Launch a non-profit, create a school, be a reality TV star, design state of the art tongue scrapers.” Oiy, I’m getting tired just remembering this stuff. I listened to consultants, agencies and think tanks. I listened to well-meaning friends and family (who had never launched a business). And oh boy did I listen to the media, critics and especially bad reviews.
Then one day, I stopped listening.
I remember the afternoon I took my entrepreneurial life by the ovaries and said, everyone OUT. I got this! Now mind you, I still didn’t know how exactly “I got this” but I was tired of the noise and I knew that I’d be fine if I got laser focused and listened to my inner wisdom.
Sometimes the only person who can save you is you. I’m not saying we shouldn’t get advice from others. Useful advice can be the difference between success and failure. But more often than not, too much advice kills our mission and mojo. There’s no way around rolling up our sleeves and doing the work. You may need some training (I did). You may fail and fall (I still do), but if you have the passion and vision, the path to success is easier than you think.
What can you offer the world? Hint: plenty!
What message do you have to share? Why is that message important to you? (This is essential because when you forget, your work suffers). Where is the need for your service, product or expertise? How can you deliver it in a unique way?
Hint: Be yourself and test your crazy ideas. Are other people charging for the same knowledge or talent you have? If you can’t answer these questions yet, no worries. Just allow them to get the wheels turning and the creativity flowing.
This isn’t the moon landing, there’s no need to overcomplicate your vision.
No matter what we’re struggling with, the more we look within for solutions, the clearer the path becomes.
Needing to take action is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be aimless or confusing.
When it came to my health, I ultimately decided to tune out the fear mongering noise and start taking care of myself. Not everything I tried worked, but the more I checked in with my inner guide, the less likely I was to waste my time with the latest fad. As for my business, my focus became clear and simple: write useful-fun-awesome stuff, give lots of it away for free, and occasionally charge for the rest. This allowed me to support my readers, my family and a whole bunch of other families—my Crazy Sexy Team.
Peace & you got this,
This very topic is why I decided to turn my mess into a message. I kept looking outside of myself only to feel discouraged and be disappointed. Encouraging others to listen to that voice within and do things their way is my passion! I appreciate you for sharing this. Thank you!
“Turning a mess into a message.” So brilliant! xo, kc
Thank you, Kris, for the right remy reminder at the right time. As I take my lunch break from my traditional job, all I want to do is daydream of helping people with my other passions and creative side with my own business. I was beginning to feel a bit down on myself and overwhelmed but you provided the perfect reminder that I already have everything I need to get back on track with b-school and the spotlight mastery. Thank you for following your passion and sharing the love.
You can do it, Allison. Can’t wait to work with you on achieving those dreams. xo, kc
Thank you so much for writing on this subject! I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in 2012. I am no longer working and feel like I am just learning how to fully live life and well, actually love myself. I see this diagnosis as a sacred wound, here to help me uncover my true self and purpose. At times, however, I wonder if I am “supposed” to be doing something other than read about ways to improve my health…mental and physical, walk my dog (a lot:)), take guitar lessons, practice yoga (asana and lifestyle) , meditate and well again, learn to love myself. I seem to know so much intellectually from all of my readings but I’m afraid I’m supposed to be “doing more” to make a difference and help others…seva, volunteering, blog, etc. Your writing on the subject of advice overload oddly enough has inspired me to reach out to you for well…advice:) I have been navigating this mostly on my own and it would be nice to hear from someone that has been living with cancer longer that myself and that is making a difference. I am grateful for you and your blog! Many blessings to you!
Blessings back to you, Kathy. I’m so happy to hear my blog has been a touchstone for you. Sending you love. xo, kc
Perfect shoulder relaxing timing thank you for the reminder, when I was referring outside myself I created such a disaster, now on taking response ability back into my own court I’ve made something so true to myself it makes ‘work’ flow so beautifully, I’m sometimes terrified that I’ll mess up like before but those doubts are soothed by reminding myself to breathe and speak truthfully, thanks lovely Kris 🙂
You are so welcome Malika. xo
I just want to be an author. It’s all I’ve dreamed about and talked about since I was a teen. I put my dreams on hold while I raised a family, and now that my last 2 children are in their teens, I’m still struggling with carving out time just for me and pursuing my dreams. I have approximaely 15 outlines for books I’d like to write (all historical romance), but the most important that I’m being called to write, is about my personal journey with depression. I’ve taken several on-line courses regarding writing, self-publishing, and getting my mojo, and have learned a lot of things, but I’ve noticed that instead of getting even more excited, I’ve shrunk back. It all seems overwhelming. I have a busy life as it is, and now, from what I’ve learned, in order to build my platform I need to start a blog, have a Facebook or Twitter account, etc. Holy batman! I need more than 24 hrs in my day. How does a person prioritize?
Yes, a platform is important, but why not pick one topic and just write. Can you carve out 30 mins per day? Can you write 3 pages per week? Can you just start and see what happens? I’ll tell ya, nothing was hard for me when I didn’t have a clue about what to do! I just did it. Made my film. Wrote my first book. I didn’t have a platform till after it was all done–I was fueled by creativity and passion. The point is–write. Stop thinking and start doing. Truly. Even if it’s ONE page per week. In a year you’ll have 52 pages! That’s way more than ya had last year. I think you’ve got this. x
Great to hear about your own experience with this. I’ve “known” it for a while, but lately have been experiencing for the first time that I have to do in order for clarity to come. I can think things to death, debating the pros and cons, but being stuck in that indecision is far worse than making the wrong choice. I’m working on taking action, being willing to make mistakes, letting them go and using that to gain clarity for the next step. Thanks Kris!
Truly awesome Matt. I always try to remember that I can always start again (and with more knowledge the next time around!). Little risk, little reward. 🙂
Amen Sis-tah!!! Preach it. Too much outer noise nearly put me under. Going within myself made the difference between being pulled backwards and powerfully moving forward.
I’m a HUGE fan of B-school and want others reading to know that you can get the training AND begin to build your dream (or transition your biz like I did) and still listen to very wise self.
Thanks so much for sharing your journey Kris! I soooo resonated with what you are saying as TRUTH!!!!
Love your passion & thrilled to hear about your success! xo, kc
All great advice Kris. You sure have ‘been there and done that’
Would love to take advantage of your business coaching.
Sure is – listen to our passion – listen to our heart – then move in
that direction.
Hi Kris,
Thank you for sharing your experience. I can relate to much of what you said based on my own past and current challenges. Everyone is well intentioned with their advice, tips, etc but as you point out it can be overwhelming and may not be the right path for you.
I am genuinely confused by your post and perhaps I am misunderstanding something and would love to hear your perspective and clarification…
Having had the experience that you mention, I do understand the feeling of overwhelm of the advice and “shoulds” and “expectations” from ourselves and others and society in general. And I do understand the need to go within to find our own answers and our own clarity. And I do understand that there is stumbling along the way as we learn our way out of our current situation. I resonate with all of this.
But I am confused, in the same post that you recommend going within to find clarity and our own answers as that was what helped you on your journey, you then recommend joining your Mastermind Group and Marie Forleo’s B-School. I have no doubt that you both have a desire to share and to help people, and have oodles of knowledge/skills/experience to share but wouldn’t that be considered seeking external advice/consulting…
Perhaps you can help me to better understand or see the part that I am missing…
Thank you in advance. I have much gratitude and respect for those willing to share so openly about their journey.
With gratitude and genuine curiosity,
Katrina
Hey Katrina! No problem. Sorry for the confusion. Hope my response helps. 🙂
As I mentioned in the blog, I’m certainly not suggesting that advice is bad. In fact, we all need guidance no doubt. However, there is a difference between too much conflicting advice that pulls us off our center and keeps us spinning our wheels vs strategic advice that aligns with what we really want and what can actually move the needle in our businesses (and lives).
Again, some examples from the blog: I was told I should start a non-profit, then a wellness store, followed by an online university. I was told I should get investors because I’d never be able to do it on my own. I could go on and on. All those ideas ultimately made me feel tired and overwhelmed—when all I really wanted to do was write and teach. Going inside helped me figure out what I didn’t want. It made me realize that writing and teaching were more than enough—especially if I wanted to do them well. There are only so many hours in a day and running multiple businesses isn’t my thing this time around.
Once I got clear on my focus and created space for the authentic ideas that lit me up, I looked around and realized that I needed some tools. Unlike many of you guys, I was clueless about where to start (and I’m not very tech savvy either). So programs like B-School gave me concrete skills. I didn’t need to over-complicate my vision, I just needed to learn how to build a mailing list, use WordPress, and so on.
You might not be in the same place as I was. Perhaps this is a time to get the clarity before considering any training (B-School or others). I wouldn’t have been ready for B-School at the height of my confusion. I was only ready once I decided on my focus and backed it up with my knowledge to learn what I needed to know to be successful.
Hope that helps.
Hi Kris,
Thank you for taking the time to read and provide such a thoughtful response.
Yes, this additional perspective adds the additional clarity that I was seeking.
I can relate to so much of what you said… Getting clarity about what is in our hearts and moving in that direction. Then the advice/skills/resources we seek will be in alignment with us, which is essential and often they (the resource) will find us first… like somebody sharing a link or we stumble upon it ourselves just when we need it – like your blog 😉 .
Having the faith and courage to take the one next step is a challenge for me and yet I know it is essential in order to move forward. Paralysis is fear, and it is difficult to see/hear/feel your guidance in this state. It is very different than the pause of stillness which is when we stop, drop down and listen to that inner knowing.
What you shared about writing and sharing also resonated with me deeply… More than could easily be conveyed here…
Thank you again for taking the time to “hear me” and provide the additional insight. I found it helpful and I hope that others do also.
Continued blessings to you,
Katrina
Kris, thank you so much. I desperately needed to hear this. It can be so challenging to push away everyone else’s advice and worries, but they start to weight on you and hold you back. Time to start listening to my heart.
Yes! Listen. That’s exactly where to start. xo
Without a doubt, you are my messenger from the universe today. I have a book proposal I am about to send in to a literary agent. I have been working on this for 8 months while being mentored by a dear friend and published author (so lucky am I to have her). I was feeling AWESOME about my book until I sent it out a bunch of family, friends and co-workers to receive a HUGE variety of feedback….two of which were quite negative. I felt completely squashed, and lost my motivation for a month or two to continue. I recently started the Year Of Miracles and created a theme for myself this year – authenticity. I know that if I am truly authentic with MY SELF, then no one can take me down, whether I “fail” or succeed. If I am true to who I BE, so much fear drops by the wayside. It is when I am trying to impress or make others happy that I feel such fear of failing or letting others down. I am INCREDIBLY inspired by your Mastermind FB Group, your recent posts, and the energy in my world right now. Everything is telling me to move forward, and that is exactly what I am going to do. THANK YOU for being YOU! You are an very special person in many people’s lives, including mine. What a gift!
Hi Jenny: I totally understand where you’re coming from—most writers have been there! It’s not easy sticking with your message when there’s tons of feedback coming at you. Take what’s constructive and leave the rest. I’m cheering you on & I’m so glad you’re part of our Facebook group. xo! kc
Great advice……..I do believe you can/will find many answers looking within!
Thanks Kris, this is just what I needed to hear this morning. I’m 10 months into a new job which overwhelms me most days and I too want to ‘be saved’ or at least helped, A LOT. I just expressed this ‘want’ at my performance review and graciously my manager expressed that I have what I need already within me to continue doing what I’ve been asked to execute. He basically passed me the ball and said ‘go for it!’ I am most grateful for his belief in me. Now is time save myself by believing in me as well and having faith in the outcome.
Kim: It can be scary when you’re really pushing yourself to go to the next level! You’re not alone. Glad to hear your boss understands how awesome you are. Keep reaching! xo
Great article, Kris! Thank you so much. You truly are an inspiration. I’m at a time in my life where I know I need to make great changes for the next stage of my life to begin and for some incredible healing to take place. It can be a very frightening place to be and it’s easy to want to look outside of ourselves for all the answers, when really they lie within. I appreciate you sharing your story and advice. It helps stay focused and gets me back on track when I’m steering off course!
Hi Kendra: We all steer off course sometimes. 🙂 Happy to hear this blog helped you get back on track with your inner guidance. xo
Oh Kris, you always speak right to my soul. Thank you for being you and shining your light. xo
xo!
Yeah….*sigh*….I needed this. Thx. Can’t wait for the call. I’ll be in treatment at work at that time- hope I have access to the knowledge via portal acces to listen to after hours?
Hi Christina: Yes, you’ll get the recording so that you can listen the Mastermind call anytime! xo, kc
Ok I am so hoping to win a scholarship to Marie’s BSchool!
youtu.be/Z0-5WVnbl6g
Perfect timing for this lesson! I am in the midst of developing an online wellness center and I have people coming at me from 20 different directions! I literally went into shutdown this weekend to recover my balance and figure out where to re-start myself. I am ready to continue my journey and close the door on all the noise so I can think in here! Lol. A heart-felt thank you for sharing your experience.
Yours in well-being,
Eileen
Eileen: I love hearing that you’re listening to yourself and taking time to tune-in! Keep it up. xo, kc
Dear Kris, this so funny. I was literally JUST thinking about this subject. I LOVE asking people for feedback, and I’m always open for other peoples opinions, but I just asked myself: what if this is my newest way of wanting to please everybody?
I was just having this conversation with myself in my head about how opinions sometimes are just reflection of other peeps inner states. And then I’ve found you in my inbox.
Thanks you Kris, keep going 🙂
Love, Femke
I love the questions you’re asking yourself! Sounds like you’re on the right path. Love your website! xo
Thank you so much Kris, just what I needed to hear! That blog really impacted me in a powerful way because you are so authentic and real! Thank you for making a difference to my life <3 I feel more courage to trust my own direction with my natural skincare business.
Hi Sophie: So happy to hear this blog touched you & that you’re following your intuition! xo
I completely agree with Sophie, the timing of this blog was perfect for me!
As I grow my business, it always helps to be reminded not only for myself but my clients, to trust and follow my own intuition!
Carla xo