Happy Valentine’s Day! I was hoping to write something about romantic love or heartbreak today, but I couldn’t decide. Should I re-tell the story of how my biggest heartbreak made space for my greatest love? Nah. Wasn’t feeling it (shout-out to my hubby, Brian, though!)
Perhaps, I’d write about cancer. Today is my cancerversary, after all. Fourteen years living with cancer and still going strong. Nope. Wasn’t feeling that, either. Politics? Hell no. What about how to make a smoothie or take a good poop? Meh. The clock was ticking (we publish every Tuesday) and I was coming up snake eyes.
Well, I could write about a much bigger love—the universal love that’s always available to us. Call it God, Goddess, the Divine, Natural Order, Higher Consciousness—whatever works for you. But to really do that, I’d have to talk about how I’ve been blocking this love and support (when I need it most). Ooh, that’s juicy! Alrighty, here goes…
I’m a fixer, a problem solver, a get-the-job-done type of gal. I like to manifest the crap out of life. I get an idea, gut check it to make sure it feels good and then spring into action, creating a multi-tiered plan to make it happen, captain.
Now, I’m not saying that this is always a bad thing. It’s helped me be successful in many areas. But when my behavior is out of balance, it’s exhausting.
So lately, I’ve been easing up. Less doing. More being. I re-calibrated my goals and focused my energy. I declined speaking opps and social engagements. I even expanded my team, which allows me to delegate more. Yay!
Yet no matter how much I took off my plate, I was still overwhelmed and I didn’t understand why. My conscious, solution-oriented mind was coming up short.
Hmmm. Maybe it was my adrenals? Could Ashwagandha help? Nope, tried it. Jeez, what was wrong with me? Screw strategy! It was time to tap into spirit and ask for help.
So, I prayed on it. I prayed and prayed and in the stillness of meditation, I heard this:
“You’re pushing your way through life, relying on force vs. faith.
You’re depending on your own strength vs. Divine timing.
You’re not alone. There are unseen forces working on your behalf.
So, stop trying to control everything.
Instead, show up for your life and the people in it with love. The Universe will do the rest.”
Now, that’s what I call a big medicine message from spirit!
In essence, my spirit was telling me to surrender my need for certainty. For control freaks like me, that’s a hard pill to swallow. Control can feel so good when we have it. It’s orderly and cozy. Our ducks are in a row and stuff is buttoned up. But, is it really? In my case, control was masking anxiety. Drive was disguising fear.
Life doesn’t always want to be tucked in like that. We’re human beings, not human doings. So when we’re overly obsessed with controlling outcomes, it’s a sign that we’re out of alignment with both our inner guidance and our connection with the Divine.
Constantly plotting, planning and trying to figure things out on my own wasn’t working. My schedule wasn’t exhausting—my mind was! If this sounds like you, the following solutions may help.
How to move from force to faith.
Start by quieting your mind and connecting with spirit. As your thoughts and breath settle, ask for Divine assistance. You may say something like, “Please help me arrange this situation, I can’t figure it out on my own and I need your help.” Then, let go.
Each time a fearful, controlling thought pops up, replace it with a loving, confident thought. Rinse and repeat. Daily, hourly—whenever you need.
Remember that love is patient. Love is trusting. Love is unshakable—even in a shaky world. When we’re aligned with love, we’re aligned with the Divine and with the natural rhythms of life. We create from a place of sacred synchronicity rather than scarcity.
We believe that what’s right for our highest good is being coordinated on our behalf. Therefore, we don’t always have to strategize, force outcomes or figure everything out. Instead, we can do our part and then relax.
Again, this doesn’t mean we passively float through life letting everything happen to us. It means that we find a balance of action and allowing. Sometimes, it’s enough to just hang out with the vision we want to create for a while. We don’t have to jump on it right away. We can sip it like a fine wine. Swish it around and allow the flavors to reveal themselves.
Case in point: Have you ever worked your butt off to reach a goal but for whatever reason, it didn’t happen? Maybe you wanted this goal so badly that it was kinda hard to bounce back after it didn’t work out. Perhaps not getting what you wanted, what you worked so hard for, made you sink into a depression and even doubt your abilities.
Then, out of the blue, months or years later, the unmet desire suddenly happens. You didn’t do a darn thing, it just showed up. Why is that? Because the seed you planted blossomed while you were doing other stuff. Basically, the universe worked on it’s timeline, not yours.
Or maybe, what you wanted showed up in a different, more wonderful way than you actually imagined. Maybe your vision was smaller than what the Universe had in store for you!
You will be led to exactly where you need to be—to the right people, doctors, business opportunities, romantic relationship and decisions. “Life loves you”, as Louise Hay would say. It’s on your side. It wants you to be unapologetically you. But, life also needs you to have faith in the unfolding.
I hope this topic resonates. If so, are there outcomes that you’re forcing? Can you try to apply a little faith and trust to the situation? Understanding that your muscle pales in comparison to the power of the Universe.
Peace & prayer,
Get a free Self-Love Reboot meditation from me here. xo!
Hi Kris, I’m reading this at 02.30am on a sleepless night and these words are a gift. Over the last few months I’ve noticed that the right people (doctors, teachers, bosses) have shown up whenever I’ve prayed and then simply let it go. When I worry and ruminate about something it just leads to stress and no other discernable results. Thank you for the wisdom! X
And thank you for yours. xo, kc
Thank you Kris. This is just what I have been struggling with. How to work and how to let go and let Godess into my life.
Congratulations on 14 Crazy Sexy cncer-free years, you have helped me be a Vegan (all 4 months and counting!!) XO
Unapologetically Me!!! Yes, that’s it! Thank you, Kris ?
thank you for your shared thoughts and encouragement… very appreciated in a tough situation — family in Central Italy without a home after the earthquakes, the earth here is still moving… our beloved work, handmade paper (nightcloud!), at a still moment… we have to recreate our lives — hip hip hurray for recreating yours!
Catharina, I am thinking of you and yours and sending you loving thoughts from England x
thank you from the heart, Irene, good waves arrived… ! 🙂 C
Congrats on 14 years … cancer truly was a gift , look want you have created . I adore you , love your blog , books , everything. My Bff went thru her cancer journey 2014 and in that inbetween time of next steps in career and building a new life . You serve as an amazing example of listening to guidance and having faith . I am eternally grateful. Be the light , be the One . We are all One . Happy love day !
You are incredible, and it’s nice to know that others have crappy periods too, you have such strength, thank you for always making me feel good with ‘ Hiya gorgeous ‘ and spreading your love x
Kris, thank you for posting exactly what I needed to hear. Another Louise Hay affirmation I like is “I am open and receptive to all the good and abundance in the Universe.” I sometimes say “I am open and receptive to all the good and abundance that God has for me.” Either way, it’s a reminder that there really is a wonderful life out there. It can be even better than we ever imagined, we just have to be open to it. Like you, sometimes I get frustrated because I am working hard to meet some goals I have set but they’re just not falling into place. God’s divine timing is more perfect than anything we could ever come up with on our own. Thanks for sharing your wonderful message with the world.!
Thank you Kris for these wise words and inspiration to start my day. I’ve chosen this day to reboot my thoughts and perceptions, so your blog post is just what I need. My mind is always spinning and I spend so much energy and time trying to control outcomes that I am left completely spent at the end of the day. Thank you again and congratulations on 14 years of being cancer free!
Thanks for posting this message. It hits home. Grateful.
From one control freak to another, thank you for reminding me that I am right where I need to be and I’ll be just fine! I really have to make time to start journaling again. It has always served me well in the past. Peace and love to you ❤️
Right now at work I’m being reprimanded for things I did not do. I’ve been shaken to the core after sixteen years of working my soul to the edge of exhaustion. I asked for the support and character statements from my fellow employees and the response has been overwhelming and humbling. In another week I have to present my defense and character statements from these folks to a mean and manipulative woman and I’m still feeling crushed and defeated. Letting go seems to be my only option, searching for faith in a terrible and life altering situation.
Oh yeah girl, let go! Go somewhere that supports and treasures you! I went through a similar experience 3 years ago but I didn’t hang around to defend myself; I realized that was a losing battle and got out! Really, your life is to precious to be a player in someone else’s script (especially when it’s a shitty one!)
As an HR professional, good for you for standing up for yourself and getting support. So often bullies are left in the workplace because everyone is afraid to stand up to them. Your complaint may not help you and it may cause you to move on but my experience has shown that it will help others. Hang in there.
Congratulations on 14 amazing years Kris. I call them ‘amazing’ because you have thrived where others possibly wouldn’t. Kudos to you!! Your words are, as always, much needed and very relevant to me…..thank you so much. I talk to my angels every morning and every night and believe it or not, they told me something this morning that was such a surprise and that I really needed to hear. It brought happy tears to my eyes and made my day for sure. Works all the time doesn’t it?
Thank you for sharing your love, Kris. I had a similar experience of sharing with Spirit just last weekend. Everything we need to heal and be well is given to us. Some of us don’t know how to listen, apply, and be THANKFUL. What an awakening cancer is when you realize it is a part of your Being and that the journey to health is a beautiful occurrence, not a fight to the finish or a conquered battle. All negative energy spent is a waste when trying to heal. Blessings to you, always and in ALL ways. Deb
Very wonderful article. You probably realize this, so forgive me, thatvyou are describing the Daoist concept of Wu Wei (often translated as “inaction”) from the Lao Zi’s Dao De Jing (often translated Lao Tsu’s Yi Ching)? If not, definitely give it read! Love and peaches!
I read this and cried!!! I have been doing, doing, doing for a very sick husband for over a year. Been trying to force it in every way I can. He is on hospice with multiple issues and although I pray daily., I am NOTletting it go ,I am trying to make it happen.. Your message came when it was most needed. From one cancer survivor to another it takes us places we would not have gone and makes us more than we thought we could be!
Cappy, I have compassion for what you are going through. A friend was in a similar situation and there was nothing she or anyone could do to change it. I wish you peace in this part of your journey.
Love this post. Thank you for the reminder! Perfect timing too.
So beautifully said at such a perfect time. Thank you.
This is exactly what I need right now. My frustration level is unreal. I had gotten a “temp-to-hire” job, and just recently gotten myself and my son into an apartment after having been homeless for several months. I was hoping the job would be permanent, but it didn’t work out that way. I blamed myself fully. I analyzed the situation over and over in my mind, trying to figure out where I went wrong. At the same time, I am going through a divorce. So here I am, sitting here at 5:30 in the morning after another of many sleepless nights, trying to figure out what the best course of action is on my job hunt as well as in my life. Then I saw this post. The timing couldn’t be more perfect. Thank you, Kris, for reminding me to hold on to my faith. I don’t have much time to find another job, but I now feel that I will be led to the right one. Congratulations on fourteen years of being cancer free! Namaste!
Wonderful post, Kris. Thank you for all you do.
What a wonderful coincidence that this morning I was reading a book, and in the section on “What is Your Higher Purpose” the sentence: “That is your higher purpose – to be radiant for no reason other than being alive”, stood out. Then your post. Nice way for the Universe to reinforce its message to me.
Wow…just what I needed to hear today! Thank you and congrats on your C-versary. I just celebrated by 15 and 5!
Congrats, Terri! xo, kc
Bless you, bless you for sharing this message of surrender.
I’m a recovering manifester and push, push, push, do, do, do girl…
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me that I couldn’t manifest or pray my way to to baby or a mate and then the perfect storm hit, a tumor grew and I had a break-up so I was taken to my knees to learn how to let the Divine take the lead. My soul was speaking loudly and I heard her. Thankfully during the storm your work found me and I learned how to reduce the inflammation in my body (I’m so grateful for the CSY experience this fall). Tosha Silver’s (Outrageous Openness and Change me Prayers) and Meggan Watterson’s (Reveal, Soul Voice meditations) work also appeared in perfect timing and I’ve learned practical ways to surrender my life to the Divine and to help change my negative thought patterns. I learned about Parabdha Karma, my soul’s curriculum and how to shift a raging desire into a deep preference. Surrender is definitely not passive, I listen for guided action and when it’s go time, I’m fully supported!! Life is still full of challenges, my soul signed up for quite the challenging curriculum, but I’m not as exhausted by the pushing and doing as much any more. On this Valentine’s Day I can say that I’m free from the prison of longing for a mate, woo hoo!!!!
Love and blessings to all for the highest good xoxoxo