Hiya Gorgeous!
I’m wild about encouraging folks to love and care for themselves. Treating ourselves in a loving way expands our health and happiness. But today I also want to talk about expressing your love for others. Even if we get nothing in return, showing our love is like giving a blessing to the person you adore.
Show your love courageously. Show your love openly. Show your love with no strings attached.
Show your love (your heart, your kindness, your vulnerability, your soul-shine) because it feels good. Give because the giving is what you get. In fact, if you have a hard time with self-love, start outside yourself and work your way in. Showing love to others can be a gateway for loving yourself.
But what if showing your love feels scary, risky, dangerous even? We all have love wounds—a best friend who didn’t stand up for you on the playground, a parent or hero who let you down when you opened your heart. Be brave, friends. Try again. Each time you show your love to another, you heal the bumps and bruises from your past.
Here are some simple love lessons from my own life to get you started.
Hope you enjoy! I love you.
1. Listen.
Talk less and listen more. The greatest gift you can give someone is your full presence. Listen with your whole being. Pause. Breathe before you speak. An answer may not be needed. You don’t always have to fix it. Just be. Hear the entire thought, the entire feeling, all the pain, even the pain that only your intuition notices. Don’t interrupt or blast in with your projections and opinions. If a response is called for, channel your higher self.
2. Gentle touch.
My Colombian grandma used to give me “sanas” when I was hurt, bruised or sad. She’d rub my injury in a circular motion (sometimes it was my heart) and sing: “Sana, sana, colita de rana. Si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.” Rough translation: Heal, heal, little tail of the frog. If you don’t heal today, you’ll heal tomorrow. This folk song had magical healing power for me. Miraculously, I always felt better, even if we still needed stitches! Sanas heal.
3. Pick up the phone.
I was talking to my friend Joe a while back. He told me about how his daughter texts him all the time. Though he feels updated by those texts, they don’t replace real connection. The Sunday call is what Joe looks forward to. Because, as he said, “I need to hear her voice to know that she’s ok. Her voice tells me everything.” This made me think of my dad and how I want to be more consistent with my Sunday calls. My Sundays won’t be there forever. None of ours will.
4. Make meals.
I grew up with my mom and my grandma until I was nine (then my mom met my dad and our family expanded). Sometimes we didn’t have much money. But we always had each other and a hot meal—elegantly served and made with love. Grandma did most of the cooking (unless you include my incredible ice cream soup recipe). She put thought and flare into everything. Today I do my best to put care into my cooking. You don’t have to be the best cook on the Food Network. Make it with love.
I looked for a partner who would make me crack up. That’s how I found my forever date.
5. Date night.
Forever dates last when there’s consistent tending, laughing, romance and fun! It’s so easy to forget, to get caught up in the bills, errands, problems and to-dos. The relationships that last the longest all have one common theme: Never taking the other for granted. Stir the sacred sauce with regular date nights! They don’t have to be fancy, you can just head down to your basement and blast old Bruce Springsteen records. Dance, hug and kiss by your high school lava lamp.
6. Put air in their tires.
The other day I was famished. You know the drill, working hard, empty cabinets and a gurgling belly—a nasty combination. I sure wasn’t taking my own advice about making meals. But we needed lunch and for whatever reason, that pissed me off. I walked into my husband’s office, and with a cranky-ass tone, I said “I’m going to town to get some damn lunch. What do you want?” He sheepishly asked for a sandwich and then kindly went up to the barn and moved my car so it was facing out (for an easy escape), then he put air in the tires. My one tire has a leak and my guy thought, “if that warning signal comes on it’s just gonna make her feel like yet another thing she isn’t doing right and doesn’t have time for.” My husband shows his love for me in very practical ways (plus, the occasional bouquet of red carnations). Sometimes I overlook his efforts or take them for granted. But I really do appreciate the air in my tires. And I really do appreciate his practical love. Remember to notice (and do!) the simple stuff.
7. Compliments mean a lot.
Partners, lovers, family, friends, etc. We can never ever get enough compliments. “You look great!” “This food is awesome!” “You’re so clever!” Don’t be stingy—dole ‘em out and be sincere.
8. Give each other space.
Wings don’t spread when they’re caged. We all need space to thrive. Giving your loved ones space shows them that you trust them. That you appreciate and honor their journey. Work on giving others space not just when it’s convenient or when you feel strong and independent. Always. When people give us space we feel free and trusted. Space is spiritual.
9. Little gifts.
I’ll never forget when my mom spray painted a rock gold and shipped it to me in the coolest packaging. The note said something like, “This is a special rock, it grants wishes. Make a wish Sweet Pea (my nickname). I love you.” Yup, that’s my awesome, fairy-like mom. My friend Patty and her sister Debbie sewed me an apron with flying unicorns, rainbows and stars. It’s the best apron in the world. My dad gave me his confirmation ring because we share the same initials, KC. But we didn’t always, he adopted me—which was probably the best day of my life (next to my wedding). Little thoughtful gifts can make a big impact. Get crafty and pass down your treasures.
Your turn: What’s some of your advice on showing your love?
Thanks
Peace & love,
Living alone and having looked after myself most of my life even with 2 partners who just wanted mothering and give nothing back, I now in my 70’s would like someone in my life who wants to make thing easier for me as I do so easily for everyone else young and older but some thing get more difficult physically as we get older and i can’t always pay a person todo the things I need doing around my home. Just the thought of knowing a person wants to help would be my idea of heaven
the pics are lovely
Very nice blog love it
Poetry is one of the most romantic ways to show your love to your loved ones. If you can write and recite poetry to your loved ones which are praising them or show love for them, then definitely they will fall for you. If one cannot write a poem then he can find some websites on the internet.
Thanks Kris!
It’s always very nice to remember how important is to give love to others. I notice every time I have a bad time in life I really forgot about others and just try to get better and don’t let them be worried about me. However while time passes by I realize that as long as I show my pain others see me more human and they also feel safe to share their feelings with me. So my best way to show love right now is to let others help me and learn through them. Trully appreciate their effort to help ans be there. Share, share, love and expand together. To me this is the most beautiful gift ever!
You captivated me at “tickles and noogies”, Kris.
This is truly beautiful. Thanks for being you, Kris. The speed that we live life often dictates the amount of joy we will have. Too fast and we may burn out — sit all day and watch reality TV and we may just melt away to dust.
You seem to have found the perfect rhythm, the special cocktail of doing and being, and being while you do. It is evident in your writing and life, and for that I am grateful. Blessings. Xo.
You are beautiful Kris. Should I say more? Have a long, simple and healthy life with your beloved.
loved this, thank you
This is one of the best thing you’ve ever written. And you’ve written some great things. Thank you. I want to share this with everyone, because it’s all so true.
Kris Carr, I love you. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your love with us. This article made my day. Going to go make some love trinkets to pass out to my family and friends and shower them w love. God Bless. And, love for Buddy!!
Thanks Kris!
gotta love the air in the tires! My husband doesn’t say much, but his actions speak volumes! He is my rock and keeps me grounded. 35 years later I still look forward to everyday!
Thank you.
very simple yet useful way to show love and connect with our loved ones :). It’s all about the little things…. Thanks
Pick up the phone: My Dad always says he knows how I’m feeling because he can hear it in my voice. Those who love us sure are in touch with us aren’t they 🙂 and I love that.
Beautiful message. I love the gentle touch, my mom used to sing that song to me too, it always made me feel so much better after.
Such an amazing post! It’s easy to forget how little it actually takes to make others smile and feel loved when everybody always go-go-go these days.
Something I started doing a while ago again was sending out surprise letters. No quickly typed mails while having dozens of other opened tabs at the same time. Handwritten letters I sat down for and wrote with the very recipient in mind. It was a win-win situation in that it helped me unplug, calm down and completely focus on one task. I didn’t only send these to family members but blog friends living all over the world and it made me happy to see how touched they were. By showing others love we’re also showing ourselves some love.