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Kris Carr

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How to Prioritize What Truly Matters

Hiya Sweetheart,

The other day I was being interviewed by my lovely friend Nitika Chopra. She asked me the ultimate question, something that we all struggle with:

“Balance is a very frequent buzz word in the wellness industry and I know it is crucial for me in my business, setting boundaries, not overcommitting, making “me” time, etc. How do you find balance and prioritize self-care with your business?”

We often chew on this topic around my virtual water cooler, because we know that the answer to this question allows us to create the conditions for holistic success.

So how can we tell the difference between what really counts and what ends up being a distraction—or what I call a shiny object? You know, those things that seduce us into dropping important life plans and joining a rock band. Stuff that seems ah-mazing at the time, but ends up pulling you away from your health routine, spiritual practice and financial well being (while adding crows feet & belly fat).

When it comes to shiny objects, people are like barracuda.

We get mesmerized by the sparkly, swirly stuff. Have you ever seen those creepy fish underwater? I have. In fact, back in 1980 I was the youngest kid to be certified as a scuba diver in New York state. I remember my dad telling me not to wear jewelry because barracuda would try and eat me. They don’t care if it’s a hoop earring or a hook at the end of the lure, they just want to chomp the twinkle. Needless to say, I tinkled in the ocean the first time I dove through a school of those toothy fish.

Shiny objects can also feel close but not quite right, maybe even forced. They leave me wondering: what’s the benefit for me after I give my time and energy? Opportunities are core to my mission, they feel like a near perfect fit, and I can easily identify rewards that are in line with my goals and values. Opportunities feel exciting and expansive.

So how do we prioritize what truly matters?

While our lives are filled with countless opportunities, every commitment we make brings us one step closer or further away from our dreams. Some quickly propel us forward. Others stop us in our tracks. The good news is that no matter what we choose, we always get the chance to grow. Our triumphs teach us and so do our challenges. That said, I’d sure as heck love to limit the so-called setbacks as much as possible!

Be brutally honest with yourself. When you think about the potential shiny object in your life, does it light you up like a Christmas tree? Can you see yourself committing to it for the long haul? Or is it an escape from something else–something far more important. For example, the second I get a book deal, I can’t wait to renovate or buy some new, useless gismo that requires a thousand hours of training. I’ve wasted my time with shiny object business deals, men, health experiments, fitness routines and so on. By the way, I’m usually more attracted to disco lights when I’m bored or impatient. Sound familiar?

Two ways to overcome a shiny object affliction.

One: Get clear about your core values. I love how my friend Danielle Laporte talks about creating goals with soul. Excavate how you want to feel in your heart and career and then act accordingly. Reverse engineer it from that space. Feelings first. Outcomes second. Ultimate alignment. Check!

Two: Walk. Pray. Sleep. Never say yes right away, even if you’re 100% sure. Best to take a walk, talk it over with the chipmunks, pray about it and sleep on it. Personally, I also don’t ask for too many outside opinions until my gut has had a chance to weigh in. After all, my intuition knows best (and so does yours). Many times my answer looks something like this: Good, but the timing is off. So I put a pin in it and stick with my regularly scheduled program! And if the opportunity isn’t a fit, it’s a no thank you, my dance card is full.

I’ll be honest, I have to be very mindful about committing to the practice I’m sharing with you. If I’m not careful, I can easily regress into a people-pleasing “yes” pez dispenser, who periodically loses her mind and agrees to everything–especially around the holidays! Do you know what I mean? Have you ever felt an absolute “no-way-Jose” in your bones, and just as you’re about to politely decline an offer, your brain gets possessed by a boundary eating zombie who moans “yesss, yessss, yessss!”

Join me. Put your energy towards the experiences that make you exhale. The universe is extremely generous. We will never miss out because there’s always another chance headed our way.

In the comments below, share one shiny object that you’ll happily decline.

Peace, barracudas & zombie hunters,

Add a comment
  1. Catherine says:

    Great article! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Clare McNally says:

    I should have said a big fat no to a meeting tomorrow. I was just talking to husband about re prioritizing in 2014 and ditching some of the volunteer nice to do in favour of Clare or phd must do! Thanks Kris

  3. marijana says:

    Dear Kris,
    I’ll share one shiny object I recently declined. I must admit that I was encouraged to do so by one of your previous blogs.
    I declined a business offer (on top of my 9-5 job) The offer was very flattering in both attention and financially. And it wasn’t easy for me to do so, mostly i felt obligated to accept it cause I felt very privileged to be offered such an opportunity.
    For a long time now I’ve been trying to reduce my obligations but the effect seems to be the opposite. I take on more and more..and my art, music and joy get put off for later or never. So I decided that this is a chance to practice me being in charge of my life. Working on my NO- muscles. 🙂

    Love,
    M

  4. It’s definitely important to distinguish the shiny objects from opportunities that rock my Soul but I wanna be careful cause a “no” mentality is not sexy (for me).

    So I’ve made 2013 a “yes” year (that was a clear intention I set early on) and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. Not that I’ve said “yes” to everything (my inner Goddess knows best after all) but that I have allowed myself to stretch my comfort zone so that I could step into something bigger, grander. (This thought definitely makes me exhale.)

    I have been pre-paving my intentions so the Universe has also been sifting opportunities.
    Inner Goddess alignment: check! Universal co-creation: double check!

    • Wow – Caroline! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this! I feel like I’m continuously working with people to say ‘no’ with more confidence; the idea of consciously saying ‘yes’ to everything because you WANT to, not because you feel obligated to… well, that just blew my mind. xo

  5. Aeron says:

    Thank you for this… a well-timed article… I always get completely nuts around the holidays, and usually because I have made too many promises (mostly commissioned artwork for other people) and I don’t want to disappoint anyone! Then my house never gets cleaned or decorated for the holidays, I don’t have time to spend with people I love, and the holiday season whooshes by with me swearing next year will be different. I struggle with saying no, or feeling guilty after saying no and changing my mind…. I am working on it… so thank you for the inspiration! “Me time” is just as important as work time… (I’m repeating this in my head right now so I will learn it!!)

  6. Oh my word, I love this article. It’s so true, and I was just thinking about something along these lines this weekend: while there are a bajillion things I want to do, the fact remains that there are only 24 hours in a day. I can’t change that, try as I might to squeeze an insane amount of stuff into those 24 hours…all to the detriment of what really matters. Thank you for writing this!

  7. Jeanne says:

    Love this!

  8. Elitsa says:

    Hi Kris,
    It’s so funny that you wrote that as I was having exactly the same thought yesterday. A shiny object that unfortunately deters me from my ultimate goal would be anything that promises good money, quick. Cause let me tell you, it’s never quick. You either do the job quickly and then not get paid for months and months, or you get stuck up with the worst, most annoying client. Know what I mean? I am having my maternity leave now (btw got onto the CSD to improve my breast milk’s quality and to be able to survive both physically and mentally after 13 months of breastfeeding, but that’s a completely different story) and this is the time in my life when I am free to really speed up towards my dream. Yet, I constantly find myself being allured by dull yet potentially well paying assignments.
    Snow and sunshine, and happy week,
    Elitsa xoxo

  9. Lynette says:

    I get distracted quite easily-and I’m a little embarrassed to admit it doesn’t take much. I might go to get a pen and realize OMG what a mess and then re-organize my drawer instead of studying. Like I confessed mine aren’t even prestigious money making opportunities. .I moved 3,000 miles away from anyone I knew so I don’t have a lot of “others” to say no to– so you would think it would be easier for me. It is just me, myself & I in this. I actually have improved but I still have a way to go. This Blog was a shiny object for me so back to studying. Thanks Kris for your humorous invitation to become a better version of me.

    • Bridget says:

      Lynette, I have been wanting to move to a new state– by myself. How is it going for you? Did you move to a city or more rural area? Are you feeling good about things?
      Any advice? Thanks

  10. Rory Lazear says:

    I am so trying to find the balance between work ( fitness geek and personal trainer ) and being a mom and keeping a healthy household… what is important ( love and time with the kids ) and what can wait ( cleaning the basement!) Thank you for the input!

    • Rory, I often find myself in the same boat! I have to remind myself that my work and self-care need to be #1 on the list and I don’t have to tell anyone that I haven’t done laundry in 2 weeks and I’m running out of clean clothes… oops! Did I just spill the beans on the internet??

  11. cat prince says:

    remodeling our home for the second time. i’m working to regain my health. While i love the process of designing homes, a big project like this would distract me, throw me off my wellness program, and create stress for me and my family.

  12. Patrizia says:

    I will happily decline the company holiday party:)

  13. Sonia Hankin says:

    Today I said “no” to volunteering at my daughter’s school for the holiday party. I’ve done it the last 2 years and although I enjoy it, we are leaving that day for 2 weeks right after school. I just know it would be touch much for me. Usually, I would figure out a way and just do it, but in putting my self care first, I said “no”.

  14. Jenn says:

    I love this post! I too have had somewhat of a yes year this year and last as I became an Urban Zen Integrative Therapist last year and this year I’m a mentor for the program. I also said yes to making a yoga DVD for people with Multiple Sclerosis. All exciting endeavors! I too know the importance of self care and have made a point to use my times away from teaching for some self care each day. I find the time I have by myself in our home, I enjoy silence. It is calming and helps me to focus. I believe this practice has made me a better yoga teacher and mother. Thank you for all you do!

  15. “people pleasing “yes” pez dispenser —– LOVE the way you think. Thank you, this is just what I needed today!!

  16. Dasha says:

    I will politely decline any invitations to spend today being unproductive (like spending too much time talking with friends, going out for lunch or re-organizing my drawers). Like Lynette, I know that focus doesn’t come easily to me (yet) so I’m super excited about implementing your advice today!

  17. Rebecca Gale-Gonzalez says:

    Okay, I’ve adopted a kid for the holidays at one church I attend. Then there’s a family at work that we’ve adopted for the holidays, and I get to do the shopping. And we attend another church and there’s another tree full of needs that somehow I feel like I need to meet. So where does it end. I mean it feels great to give, but I had to miss time from work to shop and deliver the first bag of goodies, and I over spent because if you’re gonna do it you better make it good. Then there’s his family and mine, and now in-laws from out of town. How do I manage a budget and time when the list keeps growing. I don’t pick up another tag off a tree at church. And that’s okay.

  18. Mary says:

    Oh, did I need this article today. I’ve pinned it and shared it. One big fat no I’m going to exclaim today is to the offer to be on the board of a children’s organization. It is a great organization and I am touched and honored by the offer AND it is a shiny object, tempting my ego but taking me away from my true loves and dreams. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  19. Katie Surjan says:

    Great article and oh so helpful!! I just said no thank you to a book deal. My ego said YES, do it, but heart told me no, my time is better served elsewhere. My heart was so light and open when I said no and immediately after, I was contacted to teach a corporate wellness program to increase employees health ….my heart did the disco with excitement as this is my true purpose! 🙂 Thank you for writing this, imagine the soulful creativity that will come alive after your course :))) xo -Katie Surjan, Genesis Transformation Coach

  20. Nitika says:

    Loved that you took our interview a step further and went deeper with this issue, it is SO important and I am grateful that we all have you to learn from. Sending so much love your way xx

    Always,

    Nitika

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