The First Step to Self-Acceptance: You Are Not Broken

The First Step to Self-Acceptance: You Are Not Broken


Hi Sweet Friends,

You are not broken. Isn’t that a relief? Yup, your soul doesn’t need to be fixed, nipped, tucked or squished into an acceptable template. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. If you feel like a square peg in a round hole, if you feel unworthy, neglected, banged up or lost in any way—this blog is for you. Welcome to unconditional self-acceptance.

Through my work I get to travel the globe giving lectures and speeches, signing books and meeting thousands of people every year. I treasure those experiences. They remind me that no matter what our history, we’re more similar than different.

We all want to feel peace, connection and love. We all want to heal. And we all can.

As I stand on stages awash in sparkly lights, I often find myself looking into a gentle ocean of searching eyes. Eager seekers trying to learn how to live a good, healthy life. Smiley people. Tall people. Old people. Young people. Sick people. Perky people. All types of interesting people. But sometimes my intuition sees a layer deeper. In those moments, I notice a (subtle) collective anxiety, a pulsing desperation to get it “right.”

Of course a gusto for growth is vitally important. We all benefit from educating ourselves and making lifestyle upgrades. But it’s tricky to make changes from a belief that we’re fundamentally flawed. When we force improvements from that negative space, it becomes impossible to stick with them.

The good news is that it’s possible to seek from a place of fullness rather than lack, excitement rather than fear. To know that even though you may be confused about a particular topic, you’re not incapable. You’re not a project to be checked off and accomplished. Your deep capacity to heal and grow is always present. Always. You don’t need a book or a doctor or a shaman to guide you. You just need to know how to go home to yourself on a daily basis.

“Do you make regular visits to yourself?” — Rumi

Such a great question! Thanks, Rumi.

Recently, my mom and I made visits to ourselves by attending a three-day meditation workshop with best-selling author, Buddhist scholar and psychologist, Tara Brach. It was deeply replenishing for us both. As much as I love teaching, I also cherish my time as a student. The title of the workshop was “True Refuge: Three gateways to peace and freedom.” True Refuge is also the name of Tara’s most recent book, a must read. In between guided and silent meditations, mindful strolls and candid personal reveals, we discussed how to cultivate presence (or mindfulness) through the three gateways: awareness, truth and love. Why do we do this? To access that homey space inside ourselves, to visit the True Refuge.

Hold for a poetry break…

Clearing by Martha Postlewaite

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself
to this world
so worthy of rescue.

“Create a clearing in the dense forest of your life.” Isn’t that delicious? Tara read that poem to kick off the weekend. When I think of that clearing, I feel an invitation to come back to myself, to experience grace while releasing the thoughts that paralyze me. That clearing is inside you. How easy it is to forget when we get caught up in everyday stressors and old aches and pains. Presence (pause, awareness) is the last thing we think of cultivating throughout the day, especially when the going gets tough and the proverbial shit hits the fan.

Our society makes finding that inner space all the more challenging. Tara discussed how we live in a culture that encourages separation from ourselves and the world around us. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we’re encouraged to fit into certain standards. “The best bikini bodies revealed!” or “10 things you need to do TODAY or your man will dump your ass!” Unfortunately, the only way to fit in is to whitewash our uniquely fabulous, kinky, quirky, wild essence or real self. Next we construct a fake (more snoring-ly appropriate) self in order to get the love and approval we seek. That kind of validation is built on a house of cards. And as I was reminded this weekend, the separation from our self (soul) only creates more suffering.

The more separation we feel, the harder it is to nestle into the genuine loving refuge inside ourselves. The True Refuge. 

But finding your way to unconditional self-acceptance is easier than you think.

If I were to set my inner GPS to “home,” here’s how it would direct me:

    • Pause and prepare for some Spiritual Spelunking!
    • Set your intention to find your way back to yourself.
    • Grab a sturdy flashlight and allow whatever feelings to come up.
    • Notice without judgement (yeah, get off your own back!).
    • Have the courage and compassion to sit with any discomfort.
    • Connect with your heart. You may chat with yourself: “I’m here, it’s OK, I love you.”
    • Practice non-attachment—basically don’t identify or cling to your shizzle. And remember, it’s a thought, not a fact.
    • Woot! You made it.

If pesky, loud thoughts spring up during this practice, remember, it’s just brain blather. If your mind is like mine, it’s a raunchy parrot fluttering amok and crapping all over the place. Except I am not the parrot and neither are you. As we become more conscious of our true nature and as we develop a loving friendship with ourselves, we can slowly awaken from the illusion and realize that we’ve got the goods right here, right now, today, tomorrow and for all eternity. Being present and accepting ourselves in all our messy majesty is our greatest spiritual opportunity.

“Between the stimulus and response there is a space and in that space lie your power and freedom” — Viktor Frankl

So relax your body, release your “shoulds” and as Tara said, “stay close to what matters in your life.” Start to look for healthy, feel-good ways to truly be with yourself. And when self-judgement or attack shoot up, hold those negative thoughts with compassion and loving kindness. You might be surprised at how quickly they dissolve.

If you’re having a hard time with this, Tara suggested an awesome exercise. Identify a being that you see as enlightened. Invite them into your consciousness (I pictured Gandhi and me floating on rafts in my pool, beer cozies and all). Allow them to advise you. Ask yourself to just shhh and listen. And then, just wait for wisdom, comfort and bliss to wash over you.

Peace and untangling,

Kris Carr

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


85 responses to The First Step to Self-Acceptance: You Are Not Broken
  1. Dear Kris

    Thank you thank you thank you. You’re sharing this has come at so perfect a time my eyes popped (how did you know I needed this exact message at this exact moment?!!). You’re kindness and generosity have given me fresh hope for this day and week which started out rather blue, and reminded me to remind myself of the progress I am making in work/life versus focussing on all the things I haven’t accomplished/am behind on.

    Need to read this through a few more times, and find a bit of quiet time to reflect and reassure and root for myself:)

    With love and great appreciation,

  2. Thank you, Tara. That was food for the soul. I will print it and read and reread.

  3. Beautiful post Kris and very à propos :)

    These thoughts: “I am broken, I have to work on myself, I am not enough” are so rampant these days.
    (I know, I have them too).

    The good news is that they’re just that, thoughts. We can stop thinking them and giving them so much importance. It’s like removing the thorn in your arm (see The Untethered Soul for more on this)

    A belief is a thought we keep thinking over and over again. We are therefore just a (new) thought away from freedom! This is my own revolution this summer: fresh, expansive joyful though freedom!

    “I am whole, I am peace, I am perfect just as I am.”

    (Include you own new fresh thought here __________ and repeat often :)

  4. Yes. Just yes.

    Thank you, you beautiful woman :)

  5. Beautiful imagery… the clearing in the forest, loved the spelunking imagery too:-)

  6. Best article yet, Kris! I originally subscribed to your blog for food and health information, but this is so timely for the planet right now. I love your wit and enthusiasm…you make me want to BE a better me…keep doing your thing!

  7. I often feel broken & tossed around by circumstances. I often long to be more beautiful, more
    thin, more bubbly, etc. Thank you for reminding me of where peace lies & how vital it is to connect
    to that inner garden regularly. You continue to change my life for the better. Thank you Kris.

  8. Wow, this is exactly what I needed this morning. I have been having trouble staying on track, the path to health and self acceptance. The child in me seems to only be soothed with comfort things that are not good for me. Giving her a big hug will have to be the new comfort. Its ok to sit with the feelings. Nothing will happen, except growth.
    Thank you Kris for all that you do.

  9. ATM I feel not worthy of much
    I will get better and thanks for your words I have downloaded her book on my kindle and will try some me time x
    I love your inspirations
    We all need them 😉

  10. I so love your food for the soul!! Sigh…. thank you Kris! xox

  11. Thank you, that was beautiful, just the inspiration I needed.

  12. Whew! THIS was a fantastic article. Thank you for caring enough to share it with us.

  13. Thanks yet again for a fantastic post – I look forward to reading them every Monday night as it always helps me put my hectic start to the week into perspective! You have been an inspiration to me over the past five years since I was diagnosed with MS. Do you have any plans to visit Australia??

  14. Boy did i need to hear this today. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

  15. Thank you Kris! This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Beautifully written. Thanks so much for being the shining star that you are, your work is deeply inspiring. I will re-read this blog now…loving that poem.

  16. I loved this post. The idea of spiritual spelunking is fabulous. I’m a storyteller who writes about how inner peace is the key to peace in the world. And healing is such a critical part of inner peace – to include physical healing and emotional and mental healing. Thanks for keeping us healthy!!

  17. Peg said on July 22, 2013

    Love, love, love! I am filled with gratitude! :)

  18. This… was… SO juicy, wow, I don’t know anyone who couldn’t benefit from this post.

    So many of us have conditioned ourselves to morph into this flawed notion of “ultimate acceptability”. Total bullshit, and a waste of time. Thanks for this reminder, it’s a lesson so easily forgotten.

    I love the Brene Brown quote (oh, Brene, you wonderful woman) where she says “fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging”. Bam. So powerful.

    Thanks for the poem as well, that was beautiful. xo

  19. Wow thanx sooo much Kris! It´s awesome and very inspiring, as usual! Warm hugs from Paris

  20. You’re amazing. This post is beautiful. I keep a quote board in my office for my team, and today it says, “Create a clearing in the dense forest of your list.” Thank you for this incredible piece of inspiration today.

  21. Thank you Kris! Alway enjoy your wonderful articles.

  22. It reminds me of the very deep need in this world for my own passionate vocation: Serving as a personal guide on the journey to Authenticity. Thank you, Kris!

  23. Dear Kris,

    yes yes yes. i love the clearing in the dense forest. That’s just what I needed to hear this Monday morning as I began to climb onto the rollercoaster of a workweek and just feeling that I need to do MORE and BETTER. But hey, if I’m not broken–maybe I don’t need to spend my time and energy fixing? Maybe what I truly need is more time spelunking….
    Lovely ideas.

    love and peace

  24. Fantastic post – What a beautiful morning read! Thank you, thank you xoxo

  25. Hello Amazing Kris! Loved the inpspiration – am trying to get into meditating more often and this was super encouraging and comforting. Love the imagery! Xx Lisa

  26. Dear Kris,

    Sage advice at exactly the moment I needed it. Thank you so much!

  27. Dear Kris
    I absolutely love the way you write its,so real and from the heart. Your emails always come at the right time for me.
    Thankyou for shining bright.

    With heartfelt gratitude
    Colleen do you have any plans,on coming to toronto Canada to.speak

  28. K said on July 22, 2013

    Kris, I don’t know how you do it. Your emails always arrive containing just what I need to hear, right when I need to hear it. Thank you.

  29. I love all that you put out. I pray for your increased healing, health and joy.

  30. Hello Kris, I love the way you think, write and work at “being” everyday. Thank you for the insight, I share your words with my family and friends, or the ones I really enjoy anyway. Have a fun summer!

  31. Dear Kris,
    I have never written a comment before but this post was too perfect not to respond. I’ve been struggling a lot lately with inner thoughts of self-doubt and bringing my self down as being unprepared for life and a failure. I need to know that its’ OK, its’ all going to be OK. Thank you so much for reminding me that the peace I seek is already within me.
    You are a true inspiration,

  32. Wow, thanks so much for this, Kris! The retreat sounds amazing (I’ve read Tara’s previous book and heard some recordings). I think it is really important to try to get to a place of realizing “I’m not broken.” When I look back over my life, I see that I’ve been trying to Fix Myself ever since I was about 10 yrs old. That kind of focus has never worked for me yet, and leads me on the perfectionism and judgment wagon.

    I’ve acknowledged my Monkey MInd, my Reptile Brain, and now I have the Raunchy Parrot, thanks to you! :-) Great metaphor… helpful and fitting!

    And thanks for sharing the poem… I’ll add it to my Inspiration File.

  33. Dear Kris, thank you SO much – your candid & humorous style helps the wisdom really hit home. I love this article and it is very timely – often I feel as if you tune into a collective consciousness and write us, right when we need it most. You are like a trusted friend, bringing light and laughter. I hope you come to Paris, France sometime to lecture. I would organize a group to come meet & listen to you…. I look forward to the next article and will spend a good deal of time rereading this one and putting it into practice…. xx

  34. I read this ….. As I am steeped in darkness and hopelessness in a city where I know no one …. And there is nowhere to turn

    • Tammy, get out! Volunteer to walk someone’s dog, feed the homeless, go to a yoga class, take your beautiful self out into the world, and open your heart to the air and the earth. Focus on giving, and you will receive and find love. You can do it! Replace opposite thoughts to your lonely thoughts–you are a feather on a sparrow’s wings. Fly, my friend!


      • Well put Jean Marie. Tammy, re-read Kris’ post. Leave your dwelling, be among people, reach out. Reach out your hands, to help someone. Reach out your arms, to find a hug. Reach out with your heart, allow it to find love (if even for a moment, a sunset, the face of a puppy or baby). Take that in, and know you are worthy of that feeling. Reach within yourself, to find peace and unconditional acceptance. Re-read Kris’ post. In your current feeling of loneliness and hopelessness, search as hard as you must to find your clearing in the forest. Know you are not alone, many of us have been where you are now, and we are still here, offering you strength to know it will be better. If you need to, email me. And keep re-reading Kris’ post of encouragement and finding yourself in yourself.


  35. Exactly, Kris! In fact, earlier in the year I wrote a post, a very brief one, almost more of a love poem, with the same title. In case you are interested:

    And, I consider Tara Brach one of my teachers so this post definitely resonated with me! I like her discussions about the false refuges, places where we go (drinking, food, negative self-talk, etc.) that we think are helpful, but are actually destructive. Too much “self-help” can be a false refuge. Thanks for sharing this post, Kris!

  36. beautiful. thank you.

  37. Hello, Kris,
    This blog is a perfect back-to-work-on-a-summer-Monday-morning message when so many of us experience a shift between the tempi of different parts of our lives, sometimes an up shift when it comes to the work part, but sometimes an equally intense upshift to the play parts of our lives. We are too often up-tempo for too long. No piece of music, or performing ensemble is lovely or sustainable at a wildly crazy pace. In my case, the impact of living 50+ years at way, way up tempo is borderline Cushing’s, which I’m now learning about and living differently.

    Thank you for the reminder to listen inside, and clear that delicious space for self. We each deserve it, often – it is not a luxury reserved for special times and places.

    In peace and wellness,

  38. Great article Kris! My main work with women is in self-acceptance. I truly believe that when you learn to love yourself, your body and life heals too!

  39. Monday morning, thinking I did not even have time to read your email. Your message just hit the ball out of the park! Thank you for reminding me that one of the greatest friendships we need is with ourselves. That it is not self-centered but healing, to ourselves and our loved ones. It is my Monday juicing day, and I am appreciating you with gratitude in my life.



  40. Thank you so much for this. I so needed it today after waking at 4am restless with stress and completely lost.

  41. This is a great blog, and should be read everyday. We get so caught up on our own thoughts of the drama of our lives and others we forget to set our inner GPS.

    I love your zest for life and your website, thanks for sharing yourself and your “foodie” ways.

  42. You are like a true friend and (close) sister on a warm sunny day. Thank you for caring, passing on your resources, knowledge that you have learned, and inspiration in a way that is human, non-judge mental, and just plain ‘aromatherapy’. Thank you for just being yourself. xoxo <3

  43. Thank you Kris. So inspiring and so right on time. I needed this today. Thank you.

  44. Dear Chris,

    Thank you so much for the work that you do, I love reading your posts they are always insightful. I especially loved this one as it spoke to me in many ways as I transition through a very rough patch of my life. I am searching on so many levels for something that makes sense to me for “the right thing, job, person” to appear and all will have made sense. When I read “You don’t need a book or a doctor or a shaman to guide you, you just need to know how to go home to yourself an a daily basis”, I felt my shoulders relax and my heart feel at peace. Thank for the clearing I will go there often.


  45. I have a habit of looking at people w knowledge to share (such as yourself) and assume that they no longer feel/think as I do. If I just do what they do, I’ll be “fixed.” I appreciate when people as yourself share their experiences not only as teacher but as student. It helps validate a sense within myself that I’m not alone. I have begun to realize it’s about me taking the knowledge and oiecing it together to find that path back to the silence within myself. So I can again listen to my own true inner beauty. Thank you!

  46. Thank you, Kris!!! Just what I needed to hear RIGHT NOW! I’m making big changes in my life and am realizing that I all I need is to believe in myself and enjoy life! I was way too caught up in trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. This is a waste of time!

  47. Chris: What a great article. I love your “language”, but, most of all, I find your message so relaxing, beautiful and peaceful. Full of goodness. Thanks! Jean

  48. I love you. Thank you for this sweet nourishing reminder x

  49. Great article. I’m looking deeper into my forest clearing without the judgement of I am broken and not good enough.
    What is spelunking? It’s not a term I’m familiar with.
    Love & light xx

  50. Great blog post today. Somedays i feel like I’m the only one going through those feelings. Thank you thank you!!

  51. kim said on July 22, 2013

    wonderful. thank you.

  52. Thank you, Kris!!!
    I love it when you focus on and share your beautiful insight into the emotional aspects we need to live a full and happy life.
    I’ve been to a workshop of Tara’s too. She is so wonderful. Thank you, thank you sweetheart! xoxo Lorig

  53. Thank you Kris! This was truly wonderful. You always post just the right message at just the right time. I’m never one to usually leave a comment, but I was so inspired to after reading this. You always have the sweetest message to your “tribe” to love ourselves, to take care of ourselves and to be kind to ourselves. These types of messages are so beautiful and extraordinary, it is my hope that these types of messages are relayed more and more on the planet and that the message gets louder and louder. Self-love and self-acceptance are two things that I am really striving for in this life, I think really so many of us are, and being able to read your beautiful messages to us really help me continue with my intention to love and accept myself more and more every day. I think you’re so beautiful, thank you so much for what you do.

  54. Oh man! “You are not broken.” Those are the exact words I needed to hear.

    Admittedly I probably tell the story of “I’m Broken” to myself almost every day. Which I am realizing is even more counter productive to healing than I thought.

    I was told once that to heal I must have hope. “But it’s tricky to make changes from a belief that we’re fundamentally flawed.” I understand now that without the hope and belief I can get better the healing will never come.

    I love the idea of hope and I understand how critical it is for my health, but it just eludes me somehow. It feels like grasping at smoke. It is so hard to believe and have hope when I’m in so much pain.

    I’m very cheery and optimistic with other aspects of my life but I can’t shake this feeling that my body is broken and there is no hope.

    Does anyone have suggestions on how to keep your spirits up?

  55. Thank you so much. Words I needed to hear in a time of utter confusion.
    You are a beautiful woman and a gift to this world.
    Much love,

  56. Nice,
    You rock.
    Love your transparent and honest approach.
    Great wisdom
    Thank you.

  57. Beautifully said Kris, Thank you!
    May I suggest anyone looking for help with alignment, getting you life on your true path, I really, really recommend you look up Samantha Nolan-Smith at Dakini Grace. She is based in Australia but works with people all over the world too. She is AMAZING at helping you realise your true potential.

  58. Ohhhh this is seriously good stuff Kris! Love your blog and wise words. We are always trying to fix ourselves, it feels so freeing to accept ourselves as we are and work with that xx

  59. Jen said on July 23, 2013

    Kris, YOU are changing the world. Thank you thank you thank you for each and every bit of light you send out to everyone in your posts!

    If everyone would listen to you and Michael Franti…we all would be alright!

    YOU make the world a better place.

    Love love….

  60. You so totally rock! This is an issue I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, so this post really spoke to me. Printed out the poem and checking out the book. Thanks!

  61. Great article Kris, thank you!

    • Hi-
      I know this is going to sound incredibly shallow and un-Kris like but after a great vacation where I tried paddleboarding for the first time and loved it- wore bikinis with flare, and felt great- I came home and downloaded the family pictures and was HORRIFIED by how bad I look. The mind can truly by deceiving. I just can’t help but be depressed by the cellulite and extra pounds.
      Sorry for being so lame. The post helped.
      xo Susan

  62. Loved it…..thanks as always you hit a nerve!

  63. Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring blog! Actually, thank you for everything you write and share. You inspire me and comfort me on a weekly basis, but this week went deeper as it directly reflects my own personal journey at this moment. The journey of finding myself in the clearing.

    Heartfelt gratitude for your thoughts and conversation!

  64. Thanks Kris,

    Your kindness is exceeded only by your crazy sexiness.


  65. I thank you for the generousity in sharing your weekend event. I wish i could have been there but this is a great substitute and the thoughts are very timely for me. I love the way you put things (messy majesty) which means that in fact your retelling may be the best.


  66. Kris, You rock my world, girl! Don’t ever stop writing :) Thanks for warming my heart today.

  67. Dig it!

  68. Thank you again for such truth. I needed to read this, it spoke to me today :) your wisdom and wit is helping me to stay strong through my own journey. Loved the poem

  69. Kris, I love you!
    I also love Tara, I listen to her podcast most nights before I drift into sweet sleep.
    Thank you for being you ❤

  70. Thank you so very much Kris, i was going to delete it, but in some way i felt the need to read it…and lucky me that I did!
    I also recently visited a retreat, it really helped me, but i find it difficult to hold on to it.
    But it is a start and with finding your blog today I feel that i’m walking the right path for me.

    Thank you again and keep sending your love and happiness into the world!
    With love

  71. I can’t remember the last time I visited myself. I have ideas of places I want to go to visit myself but I have been trying to heal from my illness. Maybe if I made a date with myself then my healing would improve! Thank you for this :-) very needed at a time like this!

  72. About a half hour before reading this, I had a talk with myself. I went the place that stands out most when my fear shifted me to flight mode – college – down to the moment. I don’t think, no I know, I had never really forgiven myself for my response. So I honestly acknowledged that I found my actions at the time disappointing, truly forgave myself and told myself, “I love you.” I’ve never done it before. It was really powerful but even though I felt like I let it go, there was still a little residue left. I thought, “Hey, give yourself a break, lady!” I didn’t want to neglect my progress. So I hopped on my computer to distract myself (still working on that) and someone had emailed me about a Tapping. I didn’t know what it was so I found a video of you on the Huffington Post. As I followed along, my shift came immediately. The tears and snot you said you sometimes have…that was totally me. It was the good cry…the ugly cry. Of course it’s a process but I felt an deep sense of peace. I wanted to leave a comment but it was closed so I found myself here reading this beautiful post.

    From the bottom of my heart, thank you, Kris. You have an amazing spirit. As you share your light, I feel more free to share mine. That is a beautiful gift.

    I am not broken and for the first time ever, I know that to be true.

    Love and light,


  73. Accpepting and loving yourself are the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself. I started on a self love journey over a year ago, and I am loving myself more than ever, adoring myself, and the imperfections I once saw before I have grown to love. I am so happy I am me.
    Thank you for sharing this post, and inspiring others. Jill

  74. this article was soooooo…… timely. I had just visited a dr. that was so upset that he wasn’t changing the world. (new young dr. already disenchanted) I felt bad for him. I am going to send him this article. Thank you

  75. Okay… Now I can’t get the image of a raunchy, crapping parrot out of my head. ; ) What a delight it is to repeatedly laugh out loud while reading your blogs, Kris Karr! You weave much-welcome mirth through even the most tender of subjects. Thank you again, again, and again for the gift of your “uniquely fabulous, kinky, quirky, wild essence.”

  76. Dear Kris
    thank you –
    I have a question about your travel supplements organizer- could you please help me find it, please send links, or the brand name- thank you!

  77. Kris when I first saw you on oprah as you went through such a journey from being so sick to trying everything and anything. You hit my heart in a way that I’ve never seen anyone fight as hard as you! Now I have oprahs next chapter listening to mr nepo I can’t wait to hit the play button see how you are doing. I believe in miracles and even though you were full of fear this SEXY sweet man came out of all your darkness. I think of you often and I know in my heart this man is filling you with such happiness you will be just fine I feel that in my gut when I see your glowing face you don’t have all that stress of feeling alone anymore and when your mind body and spirit are well you will always be well especially I think since that show last year has opened doors to your passion of what you are doing now. You are so amazing when I have really bad days I think of what you went through and where you are now. I KNOW AND BELIEVE your now husband you would not have met if you did not get sick. I admire your not giving up your love for life being so positive. I am sick but not terminal type just having rough time in this life being a caretaker to every single person I loved the most died on me I have been angry since my mom died in 1988 I thought nothing could get worse than watching your best friend deteriorate for 10 years I took care of her. Then I found love of my life the day I gave birth the next day we found out his kidneys were failing I took care if him and newborn alone he was so much harder to take care of my mom. Dialysis 3times week I sat by his side for 3 hour sessions he had numerous operations from dialysis made him sick. I quit my job my life to take care of him and my son he got a transplant 3 years later lived a great life for 10 years then was on a scooter taking a test drive up street dog ran after him he lost his balance sorry to be graphic our 12 year old son witnessed his head falling onto the concrete full force. I know a helmet I despise people who ask this yes they are right he didn’t have one and it happened only five houses down. My heart hurts for my son as a mother what he saw as he rode his bike next to him. I have been so much angrier he died sept 2005 I am still in the same spot in bed most days. My sons hero was his dad I am so scared of being his only parent I am not paternal type I am a good mother but nothing like his dad. I feel the pain I’ve felt in my heart for my son and everyone abandoning us I don’t know where to turn. So many people think I have money nice house etc every single person I’ve met has been over them wanting money just since I am 16 and USED to be so strong all of this and my dad dying my son has no grandparents I feel I am going to get sick mom and her mom both had breast cancer my son is an only child. On a positive note the kidney that saved husbands life saved another life! “SO PLEASE DONT TAKE YOUR ORGANS TO HEAVEN, HEAVEN knows we need them here. I feel guilty writing my problems with what you faced I know your not a judgmental person if you read this my son needs me ASAP he will be 20! Peace love and most of all good health forever, your friend Lisa

  78. Kris, so happy I stumbled upon your site. You have such a light, fun and inspiring way to talk about
    health, healing and awareness. I love this post on self-acceptance—the foundation of all relationships, health and healing. Wonderful words, wonderful post. Thank you! Linda

  79. Kris, your documentary inspired me in so many ways…i’m not a cancer survivor, but a struggling survivor of childhood sexual abuse…which led me down the path of self-destruction–anorexia. Although our afflictions were and are so different, I firmly believe in the empowering affects of taking your own struggles by the horn; in other words, taking control of your life. It is up to each of us to seek what we need to fulfill ourselves, both mind and body…your documentary opened my eyes even further to the indisputable connection between our minds and bodies. Thank you for sharing your story in such a real, raw way…you have touched my life (and those of others) in ways I hope to touch someday. Even one life, one soul who is touched by my words or experience? That is a gift to me. Thank you for your gift of showing me the way to empower women and men who share my affliction…we are all, ultimately, looking for the same things: meaning, joy and fulfillment. We are ultimately all the same…xoxo

  80. Kris – I LOVE this article. I adore Tara Brach, too, and have listened to her guided meditations for years. Her voice is one of the most beautiful and calming around. This line made me laugh hard:

    “If your mind is like mine, it’s a raunchy parrot fluttering amok and crapping all over the place. Except I am not the parrot and neither are you.”

    I’m so glad you exist. Thank you.