Show Your Love

How to Show Your Love

October 21, 2013|80Comments|


Hi Sweet Friends,

I’m wild about encouraging folks to love and care for themselves. Treating ourselves in a loving way expands our health and happiness. But today I also want to talk about expressing your love for others. Even if we get nothing in return, showing our love is like giving a blessing to the person you adore.

Show your love courageously. Show your love openly. Show your love with no strings attached.

Show your love (your heart, your kindness, your vulnerability, your soul-shine) because it feels good. Give because the giving is what you get. In fact, if you have a hard time with self-love, start outside yourself and work your way in. Showing love to others can be a gateway for loving yourself.

But what if showing your love feels scary, risky, dangerous even? We all have love wounds—a best friend who didn’t stand up for you on the playground, a parent or hero who let you down when you opened your heart. Be brave, friends. Try again. Each time you show your love to another, you heal the bumps and bruises from your past.

Here are some simple love lessons from my own life to get you started. Hope you enjoy! I love you.

  • Listen. Talk less and listen more. The greatest gift you can give someone is your full presence. We feel validated when we’re truly heard. Listen with your whole being. Pause. Breathe before you speak. An answer may not be needed. That’s right folks, you don’t always have to fix it (ahhh…). Just be. Hear the entire thought, the entire feeling, all the pain, even the pain that only your intuition notices. Don’t interrupt or blast in with your projections and opinions. If a response is called for, ask yourself how your higher self would respond. Use someone else if your higher self happens to be on vacation in Bali. What would Gandhi say? Maybe Gandhi would just smile and hug the person. Maybe he’d give tickles and noogies.
  • Gentle touch. My Colombian grandma used to give me “sanas” when I was hurt, bruised or sad. She’d rub my injury in a circular motion (sometimes it was my heart) and sing: “Sana, sana, colita de rana. Si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.” Rough translation: Heal, heal, little tail of the frog. If you don’t heal today, you’ll heal tomorrow. This folk song had magical healing power for me. Miraculously, I always felt better, even if we still needed stitches! Sanas heal.
  • Pick up the phone. I was talking to my friend Joe the other day. He told me about how his 20 year old texts him all the time. Though he feels updated by those texts, he still considers them extra. They don’t replace real connection. The Sunday call is what Joe looks forward to. Because, as he said, “I need to hear her voice to know that she’s ok. Her voice tells me everything.” This made me think of my dad and how I want to be more consistent with my Sunday calls. My Sundays won’t be there forever. None of ours will.
  • Make meals. I grew up with my mom and my grandma until I was nine (then my mom met my dad and our family expanded). Sometimes we didn’t have much money. But we always had each other and a hot meal—elegantly served and made with love. Grandma did most of the cooking (unless you include my incredible ice cream soup recipe). She put thought and flare into everything. Today I do my best to put care into my cooking. You don’t have to be the best cook on the Food Network. And it certainly doesn’t have to look as good as our grandma’s cooking (though I’m purdy sure it helps!). Make it simple. Make it with love.

Date NightI looked for a partner who would make me crack up. That’s how I found my forever date.

  • Date night. I recently posted this picture and caption on Facebook. It was taken at my friend Gabby Bernstein’s beautiful wedding. Forever dates last when there’s consistent tending, laughing, romance and fun! It’s so easy to forget, to get caught up in the bills, errands, problems and to-dos. The marriages that last the longest all have one common theme: never taking the other for granted. Stir the sacred sauce with regular date nights! They don’t have to be fancy, you can just head down to your basement and blast old Bruce Springsteen records. Dance, hug, and kiss by your high school lava lamp.
  • Put air in her tires. The other day I was famished. You know the drill, working hard, empty cabinets and a gurgling belly—a nasty combination. I sure wasn’t taking my own advice about making meals. But we needed lunch and for whatever reason, that pissed me off. I walked into my husband’s office, and with a cranky-ass tone, I said “I’m going to town to get some damn lunch. What do you want?” He sheepishly asked for a sandwich and then kindly went up to the barn and moved my car so it was facing out (for an easy escape), then he put air in the tires. My one tire has a leak and my guy thought, “if that warning signal comes on it’s just gonna make her feel like yet another thing she isn’t doing right and doesn’t have time for.” My husband shows his love for me in very practical ways (plus, the occasional bouquet of red carnations). Sometimes I overlook his efforts or take them for granted. But I really do appreciate the air in my tires. And I really do appreciate his practical love. Ladies (and gents), notice the simple stuff.
  • Compliments mean a lot. From dudes, partners, lovers, friends, etc. We can never ever get enough compliments. “You look great!” “This food is awesome!” “You’re so clever!” Don’t be stingy, dole ‘em out, and be sincere.
  • Give each other space. Wings don’t spread when they’re caged. We all need space to thrive. Giving your loved ones space shows them that you trust them, you appreciate and honor their journey too. Work on giving others space not just when it’s convenient or when you feel strong and independent. Always. When people give us space we feel free and trusted. Space is spiritual.

Ring

  • Little gifts. A few months back, my mom spray painted a rock gold and shipped it to me in the coolest packaging. The note said something like, “this is a special rock, it grants wishes. Make a wish Sweet Pea (my nickname). I love you.” Yup, that’s my awesome, fairy-like mom. My friend Patty and her sister Debbie sewed me an apron with flying unicorns, rainbows and stars. It’s the best apron in the world. My dad gave me his confirmation ring because we share the same initials, KC. But we didn’t always, he adopted me—which was probably the best day of my life (next to my wedding). Little gifts can make a big impact. Get crafty and pass down your treasures.

What’s some of your advice on showing your love?

Peace & love,

Kris Carr



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80 responses to How to Show Your Love
  1. love the forever date pic and love your apron :D

  2. This is just what I needed to read first thing in the morning. It’s so easy to let little things make us upset, but why not do little things to make other people happy instead! Big love!

  3. A handwritten card. A true treasure these days.

  4. What a lovely post! Exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you so much Kris!

  5. I really like this. In the self-help world we’re all often caught up with the science and tips and “do this, but don’t do that” Sometimes it’s nice to remember that giving love is the simplest tip of all.

  6. Hi Kris, these are the most valuable tips. Love your apron! It looks fabulous!

  7. “Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.” -Mother Teresa

    Thanks Kris, for reminding us of things we can all easily do today to show love to each other!

    xoxo

  8. My Mom’s nickname for me is “Sweet Pea” too! That post made me smile. Thanks for the reminders!

  9. I bring homemade cookies where ever I go.

  10. This post made me smile big! :)
    Definitely, it’s the little things that mean the most.

  11. Oh, Kris. This is such a lovely post! Sharing love is definitely one of life’s greatest gifts. It feels good to foster relationships that matter. And, though not an intention, it’s such an invaluable reward to have their support in times when our self-love falters. Thank you for sharing this :) and I agree with Aurora, I love the forever date pic, too.

  12. Sigh… I love ALL your posts/articles… it may sound strange but I always feel a calmness and zen like while reading them… so soothing for the soul.. this one is no exception. Thanks Kris you are a gem! xox

  13. Just love your philosophy on life. You make my day !

  14. Having an open home, having friends and family over regularly regardless of when the last time you dusted. We do this routinely and my kids are growing up surrounded by people who love them and all of us. A second fridge helps this :-) my husband showed his love when he picked one up for our garage.

  15. My favorite way of showing my love is to say kind and loving things to myself — out loud or silently, (depending on what’s going on — although how could an “I love you” ever disturb anything? Really!)
    It’s the kindness and compassion that I show myself that gives me the courage to go out and be that kindness and compassion out in the world. In my whole and completeness I overflow with love. Try it, you’ll see…

    I’ve also started my new blog as a gift to myself — as a way for me to commit to what I love by showing up repeatedly for myself. Very exciting!

    Much love and kindness, Kris!

  16. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! What a great way to start the day. xox

  17. Love to Love!
    Thanks for all the great suggestions.
    Your mom ‘rocks’
    <3

  18. Oh, Kris. This is lovely. Being able to share love is one of life’s greatest gifts. It feels so gosh darn good to cultivate relationships with those who matter most. And, though not the intention, it’s an awfully wonderful reward to feel their support in times when our own self-love falters.

  19. Roll all these beautiful comments into one big ball and that’s my comment !!!! :)

    • This article just made my day and I’m taking it all with me as navigate my way through the week. Think I’ll ‘do’ one thing a day for my hubby. Love it!

  20. Hugs.

    I love hugs.

    I can’t start my day without a hug from everyone in the house which means getting/giving a hug to my 3 Schnoodles, 2 big furry cats (one of them strongly dislikes hugs LOL) and a loooooooooooooooooooon hug with my fiance.

    Lot’s of love (and hugs) to you Kris.
    XO

  21. Oh, I want the Gold “make your wish come true” Rock too! Yes, all these little things that make such a difference. I feel very special and loved when I get a handwritten card or a letter… and I try to do the same for people I love too. I think it is time for a letter to my family. Just thought of that this morning.

  22. Amazing, beautiful suggestions. Thank you for brightening mine and so many other people’s days all over the world. You inspire.

    Love, SSS xx

  23. This is wonderful! Thank you for being you :)

  24. A very special aunt of mine always asks me, with regard to my continuous lamenting about how to juggle work and being a mum, ‘ do you hug them enough?’ Simple, free, enormously rewarding. I find your posts so inspirational, so grounded and so easy to introduce into my life. Thanks Kris xx

  25. As I was leaving my partner for an extended period of time to go on retreat, I left little notes all over the house with messages like “I love you”, “You rock!” and “Thinking about you” under and in everything (like under his pillow, in the fridge, tied to his toothbrush…) He loved it! And I had a blast coming up with the messages and hiding them.

  26. My best gal pal owns a small diner where she cooks up love for the locals 6 days a week. I know her favorite way to unwind is by taking long baths and reading gossip mags. So on Sundays, before heading to the diner for a late breakfast, I make up a batch of herbal bath salts and stop by the newsstand for a stack of weekly “news”. I read them while I’m at the diner and then leave them for her. Later when she soaking in the tub or lounging, I’ll get funny messages about something she’s read about some celeb or reality star. Just my way of showing her my love & support and helping her find a little “me time” between family and business. obligations. It keeps us connected even though we’re both busy throughout the week.

  27. What a lovely post to read,first thing in the morning…thank you so much,Kris…You are a blessing to this world!
    Love and peace,
    Chetali

  28. Thank you Kris!!! I’ve been working hard on making changes, and have regressed into an old pattern, even though it isn’t comfortable at all – and I’m not being true to my heart. This was a beautiful reminder that I need to show love to myself first (my one precious self!), and then everything flows from that!! xox

    • Annette,

      I can relate. I have been very hard on myself lately too.

      I hope you are back on track. I decided that no matter how I feel I will do my hair and makeup for the day and wear something that makes me feel pretty.

      This has never failed to pull me out of a back-slide :-)

      Blessings to you!

  29. Kris, you ALWAYS make a bad day good and a good day better!

    Your JOY makes me smile and laugh!

    God BLESS you and BLESS you!

    Thank You!

  30. I loved this post. I remember when my grandmother sang “sana,sana” to me to. It dies work! I definately need some date nights in my life too. Thank you!

  31. Thank you, Kris!

  32. I absolutely love this article Kris! Showing love is so important – and it can be in the simplest of ways.

    xox,
    Alexis Meads

  33. Love, Love, Love this Blog Kris. I share my love with amazing friends and call them like I see them — like love bugs and pumpkin pie cuties and really cute things. Sometimes people are not aware of their own light and beauty that they bring into this world. We can share really cute reminders. When our heart reads their heart just say what you feel. That’s what I try to remind myself every day. And your blog helps me that. Thank you!

  34. Beautiful, thank for reminding me that it is alright to love, even when it’s scary.

  35. Great post! But for the life of me, my first thought was, “KALE”! ;)

  36. Thank you Kris! This was definitely the emotional reset that I needed this morning to realign my heart and mind!

  37. I just LOVED these beautiful insights to enriching our lives. You were RIGHT ON! Each and every point is vital to happiness and fulfillment. Bottom line is…you blessed my heart this morning. Thank you, Chris.

  38. Oops! Should have been Kris! Not Chris….trying to make your name more like mine, I guess….cause I think you are wonderful and you inspire me! Christie :)

  39. much love and inspiration back at ya Kris! thanks for sharing this… reminding me of what really matters every day. When my husband and I were dating I left little notes around a lot, and especially when we were away. Bringing it back by stuffing his suitcase full of a note for each day this week when he leaves for a trip ;)

  40. Love to read your posts. They are fresh fly honest, heart warming and inspiring. Thank you for warming my heart and reminding me of lessons learned,

  41. I love to take people food I’ve made or little treats especially when they are not feeling well or having a rough time. Nothing like some healthy treats to say “I love you and I’m here to help”. :)

    xoxo MJ :)

  42. Love your reminder to listen! When we remind ourselves to truly listen and not just ‘hear’ others speak, it goes a long way.

  43. I so *love* your writing and the way you think!

    I named a baby alpaca Love: http://iolanthealpacas.com/news/?paged=3

    xox

  44. Wow! what a great share! Thanks Kris.

    2 years ago my boys asked if they could divorce their dad. I had been feeling the same way. The man I fell in love with was lost to us. After many months (well actually years) of back and forth thinking, I finally made the decision to leave and a week later found out I had cancer.

    What a shock! It hasn’t been the easiest couple of years. The hardest part for me has been with my youngest (now 13). He is so sad that his dad doesn’t show any effort to be involved in his life.

    So yesterday when he had the day off school and his older brother did have school, I took him for a drive out to the mountains on a day date. We had so much fun… ate at his favourite restaurant, went to the candy store and fudge factory… (we never get sweets at home).

    All day we talked about just him… and on the way home he said, “I sure love you Mom!!!!!!”

    What a perfect day!

  45. What a lovely blog, Kris! Thank you so much! I needed this today and felt others did too , so I sent it on to work it’s magic!

  46. Love (and laughter) is the best medicine too! I really believe that. Thanks for sharing your love with us.

  47. Dear lovely people,

    My project called LOVE DELIGHT, is written out of love for mother earth, out of love for all the animals and I wrote it for you, you are the person who love himself/herself.
    Here is the link to my page on facebook (for now):
    http://alturl.com/kpykw

    I love it if you show your love for this project and like it.
    Kris is my idol!

    Lots of love,

    Miriam Barendsen
    author of LOVE DELIGHT, vegetarian cookbook

  48. I really liked the part about the phone call. All of these new ways to keep in touch are wonderful but sometimes you just need to hear their voice.

  49. Thank you Kris for yet another great post. My hubby filled my slow leaking tire up with air yesterday and I totally appreciated it. Yes it is the small stuff. We have been chatting about date night and you are right, heading downstairs for a game of pool with great music totally works too.

    I would add to your list of great ideas – giving a hug and letting those you love know you love them. It was super hard at first to tell my parents but now it is easier and it makes me so happy to tell them. My kids and I exchange our love for each other often and that got me thinking I should let me parents know they are loved too. Best change I have ever made.

    Lots of love to you and the amazing community,

    Jo-Ann

  50. I like to do a loving kindness meditation and wish my loved ones well. UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center has great loving kindness meditations on their website and they are free.

    Recently I brought my sister some nice organic green tea and a beautiful mug because her husband was in the hospital and I wanted to do something special just for her. Caregivers need to be cared for.

  51. WOW that was so moving and taking my best friend out for a girl afternoon and no stings there just us and adventure to come this Thursday

  52. I just want to say how fabulous you are, Kris!! One particular piece of advice I have on showing love is simply showing up for loved ones and friends.. Especially when they least expect you to. So many times we cancel or reschedule plans with people closest to us because we figure we can always see them; and instead make it a point to meet up with people that perhaps don’t really want to get to know us beyond the service we provide or title we may possess.

    Keeping our word and showing up when it really matters truly can change relationships for the better and opens the window to happier & healthier connections.

  53. Wonderful advice, thanks kris! My tidbit: don’t forget kiss breaks- commercials, red lights etc. They keep love and connection in the moment.

  54. My Boys and I will always get creative-either in the kitchen, in the garden-potting herbs for friends or at the table with all the crayons, paint & glitter we can find!!! We enjoy doing it & our loved ones enjoy receiving the gifts.

  55. I love this blog! I always enjoy reading your Blogs Kris, but this one really resonated with me. You really exposed some very intimate details about who you are, which makes you a very real person. Rather than feeling you are an American celeb, ( Be it an awesome one who I admire) now you mean so much more to me you feel like you are someone who I could be friends with! I felt myself well up a little Shhhh Don’t Tell! Love Katrina Cheddar England xxxxx

  56. What great suggestions. I have two neighbor/friends who share their love with me all the time.

  57. Thanks so much for this super sweet list! We can always use a reminder like this to make sure that we take time to show family and friends how much we love them. One of my favorites is to give the gift of time and make sure that you get to hang out and have fun together. (Quality time is my love language!) :)

  58. I think there’s something about how my husband and I are a team. We support each other and each other’s projects. I think the mutuality is really an important piece of it…
    So, your post is so synchronistic, Kris. We actually just launched a new project together all about spreading love! FIrst it’s about loving yourself. And spreading that love to others. What if you married yourself (symbolically of course)? What if lots of people married themselves? What if that commitment spread love to more people and in more places? Check out our campaign: I Married Me! http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/i-married-me-self-wedding-in-a-box/x/4389230

  59. I’ve been waiting to read this since you published it earlier this week and I’m glad I finally got to it!

    I’ve been in a funk today and this was JUST what I needed. Thank you so much for sharing this and for everything else that you do, your work provides me with so much inspiration and hope.

  60. Thank you kris for your great words. You inspire me so much. Love you and what you do! <3

  61. Such an amazing post! It’s easy to forget how little it actually takes to make others smile and feel loved when everybody always go-go-go these days.
    Something I started doing a while ago again was sending out surprise letters. No quickly typed mails while having dozens of other opened tabs at the same time. Handwritten letters I sat down for and wrote with the very recipient in mind. It was a win-win situation in that it helped me unplug, calm down and completely focus on one task. I didn’t only send these to family members but blog friends living all over the world and it made me happy to see how touched they were. By showing others love we’re also showing ourselves some love.

  62. Beautiful message. I love the gentle touch, my mom used to sing that song to me too, it always made me feel so much better after.

  63. Pick up the phone: My Dad always says he knows how I’m feeling because he can hear it in my voice. Those who love us sure are in touch with us aren’t they :-) and I love that.

  64. very simple yet useful way to show love and connect with our loved ones :). It’s all about the little things…. Thanks

  65. Thank you.

  66. Thanks Kris!
    gotta love the air in the tires! My husband doesn’t say much, but his actions speak volumes! He is my rock and keeps me grounded. 35 years later I still look forward to everyday!

  67. Kris Carr, I love you. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your love with us. This article made my day. Going to go make some love trinkets to pass out to my family and friends and shower them w love. God Bless. And, love for Buddy!!

  68. This is one of the best thing you’ve ever written. And you’ve written some great things. Thank you. I want to share this with everyone, because it’s all so true.

  69. loved this, thank you

  70. You are beautiful Kris. Should I say more? Have a long, simple and healthy life with your beloved.