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Kris Carr

Emotional Health

Learn How to Stop Negative Self-Talk with These Simple Strategies (Video)

Hiya Gorgeous!

Have you ever had one of those days when you just felt good about yourself?

Maybe it was a big win at work or you were tingling with excitement over an upcoming vacation. Or, it could’ve been as simple as an outfit that made you wanna stare at your tushy in the mirror. There’s nothin’ quite like a good butt day to make you feel on top of the world, am I right?!

On days like that, it’s not a huge stretch to be gentle with ourselves—to speak kindly and practice patience. We might even remember to recognize our awesome selves with a rousing pep talk or some extra self-care. Our negative self-talk is a whole lot quieter (or even non-existent) on those days.

But I think I can speak for all of us when I say that most days aren’t that simple.

It’s usually a big ol’ mix of highs and lows, wins and losses. Then sometimes we’re hit with a really tough day—or a whole bunch of them. After all, adversity happens and stress doesn’t keep a schedule.

On those days, it’s not so easy to be nice to ourselves. The negative self-talk starts to creep in. It’s different for everyone, but I know that when my anxiety and fear take over, negative self-talk kicks into high gear. When that starts to happen, I try taking some deep breaths and focusing on the positive. Sometimes that works, but sometimes that nasty little voice is really, really persistent.

How to Identify Negative Self-Talk

Here’s the thing about negative thinking: The more you let it blab, the more time you have to listen to it. And the more time you spend listening to it, the more likely you are to start believing those lies.

Not only that, but negative self-talk can also do serious harm to your health.

Negativity breeds negativity, and that kind of stress on your system can lead to inflammation, depleted energy, and other disease-promoting conditions.

If you’re ready to silence your inner critic, you have to learn how to recognize negative thoughts. Negative thoughts come in many shapes and sizes, but there are four main types you should be aware of:

Personalizing

Have you ever blamed yourself for the action—or inaction—of others? Maybe you’ve felt guilty when someone doesn’t respond to a text and thought it could be from something you’ve done. That’s when those pesky phrases like “What did I say wrong?” or “They’re totally mad at me” begin to creep in. Your inner dialogue begins to spiral into negative thoughts and your self-confidence dwindles.

Filtering

Sometimes our inner voice magnifies the negatives and causes us to minimize all the positive things that have been happening in our lives. This could look like you’ve been eating healthy meals with lots of yummy veggies all week long (great job!), but you had a cookie last night after dinner. You become overly critical and feel as though your good wasn’t good enough. It’s like you’re looking at life as if the glass is half empty, instead of it overflowing with gratitude. 

Catastrophizing

Do you allow a negative thought to spiral until all you can think about is everything that could go wrong—no matter how slim the possibility? It’s like seeing a strong thunderstorm predicted to roll your way and your immediate thought is, “This storm is going to cause a flood.” Or maybe you’re asked to speak to a group of students but all you can visualize is yourself stumbling over your words and making a fool of yourself. When this happens, it’s easy to allow your critical inner voice to stop you from doing things that could bring you joy.

Polarizing

This wonderous world is filled with a whole lot of gray. But you can only see things in black and white if you’re experiencing “polarizing” self-talk. Things are either good or bad, there’s no room for the inbetween. You strive for perfection in everything that you do and when you miss the mark, you’re not good enough. This behavior leads to a state of constant negative self-talk. It’s falling into the trap of limited thinking and will have a negative influence on your mood.

Do you recognize yourself falling into any of these head spaces? Do any of these examples hit home? Embracing reality is tough, but building awareness is the first step toward embracing yourself and kicking negative self-talk to the curb.

The Consequences of Negative Self-Talk

People who are self-critical and have let their negative emotions rule their lives are negatively impacted by their inner critic.

  • According to this journal article, “Blaming others for one’s misfortune is associated with impairments in emotional well-being and physical health.”
  • Self-blame leads to a greater risk of mental health problems
  • Focusing on negative thoughts is linked to depression

The Health Benefits of Positive Thinking

Maybe you’ve labeled yourself a pessimist. Maybe you’ve allowed yourself to think that being critical of yourself is just a part of who you are. Don’t fall into that trap, tootsie. It’s time to embrace some self-love. Don’t just take my word for it either. There’s lots of evidence that shows positive thinking actually works:

These are just a few ways that positive thinking can have a positive impact on you physically and mentally.

How Can You Stop Negative Self-Talk?

When you live in a place of constant negative self-talk, your mental health will take a hit. It’s more important now than it ever has been since mental health problems are on the rise from the impact of the pandemic. If you don’t make it a priority to focus on your emotional well-being and stress management, your physical health will go downhill, too.

Simple Strategies to Reduce Negative Thoughts

By now you’re wondering, “What can I do to switch negative thoughts to positive ones?” Don’t worry, love! Here are some simple strategies you can start using today:

Incorporate Meditation into Your Day

A great way to give your mind and body a break is with meditations. If you’re new to the process of meditation, there’s no need to feel overwhelmed. I had a great conversation with Andy Puddicombe—the founder of Headspace—about how to start.

Here are the basic steps:

  1. Find a quiet, relaxing place to meditate.
  2. Close your eyes. Take deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth.
  3. Focus on your body and take note of how you feel, starting from your head and working your way to your toes. Then allow yourself to listen to your thoughts.
  4. Focus on your breathing to keep your mind from wandering.
  5. Allow yourself to be free and enjoy the relaxing experience.

You only need to take a few minutes each day for meditation to get oodles of health benefits.

Practice Positive Self-Talk & Frame Yourself in a More Positive Way

When you realize that you’re allowing negative feelings to run rampant, step back and take a deep breath. If you’re kicking yourself because you don’t wake up early enough to exercise, remind yourself that you followed through every other day this week.

Or if you forgot your wallet when you ran to the store and question how you could be “that stupid.” Give yourself some grace and remember that everyone makes mistakes. You’re always doing the best you can!

Embrace Positive Affirmations

Adding affirmations to your morning rituals can give you a positive start to your day—say them to yourself, stick them on your bathroom mirror, or post them on your fridge! If you’re unsure of where to start with affirmations, I already made some for you that include positive affirmations and self-care affirmations. Use this practice to give yourself a few moments in the morning to create space for positive feelings and self-talk to cultivate.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Are you spending too much time on social media, scrolling through highlight reels, and comparing yourself to others? Even if your time on social media is spent pursuing self-help and motivational influencers, it can be overwhelming. Limit your time on social media and surround yourself with positive support in your home, with your friends, and in your job.

Talk to Yourself like You’d Talk to a Friend

If you were with a friend and they were talking negatively about themself, would you accept it? No! You’d stop them in their tracks and remind them how wonderful they are and that they’re being too hard on themselves.

You’d do the same thing if it were your child. If they’re struggling to learn something new and says that they’re “stupid” because they can’t figure it out on the first try, you’re going to correct them, right? It takes time to learn something new and they need to keep trying. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need a little more practice.

Break the cycle of negative self-talk and treat yourself as you would your friend or child. You would never talk down to them, belittle them, or fill them with self-doubt—so why do it to yourself?

Embrace Your Inner-Teenager

So, a little while back I was having one of those days. The negative self-talk was especially loud and all I could hear was, “You’re not good enough.” Then, all of a sudden I heard another voice, and what she had to say totally changed the game. That’s when this surprisingly effective trick of mine was born.

Now I use this simple method all the time and I’m so excited to share it with you. Press play below to find out how you can tell negative self-talk to take a hike!

Remember Who You Are and Banish Negative Thinking

I hope these tips help you silence the mental meanies when they’re trying to rain on your parade. Because remember: You are wonderful, smart and beautiful from the inside out. The people in your life are oh-so-lucky to have you (and I bet they’d agree with me!). You are uniquely you, and you deserve to be just as sure of that as I am.

Don’t let negative self-talk take over! Download your free pep talk meditation:

Meditation is a great way to stay grounded no matter what life throws your way. My Self-Care for Busy People meditation album was designed to help you find calm amidst the chaos. Get your copy here!

Your turn: Do you ever get stuck in panic, anxiety, or negativity? If so, what’s worked for you? Let us know in the comments below.

Peace & inner-teenagers,

Add a comment
  1. Stacy Hall says:

    The best way for me to shake a negative spiral is to get out and exercise! I over-think everything, including whether or not to meditate, hehe…so the only thing that breaks a negative trance immediately (and lastingly) is a rousing paddle around the bay (kayaking!), or a great hike on my local trails. Moving the body moves my mind! 🙂

  2. showbox says:

    Don’t let negative self-talk take over!

  3. Allison Cromer says:

    I literally did this exact thing this morning! I couldn’t get my subconscious to let go. I couldn’t complete my meditation, the positive thoughts were being shut down, I was so over it! So, on my way to work I let that other side of me have it! hahaha I am so glad to hear this works for you as well. Thank you so much for sharing this!

  4. Beautiful talk as usual! Thanks for sharing and inspiring me <3
    – Natalie Ellis

  5. Bram says:

    Hi Kris, hanks so much for the reminder! I have plenty of tools but guess what: I get so freaked out I forget two use them or worse: I know they work but it is like having a petulant two year old in my head that goes “no-no-no” and doesn’t want to do it. I teach this one to my patients (I’m an RTT therapist). When the two year old takes over I imagine putting all that petulance and negativity in a rocket. Then do a count down and imagine it go off (I watched some Cape Carnaveral footage on the net to help with the visualisation). That being said, thanks, it’s good to have a fellow health warrior remind one: I’m in the midst of a very painful divorce (my husband left what I thought was a happy, ideal marriage totally out of the blue after 22 years) and tend to be so wrapped up in the care of my patients I forget taking care of myself.

    • kris says:

      Hi Bram. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a divorce—that must be very tough. I know it can be hard to remember to take care of yourself when your job is to care for others, but it sounds like you’ve got a great mindset about it. Every little thing you do to remind yourself that you’re important (and worthy of self-care) goes a long way. Sending you lots of love. xo!

  6. vic says:

    You’re so freaking awesome Kris!

    I’m doing your 21 day cleanse right now. I’ve had the book for years but I still need to reboot once in awhile and this cleanse does it for me.

    Thank You for all that you do for so many!

  7. Laura says:

    Thank you so much for this Kris. My teenager self was WAY braver and had WAY more fun than I do but she definitely wasn’t living the “healthy life”. But if she had something to say to today self would be something like: BE MORE ALIVE, FEAR WILL NOT KILL YOU BUT BEING SO PASSIVE AND BORING DEFINITELY WILL.” hahahahahaha Thank you for making us all remember those rebel teenagers. I sure had a blast back then. Still, I prefer my actual me. Love to her, to me and to you, Laura

    • kris says:

      So true, Laura! I definitely know what that feeling of being invincible was like—and it’s not always healthy. But I’ve gotta say, that confidence definitely helps when I need to quiet the feelings of self-doubt. xo

  8. Tara O’Brien says:

    What has helped me is to remind myself “this is just a feeling. This feeling will go away and I will feel better.” Maybe not this minute, or this hour, but maybe tomorrow or the next. Maybe not completely better, but much better than I feel now. It helps bring me out of that place where I feel like that feeling is all that exists.

    • kris says:

      Wow Tara, I love your method! It’s so powerful to remind ourselves that feelings are just that—and we have the ability to change our mindset (even if it takes some time, like you said). Thanks for sharing this, I’ll definitely be using it! xo

  9. Cathy says:

    I got caught in the web of someone else’s negativity! A family member came by, and even though that person was in another room talking “to”, not with my husband-I could hear and feel the negativity creeping through my home.

    I have been having some health issues, and was upset by this person’s terrible attitude toward life, and that he is trying to force his theories upon us. Within an hour after the person left my home, I wound up in the ER. My BP was 207/198.

    • kris says:

      I’m sorry to hear you’re having a tough time, Cathy. It can be so hard to protect ourselves when we’re surrounded by negativity. Whenever I’m around some who makes me feel not-so-good, I try to take lots of deep breaths and remember that they’re dealing with their own challenges. And sometimes, we just need to give ourselves some space—even if it’s only for a little while. I know these things don’t always work depending on the situation, but they’ve certainly helped me. Sending you lots of love!

  10. Karen says:

    I can beat myself up better than anybody. It’s an old pattern – if there isn’t someone else to do it, I’ll do it myself. I broke this pattern several years ago by simply telling myself to “STOP!”. I would start with the negative talk and literally say “STOP!” out loud and if I was near a mirror then straight to my face. It worked back then and it works now. I swear by it.
    Thanks for this post. There are too many of us out there who can flatten ourselves with a single, well-aimed verbal punch. It’s time to stand up tall and say “STOP!”

    • Margot says:

      That is what I meant by telling those negative self smashers to SHUTUP I out loud in the privacy of your auto.
      One can also visualize. And or SEE Stop ? signs!

    • kris says:

      I’m glad this resonated with you, Karen. And I’m glad you’ve found a method that works for you! Sending you a big hug 🙂

  11. Janice says:

    I think about the people I love dearly (daughter, son, grandchildren, etc. ) and ask, What do I love about them? It’s never their lofty qualities. It’s most often their shortcomings and imperfections that I find so endearing and lovable.
    So then I imagine having a twin (or a clone of me) and I wonder if I would be more inclined to accept their imperfections (same as mine) from the perspective of being on the outside looking in.

    • Alana says:

      Janice, I love your perspective, your comment really spoke to me and I will definitely put this visualisation into practice- giving the same kindness to myself that I so willingly give others! Thank you!

    • kris says:

      This is such a lovely idea, Janice. Such a nice way to treat yourself with compassion—something we often forget to do! Thanks for sharing. xo

  12. kris says:

    Thanks for sharing, Caroline! Less than 5 minutes to relief sounds pretty good to me. xo!

  13. LouA says:

    I’m kind of surprised that this is your advice. Channeling your teen self to get rid of negative talk. I love the story but some of us associate our teen selves with a lot of negativity. Happy that you don’t and you’ve cultivated a positive image with your positive upbringing. However, a lot of us are struggling with changing a default negative image and it won’t work to call upon that part of our lives. This might work for people who had a strong sense of self then but were derailed but not for people who never got that self esteem.

    • kris says:

      Hi Lou. Thanks for your comment—your point is an important one. I advocate for you channeling any positive voice that you feel comfortable with. You’re right that it won’t be an inner teenager for everyone—that’s what works for me, but you’ve gotta do what works for you! If you can’t think of a real life voice that works, maybe try visualizing your self-care fairy godmother, or simply a gentle guiding light. I hope this helps and thanks again for sharing this perspective. xo!

  14. Rachel says:

    Love this teenager suggestion! So great to have something from teen years acknowledged as a positive useful tool! Other tools…I find tapping amazing! Used before every radiotherapy session and lots since. And if something frustrates me, I ask myself the question that I saw Cher say her mum gave her as advice on the Graham Norton Show: Will this matter to me in 5 years? If the answer is ‘no’ then you don’t need to worry about it now! Really puts things in perspective!!

  15. Margot says:

    I go for a drive and scream SHUT-UP AS I pound the steering wheel. Works pretty good.

  16. Sandra says:

    I ? your words of wisdom and inspiration. When I’m stressed out, I get out of the house to get my mind off myself. My favorite thing to do is to go walking.

    • kris says:

      Sometimes a change of environment is exactly what we need to shift what’s going on in our minds! I love walking, too—it’s such a gentle, soothing form of self-care. So glad you’re doing that for yourself, Sandra. xo!

  17. Mary Williams says:

    Thank you Kris!! ? As always your way of “doing this” (meaning life!) really resonates with me! I have been working on my inner voice and self care following Kristin Neff’s wonderful work about compassionate self-care but this takes it to a whole new level! Thank you for all of your inspirations! I am a cancer thriver and three days ago I retired from my stressful career early so that I can truly live the life that will keep me well! My new EVERY day routine of plant based eating, mediation and mindfulness, getting enough sleep, exercise and weight management, detoxifying my body and my environment and most of all reducing the stress in my life and my body is already amazing! Thank you for your guidance, wisdom and most of all your LOVE!

    • kris says:

      Wow—congrats on your big shift, Mary! I’m so glad to hear that you’re putting yourself first. I’ll be thinking of you and sending you lots of positive, healing vibes for your journey. Mwah!

  18. Mary says:

    Thanks Kris! It was the perfect morning for this message. xo

  19. Renee says:

    When I was 22 ( I am now 61), in some stressful situations, I would shiver so hard, I was unable to walk. I did not know what was happening and did not talk to anyone about this. But I had enough of that, I wanted control over that but did not know what to do. One day, I was so mad when I felt it coming again, that I yelled NOOOOOOOOOO!!! the stronger that I could. And you know what?? It STOPPED. I was shocked!!! This is how I learned we had control over some situations. Since then, I use this tool (talking outloud, not yelling) to stop the negative thoughts from taking over! Your video is a confirmation that it is a good tool and a wonderful reminder for me. Thank you.

    • kris says:

      Thank you for sharing your story, Renee. I’m so happy that you have a tool that works for you. Keep using that powerful voice of yours! xo

  20. kris says:

    Thanks for sharing, William! xo

  21. Pam says:

    Love the teenager self talk. I use my inner police woman to stop negative self talk. She hands out citations when she hears the negative self talker. She lets the negative self talker know she’s laying down the law. The law that says self love and positive self talk is the only way out of this self imposed prison.

  22. Carol says:

    While you were talking, the phrase “self-care” hit me with new intensity. And a question popped into my mind, “Why do I find self-care so difficult? Why does it seem impossible to take time for a facial or meditation?” So — a new area to think about, WHY?????????

    • kris says:

      Sometimes things just hit you in a certain way, don’t they?! The fact that you’re even thinking about this is such a huge step, Carol, so make sure to give yourself credit! Taking time for self-care is hard for many of us, so I hope you’ll keep in mind that you’re not alone. If getting a facial or meditating seems like a lot, you might start with something even smaller—make yourself a nice cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, enjoy a relaxing bath. Every little bit counts! I wrote about this here: https://kriscarr.com/blog/gentle-self-care-tips/. I hope you find it helpful. xo

  23. Trish says:

    Thanks for sharing that link, William! Thanks to you, I’ve got a new favorite song ?. Blessings to you always.

    ~Trish

  24. Lisa G says:

    Great message, Kris. Your wisdom and sense of humor helped me so much when I was sick, worried, and kicking myself for allowing myself to be so stressed and getting sick like that in the first place, even though I lived so healthily otherwise! It is nearly 5 years later and whenever I am feeling negative, I literally stop and take a look at my surroundings in the present moment and make a point to feel the things that I am grateful for, like my dogs nuzzling me, the most beautiful sunset, a coworker who is being cooperative, that incredible vegan sushi dinner (Shizen SF), or whatever. It works! The negativity kind of falls away and I start to feel hopeful and inspired in the moment with thoughts of ” you know what would be good…” or when it is tougher, I think, “Okay, I so don’t want that, clearly, so what do I want?” and I am able to, sometimes gradually, but pretty much always, shift to the opposite end of that negative stick and feel the joy and love all around me. Thank you so much for helping me through the toughest time of my life. I was scared and now I feel that now matter what happens, I am going to be okay. I have been meaning to say that to you for years now – and am feeling grateful, right now, to be able to say that, too!

    • kris says:

      Lisa, I can’t thank you enough for your heartfelt comment. You’ve got such a beautiful perspective and I admire you so much for it! Gratitude can be so powerful when we make time (and headspace) for it. Thank you for the powerful reminder—and thank you for being you. Sending you so much love!

  25. Bev says:

    EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques) — every time!!

  26. Jayne says:

    I learned this from Joel Osteen, I believe…our mind is like a computer…so, when I hear my negative thinking I say delete delete delete…until my thoughts are changed. It works…when I remember to do it!

  27. Tania says:

    Dear Kris,

    May I just say that your beautiful and calm voice really relaxes me and puts a smile on my face every-single-time????
    Thank you for A-L-L that you do??????

  28. toni says:

    For me listening such videos like your’s works. Thank you!

  29. Elisabeth Pattrick says:

    Hi Kris
    I had to give a Presentation today as part of a Presentation Skills Course. I was afraid I would freeze up as I’m not comfortable with public speaking, but last night I listened to your Pep Talk Meditation and it helped me perform so much better than I believed I would. Guess what topic I chose to speak about? Meditation! Everyone enjoyed it as I gave them a demonstration. Thanks for providing inspiration and encouragement which makes a positive impact in people’s every day lives.
    Cheers
    Lis

    • kris says:

      Thank you for sharing, Elisabeth! This makes my day. That’s exactly why I recorded that track. I love that you decided to share what works for you with others—way to spread the joy! And tackling public speaking is no joke, so give yourself in a big hug for me. xo!

  30. Khan-Marie says:

    Thank you for this reminder. ?

  31. Tobius Holmes says:

    I have a lot of self-doubts these days due to worse health issues, and that inner voice really likes to yell, I find sitting somewhere quiet, closing my eyes and taking my self to a place in my mind when things were better really helps.
    I am lucky that once I have been to a place, I can revisualize it as if I am really there again, walking the streets, or whatever.

    • kris says:

      Sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time, Tobius. It sounds like you’ve got a great way to ground yourself when that inner voice starts to take over—that’s so important. You may enjoy guided meditation, it’s very similar to what you’re doing already. Sending you lots of love!

  32. Thanks, Kris ??
    I really need my inner teenager today!
    ?
    You inspire me!
    I consider you as a pioneer in The Age of Generosity.

  33. Catherine says:

    Love this! ❤️ continue to be an inspiration and giving tips!

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