Where do I go from here?
It sounds really strange but my journey began with a dispute over spaghetti and meatballs. I know it sounds weird especially for someone like me who mainly eats raw food nowadays.
It was an early morning in 2007 when I ran into an acquaintance who told me she had just found a lump in her breast. She was upset and asked me to keep her in my thoughts and prayers. I gave her a big hug while searching for the right words. My first instinct was offering help so I suggested bringing over spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, which she refused, insisting that everything was under control. I tried again but it made her mad. We were about to say goodbye when she looked at me and said: “When you get back home make sure to do a self breast exam.” I am usually not a judgmental person and my parents raised me better than that but I didn’t get what my spaghetti and meatballs dinner has to do with self breast exam?
To make a long story short, her voice echoed in my head for days before I followed her advice and did a self breast exam, which I am ashamed to admit I’ve never done before. After all. I was young, super healthy, never broke a bone or had a scar, never smoked, never drank, never even took an Advil, (yeah, a nerd, I hear ya), no family history of cancer, and not even eligible for a mammogram. I had 2 young amazing kids to take care of and a professional career as a therapist. Like everyone else who had to deal with a dreading diagnosis, in a split second my life turned upside down. This is how spaghetti and meatballs led me to my healing journey. Ever since then I’m working relentlessly to turn it right side up. That day spaghetti and meatballs also made me believe in guardian angels.
A year filled with excitements kept me busy and went by so fast: biopsy, surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. Everyone knows that treatment’s side effects should not be taken lightly but nothing prepared me for the next phase of putting all the puzzle pieces of my life back together. Apparently, moving on and stepping back into day to day life routine is not as simple as it sounds. I realized I couldn’t just pick up where I had left off. How in the world can I navigate on my own? I had such a poor sense of direction. I had to deal with my own thoughts and my own feelings. Nothing seemed the same, and of course it wasn’t.
I thought my life had changed overnight when I heard the word “canser” for the first time, but I had no idea how my life would truly change later after learning about Kris Carr. I came across her documentary the night it aired for the first time. Talking about perfect timing… I was glued to the screen. She entered my life when I was searching for a rainbow after the storm.
Kris’s DVD and books became my very own bible overnight. I traveled all the way from Richmond to Saint Louis where she gave a talk just to see in my own eyes that she is for real. And yes she was. Way more than real. She is the healthiest person I have ever met in my life.
Slowly but surely I adopted a new way of living. I completely changed the way I eat and as a result the way I think. I read the books she found useful and followed her wisdom. I integrated her suggestions into my own lifestyle. I started to juice 32 oz of green veggies every single day, cut out processed, junk food which I once considered tasty. I switched to a plant base yummy diet. I made sure my body got loads of raw leafy greens. I don’t know if it was the oxygen in my greens or what, but before I knew it I started to breathe again. I also practice yoga a few times a week, meditation twice a day, colonics once a month, dry brushing, and tongue scraping. Reiki, energy work, healing touch, acupuncture, chakra healing, massages, rebounder, liver detox, juice fasting, wheat grass juice, wheat grass enemas, visualization, law of attraction and much more. Kris named it, I’ve done it. I still have a lot to learn and improve but have my whole life ahead of me.
Feeling good is an understatement of how incredible I feel today. I have never felt so amazing and healthy in my entire life. Canser is no longer leading my life. I feel so much in control and uncertainty doesn’t scare me anymore. I’m so empowered by all the choices I have. I live in the moment and take it one step at a time. Or as my kids would say, “Mom does it one Kale at a time”. My healing tool box is now filled and overflowing for every mood, or any occasion. I know what to do when I’m overwhelmed, happy, scared, anxious, or grateful. I’m not saying fear is not part of my life anymore, it comes and goes. The difference is that now I know how to respond to it. I have many options. Besides, I have my own juicer… my greatest protection of all.
It’s not canser that changed my life, CSL did. Kris showed me that everyone encounters some bumps along the road of life. Some rocks are heavier than others. It’s how we decide to turn those rocks and move them out of the way that matters. She showed me that It’s about taking control over things when we have none. I learned how to react and accept obstacles and how to be happy regardless. Her message reminds me every single day that it’s not about the glass being half full or half empty; it’s about refilling the glass no matter what (and it better be with a green juice!).