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Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Tell the Truth (Even If It’s Uncomfortable)

Hiya Gorgeous,

Truth has been a big theme for me lately, and it seems to be sending me messages everywhere I look.

Repeatedly pulling the “Tell the Truth” card from my deck, an unexpected email about truth-telling from my pal, Gabby—even Netflix suggested a flick for me to watch! “Dishonesty: The truth about life. Why we do it, when we do it and how society suffers from whoppers and little white lies alike.”

Okay, message received!

So, I meditated on why sharing our truth is so important and here’s what came up….

We all want to fit in, be loved and get invited to the party (even when we don’t want to go). We’re communal, pack creatures and we thrive when we feel connected.

At the same time, we crave authenticity and messy realness. We want to honor our uniqueness—to be truly seen and heard—and we look up to people who are brave enough to stand out and use their voices.

Yet when these two desires are in conflict (fitting in vs standing out), we often err on the side of fitting in. So, we start to hide and only share parts of ourselves—acceptable, tidy parts that don’t make waves. Going against the grain, and possibly being rejected, is just too painful.

We may even find ourselves telling little white lies to keep the peace. Teeny-weenie fibbers that don’t ruffle feathers. In fact, these teeny-weenies are so small that we can’t imagine any harm being done. I mean, it’s not like we committed a crime or something.

But, what if it sorta is? Now, I’m not talking about a major felony here—it’s more of an offense against ourselves because all of those teeny-weenies add up.

We say we’re happy when we’re not. We pretend to like something when we don’t. We settle instead of shining. We don’t stick up for ourselves, or others, or animals, or the planet because we’re afraid of the consequences of rocking the boat and so on.

Over time, our little white lies pull us further away from our true selves and our true power. Plus, stuffing our feelings almost always leads to resentment. Yuck.

So, what’s the solution? Unapologetic truth-telling.

Lately, the universe is guiding me to double down on truth-telling. I’m realizing that time is going by quicker than I want it to, and I haven’t had a chance to say things to people I Iove or soak in sunrises I’ve missed.

Plus, our world is in a shit-ton of hurt and it’s making me ache, so now is not the time stay quiet or tell teenie-weenies. Spirit is calling me to be more of who I really am. Bold, full-blooded me. And, the same may hold true for bold, full-blooded you.

If you feel like the universe is dismantling your comfort zone, perhaps it’s a sign that areas of your life are out of alignment with your truth. And, it may not only be dishonesty with others. Maybe the Universe is asking you to stop telling yourself teenie-weenies—“I’m not good enough” and other such bogus nonsense.

I know that’s true for me. In fact, the Universe is being kinda annoying and relentless. If I’m too shy or scared to share my truth, the universe is sharing it for me.

Relationships that don’t serve my soul-growth are drifting apart, business opps that don’t excite me anymore are less lucrative, personal issues I’ve been avoiding are flaring up like spiritual roids. It’s ouchy but liberating—like a reckoning and a resurrection.

Here’s a harmless example: I recently shared something on Instagram that one of my followers called a bunch of things, including “unacceptable”.

“To who?” I thought. Just because I stepped out of the box she put me in, doesn’t mean it’s unacceptable. It’s not that my actions should have been different, it’s that she and I have different views—and that’s OK. If we differ in opinion, I’m up for a constructive conversation. If she can’t tolerate that my opinion is different from hers, that’s not my problem. I refuse to contort myself to please people. It’s a sure fire way to lose myself. Plus, I don’t plan on staying in a designated lane for anyone—and neither should you.

Truth-telling is how we show up for ourselves and become more of who we really are.

Proudly tell your truth. Do it with grace and compassion. Be mindful and gentle if you need to be. Remember, you can be a truth-teller without being an asshole.

If your genuine truth causes pain to others, you can say you’re sorry—just not for your truth. You’re sorry because you understand that your truth has consequences, but it’s still valid and it still needs to be heard.

Be willing to be vulnerable. Be willing to make the first move and even look foolish. Your truth requires you to be naked, but that doesn’t mean you’re unsafe. Again, your truth is your power.

Your truth is also courageous. Our culture typically portrays courage as a monumental act of human bravery. But, more often than not, it’s so subtle you can barely identify it. Everyday courage to tell your truth means you make the effort rather than taking the easy way out.

So, the next time you want to shrink and tell a teeny-weenie, try this instead:

1. Ask yourself why you don’t want to be truthful.
2. What’s the emotion that’s driving you to be untruthful (fear, sadness, loneliness, etc.)?
3. Spend time with this emotion. See it for what it really is.
4. Bless it, thank it, let it go.
5. Then, tell your truth.

Each time you catch yourself about to tell a teeny-weenie—stop, drop and kindly share your truth instead.

Sharing your truth is how you develop your unshakeable voice. Plus, your truth is your direct line to your intuition and to the Divine. It may make folks uncomfortable from time to time. But, it’s not your job to be the protector of the Universe.

Peace & truth-telling,

Add a comment
  1. Chris says:

    Amen, sister!

  2. JoAnn says:

    Please share the Netflix movie name mentioned in one of your articles on truth telling. Thank you.

  3. Cindy L says:

    Kris, I’m so glad I found your books and your site. It’s exactly what I need at exactly the right time. I need to tell myself the truth — you hit the nail on the head with this post for me. Thank you. I am eagerly looking forward to your next book. Are you working on one? Your posts about self-care and boundaries also resonate … so much rich material there … Thank you so much for all you do to inspire and encourage. That is truth!

  4. Dan Oldham says:

    Fab work for our world Kris,

    Thank you.

    Power to you me and all for truth.

  5. Theresa says:

    Love this… it’s just what I needed.

  6. Dear Kris,
    As always, you write what I need to hear in that exact moment. I love “stop, drop & share.” This is another quote of yours I will use (I use “it has to be a full body yes” all the time!)
    I was scrolling through the other comments and saw your note about “The Four Agreements.” I downloaded that on google books just last week!!! Haven’t started it yet…but high on my list now!
    Thanks for sharing your truth with us.
    Blessings!

  7. patty says:

    I’m meeting with my manager next week because I cannot stay silent and continue the not-so-little-white-lies to myself and others.
    Not exactly sure how to approach everything though.
    Help?!?!?!

  8. Sarah says:

    Amen, Sista. Keep going. xo

  9. Cheri Nagle says:

    Wow Kris. Well said…and I can truthfully say that! 🙂 Now the hard part, applying this to my own life. So many good gems there, but the one that resonated with me was, (at first pass anyway), “Remember, you can be a truth-teller without being an asshole.” Thanks for sharing.

  10. Lyndsay says:

    This email has been sat in my inbox for a while now, yet I’ve only just found it today and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time!
    I have a dilemma with a friend and this has made me see how I can deal with it and happily move on whilst being kind to her and true to myself.

    Thank you Kris and thank you Universe…

  11. Brandelyn says:

    Beautifully said, Kris. Thank you for this post❤

  12. Jill says:

    You are amazing! (Just being truthful) Thank you! Have a beautiful, peaceful day! ❌⭕

  13. Jennifer says:

    On the other end I’ve been lied to over and over by my husband. Hurtful things. I let forgiving and moving on but he wasn’t growing. Yes I looked deep within myself looked in the mirror no I’m not perfect no I wasn’t trying to change him. He was trying to mold himself into something in order to not lose me. But we had real talks and things he knew were not acceptable just like me cheating on him was not ok and I never did it. But he did and lied for years and months and because I’m so in tune I knew tons of things were off it caused fight I just didn’t know the truth. He would blame the fighting instead of admitting it was coming from his guilt of lying and the things he was lying about. Let me express to any woman that because something is generally accepted on society because over time we list our own power does not make it ok. I don’t want to be a single mother of a toddler never ever. But I’m her role model and I’m not ok with strip clubs and porn not because I’m a prude in bed or insecure far from it. It’s because it causes a giant riff in a relationship. Love passion romance intimacy an energetic connections were replaced with lower energies of lust and obsessive insatiable desires. One of the number one reasons for divorce and relationship problems is porn/sex addiction but no one knows because neither side of that issue wants to talk about it. Women feel alone isolated and misunderstood. Men are embarrassed or righteous. And a million other things. I took a stand and will continue to do so.

  14. Laura says:

    It felt great to hear you share about your follower and how you APOLOGETICALLY stood up for what you believed in. Sometimes we think that its not spiritual to face people and even hurt them but, in doing so, we might be hurting ourselves. This blog was not only very important but very courageous of you. Thanks for inspiring us all.

  15. Bill says:

    “Look, I’m fine, ok? FINE! I’m FINE!”….sound familiar? “Fine” = F.I.N.E., = “F’ed-up, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional”….
    Get it?….
    Here’s a thought. What if the truth is, – the *TRUTH* *IS*, that I’m BOTH fine, and NOT fine, both at the same time?
    If that’s the case, isn’t it only 1/2 a little white lie if I say I’m fine?….

  16. Nina says:

    Oh Kris!! And again you just send the message today that I need to hear sooo much..
    i am struggeling with telling the truth to my parents. Because since I practiced positive thinking and ordering from the universe I received such a plenty of nice things in my life, thats incredible.
    But now, living in open relationship and having two persons in my life that are very dear to me… (and they both know it.. and ist no problem..) there is still the problem that my parents only know of one..
    and I thought the most time: okay I don’t have to tell that, because they would not understand – especially because the persons are “not normal”, “psychological ill” and very colourful and so on..
    I accept that the older generation lives in other philosophys then the younger generations do..
    But now I was even investigated and watched and asked and I feel, that I need to tell the truth, because I am a very honest person and love that.
    And as you say it: do it with grace and no apology.. and it will give you power..
    but as always in life.. this topic is connected with money because my parents support mefinancially and so I have the fear that they won’t accept me anymore and stop helping me financially..
    So i will see, when and how I can do that. But I feel the urge to tell my truth..
    Thak you for being there and hitting my nerve!! Hugs xox, nina

  17. Michelle says:

    The universe is doing a bang-up job of dismantling my comfort zone. I’m glad we’re in it together.

  18. Kathryn says:

    Thank you for this! I feel this has been a huge theme this last year. Getting honest with myself and others. I am a people pleaser and now just taking a step back to really look if that is serving me and that’s who I want to be and is that taking JOY away from me. Who does it really serve? As you are someone I look up to, I can often forget you go through these things but it was extremely important to hear you do.

  19. “Reckoning and Resurrection”!!!! . . . . LOVE these choices of words, images, and awakening!! Again I say, Kris Carr, you are pure gift!!

  20. Alexander Sennuga says:

    Hey, Kris,
    I love this post. People who just want to be nice, but not truthful should read this to know that they are only laying the foundation for their sorrowful future when the weight of the universe would descend on them. As they say, truth hurts once but lies hurts for ever. Evidently a sane person should err on the side of telling the truth – always!

  21. Sherri says:

    I tell teeny weenies everyday when people ask me, how are you? I say great, blessed, all is well etc etc, because that is what all the greats like Louise Hay say to do. But really I feel like crap and I’m sad etc etc. So how do you balance this with being truthful to yourself and others, but not being a Debbie downer?

    • kris says:

      I do that too from time to time. There are many people in my life and not everyone needs to know what’s really going on with me, they’re not close enough for me to bring them into my inner circle, and that’s ok. But the people who do matter, I have to be truthful with. No way to build strength, family, true friendship without it. Hope that helps. All is not well all the time and that’s OK. It’s life. All isn’t well for the greats all the time either. This is a practice not a hard and fast way of being.

      • Sherri says:

        that really does help thank you! I do just that, I have a select few who know everything, but to everyone else I am just fine.

  22. Lauren Burgess says:

    Thank you, Kris! As always your message is so timely and beautifully shared. This post is just what I needed and I will refer to often – whenever I am in fear of speaking my truth (kindly and always with love). Thank you again, Kris! I hope we are blessed with your wisdom and friendship for many years to come – we will all be the better for it. With much gratitude and love, Lauren

  23. Sandy says:

    I FREAKIN’ LOVE YOU!!! This is exactly spot on…..fav quote: “Remember, you can be a truth-teller without being an asshole. ” Period. Keep being you — you are sooooooooooooo needed right now; more than ever <3

  24. Karen says:

    Beautifully inspired + written! I needed to hear that this morning:)
    Thank you ❤

  25. Mary Davis says:

    Awesome, Kris. Thank you. xo

  26. Linda says:

    Hi Kris
    I loved the article and felt the truth in your words. I am a person who would rather tell the truth and receive the consequence. After reading your Truth telling article, especially the line which said,”We don’t stick up for ourselves, or others, or animals, or the PLANET because we’re afraid of the consequences of rocking the boat.” The truth about our planet and how we are letting it die really resonates with me and hopefully with you. Please take time to look at the web site, GeoEngineerinwatch.org, it is all about Truth telling. Thank you so much for this article. Linda

  27. Lynnda Mean says:

    Hi Kris,

    I have been following your posts for sometime. I feel very grateful for all that you do! Thank you! This post couldn’t come at a more crucial time in my life. I have been feeling a little lost, confused, and engaging in behaviors that are self-sabotaging. I realized because I was never being honest with myself and what I really wanted in life. I was more concerned with living up to others unspoken expectations or how I thought others saw me which was all one big fat ugly little lie. Thank you for the courage and inspiration in being true to yourself and accepting the costs no matter how discomforting it can be for others.

  28. Lisa S. says:

    I’ve been wondering if it’s just me! Ha! Thanks! I’m really learning this truth teller thing over the past year. Once I turned 45 this year, I realized that I can’t NOT tell the truth. I do it with great love and respect, including lots of “I-statements” haha! But, in the past, I made myself SICK ’cause I would allow myself to get upset, stressed, hurt, or sad when others would say or do something that was unkind to me…I’d believe I should be “nice” and not upset them back. So, I was quiet and didn’t rock the boat. So, I suffered for years, holding in my truth due to fears of being alone or causing more problems when I’m already pretty much the black sheep in my family, hahaha…even though I’ve been a classic people pleaser for decades. Argh! I wonder if we get to certain point in life and we get allergic to not telling the truth or something like it? Like our body, mind, heart and spirit just can’t hold back? stuff I’ve been pondering. Thanks for sharing.

  29. N Sheralam says:

    Wow this is the most powerful and helpful piece I’ve read anywhere for a very long time. Thank you Kris. I too have felt the deep need for telling the truth, a need I had buried for decades but, like you said, the universe has a way of bringing it out so I figure it must be necessary for this part of my journey in the universe. Your piece helps me to figure out how to go about it, respecting myself and without being an asshole. Bless you. I hope you will write more on the pain of being with fear (social rejection, economic consequences) and how to cope with that. Peace.

  30. Linda says:

    “Be impeccable with your word”, one of “The Four Agreements” is more important now than ever. Truth telling is a life lesson, one that we learn at a very young age … And one that is being continuously challenged. Thank you for bringing it to the forefront.

  31. Carol says:

    Thank you, Thank you, just what I needed:)

  32. Cristol Bailey says:

    Holy moly. I completely agree that now is a time we are all being nudged to step into our power. Only when we show up as our true selves will the universes be able to shower us with magic. The opportunities keep presenting themselves from ignoring uncomfortable calls, to saying no to the guy at the paint store who recommends something that doesn’t work for you, to having that difficult conversation with a loved one that has been diagnosed with dementia. The universe continues to provide these messy moments, in the hopes that we will move through the smallness we’ve been hiding in and realize what a contribution we can actually be in the world. When we say no in the world, we say no to ourselves and what’s possible.

  33. romani bays says:

    Beautifully well said, Kris!

  34. Kathy Bruton says:

    What’s the truth about Buddy? We all fell so deeply in love with him as we watched his journey into health after you found him. And then we were inspired by his buggy to keep up with Lola. It’s been heartbreaking to become so invested in his well being….and then nothing. We went from #gobuddygo to #wheresbuddy.

    • Kris Carr says:

      Hi Kathy, I so appreciate how much you care about Buddy and I know your comment comes from a good place. I’ll be publishing an update next week. For now I need to put up a strong boundary around this conversation. This comment thread is not the place for it. Thank you. – Kris

  35. Donna says:

    Wow, Kris…this is EXACTLY what I needed this morning after a hard, yet soul bearing talk I had last night. Reminding me that even though the air is cleared somewhat, the core issues are still very present and some tough, soul honoring decisions lie ahead. Thank you for the reminder to be honest with myself and that I do have the courage to speak the truth with love and compassion even if it leads to some scary roads with gnarly trees…

  36. Rasa says:

    Perfect topic in perfect timing! I’ve recently been receiving reminders of telling the truth more often than ever and that has made me think of this subject a lot. So your post gave me a very important answer – we should tell the truth to stay ourselves and staying ourselves will always, always make us feel better. Thank you!

  37. Robyn says:

    Thank you, Kris. I needed to see this. I am a few months out of cancer treatment and the truths I pushed down in order to focus on purely surviving hell for the past 16 months have now bubbled to the surface. I’ve had to have some difficult conversations with friends who have disappointed me big time during my journey. I had to honor my authentic self in order to heal and move forward. But in doing this, I have lost someone who I thought was a dear friend. I told her that I needed her to be present for me during my lowest point in life. She couldn’t face me or my truth so she ended our friendship, a friendship that really did mean a lot to me. So what do I do now? I don’t regret living with authenticity, especially since I’ve been fighting so hard to be here. Being really real is a must, but what do you do when your truth hurts someone you love?
    -Robyn

    • Snowy says:

      Dear Robyn

      My husband has recently had a similar battle. Like you, many friends have disappointed us (well, me really, he doesn’t seem that bothered!) I have let “friends” go, and it’s painful, but they are the ones who let you down when you need them most, and, frankly, I am astonished, hurt and bewildered by their disappearance/silence/inactivity.

      When we got married, a long-time friend of mine acted in a very bitchy way. Long story short, she didn’t get involved with my preparations for the wedding. I have no mom, or sisters to help me and this friend disappeared. On the actual day of the wedding, she came up to me and said, “I’ve missed you!” It was like a slap in the face with reality. When I needed her, she wasn’t there for me. What makes me laugh is how these people are affronted when you tell your truth to them. Let ’em go, that’s what I say. They need to find their own truths.

      • Robyn says:

        Thank you, Kris! I really appreciate your response. It means a lot to me, especially what you said….how these people are affronted when you tell your truth to them. That boggles my mind, especially with this “friend.” But I guess the real truth is that if my authenticity hurt HER so much, then she was never really my true friend to begin with. I mean, I just freaking survived the cancer nightmare at 37 years old. If I can do that, then I can do anything, including let her go. Thank you. xo.
        -Robyn

  38. Mary says:

    I love the line: “I refuse to contort myself to please people.” What a great affirmation!

  39. Marianne says:

    This is what the whole world needs now more than ever!!! I have always said the truth will set you free.
    Kris I adore you and your message ?. Thanks so much for all you share with the world. Your words bring healing to the All.

  40. Laura says:

    Sooo good. I faced my fear and told a truth this weekend to a family member and it did not go down well. But I needed to say the words and she needed to hear them. What followed was uncomfortable, but then it was liberating and then it progressed to a more open dialogue (after many tears). In the long run I know this will have been a positive and healthy move for us oh. I always feel better for telling my truths, I feel more like me. But as you said, often the ‘fear of rocking the boat’ prevents me from doing it. I will come back to read this whenever I have that emotion again. Thank you!!!

  41. Sheryl Davey says:

    You are a GIFT. Thank you for your presence in our lives. Thank you for making some delicious, crazy sexy lemonade from the lemons you received. Thank you for leading by example. Thank you for your honest humanity, in all its glorious imperfections. I am a better person, a stronger person, a braver person, because of you shining your little light aka Crazy Sexy Cancer movie, and books, which light MY way as I stumbled through my own journey (still stumbling occasionally, life is a glorious path!). Kris Carr, ya done good. Still doing good. The light in me recognizes, honors, waves a crazy sexy hi to the light in you, that light you help remind us that burns in us all.

  42. Nora says:

    Loved this and very timely. I needed it. Thanks Kris

  43. Rose-Anne says:

    Awesome message reinforcing what I’ve been striving to do this year…very timely!

  44. lin says:

    Thank you for sharing your insights around this topic. It is a huge one for me since this year.
    Telling the truth when we are not ok with it and are actually ahamed of it, is I think one of the hardest things you can do.
    The fear of then being seen “less” than before…different in a negative way. The fear of being a disappointment in the other persons eye, the fear that you will look like you don’t have your life together, that you aren’t that “cool” or popular or attractive than “they” thought. The fear of shame that will over flow you when you tell the truth.

    The fear of not being liked or wanted anymore for who you actually are.
    That’s fucking scary!

    But I believe telling your truth is so liberating. And you can accept yourself and own your truth way more than by hiding it and keeping it locked.

    Yes by hiding we are lying to others…but do we really want to lie to ourselve? It’s like forgiveness, we need to do it for us, for our happiness and our peace in the first place.

    thank you Kris. You had signs everywhere. This one is a sign for me.

    Caroline

    • N Sheralam says:

      Thank you Caroline, what you share is as powerful as what Kris writes. This is what I feel and you put words to it. It makes me feel stronger and I’ll read this again to remind me I’m not alone. Peace and blessings

  45. Barry Laskov says:

    Interesting message at appropriate time, and coincidently right after reading a slightly unusual input from Deepak Chopra about beliefs. Thanks

  46. Friderike says:

    Thank you, dear Kris. I loved reading this note (I always love hearing from you) and found it comforting. For me it’s not the fibbing but the not speaking when there is need for talk. Not expressing what’s alive in me can be the same as fibbing, I think. Can be. I noticed that I am afraid of the word “truth” because it has been my experience that people often confuse “their perspective” (which is valid) with “the absolute truth.” Long story, too long for here. And at the same time, there are things that to me do feel like the absolute truth. Very tricky.

  47. Raje Chapman says:

    Hello Kris, I have been reading and following your journey and tips and all for a wee while, and I admire your courage and drive. I have been on the truth drive for a time myself, only I have been giving it the name impeccable , I had to look it up to get the full meaning of impeccable. I first heard it from a very wise woman on TV sadly she is no longer with us.
    Yes being truthful makes me look inside to see what emotion is driving me at that moment and then choosing my truth all of which is helping me bring back the real me and no more trying to save the world and regain my power. Thank you

  48. Kyla says:

    This is exactly what I needed. I’ve been struggling in several aspects of my life lately (the way I described it to a friend recently was that it felt like the ground was constantly shifting underneath my feet). I have not been entirely truthful lately, and I think it’s mostly due to a fear of hurting others and/or being seen in a negative light. However, I know that all those little white lies are what has been causing me to feel so scattered and unfocused. Thank you for this motivation to tell the truth and to tell MY truth.

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