NAVIGATE

Kris Carr

Emotional Health

How to Rise Above Online Negativity

Hiya Gorgeous,

My readers and the members of my Inner Circle Wellness community truly amaze me with their positivity. I’ve never seen such a loving and supportive group of people online. It’s quite a contrast to the hostility, discrimination and divisiveness we often see in today’s online world.

But, here’s what we each need to understand: we are all publishers and content creators.

We’re all contributing to the global energy. And, we get to choose—will we raise it or will we bring it down?

In truth, we have a responsibility to bring our best, brightest selves to our online activities. Just because we can be anonymous, doesn’t mean we’re entitled to act in a way that insults our own character.

Many of us don’t even realize the power our words have to touch people’s lives. Each day, we have an opportunity to set the tone in our online sandbox. Every comment, post, “like,” video or photo can lift someone up or knock them down. But sometimes, we lose sight of this potential.

Believe me, I get it.

Sometimes, I want to say a whole bunch of stuff that’s rude and righteous, but I stop myself because I know my words have power and I need to choose them very wisely.

That’s why I want to share a few examples of how I try to bring my best self to the online world—even when I’m pissed or being criticized or judged. I hope it helps if you’re ever on the fence about how to react to a situation in any other corner of the Internet.

How to Stay Positive Online

When posting or commenting on the Internet, I do the following:

  • I ask myself: Am I being decent and compassionate toward the other person with these words?
  • I re-read my post or comment and reflect on my true motivation for writing it. Is it to help? Does it respect the purpose of the space? Or, is it to vent or strike back?
  • I put it through the filter of whether I’d be proud to say those comments to the person or group face-to-face. It’s easy to forget that real, live humans are reading the words I send into the online world.
  • When I stand up for myself, I try to be as unemotional and balanced as possible. I don’t attack back or put people down. I also don’t engage trolls—they’re not worth my time (or yours). But, I often use these opportunities to encourage the other person to look at the words they use, too. If someone wants to get their point across, belittling me isn’t the way to do it—and I remind them of that.

I read thousands of comments, reviews and emails per year, so I have a lot of experience reading beautiful words of praise, polite and constructive feedback and nasty temper tantrums. While I’ve learned not to take things personally, that doesn’t mean I don’t get hurt from time to time. When that happens, I don’t respond right away. If I did, the other person would get hurt too, and that serves no one.

Now, all of this advice doesn’t mean we don’t need to be tough when necessary. I’m no doormat and neither are you. But, we can be tough but loving—we can share our opinions while also being respectful. It’s not easy, but it makes us better communicators and more tolerant people.

We all know the difference between a positive comment and a negative one—a supportive email and a mean-spirited message. The next time you want to stoop beneath yourself, step up instead.

Share love. Delete hate. Be mindful.

Contribute to a beautiful place that unites others rather than divides us. There are all different kinds of people in the world. Even if we don’t speak the same language or have a similar background, sexual orientation, political view and so on, we can still embrace kindness.

Be the change you want to see.

xo,

Add a comment
  1. Jenny Kelly says:

    Share Love, Delete Hate, Be Mindful – “The Awe Moment”
    I just Love your articles.
    A great inspirational post. I really appreciate your kind efforts.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. linda says:

    omg , kriss … I have been working on my filters for a loooong time … I stay from people that I know filters will probably not work … people who really know me accept me for me and still love me … it’s sad that we can be so unkind to one another … a few years ago I decided that if I could make one person smile each day … just one person … I had done my job … I have been folding origami peace cranes for years … one day I realized I had shopping bags full of them and I might end up on that hoarders program … so I took them to nursing homes and hospitals and doctor’s waiting rooms … and I managed to put smiles on a lot of people … the sad part of my woeful tale is that my family really, really doesn’t know me and I stay away from since filters won’t work on … I have no idea why I am relating this story to you … I love your beautiful, sharing soul that is so uplifting … I put on my wondergirl cape that shields me from all negatively and mean stuff before I go out … you can borrow it anytime … and the “crazy sexy juice” book is delicious and beautifully put together … your animal posts are something I look forward to every week … hey, peace out girl and just rock on !!! i’m subscribed and I don’t need replies to my comments … you have so much on your plate … lol … just keep doing such wonderful work … you do it with so much joy !!!

  3. Joyce Henry says:

    Thanks for the great inspiration, Kris! I’m happily curing my cancer with healthful eating and healthful thoughts. My new mantra will be “Share Love. Delete Hate. Be Mindful.” – not only online but in my daily living. It works!

  4. Lennie Wittenberg says:

    Tonight I got a very hurtful Facebook message from someone I grew up with over 60 years. I went from Montreal to Vancouver to spend 9 days with her. It was not what I expected we both have changed. Without getting into the negative accusations she wrote to me and how hurt I am, devasting I decided to wish her well and unfriend her because I know that this was too much drama and stress in my life. I am a 4 time survivor of 2 different cancers, I live on positive thoughts and will not put up with people even though it hurts I have to walk away for my well being and sanity.

  5. Great reminders, Kris. Just what I needed today. Thanks so much for all you do!! xoxo

  6. Nancy Perry says:

    Thank you.?❤️?

  7. LINDA WEIR says:

    I LOVE YOUR SPIRIT,IT CHEERS ME UP

  8. Laura says:

    Great suggestions you always give Kris, full of light and love. Hope everything turns out well in the end (Election Speaking). Hugs n Kisses to All. Laura

  9. Kris, As always LOVE your post. And I would like a LOVE button for my keyboards!!!!!

  10. Carol says:

    Very well put. I hope those offenders read your post and change their approach to communications. Good job!

  11. Jan James says:

    Kris, thank you for your beautiful words of advice and encouragement today–you are such a blessing to me!! I voted early! Btw…I haven’t touched base with you for quite a while–but just an update. I have now lost 54lbs and am well on my way to being the healthy, balanced person I want to be. I listen to your wonderful guided meditations several times a week at minimum. Thank you for all the positive energy you put out in the world, Kris. You are an inspiration and mentor to me!! Big hugs!

  12. Lee Anderson says:

    Your essay reminds me of the line in that great Jewel Christmas song (yes I’ve already started listening to Christmas music-it is November after all!) “In The End, Only Kindness Matters..”

    In fact, I’m gonna go play that song right now.

  13. Leslie says:

    True words shared well. Not always easy yet always worth living out this opportunity to spread the positive rather than intensify the negative.

  14. Barb says:

    Your spot on Kris, As a former special education teacher and reinvented yoga teacher, our actions reflect to our children and the youth of the world. Kindness and respect goes a long way…………..

  15. Elke says:

    Hi, I know we should be vibrating on a positive level, but sometimes I can’t help posting negative issues in order to raise awareness, for example I myself found out not too long ago that goose are being ripped alive for their downs… since then I am not wearing downjackets anymore. So what is your opinion on these kind of posts? Would be interested to know…

  16. Perfect Kris! Thank you so much. I will use: Share Love-Delete Hate-Be Mindful when I need to. It’s already easily memorized. Love your work.

  17. Diana says:

    Thank you for your timely delivery of this reminder.

  18. Sharon Cramer says:

    Perfectly stated. A lesson I strive to teach my children every single day.

  19. So well put. I love the idea of using a list of positivity checkpoints as a barometer for commenting, sharing, replying, etc. I’ve found that it’s incredibly easy to get swept away in the negativity and react with more of it, but the relief that approach offers is fleeting and quickly filled in with an icky heaviness. Sometimes the hardest thing is to take that deep breath and respond with love (or even walk away/delete—when in doubt, cut it out), but it’s the only way forward really.

  20. Kimberly says:

    Beautifully written! This hits home for me – both in terms of trying to navigate social media personally through a bitterly divisive election year, as well as managing social media accounts for my work. Not letting anger-filled posts affect the whole rest of my day is particularly challenging on the work side – I would love to hear more about how you learned to manage that. 🙂

    • Joy says:

      Thank you Kris! I always read your email posts before I even get out of bed–helps me to set my day for a better me!
      Enjoyed everyone’s comments as well!

  21. Love this! Being positive is so important. I’m a member of several facebook cancer support groups and I find that so many of them can be overwhelmingly negative. I know everyone is facing very difficult challenges but sometimes a more positive attitude can help while a negative attitude can make things worse. I’m working on spreading the positive vibes however I can:) thanks for these tips!

  22. Connie says:

    Good advice, Kris. Its something I believe, yet sometimes have to stop and really think………….thanks for putting it out there.

  23. Hi Kris, In a difficult time, you expressed this so well and really hit a nerve. I truly believe we are all one: humans, animals, the planet and when we are negative, it puts a chink in the whole that makes us all suffer to some degree, even if we don’t realize it. When we are positive, it heals us, others and the world. Love really is what makes the world go round. And it feels so good.

  24. Margo says:

    I love this Kris! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    Share Love. Delete Hate. Be Mindful.

  25. Nikki says:

    This is exactly why I have nearly sworn off all social media -particularly Facebook. It’s given a false sense of power (or badassery) to those that face to face would NEVER say what they post. It breeds more negativity and ugliness than anything I’ve seen.

    • afke says:

      Hello Niki;
      I too have ambivalent feeling about Facebook. Mostly because I do get sucked in and than end up feeling somewhat guilty. I will happily admit that I receive a ton of super lovely, positive and entertaining posts from my Fb community.
      You do have a choice on which people to follow or un-follow. I check Fb perhaps once every few days.

      • Nikki says:

        Yes, you can unfollow people all day long but that doesn’t prevent THEM from spouting hateful garbage on your page even when you post something as simple as a Neil Diamond pic (yes it happened). So you unfriend them and then they get offended. It’s a ridiculous cycle that I have chosen to not waste my energy on. I see the benefits of FB but not enough to use it.

  26. This is all so true…not just online but in our day to day lives. We should try to spread light, love and positivity. Yes, there are negative people out there, many of them hiding online. A few months ago I received an odd, somewhat negative comment on my blog. I read it and chose not to respond. I realized there was no reason to engage or try to prove a point. And I didn’t hear back from that person again. That being said, every now and then I think it’s ok to let out a little rant…it just can’t be directed at anyone in particular. Thanks for all you do to make the world a better place Kris! xxoo

  27. Donna Acker says:

    Well said! Thanks for being a positive light in our world!

  28. Nadia says:

    Kris
    Stay positive. I personally like your posts. They say what I think or just make me make time to think.
    My motto is to encourage as I truly believe we all beat ourselves up enough without it being reinforced forced by a negative ill thought out comment. So if I ever hear a positive or loving thing about a person I repeat it.
    I rarely repeat a negative one and that it stops spiralling. Keep crazy , sexy and loving. Nadia

  29. iija says:

    Well said Kris, thank you for reminding me to take a deep breath before I respond – instead of reacting from my auto pilot, which usually is not in keeping with my best self .

  30. Barry Laskov says:

    Agree 100%. I also can be too critical and holier than thou. Although try to respectfully stand for my rights, and not be taken advantage of. Twice daily meditation, daily workouts, no sugar, whites, additives vegan diet, being nice to other at least 3 times/day, and READING YOU help me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

KrisCarr.com