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Kris Carr

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How to Show Your Love

Hiya Gorgeous!

I’m wild about encouraging folks to love and care for themselves. Treating ourselves in a loving way expands our health and happiness. But today I also want to talk about expressing your love for others. Even if we get nothing in return, showing our love is like giving a blessing to the person you adore.

Show your love courageously. Show your love openly. Show your love with no strings attached.

Show your love (your heart, your kindness, your vulnerability, your soul-shine) because it feels good. Give because the giving is what you get. In fact, if you have a hard time with self-love, start outside yourself and work your way in. Showing love to others can be a gateway for loving yourself.

But what if showing your love feels scary, risky, dangerous even? We all have love wounds—a best friend who didn’t stand up for you on the playground, a parent or hero who let you down when you opened your heart. Be brave, friends. Try again. Each time you show your love to another, you heal the bumps and bruises from your past.

Here are some simple love lessons from my own life to get you started.

Hope you enjoy! I love you.

1. Listen.

Talk less and listen more. The greatest gift you can give someone is your full presence. Listen with your whole being. Pause. Breathe before you speak. An answer may not be needed. You don’t always have to fix it. Just be. Hear the entire thought, the entire feeling, all the pain, even the pain that only your intuition notices. Don’t interrupt or blast in with your projections and opinions. If a response is called for, channel your higher self.

2. Gentle touch.

My Colombian grandma used to give me “sanas” when I was hurt, bruised or sad. She’d rub my injury in a circular motion (sometimes it was my heart) and sing: “Sana, sana, colita de rana. Si no sanas hoy, sanarás mañana.” Rough translation: Heal, heal, little tail of the frog. If you don’t heal today, you’ll heal tomorrow. This folk song had magical healing power for me. Miraculously, I always felt better, even if we still needed stitches! Sanas heal.

3. Pick up the phone.

I was talking to my friend Joe a while back. He told me about how his daughter texts him all the time. Though he feels updated by those texts, they don’t replace real connection. The Sunday call is what Joe looks forward to. Because, as he said, “I need to hear her voice to know that she’s ok. Her voice tells me everything.” This made me think of my dad and how I want to be more consistent with my Sunday calls. My Sundays won’t be there forever. None of ours will.

4. Make meals.

I grew up with my mom and my grandma until I was nine (then my mom met my dad and our family expanded). Sometimes we didn’t have much money. But we always had each other and a hot meal—elegantly served and made with love. Grandma did most of the cooking (unless you include my incredible ice cream soup recipe). She put thought and flare into everything. Today I do my best to put care into my cooking. You don’t have to be the best cook on the Food Network. Make it with love.

Date NightI looked for a partner who would make me crack up. That’s how I found my forever date.

5. Date night.

Forever dates last when there’s consistent tending, laughing, romance and fun! It’s so easy to forget, to get caught up in the bills, errands, problems and to-dos. The relationships that last the longest all have one common theme: Never taking the other for granted. Stir the sacred sauce with regular date nights! They don’t have to be fancy, you can just head down to your basement and blast old Bruce Springsteen records. Dance, hug and kiss by your high school lava lamp.

6. Put air in their tires.

The other day I was famished. You know the drill, working hard, empty cabinets and a gurgling belly—a nasty combination. I sure wasn’t taking my own advice about making meals. But we needed lunch and for whatever reason, that pissed me off. I walked into my husband’s office, and with a cranky-ass tone, I said “I’m going to town to get some damn lunch. What do you want?” He sheepishly asked for a sandwich and then kindly went up to the barn and moved my car so it was facing out (for an easy escape), then he put air in the tires. My one tire has a leak and my guy thought, “if that warning signal comes on it’s just gonna make her feel like yet another thing she isn’t doing right and doesn’t have time for.” My husband shows his love for me in very practical ways (plus, the occasional bouquet of red carnations). Sometimes I overlook his efforts or take them for granted. But I really do appreciate the air in my tires. And I really do appreciate his practical love. Remember to notice (and do!) the simple stuff.

7. Compliments mean a lot.

Partners, lovers, family, friends, etc. We can never ever get enough compliments. “You look great!” “This food is awesome!” “You’re so clever!” Don’t be stingy—dole ‘em out and be sincere.

8. Give each other space.

Wings don’t spread when they’re caged. We all need space to thrive. Giving your loved ones space shows them that you trust them. That you appreciate and honor their journey. Work on giving others space not just when it’s convenient or when you feel strong and independent. Always. When people give us space we feel free and trusted. Space is spiritual.

Ring

9. Little gifts.

I’ll never forget when my mom spray painted a rock gold and shipped it to me in the coolest packaging. The note said something like, “This is a special rock, it grants wishes. Make a wish Sweet Pea (my nickname). I love you.” Yup, that’s my awesome, fairy-like mom. My friend Patty and her sister Debbie sewed me an apron with flying unicorns, rainbows and stars. It’s the best apron in the world. My dad gave me his confirmation ring because we share the same initials, KC. But we didn’t always, he adopted me—which was probably the best day of my life (next to my wedding). Little thoughtful gifts can make a big impact. Get crafty and pass down your treasures.

Your turn: What’s some of your advice on showing your love?

Thanks

Peace & love,

Add a comment
  1. anne howard says:

    Living alone and having looked after myself most of my life even with 2 partners who just wanted mothering and give nothing back, I now in my 70’s would like someone in my life who wants to make thing easier for me as I do so easily for everyone else young and older but some thing get more difficult physically as we get older and i can’t always pay a person todo the things I need doing around my home. Just the thought of knowing a person wants to help would be my idea of heaven

  2. Jewel Melegrito says:

    the pics are lovely

  3. Jewel Melegrito says:

    Very nice blog love it

  4. Diana says:

    Poetry is one of the most romantic ways to show your love to your loved ones. If you can write and recite poetry to your loved ones which are praising them or show love for them, then definitely they will fall for you. If one cannot write a poem then he can find some websites on the internet.

  5. Estel says:

    Thanks Kris!

    It’s always very nice to remember how important is to give love to others. I notice every time I have a bad time in life I really forgot about others and just try to get better and don’t let them be worried about me. However while time passes by I realize that as long as I show my pain others see me more human and they also feel safe to share their feelings with me. So my best way to show love right now is to let others help me and learn through them. Trully appreciate their effort to help ans be there. Share, share, love and expand together. To me this is the most beautiful gift ever!

  6. Naomi Teeter says:

    You captivated me at “tickles and noogies”, Kris.

  7. This is truly beautiful. Thanks for being you, Kris. The speed that we live life often dictates the amount of joy we will have. Too fast and we may burn out — sit all day and watch reality TV and we may just melt away to dust.

    You seem to have found the perfect rhythm, the special cocktail of doing and being, and being while you do. It is evident in your writing and life, and for that I am grateful. Blessings. Xo.

  8. Ali Farsi says:

    You are beautiful Kris. Should I say more? Have a long, simple and healthy life with your beloved.

  9. Lex says:

    loved this, thank you

  10. Laurie says:

    This is one of the best thing you’ve ever written. And you’ve written some great things. Thank you. I want to share this with everyone, because it’s all so true.

  11. Ally says:

    Kris Carr, I love you. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your love with us. This article made my day. Going to go make some love trinkets to pass out to my family and friends and shower them w love. God Bless. And, love for Buddy!!

  12. Mary Ellen says:

    Thanks Kris!
    gotta love the air in the tires! My husband doesn’t say much, but his actions speak volumes! He is my rock and keeps me grounded. 35 years later I still look forward to everyday!

  13. Michele says:

    Thank you.

  14. Tatiana says:

    very simple yet useful way to show love and connect with our loved ones :). It’s all about the little things…. Thanks

  15. Debbie says:

    Pick up the phone: My Dad always says he knows how I’m feeling because he can hear it in my voice. Those who love us sure are in touch with us aren’t they 🙂 and I love that.

  16. Alessandra says:

    Beautiful message. I love the gentle touch, my mom used to sing that song to me too, it always made me feel so much better after.

  17. Such an amazing post! It’s easy to forget how little it actually takes to make others smile and feel loved when everybody always go-go-go these days.
    Something I started doing a while ago again was sending out surprise letters. No quickly typed mails while having dozens of other opened tabs at the same time. Handwritten letters I sat down for and wrote with the very recipient in mind. It was a win-win situation in that it helped me unplug, calm down and completely focus on one task. I didn’t only send these to family members but blog friends living all over the world and it made me happy to see how touched they were. By showing others love we’re also showing ourselves some love.

  18. Atefeh says:

    Thank you kris for your great words. You inspire me so much. Love you and what you do! <3

  19. Helen says:

    I’ve been waiting to read this since you published it earlier this week and I’m glad I finally got to it!

    I’ve been in a funk today and this was JUST what I needed. Thank you so much for sharing this and for everything else that you do, your work provides me with so much inspiration and hope.

  20. Thanks so much for this super sweet list! We can always use a reminder like this to make sure that we take time to show family and friends how much we love them. One of my favorites is to give the gift of time and make sure that you get to hang out and have fun together. (Quality time is my love language!) 🙂

  21. I think there’s something about how my husband and I are a team. We support each other and each other’s projects. I think the mutuality is really an important piece of it…
    So, your post is so synchronistic, Kris. We actually just launched a new project together all about spreading love! FIrst it’s about loving yourself. And spreading that love to others. What if you married yourself (symbolically of course)? What if lots of people married themselves? What if that commitment spread love to more people and in more places? Check out our campaign: I Married Me!

  22. Valerie Towsley says:

    What great suggestions. I have two neighbor/friends who share their love with me all the time.

  23. I love this blog! I always enjoy reading your Blogs Kris, but this one really resonated with me. You really exposed some very intimate details about who you are, which makes you a very real person. Rather than feeling you are an American celeb, ( Be it an awesome one who I admire) now you mean so much more to me you feel like you are someone who I could be friends with! I felt myself well up a little Shhhh Don’t Tell! Love Katrina Cheddar England xxxxx

  24. megan says:

    My Boys and I will always get creative-either in the kitchen, in the garden-potting herbs for friends or at the table with all the crayons, paint & glitter we can find!!! We enjoy doing it & our loved ones enjoy receiving the gifts.

  25. michelle says:

    Wonderful advice, thanks kris! My tidbit: don’t forget kiss breaks- commercials, red lights etc. They keep love and connection in the moment.

  26. Judy says:

    I just want to say how fabulous you are, Kris!! One particular piece of advice I have on showing love is simply showing up for loved ones and friends.. Especially when they least expect you to. So many times we cancel or reschedule plans with people closest to us because we figure we can always see them; and instead make it a point to meet up with people that perhaps don’t really want to get to know us beyond the service we provide or title we may possess.

    Keeping our word and showing up when it really matters truly can change relationships for the better and opens the window to happier & healthier connections.

  27. Jamie says:

    WOW that was so moving and taking my best friend out for a girl afternoon and no stings there just us and adventure to come this Thursday

  28. Nancy says:

    I like to do a loving kindness meditation and wish my loved ones well. UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center has great loving kindness meditations on their website and they are free.

    Recently I brought my sister some nice organic green tea and a beautiful mug because her husband was in the hospital and I wanted to do something special just for her. Caregivers need to be cared for.

  29. Thank you Kris for yet another great post. My hubby filled my slow leaking tire up with air yesterday and I totally appreciated it. Yes it is the small stuff. We have been chatting about date night and you are right, heading downstairs for a game of pool with great music totally works too.

    I would add to your list of great ideas – giving a hug and letting those you love know you love them. It was super hard at first to tell my parents but now it is easier and it makes me so happy to tell them. My kids and I exchange our love for each other often and that got me thinking I should let me parents know they are loved too. Best change I have ever made.

    Lots of love to you and the amazing community,

    Jo-Ann

  30. Susan says:

    I really liked the part about the phone call. All of these new ways to keep in touch are wonderful but sometimes you just need to hear their voice.

  31. BJ Proffitt says:

    Love (and laughter) is the best medicine too! I really believe that. Thanks for sharing your love with us.

  32. Vi Mooberry says:

    What a lovely blog, Kris! Thank you so much! I needed this today and felt others did too , so I sent it on to work it’s magic!

  33. Candi Graf says:

    Wow! what a great share! Thanks Kris.

    2 years ago my boys asked if they could divorce their dad. I had been feeling the same way. The man I fell in love with was lost to us. After many months (well actually years) of back and forth thinking, I finally made the decision to leave and a week later found out I had cancer.

    What a shock! It hasn’t been the easiest couple of years. The hardest part for me has been with my youngest (now 13). He is so sad that his dad doesn’t show any effort to be involved in his life.

    So yesterday when he had the day off school and his older brother did have school, I took him for a drive out to the mountains on a day date. We had so much fun… ate at his favourite restaurant, went to the candy store and fudge factory… (we never get sweets at home).

    All day we talked about just him… and on the way home he said, “I sure love you Mom!!!!!!”

    What a perfect day!

  34. Carolyn says:

    Love your reminder to listen! When we remind ourselves to truly listen and not just ‘hear’ others speak, it goes a long way.

  35. I love to take people food I’ve made or little treats especially when they are not feeling well or having a rough time. Nothing like some healthy treats to say “I love you and I’m here to help”. 🙂

    xoxo MJ 🙂

  36. Julie says:

    Love to read your posts. They are fresh fly honest, heart warming and inspiring. Thank you for warming my heart and reminding me of lessons learned,

  37. much love and inspiration back at ya Kris! thanks for sharing this… reminding me of what really matters every day. When my husband and I were dating I left little notes around a lot, and especially when we were away. Bringing it back by stuffing his suitcase full of a note for each day this week when he leaves for a trip 😉

  38. Christie Aldrich says:

    Oops! Should have been Kris! Not Chris….trying to make your name more like mine, I guess….cause I think you are wonderful and you inspire me! Christie 🙂

  39. Christie Aldrich says:

    I just LOVED these beautiful insights to enriching our lives. You were RIGHT ON! Each and every point is vital to happiness and fulfillment. Bottom line is…you blessed my heart this morning. Thank you, Chris.

  40. Jen says:

    Thank you Kris! This was definitely the emotional reset that I needed this morning to realign my heart and mind!

  41. Stephanie says:

    Great post! But for the life of me, my first thought was, “KALE”! 😉

  42. Kevin says:

    Beautiful, thank for reminding me that it is alright to love, even when it’s scary.

  43. Radell Ann says:

    Love, Love, Love this Blog Kris. I share my love with amazing friends and call them like I see them — like love bugs and pumpkin pie cuties and really cute things. Sometimes people are not aware of their own light and beauty that they bring into this world. We can share really cute reminders. When our heart reads their heart just say what you feel. That’s what I try to remind myself every day. And your blog helps me that. Thank you!

  44. Alexis Meads says:

    I absolutely love this article Kris! Showing love is so important – and it can be in the simplest of ways.

    xox,
    Alexis Meads

  45. Kimberly says:

    Thank you, Kris!

  46. Michelle says:

    I loved this post. I remember when my grandmother sang “sana,sana” to me to. It dies work! I definately need some date nights in my life too. Thank you!

  47. Jude says:

    Kris, you ALWAYS make a bad day good and a good day better!

    Your JOY makes me smile and laugh!

    God BLESS you and BLESS you!

    Thank You!

  48. Miriam Barendsen says:

    Dear lovely people,

    My project called LOVE DELIGHT, is written out of love for mother earth, out of love for all the animals and I wrote it for you, you are the person who love himself/herself.

    I love it if you show your love for this project and like it.
    Kris is my idol!

    Lots of love,

    Miriam Barendsen
    author of LOVE DELIGHT, vegetarian cookbook

  49. Annette says:

    Thank you Kris!!! I’ve been working hard on making changes, and have regressed into an old pattern, even though it isn’t comfortable at all – and I’m not being true to my heart. This was a beautiful reminder that I need to show love to myself first (my one precious self!), and then everything flows from that!! xox

    • Candi Graf says:

      Annette,

      I can relate. I have been very hard on myself lately too.

      I hope you are back on track. I decided that no matter how I feel I will do my hair and makeup for the day and wear something that makes me feel pretty.

      This has never failed to pull me out of a back-slide 🙂

      Blessings to you!

  50. Chetali says:

    What a lovely post to read,first thing in the morning…thank you so much,Kris…You are a blessing to this world!
    Love and peace,
    Chetali

  51. Phylece says:

    My best gal pal owns a small diner where she cooks up love for the locals 6 days a week. I know her favorite way to unwind is by taking long baths and reading gossip mags. So on Sundays, before heading to the diner for a late breakfast, I make up a batch of herbal bath salts and stop by the newsstand for a stack of weekly “news”. I read them while I’m at the diner and then leave them for her. Later when she soaking in the tub or lounging, I’ll get funny messages about something she’s read about some celeb or reality star. Just my way of showing her my love & support and helping her find a little “me time” between family and business. obligations. It keeps us connected even though we’re both busy throughout the week.

  52. As I was leaving my partner for an extended period of time to go on retreat, I left little notes all over the house with messages like “I love you”, “You rock!” and “Thinking about you” under and in everything (like under his pillow, in the fridge, tied to his toothbrush…) He loved it! And I had a blast coming up with the messages and hiding them.

  53. Sarah Bean, Ireland says:

    A very special aunt of mine always asks me, with regard to my continuous lamenting about how to juggle work and being a mum, ‘ do you hug them enough?’ Simple, free, enormously rewarding. I find your posts so inspirational, so grounded and so easy to introduce into my life. Thanks Kris xx

  54. Stephanie says:

    This is wonderful! Thank you for being you 🙂

  55. Amazing, beautiful suggestions. Thank you for brightening mine and so many other people’s days all over the world. You inspire.

    Love, SSS xx

  56. Myla Kent says:

    I so *love* your writing and the way you think!

    I named a baby alpaca Love

    xox

  57. Olya says:

    Oh, I want the Gold “make your wish come true” Rock too! Yes, all these little things that make such a difference. I feel very special and loved when I get a handwritten card or a letter… and I try to do the same for people I love too. I think it is time for a letter to my family. Just thought of that this morning.

    • Dorothy Moore says:

      Our church has a group that sends cards to shut-ins (people who no longer can attend church) once a month.
      I am doing that now and looking for something sweet to say to a former friend, who is my shut-in for this month.
      This is February, so I am sending a Valentine.
      Thank you for all you do to spread the love!

  58. Hugs.

    I love hugs.

    I can’t start my day without a hug from everyone in the house which means getting/giving a hug to my 3 Schnoodles, 2 big furry cats (one of them strongly dislikes hugs LOL) and a loooooooooooooooooooon hug with my fiance.

    Lot’s of love (and hugs) to you Kris.
    XO

  59. Leslie Lax says:

    Roll all these beautiful comments into one big ball and that’s my comment !!!! 🙂

    • Sherri says:

      This article just made my day and I’m taking it all with me as navigate my way through the week. Think I’ll ‘do’ one thing a day for my hubby. Love it!

  60. Danielle says:

    Oh, Kris. This is lovely. Being able to share love is one of life’s greatest gifts. It feels so gosh darn good to cultivate relationships with those who matter most. And, though not the intention, it’s an awfully wonderful reward to feel their support in times when our own self-love falters.

  61. Love to Love!
    Thanks for all the great suggestions.
    Your mom ‘rocks’
    <3

  62. Crystal says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! What a great way to start the day. xox

  63. My favorite way of showing my love is to say kind and loving things to myself — out loud or silently, (depending on what’s going on — although how could an “I love you” ever disturb anything? Really!)
    It’s the kindness and compassion that I show myself that gives me the courage to go out and be that kindness and compassion out in the world. In my whole and completeness I overflow with love. Try it, you’ll see…

    I’ve also started my new blog as a gift to myself — as a way for me to commit to what I love by showing up repeatedly for myself. Very exciting!

    Much love and kindness, Kris!

  64. Therese Gardere says:

    Having an open home, having friends and family over regularly regardless of when the last time you dusted. We do this routinely and my kids are growing up surrounded by people who love them and all of us. A second fridge helps this 🙂 my husband showed his love when he picked one up for our garage.

  65. Marilyn says:

    Just love your philosophy on life. You make my day !

  66. Sigh… I love ALL your posts/articles… it may sound strange but I always feel a calmness and zen like while reading them… so soothing for the soul.. this one is no exception. Thanks Kris you are a gem! xox

  67. Danielle says:

    Oh, Kris. This is such a lovely post! Sharing love is definitely one of life’s greatest gifts. It feels good to foster relationships that matter. And, though not an intention, it’s such an invaluable reward to have their support in times when our self-love falters. Thank you for sharing this 🙂 and I agree with Aurora, I love the forever date pic, too.

  68. rachel says:

    This post made me smile big! 🙂
    Definitely, it’s the little things that mean the most.

  69. Cassie says:

    I bring homemade cookies where ever I go.

  70. Angelique says:

    My Mom’s nickname for me is “Sweet Pea” too! That post made me smile. Thanks for the reminders!

  71. Jennifer says:

    “Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.” -Mother Teresa

    Thanks Kris, for reminding us of things we can all easily do today to show love to each other!

    xoxo

  72. Amy says:

    Hi Kris, these are the most valuable tips. Love your apron! It looks fabulous!

  73. Katie says:

    I really like this. In the self-help world we’re all often caught up with the science and tips and “do this, but don’t do that” Sometimes it’s nice to remember that giving love is the simplest tip of all.

  74. Helen says:

    What a lovely post! Exactly what I needed this morning. Thank you so much Kris!

  75. A handwritten card. A true treasure these days.

  76. Laura says:

    This is just what I needed to read first thing in the morning. It’s so easy to let little things make us upset, but why not do little things to make other people happy instead! Big love!

  77. Aurora says:

    love the forever date pic and love your apron 😀

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